Understanding Surrender in Our Spiritual Journey

Posted on August 11, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, GOD

Just yesterday my forever friend (and spiritual director) was talking about how her current word was SURRENDER.
I said, wouldn’t Humility do? But, she was RIGHT.

How did this understanding strike? This morning I was trying to get water to go into a bag through a tube — part of which was higher than the incoming water. And as I was failing . . .! DUH! IT HIT ME! When we come to YOU, GOD, we must be in the correct relationship. LOWER! Nothing will “go in” if we do not see ourselves as LOWER.

And suddenly I understood those old writers who referred to themselves as Worms! YIKES!!! And how the those with Moses in the Wilderness feared they would DIE even to be near You. They were in AWE of Your Majesty! They got the Right Relationship.

So? How can I GET this proper relationship and still sit here believing I can “chat” with You?
JESUS! That is HOW!!!

Jesus coming to somehow SHOW us You as ABBA / Daddy — LOVING PARENT.
HOW UTTERLY AMAZING!

Yet, this is how I can be so endless optimistic as to want to reframe Worm as Caterpillar. And this caterpillar AWARENESS is a double image. For I am so tiny. . . . Yet, You have sent Jesus — Come as the Christ — and promising to never to leave us through the Holy Spirit!!! The Holy Spirit — the Helper, The Comforter, the Paraclete.

And when I heard Alfred P. Doolittle in My Fair Lady say to the professor
I am WILLING to help you . . .
I am WANTING to help you
I am WAITING to help you

I thought THAT IS HOW THE HOLY SPIRIT FEELS ABOUT EACH OF US!!!!

Tagged with: humility, Jesus, being loved, surrender, The Holy Spirit
Posted in connecting, a series of molts and upgrades, a matter of scale, Understanding, surrender

Reframing — Better Understanding the Fruit of the Spirit

Posted on August 10, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Day, God

I have always loved the description of the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23 : But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Patience wasn’t too hard. But both that one and Self-Control brought to my mind — me with a bit in my mouth and a saddle and bridle on me. An image of me being forcible controlled. My whole being resisted that image of control. Then, in the months before Kit slipped and broke his leg — the Spirit started a slow change in me. Whenever we would go out — Kit would sit at the bottom of our stairs and put on his shoes. I would stand at the landing and try to be patient. Or at least I would try not to broadcast unspoken impatience.

But, one day — it came to me that instead of resisting the negative — I could flip it and focus on a positive. What came to my mind was to BLESS Kit. As in the verse “Bless bless and do not curse” Blessing is a very indeterminate verb in my mind. But, I knew it was positive. Bless –to wish good things. Bless — to enfold in love. Bless — ask for a healing anointing. It made the wait time shrink way way down.

Then just a few weeks ago I came across this verse in the Message and guess what had happened to Patience and Self Control?
They had been reframed as Able to marshal and direct our energies wisely! What had before been a Controlling and Limiting negative — had become an ability greatly to be wished for!

Dearest Sandy suggested I share all two verses from the Message: “But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

Especially now, when energy is not as abundant as it once was. How I long to be able to marshal and direct it wisely! In fact, now when I had a task looming ahead of me, I stop and ask You, PLEASE HELP ME TO GATHER AND FOCUS MY ENERGY ON THIS TASK WISELY. And, I will just BEGIN.

I will not say it is effortless. But it feels God, as if we are walking together peacefully. More concerned with going in a wise direction than trying to just GET IT DONE. There is a freedom in this reframe. And I am very thankful.

Tagged with: Bless BLESS and do not curse, Faith, god, marshal and direct our energies wisely
Posted in Blessing, connecting, Energy, Fruit of the Spirit, JOY, kindness, LOVE, Lovingkindness, Patience, Peace, pruned for fruitfulness, The daily details of love

A Burst of Color — and Bursts of Reality

Posted on August 9, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Day, God,

July 24th I was backing my car out of the carport and SLAMMED ON MY BRAKES!!! What WAS that behind me? It was a pair of Texas Sage bushes that had BLOSSOMED over night. A day or maybe two before they were in their regular grey green leaves. Then with a little rain …BOOM!!! or BLOOM!

Other plants did this too and it was JOY!!! Purple EVERYWHERE. We are now well into August and all is grey green again. Petals piled up on the curbs and it was wonderful. But, to be ALL BLOOM takes a lot of water/energy. And, it does for us humans too. I wonder why we don’t see “depression” in terms of “energy available”. Because that is TOO SIMPLE. Yes! Of course, but it is part of it.

I am loving this decade! Reality is conspiring to help me see myself…..under all my illusions and aspirations. It is not easy — these ongoing adjustments. Welcoming the bursts and blows — takes me a day or more. But, I do desire my healing! And seeing realty as more friend than foe, helps me resist the “punishment” mindset.

