Marriage: Pushing and Pulling Us Toward Growth

Posted on November 13, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Pastor Tim Keller

Good Morning, God!

I love this man’s voice, God! He sounds kind — compassionate and intelligent — which is a great combination for a pastor. Well, for anyone. I’ve heard some of his sermons on podcasts and enjoyed them.

Then a dear friend sent me a link to an interview that he and his wife did about their newly released book, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God.

The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller

What a delightful couple, God. I watched the entire video and enjoyed watching them react and interact with each other as the interview went on. Respect and appreciation are excellent buttresses for LOVE.

Kit and I are blessed, God. We were born into a generation that took commitment for granted. It was a given. And it was “role modeled” for us. My mother attended her grandparents’ Golden Wedding Anniversary, her parents’ Golden Wedding Anniversary, her own Golden Wedding Anniversary and Kit’s and my Golden Wedding Anniversary. That’s four straight generations.

Marriage — like life — isn’t supposed to be easy. At one point in the interview where Kathy “corrects” Tim, he turns to the interviewer and says, “Like iron sharpens iron . . .” How true! Husbands and wives DO sharpen each other. There are qualities in each of us that we need to learn to appreciate — and other qualities that we need to challenge and confront. The difficulty is figuring out which is which!

Gender differences, cultural differences, and individual differences all conspire to challenge us and push and pull us toward growth. Thank You, God, for adding the Pleasure Glue that makes marriage a joy and a delight — as well as a challenge.

Tagged with: appreciation and love, four generations of Golden Wedding Anniversaries, respect, The Meaning of Marriage, the pleasure bond, Tim and Kathy Keller
Posted in connecting, connections, JOY, living within limits, LOVE, people as gifts, respect

On Feeling Like a Pile of Pick-up Sticks

Posted on November 12, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

: Rainbows as Signs

Good Morning, God!

After hearing myself say something to the effect that I felt like pile of “pick-up-sticks” it came to me that I needed to do something about it.

So, I called a old friend who is a Spiritual Director and set off to see her. This photo of a rainbow was taken just before I went in to see her.

It feels good, God, to be seeking help.

Yesterday, I got additional help on my “pile” from the book Willpower. It seems there is something called the Zeigarnik Effect named after the Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik who discovered it in 1927. Things that have not been completed or “done” keep popping up in our mind. They “nag” at us or at least “remind” us that the decision or action is still pending.

After coming home from my three weeks on the road visiting our daughters and grandson sitting I found myself “free.” Nothing needed to be done right away. There really wasn’t anything urgent in my life. No “urgent” stuff to keep the countless undone or unfinished tasks and projects in my life pushed to the back of my mind.

Pick-Up-Sticks -- color coded, yet!

With that pressure gone, God, I’m pretty sure all the unfinished stuff in my life flowed out and over and flooded me. Truly, a big pile of pick-up sticks! The book Willpower discusses David Allen’s Getting Things Done system. The author and researcher, Roy F. Baumeister, says that when Things Still Not Done pop-up into our minds (the Zeigarnik Effect) we don’t have to do them. We just have to make a plan on how and when we will do them. That’s Allen’s GTD program. Even writing it down in the mystical Maybe Someday category will help.

Hmmm. Maybe, Someday, God, I will have picked up all those sticks. Or maybe not. But, I feel a lot better having some idea of what’s going on.

Tagged with: a jumble of stuff, hope, Prayer, Roy Baumeister, Willpower, Zeigarnik Effect
Posted in accepting my need for help, being together in a compassionate presence, compassion to care for myself, complexity

“Found” Art — or is it a Cartoon?

Posted on November 10, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A piece of scrap copper is found to contain a fish

Good Morning, God!

I remember seeing and loving Deborah Butterfield’s horses — made out of “found” materials. Today I have a much humbler example of “found” art.

This fish pendant was “found” hiding inside an old piece of scrap copper in our jewelry class’s scrap box. I’d missed three classes so after the demonstration I didn’t have anything to work on.

What to do? I looked through the scrap box being sure I’d find something. I didn’t. After a period of “wanting” the sample pendant the instructor had used — I regathered myself and went back to the scrap box. This time I persisted and found a heavily textured piece of copper with a big hole punched in it. Aha! That was IT!

I knew it was what I wanted to play with. And I did play. Cutting a bit off here and a bit more off there. Then, all of a sudden there was this FISH! All she needed was a mouth — which I quickly gave her. Then we smiled at each other.

And I remembered being in high school and taking a drawing class at Art Center. One of my fellow students told me I was a “natural cartoonist.” I was devastated. Not an “Artist.” A “Cartoonist.” Sigh.

But, now, as I look at my “fish,” God, it comes to me that I LIKE being a Cartoonist. I accept the fact that I don’t even want to make “perfect” pieces. I like the surprises and joys that come with “interacting” with my creations.

Hmmm. I surely hope, God, that is how YOU feel about us! Maybe THAT’S what the “gift” of “Free Will” is all about? We are — for better or for worse — interactive. And, I’m pretty sure that You like that!

