A Thermal Image of Myself?

A thermal image of Pu'u O'o on the Big Island

A thermal image of Pu’u O’o on the Big Island from hvo.wr.gov/multimedia

Good Day, God!

I saw this photo in yesterday’s newspaper. And I longed to see the photo “lit up” on the web. It’s a thermal image — so Vivid and so Hot! I love it. We saw something very much like it years ago. Bright lava flowing down the mountainside at night.

That sight was absolutely gorgeous. But,  it made me afraid . . . I was going to say “skittish” but I was afraid! We stood there in the dark — feeling as well as seeing — the flow of lava. And I thought of the Hawaiian tales of the NightMarchers. Yikes! So we walked back to our car and left.

I suppose I am still like that when it comes to seeing really HOT things. I don’t want to be around hot lava or hot feelings. I always thought my family made me comfortable with anger. But, currently I view anger . . . like lava . . . as a failure of containment. I don’t know about volcanos, God, but I do know that I would rather be angry than sad.

So, my sorrows and pains don’t get dealt with. Worse yet, I repress my fears and sorrows. Thus I periodically overflow in anger. This is not just stupid — it is a Failure to Assume Personal Responsibility.

I really want to take care of myself. But I feel as if I was absent when “they” taught Emotional Hygiene. Sigh. Does anyone teach that? You say it is mentioned in the Bible? You call it speaking the Truth in Love. Hmm. I just never thought about speaking the truth in love to myself! That sounds so obvious.

But, I had best send this blog to my spiritual director lest I “forget” before Wednesday!

 

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Posted in being heard into speaking, compassion to care for myself, connecting, courage to see myself, Growth Opportunities, hearing myself, Helpful Hards, responsibility
2 comments on “A Thermal Image of Myself?
  1. Connie McGonigle says:

    I definitely identify having unfortunate angry episodes that are the result of unexpressed sadness or depression! In fact, friendships have been compromised that way!,

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