As I consider this process — as much as an “intuitive” can consider — I can see the foundation is believing in YOU as a LOVING CREATOR — wanting to “help” me grow and expand. Just not according to my preconceived notions!!! Thank You for helping me see KEY moments in which I choose poorly. Sheesh! Giving up Superman’s FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET is still ongoing. As is letting go of my fear of becoming like my Aunt Nettie….a super secretary! But, alas, still embracing her as an example of the family’s horror of “Asking for Help”.

Thank goodness (and Your nudging!) for my brother and our weekly phone calls. The JOY of sharing!

Tagged with: Accepting being loved!, Embracing the hards, Joy, life, Love, The long journey of life, welcoming the Holy Spirit, writing
Posted in asking for help for myself, clapping our hands in joy, connecting, developing helpful definitions of love, Enjoyment, growing toward up, Help me to see, Helpful Hards, JOY, LOVE, reality, seeing, simple joys of daily life, the cold snow of reality, the joy of sharing, water and love

July 22, Celebrating Kit’s Birthday and Pondering my Life Without him

Posted on July 23, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Afternoon God,

Time to reflect . . . time to give thanks . . . time to celebrate BEING here NOW. Here on Kit’s birthday. My grandson Ian ordered Birthday Pancakes when we went out for breakfast this morning. He is just back from a week in LA with the Miracle Project and his Auntie Suz. And his folks got back this morning from a super vacation in Hawaii. All of Sandy’s family — Mark too — Being in the same city is such a blessing. Daughter Suzanne connects via phone.

Kit and I arrived two years ago this month — on July 13th. It took around a month for what little furniture we brought to arrive. So we lived SIMPLY and mostly CLUTTER FREE. A new bed and old (Kit’s aunt’s dishes) had arrived before us . . . plus sheets. The POD holding our worldly goods arrived while Kit and I plus Sandy and Suz were at my brother’s wife’s Celebration of Life in Costa Mesa California. Mark (younger grandson) did a masterful job of overseeing the unpacking and positioning of our possessions and even arranging the books in the bookcases!!! Alas, I was too exhausted to properly appreciate his loving help.

But, that sort of narrative could go on forever! The reason I took the photo was to mark how the plants marked my restabilizing. And, if there is ONE WORD to describe such horrendous LOSS — it is DESTABILIZING!!!

Sandy and Dave gave me two anthurium for Christmas. And I added a third plus fiddle leaf figs. Plus ferns and two more fiddleleaf figs on the west wall. Taking care of them, after Kit died — 12/27/24 — gave me a caregiving outlet. Then as I entered the second year of my Bereavement — I felt ready to extend my “presence” to my outside yard. I wanted wanting some COLOR to help block and soften the stark white side of my neighbor’s townhome. And they are already helping!

Being without my beloved “Lovey Bear” after 65 years has resulted in a Slow Dissolving of all sorts of things. Many Routines and at least One Large Layer of my Identity have dissolved. I am still ME! But I am a Self that is Molting. In Process! Doing an incredibly slow flux into new ways of expressing myself — my Selves. As I pause now to reflect — I find this all fascinating. Even if it is almost impossible for me to truly grasp what is happening in me.

I can feel myself expanding in a comical SLOW MO. . . .sort of way.

Tagged with: After 65 loving years, family, life, Love, refilling drained inner batteries, Reframing my life, restoring myself, The Gift of Life
Posted in A difficult freedom, a prayer for healing, a series of molts and upgrades, accepting gifts sight unseen, Accepting Imperfection, accepting my ability to REDESIGN, Adventures, Attention, Balance, Balancing and adjustments, balancing free with supported, Compassion, compassion to care for myself, complexity, connecting

A Turn in the Road

Posted on May 25, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

I woke up in time to get out for a walk to see the sun rise over the mountains. Kit and I started do this — watching the sun rise over the marina — back in Honolulu on November 14, 2023. The sun moves — appears to move as we twirl –steadily across the sky all day long. But there are only two times where the movement is clearly visible. The time of the sun’s RISING and its SETTING. t

Those times of transitioning — from being see — to not being seen — have a powerful impact on me. I do not remember what first propelled us on this path of WANTING to see the sun rise. I am a night person. And so if I rise while it is still dark it is somehow much easier for me. Kit however was the quintessential Morning Person. So mayhap it was his idea? No matter. For me the JOY of it has persisted. So here I am — quite a few turns in the road, later — still loving the first glimpse of the Orb peeking over the mountains.

This morning on my walk, just as I was approaching the bottom of the hill, I was struck by the realization that I was no longer taking care of Kit. DUH! Kit died at the end of 2024! But at that moment I shifted from knowing with my head and heart — to knowing with my body! It was a VISCERAL realization.