Tagged with: "found" art, art and cartoons, creating, interacting with the created, whimsy
Posted in Creating, interactions, JOY, Responding

A really BIG iceberg is coming!

Posted on November 9, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A long crack on the Pine Island Glacier

Good Morning, God!

Apparently NASA has a new project called IceBridge — keeping an eye on Earth’s polar ice. On October 14, 2011 they noticed this crack on Antarctica’s Pine Island Glacier.

You can barely see the crack in this photo, but it is 18 miles long and 260 feet wide and 165-195 feet deep. That’s a BIG crack, God!

Close-up of the crack that's 260 ft. wide and up to 195 ft. deep

The last time scientists noticed a crack on this glacier was late in 2000 and the iceberg didn’t break off until late in 2001. It took a year? I wondered why until I learned that the ice at the crack is 1,640 feet thick. So, 165 feet deep is only about 10% of the total depth. Yes, I guess it will take a year.

This is going to be one BIG iceberg, God. I wonder what the wave will be like when it breaks off? I’m curious.

I’m also interested on a personal level about how much ice is flowing into the ocean. We live on an island and sitting here in my office I’m 38 feet above sea level.

The article says: “As a primary outlet for the West Antarctic Ice Sheet, the Pine Island Glacier is one of the largest sources of uncertainty in global sea level rise projections.” They are talking “the next couple of decades.” Hmmm.

The thing about this sort of change is that it accelerates — creating a “positive feedback loop.” It doesn’t just stop or “go away.” I wish I didn’t know that, God! I don’t like thinking about sea levels rising. I don’t like thinking about how Thailand is flooding and how much of Bangladesh is under water when the high tides and storms sweep in.

We humans will need a lot of help from You, God, to respond appropriately.

Tagged with: climate change, icebergs, NASA's IceBridge
Posted in a matter of scale, Changing, choices, climate changes, web of life

Making our way back to non-industrial food

Posted on November 8, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

my brother's cat going back down the ladder

Good Morning, God!

Sometimes, God, I feel like this cat as I try to get us back into non-industrial food. Tradition used to set our tables.

Mothers used to make sure their children ate their “greens.” Not just vegetables but herbs, too. Gosh, God. Vegetables used to be grown in backyards.

Now mothers have been replaced “experts and studies” — often paid for by the food conglomerates. In the 1970’s, the cigarette companies diversified by buying up food companies like General Foods. They gave us what we wanted — Frankenfood — made to taste addictive, sit on the shelves forever, and sell.

What else besides “greens” are “missing” in our Standard American Diet? Here’s one thing most of us don’t think of: Microbes. That’s the fauna and flora that are so essential to a well-functioning gut. Louis Pasteur and his pasteurization won the battle against botulism and some other nasty germs — but the long term effect on our health is just beginning to unfold. Now, it seems we can be too clean.

Antibiotics are even more of a double-edged sword. “Taking antibiotics is like setting off a bomb and hoping more bad guys die than good guys,” is a quote from an article in the March 2011 Discover magazine on our gut. Yikes! [Click here to hear the article.]

It wasn’t that long ago that we humans stored food by fermenting it — in effect, growing enough Good Bacteria so that the Bad Guys couldn’t get in. Kim Chee and sauerkraut spring to mind. Imagine that God — life BEFORE canning. Sigh, Most folks can’t even remember life before Pringles.

But, the Tide is beginning to turn, God! Even if we are all picking our way along like my brother’s cat. Going back, isn’t easy.

Tagged with: eat your greens, experts and studies, frankenfoods, traditional food, what to eat
Posted in choices, food questions, The difficulty of changing, traditional food patterns

Storytellers vs. journalists; moths vs. bats

Posted on November 7, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

My husband, Kit, the Journalist & Bat

Good Morning, God!

Look at this wonderful man, my husband Kit! A GOOD man, God! And, rather more importantly for this story, he is also a very good journalist. Accuracy is his passion.

I, however, am a Story Teller. Accuracy for Story Tellers is more of an inconvenience than a passion. A few days ago he read one of my blogs and pointed out that I had been 20 when we married, not 21 — and a mother at 21 not 22. He, of course, was right. I hadn’t bothered to do the math — or even work hard at remembering.

Story telling is an Art. It demands a sense of rhythm — a sense of Timing. Story Tellers do not like being interrupted in mid-story for a factual correction.

But, then, Journalist do not like “Factual Distortions.” Really, God, that is what he called them yesterday when I was describing this Difference!

Ah, but I love it, God! Discovering a Difference is like locating a Land Mine on our interpersonal maps. We will still step on it. And it may or may not explode. But, at least, I will know What Happened and Why! Knowing what our differences are is a vast comfort.

I’m thinking back to the difference in our physiological light gathering capacities. For YEARS Kit would be upset that I was “wasting electricity” by “having every light in the house on!” It’s true, God! I did leave lights on. Kit can SEE in the (almost) dark, and I CANNOT. Discovering that I was a Moth and he was a Bat gave Kit a way to understand me — as opposed to trying to change me. [Click here for the story of the Woman Who Loved Light.]

