A KEY QUESTION (a meditation after Centering)
If I could do it over again . . .
What would I do?
This question is key to Learning From Regret
Was there a point at which I could have Turned?
To Repent Is to Turn Around
To indulge in repentance simply as a dreadful feeling
is to miss the pivot point!
To miss or Once again slide past
A Moment of Being Awake
Aware that I TOOK A VERY BAD STEP
All systems SHOUT!!!
ALARM BELLS SOUND @#$$#@#$$
MISTAKE!!! MISTAKE!!! MISTAKE!!!
And each time I hear those warning bells
I am given a choice
Do I Hunker Back Down into Not Knowing?
What could/ should I have then then?
And – harder still
WHAT CAN I DO NOW?
Tagged with: accepting freedom through repentance
, purposes of regret
Posted in a hand up
, a prayer for healing
, being a Slow Learner
, Centering Prayer
, Choosing Meaning
, Choosing to respond
, Regret -- acknowledging and releasing it
, responding to "nudges"
, responding to God's Spirit
Good Day, God!
Pope Francis said it so well. We are all Artisans of the Common Good. I love that phrase! It embraces us ALL. All of us “ordinary folk” are welcomed into the Creative Pool. Given the Title of Artisan, and given a task truly worthy of each of us — to work on creating The Common Good.
David Brooks took it and wrote about How Would Jesus Drive. Bringing our calling into better focus. As I pondered how I might become a better artisan I thought of the Five Small Steps that I had intended to be for “managers” and other leaders. But, hey, God, they are for ALL of us.
- Names — calling someone by their name implies you are seeing them as a fellow human being . . . worth of respect. Learn and use names.
- Thank You — we all need appreciation and recognition . . . and a simple Thank You . . . when done with eye contact and a smile . . . does that.
- Please Excuse Me — lawyers say never apologize but statistic show fewer law suits when we do apologize. A heartfelt apology makes it so much easier to extend forgiveness.
- What Do You Think? — This simple phrase invites folks IN . . . into participation and solution finding/creating.
- What Do We Do Now? we so often take the wrong turn, get lost, and our first reaction is often to blame others. How much more fruitful to ask one another “What do we do now? Where do we go next?”
Maybe I should mount these on my mirror? Or a wall . . . Or? Well, we shall see.
Thank You, God, for Pope Francis.
A part of a study for Oz by Frank Moore
Happy New Year, God!
First, Thank You for the year past . . . a year in which I actually took some growth steps! Who knew how incredibly scary it was to violate family taboos and actually Speak the Truth in Love! WOW! And I could not have done it without constant support and pressure.
Secondly, just a brief riff on me as a Time Based Creature — daring to chat with YOU the Creator of Time/Non Time and well, everything! A tribute, God, to my sense of Your Enormous Love and Compassion for all of us . . . each of us. I’m learning that Your definition of Love is BIGGER than mine. A double WOW!
And then to the image above. It’s a portion of a study of Frank Moore’s work, Oz. I resonated with it. Sheesh! I have BEEN in that image! Pushing, Pulling and Lugging around STUFF. Worse yet, wanting to defend it. Yuck!
And, as it is a New Year and I want to GET RID OF STUFF . . . I have to stop and ponder why it is that I am attached to stuff. Some stuff is Family Stuff that I feel as if I am caregiver for. Some stuff was given to me by a loved one . . . now gone. Other stuff was purchased to bolster my sense of self worth. And don’t forget the stuff I just WANTED. Sigh.
It is so easy to Judge others as Greedy. . . but perhaps, they like me, are mostly needy. Hmm. Needy, not Greedy? Wouldn’t THAT affect how I see myself and others!
Posted in a New Year
, A Spiritual Spring Cleaning
, choosing HARD
, Choosing Meaning
, Choosing to respond
, Filling up my suitcase and my days
, God wants to nourishes us
, God's Attention
, God's Time
, growing toward up
Good Day, God! and Hello to Peter Shankman — photo right
For years I have been aware that I am not a very good manager of myself. That “problem” is part of what made working so enjoyable! I had limits and requirements! I had to show up and pretty much DO what I had agreed to do. I loved it!
It wasn’t so much that I had a “boss” because I was incredibly fortunate to be (mostly) in collegial settings. But, I had structure and expectations which provided focus. I had accountability. Retirement has brought “freedom” . . . but a certain restlessness. And although I have friends that I admire . . . I didn’t feel as if I had a mentor or teacher just for me. A person who understood me and wanted to help me “manage” myself. Actually, I didn’t even know I wanted one.
Ah, but then I stumbled onto Peter Shankman’s book Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain. He had me on the first page where he interrupted his introduction with, OH! SHINY! I burst out laughing! The JOY of that recognition was POWERFUL! I do that mostly while walking — conversing — until I STOP to take a photo of something beautiful . . . or interesting . . . or yes, shiny.