It stopped me in my tracks. And I stood there just “feeling” it. Sandy asked me, “Did it feel good or . . .bad?” And I said, IT FELT SURPRISING! My Body suddenly KNEW! She was no longer responsible for Kit. She could release Kit into God’s hands. It was a profound moment of “letting go”.

Apparently, while my Mind was “lost” and my Heart was “grieving”, my Body had just kept on being “responsible”. What a GOOD and FAITHFUL body You have given me, God. I am thankful for those qualities! But I am even MORE thankful to have had my body finally make the TURN. I shall sleep more deeply tonight.

Tagged with: bible, christianity, Jesus, letting go at last, The slow work of healing
Posted in connecting, healing, My faithful body, Ongoing Transformation, Transitioning, Transitions, visible turnings

Night Blooming Cereus: Connecting with Nature, Community and myself

Posted on April 24, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning God,

Yesterday friends texted that there were THREE night blooming Cereus blossoms open! I said, I will be right over!!! And I was. But I needed their help to locate the blooms. They were wrapped around a small tree in an open area between their townhouse and a neighbors. It was NOT on my daily path…. not even close enough for me to have ever spotted them.

So now I know enough to actually look for them myself. But it isn’t just the beautiful plants. I am rejoicing that I getting to know my neighbors. Not just by name — to nod and say HELLO — although that is lovely, Now I have the energy to sit and share — hearing and being heard. Sharing our histories.

And also learning a bit of the history of this Place. I learned that there used to be ten feet of this cactus right in front of another neighbor. All ten feet EATEN by Javelinas. I was still puzzled — thinking the Javelinas had eaten the blossoms. NO! The javelinas had eaten them roots and all! Completely wiping them out!

My entire Life has become a New Territory, hasn’t it, God. Now that Kit is with YOU….and not here with me. . . my life itself is a NEW TERRITORY. My own history is reorganizing itself. I found a photo of my mother as maybe a 15 year old. And I could SEE her as a FRIEND….see in her face, my face and the faces of all three daughters. She had suddenly broken free of all the boxes I had put her it.

This is all amazing! I had no idea that the mosaics of my life could recombine so creatively and become so much more multidimensional. I am so THANKFUL to have reached this Time on my Journey.

Tagged with: beauty in a moment of time, Faith, finding hidden treasures, god, Nature, Spring, The moveable Mosaics of my life, The perspective of personal time
Posted in a series of molts and upgrades, adjusting, Amazing, appreciation, connecting, Needed Repair Time, recovery time, Reorganization Time, time

Building a Life

Posted on April 7, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening God,

This is my photo of the sun getting ready to rise today over the mountains east of Tucson. Mostly the sun beats me — but today I woke early enough to actually see it’s cresting over the mountains. It is a thrill. I stand on full alert. Waiting. While folks walk by me seemingly unaware.

Perhaps, I am the one out of step? But I am cherishing each new day. And welcoming the sunrise — seems like an obvious way to celebrate. Actually, Kit and I started doing this in Honolulu. We would go to our local coffee shop overlooking the marina and wait for the sun to come into view. So even though I am doing this alone now, still — it brings back happy memories.

More than that — it gets me UP and MOVING! Moving and appreciating and even worshiping. These three things are Life Building.

That is my Job now. Building a life. Appreciating that I HAVE a Life. And as well as Life I have HOPE. “Hope that is a dimension of the Soul” as Vaclav Havel said. Hope that sends us forth to do what we can — or even what we can’t. And so I get up and go to greet the Sun. With JOY.

Tagged with: Hope is a dimension of the soul, not dependent on our observation of the world
Posted in hope, Hope as a gift from God, simple joys of daily life, the layers of life, web of life

Day Two of my Milk Fast

Posted on March 5, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

It is Day two of my Milk Fast (plus homeopathic this and that’s) and I am loving it! But, perhaps more importantly it is the third month of my second year of bereavement.

It puts me in mind of a Lobster Molt. Two things are happening — mostly unobserved. The hard outer PROTECTIVE SHELL is softening. That would have been assorted daily routines and habits of thought which seemed to be dissolving. While some unseen inner being was slowly growing.

The lobster molt is far too simple — BUT the old me is making way for a NEW me. And as an example: I find I am beginning to Value Meticulousness! This is not to say I have suddenly become meticulous…but I aspire to that capability. Indeed, to even hope to manage the details of this fast – I have had to draft and redraft a clear framework of WHAT had to happen and WHEN. I have six more minutes before meal two — so I got up to pour it out so it would be less chilled.

All of this goes back to discovering that I have a case of Ascites — and maybe even Chylous Ascities. And that has set me off on a Quest exploring various Healing Modalities. And as a Curious Soul I am LOVING this. But, MORE of this later.

