Light on Water and Upgrades

Posted on February 23, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

a smaller portion of the Dillingham Fountain with Diamond Head in the background

Good Evening, God!

Oh, the JOY of Light on Water! We humans so totally depend on BOTH sunlight and water . . . perhaps that is why together they elicit such JOY.

Joy is one of the Fruits of the Spirit. And, as such, it doesn’t depend on happiness. I had a marvelous time at church this morning. I had several meaningful conversations afterward — ones where it felt like You were nudging me along. Now THAT is JOY!

Or perhaps my joy stemmed from the fact that I was honest with You last night and told You that I was angry with You. You knew that . . . but I didn’t. I had repressed it. Once I got it up to the surface and felt it . . . it ebbed away.

My complaint is basically that we are a Beta Species. Surely Upgrades are coming? Meanwhile, You point out that our Hardware is adequate but our Software really needs upgrading.

I think I’m running Christian 1.8 and You are offering Christian 3.0. That’s the one where we Praise You for all manner of things — yes, even offering the sacrifice of praise for things we don’t want.

Hmm., that’s also the one where we pray FOR our enemies. Where we feed them and give them drink. Where we Bless and do not curse. Sigh.

Actually, I’m afraid You are offering Jesus 1.0 and that is a really big leap even from Christian 3.0. I think that is the one where we sell all we have and give the money to the poor. Sigh. I don’t even want to want that one. Well, let’s work on getting to Christian 2.0.

Tagged with: beta species, Christian 1.8, grumbling, Joy, upgrades
Posted in Choosing Meaning, clear waterways, connecting, connections, Conversations, Feeling our feelings, Fruit of the Spirit

Perspective — Extending Mine

Posted on February 18, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

At Sandy Beach, looking back at the Blowhole below Koko Crater

Good Afternoon, God!

One of the lovely things about having a dear friend visit is that I get nudged out of my ruts. Today I set out with my friend, Lani, to go to a scheduled pot luck luncheon. We stopped for food at Whole Foods and as we arrived at our destination I began to wonder . . . was THIS the day for the potluck?

It wasn’t. The luncheon is tomorrow. Ah, well, I said — let us go and switch sites and picnic overlooking Hanauma Bay. Once again as we drew near I wondered . . . isn’t it CLOSED on Tuesdays?

It was. Hmmm. But, I gathered myself and said, let’s go sit on a bench at Sandy Beach and eat our lunch there! So we DID! And we even saw a little blue sky! It was enough that it wasn’t raining! I was grateful. Lani was grateful too, as she had flown in Monday from Indiana, rejoicing in being Delivered from the Snowy Hand of Winter!

I sometimes think. God, that Life is mostly about Perspective.

Speaking of Perspective. earlier today I was reading a BBC World News article about the evictions going on in Spain. It seems you can be evicted after missing just one or two payments on a 30 year mortgage. Even after being evicted, you have to keep paying on the loan AND plus penalties. That seems MORE than WRONG, God! Don’t you have something to say about that kind of behavior in the Bible?

Several years ago we “bought” a friend out of Credit Card Hell. She paid us back at a higher interest rate than our money had been getting — which was still 1/5 of what she had been paying. We both won.

Surely, God, the Rights of Ordinary People must be kept in balance with the rights of Corporations. Government, itself, depends on the consent of the Governed! We should ALL remember that . . . and act . . . and pray . . . accordingly.

Tagged with: Balance, compassion, evictions, perspective, Sandy Beach
Posted in Balancing and adjustments, Compassion, connecting, Expand my Heart, Perspective

Beginning Again . . . and again

Posted on February 9, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Ring of Fire, Ring of Life

Good Evening, God!

I am taking a Beginning Watercolors class. . . and I am unlearning more than I am learning. I hope that will change, BUT, I have so much to unlearn!

I no longer have to fill the page with color. Amazing! It reminds me that I can refrain from filling my day, too. Empty Space? Unused Time?

Those concepts do require major and repeated Unlearning!

My next “unlearning” was to stop using the brush as a pencil — instead of using it as a brush. A Pencil is about Control. But my Brush wants to JOIN with me in the painting. We often do that with the people around us, don’t we God, treating people as Pencils and not as Brushes.

