Dying: “It’s not so bad . . .”

Posted on January 16, 2013 by a moment with god — 3 Comments

A hibiscus in the process of unfurling

Good Evening, God!

I was just going to go to bed, God. I’m tired. And worried about my mom. Maybe, even, a bit depressed. But, then I remembered my photos of my friend June’s hibiscus. Really, God, they are too wonderful not to share.

Besides, it will do me good to sit with You. Sit without words — for a few minutes. Really, God, You know my heart . It is way too full to speak.

My mom complains about not being able to think. That’s probably because most of her mind is worried about dying. I can understand that. At 98 one does have to think about that. I must say, You have been most kind. It was just a few weeks ago that You had Patty come (in a a dream or vision or ?) and tell her, “Don’t be afraid, Grandma. It [dying] is not so bad.” I do have to remind Mom of that. When I do, she always lights up and smiles. She remembers it!

a fully extended hibiscus with a bud behind it

A fully extended hibiscus with a bee at stamen base

Ah, there, God, I’m feeling a little better. Those are comforting words for me, too. I am thinking of the 23rd Psalm and the verse which says Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. I used to think that Your rod and staff were to protect me. Now, I feel they are for me to lean on.

I do know that we humans need one another. You have made us Social Beings. And sharing seems to me to be a huge part of our nature.

Some days I feel like this hibiscus on the right — fully extended! I like that! But, I need the “furled up” times, too.

Thank You, God for the gift of Life — the ups and the downs!

Tagged with: 23rd Psalm, comfort, Death, dying, mothers
Posted in a hand up, accepting my need for help, comfort, encourage and comfort, Families, Mothers

Permission to Color OUTSIDE the lines!

Posted on January 13, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A drawing I did at 6 -- which my mother saved -- of all things!

A drawing I did at 6 — one of many my mother saved!

Good Afternoon, God!

I really love letting children draw — not color in coloring books — just draw! I did a lot of drawing as a child and loved it. I have happy memories of drawing while listening to Captain Midnight, Buck Rogers, The Lone Ranger and others.

How fortunate I am that my mother didn’t buy me Coloring Books! My take is that little girls — who get small muscle control earlier than boys — are “trapped” by their skill in coloring inside the lines. We get praised and rewarded for being so neat and tidy.

The result of all that praise is that ever afterward, females feel they must “keep inside the lines.” Of course, we don’t feel that consciously! But, I think that being good at that “skill” imprisons many of us. Turning us into rule keepers. Turning us into Good Little Girls.

So, God, you can imagine my JOY when I read Father Richard Rohr’s morning devotion: “This is what makes the mystics sort of dangerous,” he says. “It’s not just possibility they [mystics] experience—but permission. It’s permission to color outside the lines.” Right ON! Father Rohr!

Sigh, I’ve harbored the illusion that I was good at coloring outside the lines. Only to find this January 1st that I have a Part that is dedicated to the goal of Make No Mistakes! How humbling! I know You delight in my Humbling Moments, God, but I dislike them! After all, they mean: I’ve been doing something wrong — again!

Smile, actually, what they really mean is: Hurray! I have just discovered that I have been coloring inside the lines! And now I can stop that so I can be a bit more free — a bit more me. Please help me hold on to that re-frame, God!

Tagged with: coloring inside the lines, creativity vs tidiness, humility reappreciated, permission to be messy, Permission to make mistakes
Posted in accepting my ability to REDESIGN, Art, courage to see myself, Creating, humility, Uncategorized

Intra Communication and the Holy Spirit

Posted on January 12, 2013 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Rainbows and the Holy Spirit

Good Evening, God!

C. S. Lewis said that two Christians have ten times the power of one Christian. I experience the reality of that truth every time I drive up Tantalus to see my spiritual director, June. As we sit together — consciously aware of Your Presence — I am helped to see myself and hear myself.

Hearing myself is hard, God. But just yesterday I heard a phrase that helped me understand why it’s so hard. Apparently, we have a plethora of systems or modules inside us. Some are distributed on the left or right side of our brains and some are distributed across the brain. PLETHORA! I looked it up and it is a “superabundance, an excess.”

Sigh, sometimes that is exactly what it feels like, God. Too many Modules trying to decide who’s in charge right now. It’s like a log jam with No One In Charge and Nothing Getting Done. Golly, I thought it was hard enough just to juggle all the diverse Roles we women manage. Now I realize the roles are just the surface.

Who’s In Charge?

The phrase about my inner plethora is from the book Who’s In Charge?, by Michael Gazzaniga. I’m only on chapter 3, God, but, I have this funny feeling that the author is going to tell me that I (the one talking with You) am the one in charge.

I do know that ever since I “agreed” to a Grand Alliance with my Warrior Spirit that she has been very helpful. Then January 1st I “turned down” the hyper-vigilent Critical Spirit and gave myself permission to Make Mistakes. Because I was allowed to “make mistakes” I was able to navigate the tedious and err prone path of getting my website up.

So, I am learning HOW to work together with my Plethora of Inner Peoples. But, please, God, keep on helping me!

