Waterways, Habits and Curmudgeons

Posted on October 22, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A dry waterway

Good Morning, God!

Jogging around Sandy’s neighborhood isn’t quite a habit, yet. But, I am working on it! Doing something over and over does create a path or waterway. I enjoy looking at the dry waterways that seem to be around every corner. Dry ones. The monsoon season is mid-summer. But, the rains, like repeated activities, leave pathways.

Our brains are full of pathways. Some useful, some not. One dysfunctional pathway is criticizing. The image of a castle springs to mind. A person who criticizes me — elicits the image of a person battering on my castle door. Ha! My first instinctive response is to want to pour boiling oil on him! Take THAT.

Mostly, I manage to refrain. After all, such Defense Acts are just as counterproductive as criticism. This all became much clearer when I came across Jay Forrester’s axiom: “In a complex system we almost always get the opposite of the result we intend.” Boy! Did THAT explain a lot!

This comes to mind as I consider siblings and, oddly enough, curmudgeons. A good friend sent me this quote by John Winokur: “Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can’t compromise their standards and can’t manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse. Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor.”

Reading that reminded me of the curse laid on Cassandra. She was always to be “right” but never to be believed! Yes, that might well make her a curmudgeon, God! Please, Help us, God!

Tagged with: Cassandra, complexity, curmudgeons, dysfunctional habits, getting the opposite of the result we intend, pathways in our brain and heart
Posted in Choosing to respond, complexity, courage to see myself, Expand my Heart, Feedback, Hearing

A Thirst — for Love?

Posted on October 21, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Water Bottles Awaiting Recycling

Good Morning, God!

It was just a few days ago that the relationship between Water and Love resurfaced in my mind. That idea reappeared this morning as I gathered up the empty water bottles from around the house for recycling. Water is essential. And, so is Love. Love is far more essential than we seem to realize. It isn’t the frosting. It’s the CAKE! We (me?) really don’t understand that, do we, God.

Hmmm. Speaking of cake reminds me of sugar and the upcoming diabetes epidemic. Excessive thirst can be a sign of impending diabetes. And adult on-set diabetes is on the rise — a dramatic rise. I’m sitting here, God, trying to remember who said that a craving for sugar is a craving for the Mother. Certainly, comfort foods tend to be made with sugar — or lots of starch that quickly turns into sugar. But, sugar is only a temporary comfort . . . not that longed for source of unconditional love.

So, back to the water bottles. I don’t mean to knock them, God. We NEED water. But, I am thinking of the difference between that Living Water that You talked about — about how You would transform us so that Rivers of Living Water would flow out from us. And those who drank would never thirst again. I’m comparing that to the water bottles we buy and carry with us. Yes, my mind seems overflowing with analogies this morning.

Water, Love, Life — hmmm. Beloved Families, Beloved Spouses even, are imperfect sources of unconditional love, God. But, that is what You Long to Give Us. It’s a paradox! It is KNOWING we are LOVED — loved JUST as we are — that gives us the hope and faith to change. AA had it RIGHT! We need help from a Higher Power. That would be YOU, God!

Tagged with: a craving for sugar is a search for the Mother, a moment with God, AA, excessive thirst, Higher Power, living water, water
Posted in a hand up, Abundant Life, LOVE

Walls and Rules: A Pedant Repenting — or at least Reconsidering

Posted on October 20, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Wall seen While Walking

Good Morning, God!

Jogging around our daughter Sandy’s neighborhood,I wondered about this wall — why did it get higher so abruptly — what was behind it? As it turned out, nothing was behind it. Strange. Then, just a few hours later, I came across this quote by George Polya, mathematician (1887-1985):

Pedantry and mastery are opposite attitudes toward rules. To apply a rule to the letter, rigidly, unquestioningly, in cases where it fits and in cases where it does not fit, is pedantry … To apply a rule with natural ease, with judgment, noticing the cases where it fits, and without ever letting the words of the rule obscure the purpose of the action or the opportunities of the situation, is mastery.

Suddenly, Rules and Walls seemed so related, God! And this photo seemed to express the difference so graphically. To a Master, the wall is low. To the Pedant the wall is high.