Being Different, God, is so much better than being Wrong!

Tagged with: a passion for accuracy, creativity, mapping our interpersonal differences, story tellers vs journalists
Posted in Communication, connections, Diversity, gender universes

Changing my questions and my Heart

Posted on November 6, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

Good Morning, God!

Somehow, in the change over to my new iPhone I stumbled into listening to this book again. I enjoyed hearing it — even for the second time. I found I needed reminding. Such a simple concept, God. But, so easily forgotten.

Am I in Learner mode? Or am I in Judger mode? Not, judger as discerning. Judger as JUDGMENTAL! It is perfectly clear to me that a judgmental attitude is neither pleasant nor productive. It is just very tempting.

In stressful situations the first response is to ask, “WHO DID THIS?” Who can we blame?

What we need to be asking are “Learner” questions. How did it happen? What can we do about it? Hmm. Maybe, God, it isn’t so much the questions as the Tone of Voice and Body Language. We humans are very sensitive to the unspoken attitudes of those around us.

Gosh, God! It just came to me that You must be TOTALLY sensitive to our attitudes. Yikes! No wonder You ask us to offer up the sacrifice of PRAISE. Praise being among other things, Trust made Audible. You do look on our Hearts.

A peaceful,Q trusting heart — full of praise and thanksgiving — must delight You. Right now my heart feels more like someone just dumped out a can of “pickup sticks.” Jumbled and at Cross Purposes!

It’s not that I don’t know how fortunate I am. I do! But, so many people are not so fortunate. Sometimes, God, the Pain and Suffering washes me out to sea. I want the lonely and the hurting to know You Love them. I want the hungry fed and the children protected.

So, God, today help me reach out. Help me bring canned goods to church. Help me to let You listen through my ears and give through my purse. Help me love.

Tagged with: Change Your Questions, Changing into Learners, Heart Reconstruction
Posted in a hand up, Abundant Life, learning, LOVE, Peace, Possibilities

Brussels Sprouts and the Business of Becoming

Posted on November 5, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A brussels sprouts stock

Good Morning, God!

The thing about brussels sprouts, God, is that they KNOW when they are done. But for us humans it seems a lot more complex.

Twenty-one is the mythical age of maturity. I was married at 20 and a mother by 21 and I felt I was completely grown up. Oh my!

And now, God? Now, I can see and feel just how far I am from being “done.” And, even as I sigh, I think GOOD! It is good that I am not done . . . that You are not done with me.

This is both “good” and “scary.” Growth opportunities are not like classes we can sign up for — read the course description — decide if we want to take it. No, God, they usually come wrapped in traumas or disappointments or draining emotional situations — unavoidable situations.

Once again, I am reminded of my dad telling me that “Life isn’t supposed to be easy.” For example, asking for patience will only get us plunged into situations that try our patience. And, when I ponder what growing towards up means to me now — I think, becoming more compassionate? More loving? More honest and assertive? All of the above? Only, of course, it isn’t about “acquiring virtues”, is it God. It is about balancing and managing our diverse qualities — especially our “virtues!” It seems to me, God, that all virtues come in opposable pairs. Sigh.

If I could escape these Growth Opportunities, I probably would. Was it Saint Teresa who said to You, “If this is how You treat Your friends, it is no wonder You have so few of them!” Ah, well, yes. I dare say that is part of why You want us to REST one full day a week. We NEED our rest for this “business of becoming!”

Tagged with: opposable virtues, the business of becoming
Posted in Compassion, growing toward up, Growth Opportunities, Life isn't supposed to be easy.

On Being HOME

Posted on November 4, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Dining at the Yummy Korean BBQ on the Marina my first night home.

Good Morning, God

HOME is an under-utilized resource! At least, MY Home is. (Kit would remind me, God, that it is OUR Home. But, I am thinking of my portion of it . . . not wanting to drag his portion into my judgmental statement.)

That statement — that our home is “under-utilized” — just popped out. I need to hear — and consider — what I mean by it. Actually, God, right now I am feeling underutilized. I suppose that is part of the post-retirement thing? Or maybe, it is the deceleration from the on-the-go trip?

Yesterday felt like a Day to Lie Fallow! Vague thoughts of cleaning my car and bringing up my palms from the car port came . . . and went. But, then after a brief nap, I bestirred myself and finished the laundry, cleaned the car, and brought up my palms, visited with my Mom and came home and cooked dinner.

Mostly, though, I didn’t do much. I read and napped and did some Centering Prayer. I love this slow, relaxed pace, God! Yes, I probably do “owe” You a sizable number of Sabbaths. Actually, I like the idea of having a fair bit of Lying Fallow to do. Only, of course, Lying Fallow is about NOT doing.

I’m really thankful for this gift of Time, God. Maybe I will even use some of it to consider what a utilized home and life might look like. But, not yet. First I will reach out and embrace — resting and restoring.