Once again, I think of how my Body is now a Full Member of my Grand Alliance. I am growing to see Caring for her as beyond Health or Vanity. My Body is becoming a Valued Colleague. She — like the Brush –wants to cooperate WITH me.

Stitches, by Anne Lamott

Then, of course, God, there is the whole question of Value. Is what I am doing “Art” . . . never mind is it Good Art.

I am mostly able blissfully to ignore that as a question, as I ignore all the little spots and splotches on the painting. I am having FUN and I am quite fond of my Creations. . . as I hope You are of us.

Someone looked at them and said (helpfully) that they would make nice postcards and I could send them off to friends. . . and I thought, egads, let them go? I hope I gave a polite response.

Meanwhile, I just finished Stitches by Anne Lamott which is about Life NOT being perfect. She says, “I forget what a phenomenon this life is, beyond all opinion, category or doctrine.” Yes, God! Life is full of stitches and sketches and moments of awe!

Tagged with: Anne Lamott, Art, creations, Hope and Repair, Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning
Posted in Books, Changing, connecting, Creating, Expand my Heart, learning

Becoming Sturdy

Posted on February 5, 2014 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

A large but young anthurium in our car port garden

Good Evening, God!

Yesterday I found this huge anthurium in our car port garden. It looks full grown (10 inches long) but it is still soft and fragile.

It takes weeks for the anthurium flower to fill in and become strong. That’s sort of like many of us humans, God! We look DONE even while we are still firming up and becoming sturdy. Young adulthood . . . does that go past 35? . . . is a vulnerable time.

Sigh, are we EVER not vulnerable?

After reading books by Brene Brown and listening to her talk The Power of Vulnerability, I realize it takes a lot of “sturdiness” to be vulnerable. Ah, but, vulnerability is best done with folks who are trusted and connected to us. I think, for example of June, my Spiritual Director.

How wonderfully therapeutic it is to share — almost anything — with June. All my diverse parts . . . all my failings and falling short . . . have a safe place to be heard.

With June, I hear myself speaking. And the power of that has ten times the power of “hearing” myself thinking — or even writing things down.

I suspect that is because You want us to connect with one another. I respect and admire June, but there is no hierarchical structure to our time together. There is a Mutuality to the Flow of Your Spirit. After all, God, You are the Head — we are the Body. As we share, we build connections to You and to one another — and we also build connections with our diverse (and sometimes scorned) selves.

We are told to pray in secret — in our prayer closet. But we have the promise that when two or three gather together in Your Name — You will BE THERE WITH THEM.

That is a BIG promise, God! And sometimes I can even “sense” the reality of it. Thank You!

Tagged with: Brene Brown, connections, hearing ourselves, mutuality, sharing, vulnerability
Posted in accepting my need for help, asking for help for myself, being heard into speaking, Books, connecting, connections, Wanting a protected time

Praising God — Pulling out the Stops!

Posted on February 3, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

photo of the console of the organ at the Atlantic City convention hall

Good Evening, God!

My grandmother was a church organist but her organs were never like this! And in looking up organs and organ stops on the web, I realize that I have only a very tiny grip on how it all works.

Ah, humility! But, I still, want to thank You, God, for the image of an Organ — as contrasted with a Piano.

Years ago — I think it was in a Living the Adventure class at church — we were talking about whether You, God, guide us in our choices.

All of a sudden I had the image of a piano with each key played representing a “choice.” I thought of those piano notes as specific decisions or choices. Most of us have our “play lists” that we default to. But, I do think, God, that sometimes You give us “New Songs” to play.

Then I thought of an organ. It does have keys but it also has something called Stops, which alter and augment the sounds produced. In church I love it when the organist pulls out the Trumpet stop. It does make my teeth rattle, but I love it!

Ah, God. You have made us with a Praise Stop, and a Rejoicing Stop, a Grateful Stop and many more stops. Those Stops add a Rich Emotional Layer to ordinary “notes” or decisions. And, it seems to me that we designed to use those Trusting Positive Grateful Stops.

Sometimes we have to Hear ourself grieve . . . hear and honor our wounded self suffering . . . before we can even remember we HAVE those stops. But they are always there inside us.

Please, God, help us to remember they are there — and help us use them!

