A Turn in the Road

Posted on May 25, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

I woke up in time to get out for a walk to see the sun rise over the mountains. Kit and I started do this — watching the sun rise over the marina — back in Honolulu on November 14, 2023. The sun moves — appears to move as we twirl –steadily across the sky all day long. But there are only two times where the movement is clearly visible. The time of the sun’s RISING and its SETTING. t

Those times of transitioning — from being see — to not being seen — have a powerful impact on me. I do not remember what first propelled us on this path of WANTING to see the sun rise. I am a night person. And so if I rise while it is still dark it is somehow much easier for me. Kit however was the quintessential Morning Person. So mayhap it was his idea? No matter. For me the JOY of it has persisted. So here I am — quite a few turns in the road, later — still loving the first glimpse of the Orb peeking over the mountains.

This morning on my walk, just as I was approaching the bottom of the hill, I was struck by the realization that I was no longer taking care of Kit. DUH! Kit died at the end of 2024! But at that moment I shifted from knowing with my head and heart — to knowing with my body! It was a VISCERAL realization.

It stopped me in my tracks. And I stood there just “feeling” it. Sandy asked me, “Did it feel good or . . .bad?” And I said, IT FELT SURPRISING! My Body suddenly KNEW! She was no longer responsible for Kit. She could release Kit into God’s hands. It was a profound moment of “letting go”.

Apparently, while my Mind was “lost” and my Heart was “grieving”, my Body had just kept on being “responsible”. What a GOOD and FAITHFUL body You have given me, God. I am thankful for those qualities! But I am even MORE thankful to have had my body finally make the TURN. I shall sleep more deeply tonight.

Tagged with: Jesus, bible, christianity, The slow work of healing, letting go at last
Posted in connecting, healing, My faithful body, Ongoing Transformation, Transitioning, Transitions, visible turnings

Night Blooming Cereus: Connecting with Nature, Community and myself

Posted on April 24, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning God,

Yesterday friends texted that there were THREE night blooming Cereus blossoms open! I said, I will be right over!!! And I was. But I needed their help to locate the blooms. They were wrapped around a small tree in an open area between their townhouse and a neighbors. It was NOT on my daily path…. not even close enough for me to have ever spotted them.

So now I know enough to actually look for them myself. But it isn’t just the beautiful plants. I am rejoicing that I getting to know my neighbors. Not just by name — to nod and say HELLO — although that is lovely, Now I have the energy to sit and share — hearing and being heard. Sharing our histories.

And also learning a bit of the history of this Place. I learned that there used to be ten feet of this cactus right in front of another neighbor. All ten feet EATEN by Javelinas. I was still puzzled — thinking the Javelinas had eaten the blossoms. NO! The javelinas had eaten them roots and all! Completely wiping them out!

My entire Life has become a New Territory, hasn’t it, God. Now that Kit is with YOU….and not here with me. . . my life itself is a NEW TERRITORY. My own history is reorganizing itself. I found a photo of my mother as maybe a 15 year old. And I could SEE her as a FRIEND….see in her face, my face and the faces of all three daughters. She had suddenly broken free of all the boxes I had put her it.

This is all amazing! I had no idea that the mosaics of my life could recombine so creatively and become so much more multidimensional. I am so THANKFUL to have reached this Time on my Journey.

Tagged with: beauty in a moment of time, Faith, finding hidden treasures, god, Nature, Spring, The moveable Mosaics of my life, The perspective of personal time
Posted in a series of molts and upgrades, adjusting, Amazing, appreciation, connecting, Needed Repair Time, recovery time, Reorganization Time, time

Building a Life

Posted on April 7, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening God,

This is my photo of the sun getting ready to rise today over the mountains east of Tucson. Mostly the sun beats me — but today I woke early enough to actually see it’s cresting over the mountains. It is a thrill. I stand on full alert. Waiting. While folks walk by me seemingly unaware.

Perhaps, I am the one out of step? But I am cherishing each new day. And welcoming the sunrise — seems like an obvious way to celebrate. Actually, Kit and I started doing this in Honolulu. We would go to our local coffee shop overlooking the marina and wait for the sun to come into view. So even though I am doing this alone now, still — it brings back happy memories.

More than that — it gets me UP and MOVING! Moving and appreciating and even worshiping. These three things are Life Building.

That is my Job now. Building a life. Appreciating that I HAVE a Life. And as well as Life I have HOPE. “Hope that is a dimension of the Soul” as Vaclav Havel said. Hope that sends us forth to do what we can — or even what we can’t. And so I get up and go to greet the Sun. With JOY.

