A Thermal Image of Myself?

Posted on June 30, 2014 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

A thermal image of Pu’u O’o on the Big Island from hvo.wr.gov/multimedia

Good Day, God!

I saw this photo in yesterday’s newspaper. And I longed to see the photo “lit up” on the web. It’s a thermal image — so Vivid and so Hot! I love it. We saw something very much like it years ago. Bright lava flowing down the mountainside at night.

That sight was absolutely gorgeous. But, it made me afraid . . . I was going to say “skittish” but I was afraid! We stood there in the dark — feeling as well as seeing — the flow of lava. And I thought of the Hawaiian tales of the NightMarchers. Yikes! So we walked back to our car and left.

I suppose I am still like that when it comes to seeing really HOT things. I don’t want to be around hot lava or hot feelings. I always thought my family made me comfortable with anger. But, currently I view anger . . . like lava . . . as a failure of containment. I don’t know about volcanos, God, but I do know that I would rather be angry than sad.

So, my sorrows and pains don’t get dealt with. Worse yet, I repress my fears and sorrows. Thus I periodically overflow in anger. This is not just stupid — it is a Failure to Assume Personal Responsibility.

I really want to take care of myself. But I feel as if I was absent when “they” taught Emotional Hygiene. Sigh. Does anyone teach that? You say it is mentioned in the Bible? You call it speaking the Truth in Love. Hmm. I just never thought about speaking the truth in love to myself! That sounds so obvious.

But, I had best send this blog to my spiritual director lest I “forget” before Wednesday!

Tagged with: anger, Emotional Hygiene, Fears, grief, pain, personal responsibility, sorrow, speaking the truth in love
Posted in being heard into speaking, compassion to care for myself, connecting, courage to see myself, Growth Opportunities, hearing myself, Helpful Hards, responsibility

FAT and FEAR as protection?

Posted on June 25, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A green gecko appeared yesterday on my wall

Good Morning, God!

I have no idea how long this Green Gecko has been living in my favorite room. But yesterday as I was admiring the koa whale on the wall — I thought, What is that green leaf doing on it?

Well, it wasn’t a leaf but a LIVE gecko!

Then this morning, it came to me that I have a lot of Hidden Creatures living inside of me. Alas, God, many are not as delightful as this gecko.

In fact, it was impressed on me with startling clarity that I have been trying to “protect” myself with Fat and Fears. Huh?

How long it has taken me to get a good look at my behavior! Why now? Why not years ago? Well, it could have been because this morning one of my friends in our weekly women’s Prayer Group at church gave me a mini scolding/exhortation that NOTHING feels as good as RESTRAINT!

Restraint? Feel good? It was a Brand New Thought!

It turned “Restraint” right side up. Before “restraint” was a Block put in front of what I was doing . . . now, it is not a block . . . but a Positive, Powerful and Active Navigational Wheel.

I can feel energy that used to go into negative stuff now flowing into my Command Central Control Hub. Good Heavens, God! I can actually feel that I HAVE a Command Central Control Hub. Who knew???

And out of that amazing REFRAME somehow came the “information” that I have been padding myself with Fat and Fears. Fat yes . . . but FEARS? I guess part of me felt that fearing stuff would “protect” me? How odd . . . how wrong! And, how clever Fears are at Hiding!!! Better than little green geckos!

So, God, THANK YOU for the new understanding. And when I see the gecko — please help me remember what I’ve learned!

Tagged with: confrontation, Fat, Healling, hidden fears, Padding, Protection, Restraint, The Power of Restraint
Posted in connecting, Conversations, courage to see myself, freedom, healing, reframing

A Trusted Voice

Posted on June 16, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

a Google Map of Cape Cod

Good Morning, God!

My wonderful husband Kit and I have been married just a few days shy of 55 years — but we still do bicker.

I suppose we sort of enjoy mild disagreements.

However on several holiday trips I occasionally have NOT enjoyed my post of Official Navigator! I do not wish to reconstruct various past traumas. But, I will say that when I said, holding the map, turn right, Kit would sometimes say . . . “I don’t think so” and turn left.

He will minimize this, God. But You know what it was like for me.