I’ve chosen to put a photo him into this blog — because if I’m going to learn from someone — I like to do it face to face.
Tomorrow I will delve into what I’m learning and how I’m using it. Because, hey! Right now, I’m only on Chapter Three.
Tagged with: ADHD
, Faster Than Normal
, meaningful rules
, Peter Shankman
Posted in Expand my Heart
, growing toward up
, Growth Opportunities
, Queen of my Life
, role models
Good Day, God!
This drawing is of me – AKA Tutusaurus – visiting Ian, my first grandchild. Our delightful daughter Sandy drew it after my Inner Tutusaurus had revealed herself. As I look at the drawing, God, it seems to me as if my daughter has captured Your Love. You love us as we love our children and grandchildren. Now that I am older I realize that love is far more than Loving Looks. True love is hard work . . . caring enough to help the loved one develop personal responsibility, and habits of self care and self respect.
Ian is 25 now and still growing . . . much to my surprise I am being asked to grow too. I never believed in the 21 and DONE model of growth. But, I must say I really didn’t expect to be so challenged. Specifically, I am being challenged to Speak the Truth (as I see it) in Love. I had cleverly avoided knowing that I wasn’t putting much truth in with my love. DANG! How can I have been so blind? Willfully not noticing?
Because Speaking the Truth in Love takes COURAGE! That is why! Precious relationships are put on the line. I never thought about the negative correlation between how important someone is to me and how much truth I will tell. Well, lets face it God. The world is filled with examples of people speaking “truth” without much love — and being loving without hard truths being spoken. We don’t see/experience a lot of speaking the truth in love. We don’t have much to model on.
That may be true . . . but it is beside the point! Now that I understand my responsibility — I am being held to a higher standard. I guess that is what real love it. Helping to hold up a higher standard to a loved one . . . and harder yet, modeling that higher standard!
I hate having failed! But, the good news is that seeing my failures . . . and continuing to see them . . . motivates me to change and grow. Ah, this then is repentance! To see I have been doing it wrong. To stop. And slowly turn around. To confess. To make amends. To step up to the plate and swing. Day by day . . . moment by moment. Maybe, God, this is more about humility than courage?
Good Day, God!
I am back home now . . . having been with my daughters . . . and having an Upgraded Appreciation of what Being With means. As I sit here . . . waiting for words to form . . . I realize how much deeper Being With is . . . than words.
And my Mind . . . the SOURCE of WORDs is OFFENDED! But then, my Mind is often reluctant to credit my Body with any intelligence or any degree of knowing. I am so thankful that my Body has not yet retaliated for all this disrespect. My Body, being generous, has simply pointed out that my Mind has never been taught. Hmm.
Actually, I’m not sure I have ever been taught about this DEEP SHARING. Please help me, God. Ah! Being With is like being together in another Realm — a Realm in which our Older, Deeper Selves chat.
Oh Boy! I have never ever even considered that I might HAVE an Older, Deeper Self, God! But, it feels right. It feels GOOD! And it puts me in mind of the discovery of my Tutusaurus Self! This Self appeared while I was waiting to become a Grandmother for the very first time. I was abstracted at work. Unable to focus the way I normally was. Indeed, I was trying to explain this to a friend over lunch when I heard myself say: It is like a have a dinosaur in the basement of my brain who is worried about The Egg. The Egg turned out to be Ian . . . our first grandson.
Here is a drawing our daughter Sandy (The Mother) made of my Tutusaurus — Tutu being Hawaiian for grandma — as she arrives to welcome The Egg.
Tagged with: A Deeper Older Self
, Being With
, My Tutusaurus
Posted in accepting gifts sight unseen
, being heard into speaking
Good Evening, God!
My Spiritual Director suggested I sit focusing on Your Love . . . focusing on being surrounded and embraced by Your Love. You would think that would be easy . . . I thought so . . .
But then I remembered my mother telling me that I never wanted to sit in her lap. I would wiggle down and be off . . . doing . . . busy . . . active. Not like my brother who loved snuggling.
But, nevertheless, I am sitting. I am Centering. And when my mind wanders off I gently return to Your Love. The act of tugging my wandering mind back into Your Presence is in itself a good thing. My prefrontal cortex is using “getting off track” to get some exercise!
Centering away from home is easier. I’m carried by those around me. And I’m OUT of the house and AWAY from the temptations to write a To Do or go get something, and so forth. So when I center at home I am training myself to make a List of things To Do BEFORE I center.
I am working on Centering more than once a day. And to do that I will need to work on “Structuring” my day. Structuring involves planning ahead and being intentional . . . not a drifting from one thing to the next.
One thing helping me as I begin my Centering Time is to focus on BLESSING You, God. Psalm 103 is so helpful. It seems as if my body — unlike my mind — understands the full meaning of the word Blessing. And so my body softens . . . becomes more OPEN to Your Indwelling Spirit. In fact, I’m going to stop and go down and Center right now.