Tagged with: Appreciating, AWE, organ stops, praise, rejoicing, responding
Posted in attunement, connecting, Music, Praise, Responding

In God’s Hands

Posted on January 31, 2014 by a moment with god — 3 Comments

Hovering — trying to draw how I felt last week at my spiritual directors

Good Evening, God!

Yesterday, at a Centering Prayer group that does Art afterward, I borrowed a friend’s pastels and tried to draw how I felt last week visiting June, my spiritual director.

I had shared with June a lot of complex and contradictory feelings and thoughts. And I told her, “I feel like I am thousands of Parts — Hovering — waiting to Reassemble.” I could almost see myself as thousands of little bits of light, suspended in the air, hovering patiently.

This drawing is both More and Less than what I “saw.” There are NOT a thousand points of light in it. And my drawing shows concentric rings of color surrounding the points. Rings that I had NOT seen. I’m choosing to view those Rings of Color as Your Spirit, God. I love picturing Your Spirit right there with me — Patiently Hovering Around me.

It feels as if You are showing me that Becoming me — does take Time. That is SUCH an encouraging thought in a society that imagines we are grown up at 21.

This week, talking with June, I felt much more “Assembled”. Brene Brown talks about how we humans go through cycles of Differentiation and then Integration. That feels RIGHT! So, this image of me Hovering, feels like a View of Me at the height of a Period of Differentiation.

And that reminds me of a prayer I wrote –in the middle of the night. I said that I felt that if I stopped feeling Responsible — for things I am NOT responsible for — that the World would “Drop and Crash and Fall into Pieces!”

And You said, “The Pieces need rearranging, anyway.”

Ah, well, yes, God. I surely need rearranging! And I’m in Your Handa!

Tagged with: Differentiation, growing toward up, Integration, responsibilities
Posted in accepting my need for help, asking for help for myself, authority over my life, Balancing and adjustments, connecting, growing toward up, responding to God's Spirit, responsibility

My Relationship with my Inner Dinosaur

Posted on January 29, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

T. Regina — my inner dinosaur

Good Evening, God!

I remember how upset I was years ago when I first learned that we humans have a recycled brain. Right there at the core is The Reptilian Brain basically unchanged. Around that is the mammalian brain — and then the thin layer of our Human Brain. It’s Too Thin, God! I remember being really upset with You about that.

But, years later, when our daughter Sandy was expecting our First Grandchild, Ian, the Reptile morphed! She “appeared” in the form of a Grandma Dinosaur — down in the lower levels of my brain. She was Very Concerned about The EGG, The EGG!

My representation of my Grandma Dinosaur — and because we live in Hawaii, she became a Tutusaurus.

I was pleased to discover and connect to her, God. It felt like we had a Female Bond that transcended species.

All of this makes me much more appreciative of my recycled Reptilian Brain. Of course, she can be fierce — like the little Tyrannosaurus Regina (female) on my synology backup disk.

But, Mothers have to have that Protective Quality! That’s how my Tutusaurus feels. As for me, God, having a more extended brain means that I have to decide — just HOW fierce — and WHEN we are really threatened.

Sigh, as I look at the News, it seems that T. Rex (or Regina) is active all over the World. People trying to protect their families or their Way of Life seem to call on T. Rex by reflex. The idea of Talking to our “enemies” — instead of trying to eliminate them — requires a higher level of thinking.

Gosh, God, I have a hard time doing it myself! I don’t come from a long line of Vikings for nothing! Respecting and integrating my Viking/Dinosaur selves with all the rest of me isn’t easy. But, it is an important and ongoing task, for me — and for our Species. Please help us!

Tagged with: Female Bonds, Reptilian Brain, T. Regina, T. Rex, Tutusaurus
Posted in connecting, connections, Guardians and Protectors, Mothers, Quieting my Lizard Brain, relationships, web of life

Apple, My Grandson, and Learning

Posted on January 26, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Friday I started One on One at the Kahala Apple store

Good Evening, God!

I’m back from Tucson and my suitcase is unpacked . . . the laundry is done . . . and Friday I went to the gym AND to the Kahala Apple Store for my FIRST One on One lesson. And I went again this afternoon

I’m happy to have the time and energy to start on learning, again. I’m happy to be Exercising my brain . . . and at the gym, exercising my body. Use it or lose it sounds a lot different to me now than it did 30 years ago.