I, however, take full responsibility for not finding The Simple Solution years earlier! I blush to confess it, but it was only last year that I learned to turn on the Google Map Gal. She SPEAKS! She gives clear and consistent directions. And, Kit trusts her!

When we fail to follow her instructions, she does not get upset, as I did. She simply recalculates and gives us new directions. She is a paragon! She is a Navigator without equal! She is that most precious of resources — a Trusted and Neutral Voice.

I suppose marriage counselors might play the same role . . . but Kit and I have found that having trusted friends over for breakfast every week plays much the same role. Trusted friends who love both of us — while seeing us as we are. Friends who cope with similar gender gaps and with a variety of differing aptitudes and attitudes.

Let’s face it God . . . humans differ. Kit is a Lark, Bat and Ant. I am (or mostly was) a Night Owl, Moth and Grasshopper. We have both adjusted and we have both learned to accept. Let me rephrase that God: We are still adjusting and accepting — present tense. And we are still laughing!

Tagged with: communication, couples, Differences, Gender Gaps, Neutral Observers, trust
Posted in Balancing and adjustments, Communication, connecting, Perspective, relationships, respect

Rejoicing AND Weeping AND Piloting

Posted on June 14, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Hang Glider over Waimanalo

Good Night, God!

I feel Between!

This hang glider is between the land he left behind and the land he will arrive at after his trip. I feel like that too.

I’m between years of purposeful work and an indeterminant Future. I loved my work and at first I loved retirement. But I turned 75 in March and Kit is turning 80 in July and so our future is not looking so infinite here on Planet Earth.

As this hang glider knows, transitions can be exhilarating but landings — like Life — can be tricky.

So, I was focusing on the glorious sky — rejoicing in the floating. I closed my eyes to the rocks and ocean waves below me as best I could and all Spring I focused on our trip to Boston for my wonderful husband, Kit, to run the Marathon.

Then, a few weeks after our return home I noticed my body began to complain — rashes, infections, and visits to various doctors. And now a pain in my right buttock. PAIN? I very rarely even hurt so I knew my Body was trying to “Tell me Something”, but WHAT?

Fortunately, I was able to visit my spiritual director and she helped me hear my Heart. It seems that my Body talks for my Heart. I heard myself talk and talk and talk. I heard myself say how I dislike Self Pity (aka Compassion) — and how I have locked up the Part that Weeps.

Oh Foolish, Foolish me!

Those are two very helpful tools in dealing with the reality of possible Rocky Landings and difficulties in Life. I am to Acknowledge them! Feel them! So, with help from my Body and my Heart my Mind is now working on piloting our course. Responsibly caring for myself isn’t easy. My Body had to insist — and keep insisting. But, she loves me too much to be silent.

Thank You, God, for my Body and my Heart.

Tagged with: compassion, cultural crippling, locked up Parts of myself, self-care, working toward Balance
Posted in connecting, healing, hearing myself, Hearts, living within limits, LOVE, loving myself, lying fallow, Marathons

The Power of Blessing

Posted on June 1, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Miracle and Power of Blessing by Maurice Berquist

Good Day, God!

I am going to have to read this book at least three times. I’m almost through the second pass and keep stopping to try and digest the power of what I am reading.

And it is POWERFUL! I had no idea just HOW powerful until recently in praying with a friend I prayed Blessing over a painful situation. Afterwards, I hung up the phone feeling a bit better. But I was amazed to find that my friend had continued to pray blessing on the situation and had then moved into PRAISING You, God, FOR the situation. She experienced a release from many of the fears that had entangled her and was filled with Hope!

Offering up the Sacrifice of Praise for What Is — comes out of Hebrews 13:15 and it has proved profoundly powerful in my life. But, I hesitate to offer it as a prayer path because it is so far outside of our Mental Maps.It is also an Act of Profound Humility and Trust. Please help me to act out my trust in You, God!

I have known for some time that a Key Verse in my life is — Bless, BLESS and do not curse! (Romans 12:14) Hm. I keep forgetting the part about Bless those who persecute you . . .

Actually, just speaking words out loud is powerful. The spoken word HAS power! Even little muttered phrases have power. Negative thoughts are harmful. Negative words are worse. How much better it is to speak forth Your Hope and Promises, God!