Tagged with: Hope is a dimension of the soul, not dependent on our observation of the world
Posted in hope, Hope as a gift from God, simple joys of daily life, the layers of life, web of life

Day Two of my Milk Fast

Posted on March 5, 2026 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

It is Day two of my Milk Fast (plus homeopathic this and that’s) and I am loving it! But, perhaps more importantly it is the third month of my second year of bereavement.

It puts me in mind of a Lobster Molt. Two things are happening — mostly unobserved. The hard outer PROTECTIVE SHELL is softening. That would have been assorted daily routines and habits of thought which seemed to be dissolving. While some unseen inner being was slowly growing.

The lobster molt is far too simple — BUT the old me is making way for a NEW me. And as an example: I find I am beginning to Value Meticulousness! This is not to say I have suddenly become meticulous…but I aspire to that capability. Indeed, to even hope to manage the details of this fast – I have had to draft and redraft a clear framework of WHAT had to happen and WHEN. I have six more minutes before meal two — so I got up to pour it out so it would be less chilled.

All of this goes back to discovering that I have a case of Ascites — and maybe even Chylous Ascities. And that has set me off on a Quest exploring various Healing Modalities. And as a Curious Soul I am LOVING this. But, MORE of this later.

For now I am just in AWE at what is entering my Opening Life. Thanks be to You God, from whom all Blessing FLOW.

Tagged with: Homeopathy as Energy Medicine, new awareness, surprising myself
Posted in a prayer for healing, a series of molts and upgrades, A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, Abundant Life, accepting gifts sight unseen, accepting my ability to REDESIGN, connecting, My Authority to DISSOLVE old limits, pruned for fruitfulness

On SEEING — large and small — near and far

Posted on August 22, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

These few leaves — lit by the early morning sun — caught my eye. So small. Insignificant. But beautiful.

Then just a day later, I was out on my front patio at 4:00 a.m. searching the night sky for the planetary array of seven planets. Well, Uranus required excellent eye sight and a very dark sky, but I did locate where it was (over head) on my Sky Walk2 app. I saw Venus, and Jupiter rising in the east. And then realizing that I might see Saturn — if I went out my south door and down the road to the west end of our complex — I got on my shoes and padded down the road. Sure enough — there was Saturn and, close to it (unseen) was Neptune.

I loved the contrast. Small up close. Gigantic but so far away. Then on my Wednesday night chat with my brother I learned about the Vera C. Rubin Observatory. It is seeing countless galaxies in formerly “dark space”. So many LAYERS of seeing.

So many factors are involved in selling. Presence, distance, focus and information for a few. I would never have been up at 4 a.m. to look at planets if a friend hadn’t told me about 8/20 being the last chance for centuries. Of course, my location meant that Mercury was impossible — and Mars for other reasons unlikely. So — I was not going to see this array! But, still, no matter! I was up to see what I could see. Ah, the “Last Chance” factor that advertisers love!

I marvel at how “little” I do see. On my morning walk as I look at the sky — I realize that I am seeing only in — my location and that in a tiny period of time. All this humbles me. And as information keeps flooding in — the percentage of what I know / see keeps becoming vanishingly smaller and smaller. My brother and I were talking about how the “size” of the Universe has undergone a cataclysmic expansion in our lifetime.

And all of this is stuffed into frameworks — cognitive maps — mostly to be labeled and forgotten. No wonder we humans are so easy to manipulate and manage. . .unless we have a framework large enough and sturdy enough to truly help us withstand it all.

Tagged with: astronomy, Nature, photography, Vera Rubin Observatory
Posted in beauty, connecting, mental maps, Perspective, perspectives, Planets, seeing, taking time to focus, time

On Discovering — I am Bereaved!

Posted on August 5, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

Well, this becoming SOLO after 65 years together — is filled with Surprises! At first I thought I was doing just fine. Actually, after the “waiting”. After the intensity of having to admit / face Kit is now in Home Hospice — After accepting that he isn’t going to get better!!!! There was a peace in knowing THAT PART was OVER. And that Kit was “continuing to grow in the presence of Your everlasting light and love”.

What I did not realize was how much Kit had given me — right up to the end. Having him hold my hand in a strong and loving grip. Having him tell me “You are so beautiful”. Singing “You are my Sunshine” with me . . . cocooning me in LOVE.

Apparently, this cocoon, was so nourishing that even though I would have mini bursts of cries of pain and anguish –mostly I felt OK. The residual love lingered on continuing to comfort me and stabilizing me.

The first thing I became aware of was my reduced energy level. One day I was functioning close to “normal”. The next day I would run out of gas . . . off and on . . . during the day. Then I would be “fine”. All of these UPs and DOWNs without a discernible pattern.