I am remembering how my freshman roommates awarded me a Scarlet P for Pedantry. Worse, even than living Behind Walls — pedants seem to feel everyone else should be dragged behind assorted walls. Sigh. It isn’t easy being a Pedant. Oddly enough, people resist being confronted with “rules.” I suppose, God, that You have noticed that.

Remembering the Pharisees, God, I can now re-envision them as Pedants. They clearly meant well. But, for them, the Rules became the foreground and the Purposes faded into the background. That happens.

It takes a Master, like Jesus, to see to the Heart of what the rules are for. Just tossing out rules — which seems to be what we have done, God — brings anarchy and chaos. And Chaos opens the door to dreadful things.

Thank You, God, for reminding me that it isn’t a choice of Either/ Or. You are here to help us make a way.

Tagged with: A Scarlet P for Pedant, Rules, Rules as Walls, Walls as Protection or Imprisonment
Posted in background / foreground questions, Choosing Meaning, growing toward up, loving limits

Wise Words on Being Human

Posted on October 19, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

current day Inuit hunters

Good Morning, God!

My life seems full of marvelous quotes! Here is one from an old-time Inuit hunter as quoted in David Graeber’s book, Debt, the First 5,000 Years. “Up in our country we are human!”said the hunter. “And since we are human we help each other. We don’t like to hear anybody say thanks for that. What I get today you may get tomorrow.”

Sigh, that pierced my heart, God. It did. Part of me responded by saying “Give More!” But then I came to the second part of that quote: “Up here we say that by gifts one makes slaves and by whips one makes dogs.” So, as always, God, I come up against Simplicity and Complexity. I am not living in a Hunter / Gatherer Society. Things have changed. And things are changing faster and faster.

I am a big fan of technology, God. I don’t want to go back to a Hunter / Gatherer World. It was full of problems, too. But, how do we help one another? How do we all grow into being Helpers? Yes, not forgetting to help ourselves! I do that, God. And I keep forgetting that I am terrible about confessing my need for help — asking for it — seeing all the ways I need it.

How then to help? How to determine when a person really wants to be helped? Not as a Perpetual Taker — a horribly demeaning fate — but as a fully functioning human.

How, indeed. And can I be “one of them?” Seeking the help I need? Oh? All it takes is Humility? Sigh. Please, God, help me with that.

Tagged with: "Up in our country we are humans, a fully functioning human, a hand up, because we are humans we help each other, Debt: the first 5000 years, on needing help myself
Posted in a hand up, Caring, Choosing to respond, Compassion, humility

So Painful to See — So We Turn Away

Posted on October 18, 2011 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

A Horrible Photo -- but better than most

Good Morning, God!

Times have changed — but not enough, God. I did spank my children. Sandy has not spanked her boys. And I still remember the time years ago when Ian had popped off and hit Mark. Having seen this happen before, and being of the old school, I said to Mark, “I wonder when someone is going to hit Ian back?” Mark said, “I’ve wondered that, too, Tutu.” Now, of course, Ian is over 6 feet and over 200 pounds. And I am very thankful for the culture of non-violence in their home.

Alas, a BBC news story estimated that between 1,000 and 2,000 children four and under are killed here in the United Sates each year — by a member of the family. The child abuse rate is 3 times higher in the United States than in Canada and 11 times higher than in Italy. Cultures matter.

Just a few months ago I heard a marvelous speaker tell about how often his mother beat him. He admitted that he used to tell some of his worst experiences as “funny stories.” He had come a long way in being willing to feel how damaging those beatings really were. Yet, later in his talk he held up his fists and said: “In Texas we like to talk with our hands!”

Cultures of violence are resistant to change. And, so is the idea that a “Man’s Home is His Castle.” Both of these make it difficult to know just how to address this horrible crime of child abuse. And, in fact, we mostly don’t address it — except when a case makes the news when we blame the parents, drugs, and the child welfare officers. I am not saying they are without blame. But, blaming doesn’t help.

I remember a dear friend setting up program of “respite care” at our church — years ago. It seems the police had suggested the idea. Social programs do help. But, they do cost. We need help, God!