Now that I have read about the power of the spoken work I understand why I want to pray WITH people — in person is best but the phone will do nicely. Well, back to the book for more insights and lessons!

Tagged with: Blessing, humility, praise, The Miracle and Power of Blessing, the Spoken Word, trust
Posted in a prayer for healing, Blessing, Books, connecting, hope, humility, Praise, Prayer

A Change of Perspective

Posted on May 30, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Diamond Head from the ocean

Good Evening, God!

I had a wonderful day today — playing with my new waterproof camera. How good to “capture” the light on the water while I was IN the water!And photographing Diamond Head from the ocean was a delightful change of perspective.

But, I just got news that my Godson is very sick. And that has truly changed my perspective!

It is, after all, People who are important! People who matter.

All else is Stuff.

How is it that we forget that, God? How is it that I failed this year to send my Godson a Christmas /Birthday gift? How is it that I failed to remind him that he is loved?

Dang! I love a lot more people than I “show forth” love to. And now I feel the pain of that.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mother Teresa, who said: “There is more hunger in the world for Love and Appreciation than for bread.” Two of my friends laughed at that and said hungry people want food! And of course, they do. Still, each one of us also hungers to know that we matter. That we matter not just to You, God, but to one or two fellow human beings.

I know that in my Head. I know it in my Heart. Now, please, God, help me to live it out in small and frequent concrete actions. But far more importantly, God, please heal my Godson!

Tagged with: Diamond Head, family, Friends, Love, ocean, perspective, Waikiki
Posted in a prayer for healing, connecting, Families, friends, healing, Perspective

Walking as well as Running

Posted on May 28, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Kit and me, high above the Hudson River last month

Good Day, God!

Imagine my delight when our younger grandson, Mark, sent photos he took of us when we visited him at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, N.Y.. This was after my wonderful husband, Kit, ran the Boston Marathon the previous Monday!

Mark had carefully arranged for “activities,” and one was the “Walk Across the Hudson” on this lovely bridge. Lovely in itself, but from the bridge we could also see the Boat House for Mark’s Vassar crew. Smile!

Being photographed by a Beloved Grandson — especially in Artistic Black and White — is a joy! And when a photo is good enough to share . . . that is a triple joy!

We are blessed, God! I KNOW that. And I don’t really ever forget it. BUT now I am finally able to FEEL it again in my Bones! Thank You!

Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin, MD

The problem was that we had two Very Intense Weeks on the Boston Marathon adventure, and then we were both still HIGH after our return. So we both had a Let Down Period with an assortment of health issues. All are taken care of now. But it was a much needed reminder that our bodies need Relaxation as well as Excitement.

After never missing an opportunity to LIE DOWN, my Dear Body is now saying it wants to exercise and go on more walks . . . maybe even go back to jogging next week. It’s all about balance, isn’t it God?

And mostly we are unbalanced on the DOING side. Lissa Rankin’s book, Mind over Medicine, is really helping. I’m on part three where she talks about the importance of relaxing in healing.

Sounds like what you had in mind for us with the Sabbath!

Tagged with: healing, Hudson River, learning to relax, Let downs, Lissa Rankin, Mind Over Medicine, rest
Posted in Books, gratitude, healing, health, relationships, relaxation, rest, sabbath rest

TIME: Looking Back, Looking Forward?

Posted on May 20, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The sea level around North America 77 million years ago

Good Morning, God!

Being a Human, I tend to measure everything in terms of My Life. I remember reading Rocket Ship Galileo as a child and wondering — Will we get to the Moon in my lifetime?

I also remember learning that our planet was in an Interglacial Period that seemed to last between 10,00 and 12,000 years — and that we were getting near the end of that time period. Did I think — Will I see the end of this Interglacial Period in my lifetime? I might have worried about the return of the glaciers. Or I might just have wondered, “What’s Coming Next?”

What’s coming NEXT is a really good question, God!

Even now I haven’t quite grasped that we are in a warm period inside of the Earth’s Fifth Ice Age. Ice Age NUMBER FIVE? . . .YIKES!

Let me step back to NOW. The melting of the poles and glaciers IS accelerating. And it IS a Positive Feedback Loop. That means that as melting speeds up, it sets in play forces (methane gas stored in the tundra, for example) that accelerate the melting.