And, since I am monumentally not self aware, it took me a long time notice the FEELINGS of LOSS. Being inexplicably irritated, or SENSITIVE. Then after not being ABLE to talk with most people. I noticed — just this Saturday — I was lonely! Yikes! I had not felt lonely since Kit and I moved to Berkeley and he was at work all day! GOOD HEAVENS!!! But when I was asked IF I was lonely . . . I said, no, not lonely…I feel unheard. But yes! I am Lonely Ah yes, BOTH!

There is a vast assortment of stimuli involved in all this. Yes, sorrow is part of it. Grief at not having him WITH ME. But it is so much MORE! My Life as I had known it — has been FRAGMENTED. The center I revolved around is GONE. Sometimes it feels like “normal” is slowly dissolving all around me. At other time it feels like my “reality” has been blown to bits. And all the words I had heard about loss and grief just didn’t fit.

Then I went to the Episcopal Church near me –to their Service of Healing. And I heard: and uphold by the grace and consolation of your Holy Spirit those who are bereaved.

BEREAVED. That word felt big enough . . . or old fashioned enough to HOLD ME. And better yet, it showed me upon Whom to LEAN. To You be ALL PRAISE and GLORY.

Tagged with: Being BEREAVED, loss of a beloved partner, Naming what I am feeling, Solo, UNSTABLIZED
Posted in Bereaved, connecting, disruption, going THROUGH the sorrow, Grief, pain, Sorrows of the Deep

A Stream in the Desert — Streams in our Heart

Posted on July 12, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Energy waxes and wanes nowadays. But this Sunday I set off to see the sunrise and kept on walking all the way down to the bottom of our Hidden Valley area. And there is the Wes Miller Park. This has been set up for intermittent picnics with a locked store container. And down at the bottom of this park is the Sabino Stream. Even in early July this was flowing along happily — much to my delight!

We have just begun our Monsoon Season! It began July 2nd with a burst of rain and an evening of lightning! The lightning was too far north over the Santa Catalina Mountains to be forked lightening. But the sheet lightening flashed almost constantly for hours, delighting me — as did seeing the stream on the 6th. The visual world is where I am happiest.

My wonderful husband, Kit, was both a musician (trombone), and a music major in college. He was never so happy as in the world of sound. My brother, David, is a Super Taster! His level of JOY in talking about wine is similar to Kit’s talking about music. All of this strikes me as wonderful! We are ALL so very different and to discover a realm in which we flourish is — in a sense — to find our own “stream.”

It seems to me that education ought to be about helping us find those streams which flows through us.

And I ought to leave this piece Right There. But I want to add a tag. Not every one has talents like being a musician or a super taster. So I want to mention a very simple skill that everyone can exercise — showing respect to one another. When Kit would walk to a meeting in downtown Honolulu, he would say hello to everyone he passed, especially the homeless. He felt that greeting folks was powerfully important. A smile, a wave, a nod . . served to convey that he SAW that person as a fellow human being.fff

That “being seen” is essential to health. In fact Bessel von der Kolk said that the essence of Trauma is to be “unseen and unheard.” Help me Please, God, to see and hear those around me.

Tagged with: Bessel von der Kolk, christianity, Faith, god, life, The purpose of human communication is to confirm our existence as human beings.
Posted in connecting, gifts and giftings, Gifts of the Spirit, God's gifts, Hearing, hearing myself, people as gifts, seeing, Spiritual Gifts

A Slowly Unfolding Series of Surprises

Posted on July 3, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

It is just shy of one year since we moved to Tucson. And just a day or two over six months since I became a surviving spouse. Unless you have become one — there is no way to explain what that means. I have been caught by surprise . . . a slowly unfolding Series of Surprises.

May I acknowledge that I was incredibly fortunate. My beloved husband, Kit, of 65 years was loving, patient and uncomplaining. I would say: Praise God! Kit would respond: From whom all blessing flow!
He would tell me I was beautiful . . . He would laugh at our favorite jokes. And he enjoyed our daughters and grandsons. I had planned ahead for a urologist. I did not realize getting a Physical Therapist would be much harder. And that lack of persistent movement became the real cause of death. Our Bodies need to move.

Kit passed in his sleep . . . right next to me. We had sung and held hands. It was so good to be right next to each other in Home Hospice. He was not in pain and not in fear and not on any pharmaceuticals. Amazing. And as the Neptune folks came for him, Suzanne put on Faure’s Requiem and she and Sandy and I WEPT AND BAWLED covered him with words of LOVE.

The first surprise was that while I was SAD….I was able to get done all that many many things that had to be done. That is what I had been doing and I kept on doing what had to be done. Mind you I was also doing inside work — that cut my acuity. But, as with my Super Belly, I just didn’t let myself notice. It wasn’t until the last BIG thing that had to get done — GOT DONE! — that my Body spoke up and basically said MY TURN!