Tagged with: a cycle of violence, child abuse, choosing to see or not to see, death from family members, minding our neighbors business, We are the leading first world country in child abuse
Posted in a hand up, a prayer for healing, a thought or two on Hell, attitudes, being heard into speaking, Choosing to respond

A New Week — Another World

Posted on October 17, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A cactus in the morning light

Good Morning, God!

My morning work is done and I am feeling good! Both boys (young men, really) are off to school with lunches, water bottles, backpacks and saxophone. I have done my morning jog and have now returned to my laptop. It is a new week.

As for the World? I am now in Lion. My scroll bars have vanished and I must remember to use my track pad. Other surprises await me. As is happening more and more frequently — portions of my old world are being replaced — upgraded. As Mark ruefully remarked as he left for school, “You’re on your own, Tutu”

I feel as if You are reminding me of the importance of continuous learning. Urging me to “delight in the challenge!” Ah, yes, that IS the right attitude. But, I admit, God, sometimes I slip into feeling like the Victim of Involuntary Upgrades. You might think that asking for the upgrade — paying for the upgrade — would give me a better attitude.

Alas, attitudes are not that easily adjusted. This glorious sun-lit cactus that I saw on my morning jog resembles a deep primitive part of me. Sharp and spiny! Perhaps, God, that part of me is there to protect myself — just like the cactus? Perhaps, so. But, if so, there is another primitive part that wants what it wants. Again, useful. But, mostly, I try to keep it “turned off.”

Deserts are primitive places. Survival is on every creature’s mind — in the DNA of plants, too. Not like Hawaii, where the land is generous. Hmmm. It takes water to make the Land “generous.” And, I suspect it takes love to make us generous. Yes! People without a constant source of love can be rather like cacti. Sigh, Please, God, more Love!

Tagged with: a moment with God, adjusting and adapting, cacti and water, involuntary upgrades, Lion, love as "water", ongoing learning, Tucson
Posted in Abundant Life, accepting my need for help, cacti, learning, Light shining through, the gift of persistent love

Love: self-indulgence + self care

Posted on October 16, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Tucson Sunrise

Good Morning,God!

First of all, THANK YOU! Thank You for the gift of children and grandchildren. Thank You for the gift of being able to be here in Tucson with my grandsons while Sandy and Dave get a vacation together. This is good! And it is good for me as well as for them.

Good in many ways — some of which are clear to me and some are not. I am dimly aware of others ways that I may never see. I love my grandsons, God.
And Love has a thousand (billion?) definitions. So, I’m attempting to speak to each family member in his or her own love language.And this has been a great joy for me.

I started my very slow and quiet morning with espresso with real cream and chunks of dark chocolate — only to realize that self-indulgence isn’t quite the same as self-love. Dang!

A dear friend is going through the last of her cancer treatments — a difficult type of self-care. And, not to complain too much, God, it does seem to me that true “self-care” has that painful “hair shirt” connotation!

It need not be so! Yes, God, I am quite sure you are right. But, do I have the smarts or inclination or time to sort it out? Hmmm! Perhaps this is ONE of the unseen “gifts” to me in being Out of my usual environment. Away from my usual full cup of “daily duties?”

I am sitting here now — free to choose — free to decide — free to sequence my time. Please, God, help me to ask You for help. Help me as I sit quietly — aware of my need for your help!

Tagged with: balancing good choices, choices, indulgence is not the same as self-love, n, self care involves compassion and humility, sequencing good choices
Posted in A Spiritual Spring Cleaning

A Full Day + An iPhone 4S

Posted on October 15, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A slightly past full moon over La Encantada mall, Tucson

Good Morning, God!

Dave and Sandy were cycling, Ian was sleeping and Mark and I were off to the only Apple Store in Tucson to wait in line for the new iPhone 4S. Mark had said we had to be there by 4 if we wanted to make sure we got it. I didn’t want it that badly, so we arrived at a bit before 7 a.m.

There was a line — but we were helped almost immediately by a nice young woman who asked what kind of phone (capacity and color) and carrier I wanted. Then she sorted through a box of white cards and handed one to me.

