Good Evening, God!
Yesterday, at a Centering Prayer group that does Art afterward, I borrowed a friend’s pastels and tried to draw how I felt last week visiting June, my spiritual director.
I had shared with June a lot of complex and contradictory feelings and thoughts. And I told her, “I feel like I am thousands of Parts — Hovering — waiting to Reassemble.” I could almost see myself as thousands of little bits of light, suspended in the air, hovering patiently.
This drawing is both More and Less than what I “saw.” There are NOT a thousand points of light in it. And my drawing shows concentric rings of color surrounding the points. Rings that I had NOT seen. I’m choosing to view those Rings of Color as Your Spirit, God. I love picturing Your Spirit right there with me — Patiently Hovering Around me.
It feels as if You are showing me that Becoming me — does take Time. That is SUCH an encouraging thought in a society that imagines we are grown up at 21.
This week, talking with June, I felt much more “Assembled”. Brene Brown talks about how we humans go through cycles of Differentiation and then Integration. That feels RIGHT! So, this image of me Hovering, feels like a View of Me at the height of a Period of Differentiation.
And that reminds me of a prayer I wrote –in the middle of the night. I said that I felt that if I stopped feeling Responsible — for things I am NOT responsible for — that the World would “Drop and Crash and Fall into Pieces!”
And You said, “The Pieces need rearranging, anyway.”
Ah, well, yes, God. I surely need rearranging! And I’m in Your Handa!