OH BOY! I am going to try and describe what happened and what I hope lies ahead — Please God help me to do it fairly soon.

Tagged with: Faith, god, Life After the Death of a Beloved Spouse, The shocking surprises of being a surviving spouse, The slow dissolving of life as I knew it
Posted in A difficult freedom, a matter of scale, connecting, disappearing routines, Disorientation, Grief, loss, Rituals, Surprises

Planet Free Will

Posted on May 21, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Day, GOD

I have been in a period of Cleaning Up. And I have finally realized — accepted — that I was not shanghaied or the victim or a bait and switch. I am here on planet earth because I chose to be here. As I heard myself say the other day — I LIKE TO MAKE MY OWN MISTAKES!

SO here I am. Wading — swimming actually — in the smelly swamp of my choices. I like to think of it as a COMPOSTiNG period. Sigh! If I had realized how PAINFUL it would be to see — re-feel — the resulting mess of my choices. . . made and unmade. . . I might have made the TERRIBLE choice of choosing Planet Easy. . . or maybe Planet Fair.

But no. I am SLOW. So I was helped to chose to be on Planet Earth. I say, along with Job (13:15) Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him. And I have chosen to trust myself and my beloved daughter Patty to GOD. I said that back in 1980. And I reaffirm it NOW. And God, You help us!

Here, from Fr. Keatings book Consenting to God as God is –so nothing prevents the body — with its marvelous capacity for health — to evacuate the emotional sludge of earlier times. It does this through the flow of unwanted thoughts [in centering prayer]. Emotional junk is a block to the circulation of bodily and spiritual energies. Also blocked by undigested emotional debris is awareness of the movements of grace that activate the Fruit and Gifts of the Spirit. (p.91)

Sigh, I KNOW being BLOCKED! It is worse than opening to the help of our unconscious as it brings up — sometimes repeatedly — the emotional sludge of earlier times.

I weep. I cry out. I suffer. I repent. The boils of Job are mine. (well just eczema . . ) And I am thankful that I am helped to do this. That You are loving me enough to leave me — in this painful swamp — as I slowly choose to FEEL and RELEASE the blocks of my mistakes.

I trust YOU and I PRAISE YOU!

Tagged with: Composting, Faith, Free Will, god, Godʻs LOVE, hope, Jesus, mistakes, The emotional SLUGE of my past mistakes
Posted in A God given diversity, A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, Composting, freedom, LOVE, sludge, The Endless Flow of God's Love, the gift of persistent love, Tough Love

This is the Tempter

Posted on May 11, 2025 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God

The temptations of Christ seem to shed such a clear light on today’s world that I wanted to talk about it. But all the artists who depicted the scene made Satan so obviously untrustworthy — perhaps part of the plan to make evil invisible to us? Satan was a fallen angel. Comely — this is a Northern European version of beauty — but whatever ones’ culture — Satan will look beautiful.

Because, surely, we like to think ,IF THERE WAS AN EVIL BEING, he would be EASY TO RECOGNIZE. Alas, not so. But back to the temptations. In Luke 4:6-7 Satan said to Jesus “I will give You authority over all these kingdoms and all their glory,” he said. “For it has been relinquished to me, and I can give it to anyone I wish. So if You worship me, it will all be Yours.”

That is an Obvious Temptation. But, then it gets prettied up. Here is a possible back story — and I am pretty sure there was at least one. For example, Satan might point out to Jesus that these kingdoms are very poorly run. People are hungry. They are frightened. And there is no justice. All very true. Next, Satan might say . . . if YOU were the Ruler think of all the GOOD you could do? Is it not selfish of you to refuse to help them?

You get the idea. Satan appears to us not just as beautiful but also as so “kind” . . . so wanting to engage us in Good Works. All he asks if that we worship him . . . and it starts in such a small way. What could be the harm in that simple act. And on it goes.

Then, when folks begin to see the truth and want to get out . . . then comes the biggest lie of all. “TOO LATE!!! You can never escape! Look at all the HORRID things you have done! God will never ever forgive you.”

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO REPENT! Isn’t that right, God? And you point out how you chose Saul who had been present at the stoning to death of Stephen to carry the word of LOVE and FORGIVENESS into the known world. Of course, you knocked him off his horse and he was three days blind. YIKES! Some of us might need that! Still he heard. He believed. And he was transformed.

I have to admit, God, that I do wish You would do more of that. A lot of us are on our “High Horse”.

Sigh, in truth, I feel as if our whole species needs to fall on our knees and repent.