“Come back anytime today to pick up your phone. Only, you will have to wait in line again,” she said, apologetically. All would have been just that simple, God, if the AT&T folks had been right — the folks I talked with by phone and the ones I had check my phone in Honolulu. They were WRONG.

My upgrade was going to cost $450. Yikes! However, Mark saved the day by letting me use his upgrade — he bought his iPhone one month before I did — and he could get the standard price. The Apple staff would then switch our sim cards and Mark’s new phone would be mine!

Only, first we needed Sandy as the account holder to be there. We picked up Sandy as she was cycling a few miles from home. The second wait in line was about an hour. The Apple staff handed out water bottles and had a kiosk offering coffee, hot water and lemonade — all for free. With ONLY a few more glitches — like the AT&T guys having both gone out to lunch — we left with my having a new iPhone!

Somehow, God, it all seemed like a good way to say Thank You to Steve Jobs.

Tagged with: a moment with God, Apple hospitality, buying an iPhone 4S, glitches, grandsons and technology, upgrades
Posted in delight

A Desk of My Own

Posted on October 14, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Desk of My Own in the Red Carpet Club

Good Morning, God!

Traveling on my own is a reminder of what a “squirrel” I am not. My husband, Kit, is a squirrel — a Very Nice Squirrel.Mostly I am very thankful for his being so responsible. And, God, when I am with Kit, I am pretty responsible, too.

Ah, but when I travel on my own — my True Nature emerges. I got a complimentary upgrade to first class on my flight from Honolulu. And I enjoyed it. Then while waiting for my flight to Tucson, I quickly decided that $19 for a “Day Pass” into the Red Carpet Club was totally worth it. A four hour lay-over was transformed — not so much by the food offered which was only sugar in various forms — as by the sense of spaciousness. I had my own territory. A desk of my own!

Released from Kit’s Good Influence, I revert back to — well, I was going to say, “heedless” but that seems rather unkind. It is more like being taken over by a Sense of Enjoyment pretty much unfettered by Thoughts of the Future.

I suspect, God, that might be what got Eve into trouble. I can just hear her delight at the beauty of the apple — the fragrance of the fruit. There it was, right in front of her. You were not right there. And the lure of immediate gratification won out over vague memories of prohibitions and dire warnings — like death.

There it is, God! That’s pretty much why most people are overweight and in debt. And, I feel for them — for us.I love enjoying things, God. But, I do want to ask You for more discernment in WHAT I enjoy!

Tagged with: a desk of my own, enjoyment, now, squirrels and non-squirrels, traveling
Posted in Common sense and reasonableness, compassion to care for myself, delight, Enjoyment

Flying over Molokai — Hope and Help — and Love

Posted on October 13, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

flying over Molokai and looking off a Maui

Good Morning, God!

Flying over the Hawaiian Islands never ceases to delight me. As Mark Twain wrote: “The loveliest fleet of islands that lies anchored in any ocean.” Flying right over Molokai — looking down and seeing how narrow it is — how green the East End is and how isolated Kalaupapa is. How appalling to think of “lepers” of all ages being tossed over board to swim ashore — if they could.

It was fear, God. Fear still gets us to do horrible things to one another. I hate to admit it, God, but often it doesn’t even take a really big fear — like fear for our lives or even safety. Sometimes it is just the unnoticed fear of “social pressure.” We are social animals. We need to belong. Even if what we have to do to belong diminishes our humanity.

looking down at Kalaupapa

Hmm. This should be where You come in, God! You long to welcome us. Redeem us. Transform us. Sigh. Most of us are not exactly walking advertisements for Your Love. G.K. Chesterton had it right when he said, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.” Thank You for Father Damien, God! Thank You for those who love and act.

You have told us that when we feed the hungry, cloth the naked, and visit those in prison, we do it unto YOU. Even a cup of water given to the thirsty — has meaning. How much more, then, does the gift of HOPE have meaning. Father Damien gave the lepers the Hope of Your Love.

I still have hope, God, that You are not done with me. That hope is not without a little fear, for I don’t want to be like Father Damien! But, knowing there is little chance of THAT, I can say Your Will be Done!