For now I am just in AWE at what is entering my Opening Life. Thanks be to You God, from whom all Blessing FLOW.

Tagged with: Homeopathy as Energy Medicine, new awareness, surprising myself
Posted in a prayer for healing, a series of molts and upgrades, A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, Abundant Life, accepting gifts sight unseen, accepting my ability to REDESIGN, connecting, My Authority to DISSOLVE old limits, pruned for fruitfulness

On SEEING — large and small — near and far

Posted on August 22, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

These few leaves — lit by the early morning sun — caught my eye. So small. Insignificant. But beautiful.

Then just a day later, I was out on my front patio at 4:00 a.m. searching the night sky for the planetary array of seven planets. Well, Uranus required excellent eye sight and a very dark sky, but I did locate where it was (over head) on my Sky Walk2 app. I saw Venus, and Jupiter rising in the east. And then realizing that I might see Saturn — if I went out my south door and down the road to the west end of our complex — I got on my shoes and padded down the road. Sure enough — there was Saturn and, close to it (unseen) was Neptune.

I loved the contrast. Small up close. Gigantic but so far away. Then on my Wednesday night chat with my brother I learned about the Vera C. Rubin Observatory. It is seeing countless galaxies in formerly “dark space”. So many LAYERS of seeing.

So many factors are involved in selling. Presence, distance, focus and information for a few. I would never have been up at 4 a.m. to look at planets if a friend hadn’t told me about 8/20 being the last chance for centuries. Of course, my location meant that Mercury was impossible — and Mars for other reasons unlikely. So — I was not going to see this array! But, still, no matter! I was up to see what I could see. Ah, the “Last Chance” factor that advertisers love!

I marvel at how “little” I do see. On my morning walk as I look at the sky — I realize that I am seeing only in — my location and that in a tiny period of time. All this humbles me. And as information keeps flooding in — the percentage of what I know / see keeps becoming vanishingly smaller and smaller. My brother and I were talking about how the “size” of the Universe has undergone a cataclysmic expansion in our lifetime.

And all of this is stuffed into frameworks — cognitive maps — mostly to be labeled and forgotten. No wonder we humans are so easy to manipulate and manage. . .unless we have a framework large enough and sturdy enough to truly help us withstand it all.

Tagged with: astronomy, Nature, photography, Vera Rubin Observatory
Posted in beauty, connecting, mental maps, Perspective, perspectives, Planets, seeing, taking time to focus, time

On Discovering — I am Bereaved!

Posted on August 5, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

Well, this becoming SOLO after 65 years together — is filled with Surprises! At first I thought I was doing just fine. Actually, after the “waiting”. After the intensity of having to admit / face Kit is now in Home Hospice — After accepting that he isn’t going to get better!!!! There was a peace in knowing THAT PART was OVER. And that Kit was “continuing to grow in the presence of Your everlasting light and love”.

What I did not realize was how much Kit had given me — right up to the end. Having him hold my hand in a strong and loving grip. Having him tell me “You are so beautiful”. Singing “You are my Sunshine” with me . . . cocooning me in LOVE.

Apparently, this cocoon, was so nourishing that even though I would have mini bursts of cries of pain and anguish –mostly I felt OK. The residual love lingered on continuing to comfort me and stabilizing me.

The first thing I became aware of was my reduced energy level. One day I was functioning close to “normal”. The next day I would run out of gas . . . off and on . . . during the day. Then I would be “fine”. All of these UPs and DOWNs without a discernible pattern.

And, since I am monumentally not self aware, it took me a long time notice the FEELINGS of LOSS. Being inexplicably irritated, or SENSITIVE. Then after not being ABLE to talk with most people. I noticed — just this Saturday — I was lonely! Yikes! I had not felt lonely since Kit and I moved to Berkeley and he was at work all day! GOOD HEAVENS!!! But when I was asked IF I was lonely . . . I said, no, not lonely…I feel unheard. But yes! I am Lonely Ah yes, BOTH!

There is a vast assortment of stimuli involved in all this. Yes, sorrow is part of it. Grief at not having him WITH ME. But it is so much MORE! My Life as I had known it — has been FRAGMENTED. The center I revolved around is GONE. Sometimes it feels like “normal” is slowly dissolving all around me. At other time it feels like my “reality” has been blown to bits. And all the words I had heard about loss and grief just didn’t fit.

Then I went to the Episcopal Church near me –to their Service of Healing. And I heard: and uphold by the grace and consolation of your Holy Spirit those who are bereaved.

BEREAVED. That word felt big enough . . . or old fashioned enough to HOLD ME. And better yet, it showed me upon Whom to LEAN. To You be ALL PRAISE and GLORY.