Anyway, after my trip to the Apple Store, it seemed only right that I got a text from our grandson Mark on Saturday with his blog in which I am mentioned. (Click here to see Mark’s blog.) I would say I star . . . except I am sort of a hapless heroine . . . the one Mark is trying to teach FaceTime to.

I wish Mark were here — for more lessons and because he makes everything more fun! But, thank goodness, the Apple People are standing by to play grandchild to me.

Thank you, Apple!

Thank you, Mark!

And thank You, God, for people willing and wanting to help!

Tagged with: Apple Stores, exercising, grandsons, Kahala Apple store, Learning, One on One
Posted in Belonging to each other, connecting, Families, family visits, gratitude, learning

A Restful Day — And the Rest of My Life

Posted on January 19, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Metal Coyote seen on my morning jog

Good Evening, God!

The Day is creeping to a close — the sun is setting in 3 more minutes. (Gosh, I love my Star Walk app.) Ian and I have had a nice drive to Whole Foods — chatting away.

That’s good, God, because Ian is rarely chatty. So when I can go for a walk with him — as we did yesterday — or a drive, it makes me happy.

This has been a Very Restful Day — partly because Ian is restful and partly because I am away from home and its fullness. I rarely have days that are THIS restful. Hmm. I wouldn’t want every day to be this restful. But, I surely want MORE restful days.

This has been a day of puttering: doing a 2.6 mile jog, floor exercises, stretching, balancing exercises, Centered, washed clothes, swept the patio, and bought the audiobook Smarter: The New Science of Building Brains.

I’m not aiming for smarter so much as holding steady. Brains need exercising too. And after Norman Doidge’s book, The Brain That Changes Itself, we now know that brains CAN generate new neurons and new connections. Kit and I will sign up, once again, for Lumosity when I get home. Of course, brain cells only grow with hard work and focused attention.

Actually, what I want is Something to help me generate options in what I do and how I live. That’s a bit more than Creativity. It is about Assessing, Weighing and Framing the Problem — or Problems.

It involves far more than simply Thinking. It’s about having enough Courage to See what is and enough Hope to Explore what might be.

Ah, God, both Courage and Hope have more to do with our relationship with You than they do with science. And for that, I am Thankful!

Tagged with: courage, Generating Options, Growing Brain Cells, hope, Thinking
Posted in accepting my ability to REDESIGN, hope, responsibility, Rethinking

Games Creatures Play

Posted on January 18, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Saguaro asking WHY?

Good Day, God!

I felt an immediate identification with this Saguaro which I “heard” saying “WHY, God? WHY! Or maybe it was “Help us, Please!”

Those, at least were a few of my thoughts as I gazed at its uplifted arms. I was out on a morning jog — or more precisely — my morning vitamin D intake and photo outing.

As I jogged and focused, jogged and focused — I was listening to the unedited cut of On Being for January 2, 2014. Author Marilynne Robinson and astrophysicist Marcelo Gleiser were guest of Krista Tippet and talking on the Mysteries of Being. It is a Wonderful Thing to hear Creators Conversing, God!

Creators of Fictional Worlds . . . creators of scientific hypotheses . . .and Krista who is a Creator of Conversations. Hmm, well YES, God, we are ALL designed to be creators

And since I had begun my morning by listening to Stuart Brown’s TED talk on the functions and importance of PLAY I got to thinking about the Games Creatures Play on Planet Earth.

Let me list a few: 1) World Domination (ideas or political entities) 2) Protect and Defend 3) Status Advancement 4) Wars Against 5) Survival 6) Winning 7) Saving the Poor of various kinds 8) etc.

Only, all of those seem much too SERIOUS to be called games or play. Perhaps, we humans have wandered off the whole idea of games and play as fun? One has only to look at the Olympians to see that a focus on Winning the Gold severely reduces joy and a sense of play.

Ah, God, would that we could swing back into engaging in True Play. Stuart Brown observed that in the Animal World creatures will voluntarily handicap themselves in order to extend the period of play. Play seems to have been designed for its own sake. It seems that Play, like Sleep, has positive functions that the Work Obsessed Mind cannot see.

The Saguaro and I are BOTH crying out, “PLEASE HELP US!”