Sigh. Mostly — I enjoy Science News. But sometime I realize that TIME is Too Big for me. I’m a human and so my life span is my yardstick. Advanced Civilizations can Learn to consider Three Lifespans BACK and Three Lifespans FORWARD. I think the Iroquois did that . . . or tried. I sure hope we have people working on that for us. Three Lifespans Forward . . . Hmm.

It would be really nice, God, if we humans could stop arguing about whether or not we are causing this global warming to speed up — and instead begin a global conversation on how we might respond to it.

Please Help us, God!

Tagged with: Global Warming, ice ages, Interglacial periods, positive feedback loops, rising seas, time
Posted in connecting, Perspective, reframing, so much to learn, time

A matter of SCALE, again!

Posted on May 13, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Eiffel Tower from a tour bus

Good Morning, God!

I was reading the book God Calling this morning and came across the lines: “What greater treasures can you have than Peace and Rest and Joy? And these are all stolen from you by doubt and fear and despair.”

And I thought that now science is agreeing — as we continue to learn about how stress hormones turn OFF the Body’s Healing System.

I’m laughing, God, at how long I have “known” this fact and how completely I have failed to grasp the SCALE of that reality.

Knowing a Fact and viscerally being grasped by its Reality are such different things that I feel I am lacking an adequate way of expressing it. All I can say is that it’s a Matter of Scale.

My favorite example of scale is the Eiffel Tower — such a hackneyed tourist image, I had thought in my ignorance. Ah, but when I stood under it — I was in AWE! It was overwhelmingly HUGE!

Kit and I had an incredible two weeks of being ON during our latest Boston Marathon trip. There was a lot of fear in me before the race but then the EUSTRESS (good stress) of being HIGH afterwards. My body was flooded with ON hormones for weeks! So God, most naturally I have experienced a Letdown/Collapse of my immune system,

Trips to two doctors . . . various creams and lotions and lots of sleep are finally bringing a resurgence of my Healing System. Honestly, God! It is lowering to have to keep learning and relearning! But, then “lowering” is undoubtedly good for my Health, too.

Scale — Reality — is HUGE and hard to grasp. So, thank You, God, for letting me be GRASPED BY IT! Sometimes I think that I only learn “The Hard Way!’

Tagged with: being ON, Eustress, healing, rest, Scale, sleep
Posted in a matter of scale, connecting, healing, health, JOY, learning, Peace

To SEE, and maybe to SEE my selves?

Posted on May 8, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

one of my beginning watercolors

Good Evening, God!

I stumbled upon this photo of a watercolor I did last month — and I really liked it! That was surprising because when I painted it I was not happy with it.

Ah, but in the ensuing month I had forgotten what I had wanted it to be. So, I saw it simply as it is.

This strikes me as an important Life Lesson, God. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could simply see things as they are — not through the filter of how I want them to be?

We see what we expect to see — and our expectations are shaped by our families, our schools and our communities. And Expectations are just ONE of many filters that keep me from seeing clearly

I was going to launch into how there is SO MUCH to see! How we only take in consciously a small percentage of the incoming physical data — and that was ignoring how I am constantly checking my iPhone for more information.

Ah, but God, I hear You telling me that shifting to external data is to continue Seeing as an Extrovert –looking Outside myself. What is FAR harder to SEE are the layers and components that make up Me.

And the Biggest Filter to doing THAT is that I really WANT to be an honorable and good person! And that strong desire blinds me to the vast “Unwanted Parts” of me — the less honorable parts of me. In the last few weeks I have had two occasions where a “dishonorable” part of myself finally came to the surface. In both cases I finally “confessed” that thought/feeling to trusted friends.

What surprised me was that — after I had accepted and revealed these unwanted parts –They sort of faded away, I could see that In both cases those rejected parts were just trying to take care of me.

Well, yes, God, I am not yet doing a very good job of taking care of myself. Accepting Myself as I AM — and hopefully seeing underlying Good Intentions — that is a Major Part of Caring and Loving myself.

Tagged with: Expectations, Filters, Loving myself, Seeing Clearly
Posted in awareness, Caring, Compassion, connecting, courage to see myself