Tagged with: a plethora of systems, Hearing myself, intra dialogs, Who's In Charge?
Posted in a New Year, accepting my need for help, Balancing and adjustments, Holy Spirit, mental maps

Running a good race — running for respect

Posted on January 7, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

“Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers.” 1967 Boston Marathon

Good Evening, God!

A good friend sent this photo from the 1967 Boston Marathon. It shows Katherine Switzer, who had entered as K.J. Switzer, being grabbed in a failed attempt to pull her off the course. She had been found to be (gasp!) a female. The marathon through its first 70 years had been an all-male event.

Women were considered too “delicate” to do anything as grueling as run 26.2 miles. Myself, I think women are a lot more durable than men. After all, it’s women who give birth to children — not an easy task!

I’m embarrassed, God, that I wasn’t even that aware of — let alone indignant — about sexism back them. I was busy having children and being a mother. That is not an excuse. Indeed, who should be more aware of sexism than the mother of three daughters.

This issue was brought home to me a year ago when Kit and I met Jacqueline Hansen, who had sued the Olympic Committee, successfully, to allow women to run in the 1984 Olympics. I’m thankful for people like Katherine and Jacqueline who stepped forward to help all women. Of course “steps forward” are mostly met with outrage.

Society could do with a lot more female outrage, God. Women in India are now speaking out after the recent horrific gang rape and murder of a young woman. Sigh. It is a long slow road to mutual respect, God.

Father Richard Rohr wrote: “slavery, racism, sexism, classism, xenophobia, and homophobia have lasted authoritatively into our time [in part because of inaction] by people who claim to love Jesus!”

We need to come to You for help, God! All of us!

Tagged with: Boston Marathon 1967, outrage, sexism, speaking up
Posted in a prayer for healing, acknowledging another's existence, Progress and our Change in Focus, respect, responding to God's Spirit, role models

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Posted on January 4, 2013 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

More and more soda being drunk in America

Good Evening, God!

I was raised in a family that didn’t drink soda pop. I remember thinking that Coke tasted like fly spray. I’m lucky!

Just this morning, God, my wonderful husband Kit was angry about the amount of soda being drunk around the world arguing WE OUGHT TO TAX SODAS, just like cigarettes! No other single product is more responsible for the nation’s obesity epidemic, he argues. I think Kit is right, God.

Scientists say that sugar, and its horrible cheaper alternative high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), are both toxic and addictive. I do know they’re addictive! I can’t consume just one of anything sweet. So, I have to see myself as a sugarholic.

All of this assumes new importance as our Nation faces the swelling costs of Medicare. Personally, God, I’d say we haven’t seen anything yet on the matter of costs! Catchy, fun commercials for Coke, Pepsi et all, along with larger containers, are producing fatter and fatter Americans! Beyond that, diabetes has become epidemic. Health problems are cascading.

I’d been thinking of drinking soda as a matter of Personal Responsibility, God. But then I watched a great video calling it a Public Health problem. Oh? Like smoking? Like the campaign to pick a designated driver? Hmmm. Why not? These experts suggest taxing sodas, to pay for educating Americans on the health hazards of sweeteners. At stake is Medicare’s swelling cost burden — many other public health care costs — and, not least, people’s quality of life.

Sigh. Taking on Coca-Cola and Pepsi? Yikes! We are talking about miracles, God! But, we can pray. We can humbly seek your help. And we can begin to speak out!

Tagged with: obesity and medicare, personal responsibility and public health, rising soda consumption
Posted in a prayer for healing, accepting my authority to set limits, health, living within limits

A Full Day, and a Monk Seal, too!

Posted on January 3, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Monk Seal on San Souci Beach at the east end of Waikiki

Good Evening, God!

Such a FULL day . . . a day of rain showers and rainbows . . . of visits and outings . . . and my first sight of a Monk Seal! I was eating at the Hau Tree Lanai and there it was on the beach. It was alone because protective yellow tape had been put up to keep curious people away from him (or her). The species is officially endangered and there are laws about even getting too close.

These monk seals are solitary creatures, God. So unlike the cheerful and very social dolphins. Hmm. I just read yesterday that people with good social support networks have a longevity edge. I would think being gregariousness would give a species a survival edge as well.

So many good things in my day today . . . visits with friends, with Kit and with Mom . . . acupuncture treatment at Jujube’s . . . and some good work in the morning on getting my website rebuilt and ready to put up. I’m really thankful about that, God! And I do think that giving myself permission to make mistakes was a big part of that.

Before then, if anyone had asked me about “mistakes,” I would have gone on (and on) about how we learn by making mistakes. Indeed, that is how we are designed to learn. But, it seems that my gut didn’t get the message. That part of me wanted to know “how to do things” before doing them. But, Life seems to be a Learn As We Go, sort of deal.

One difficulty, God, is that big gap between what we know — and what we do. For example, I know that right now I should be getting ready for bed. I know it and I feel it. So, with a bit of help from You, I AM off to bed!

Tagged with: a survival edge, knowing and doing gaps, monk seal
Posted in learning, so much to learn, The difficulty of changing, Uncategorized

A New Year and a New Leaf

Posted on January 1, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Interacting with the exhibit, The Shape of Things, at the Spaulding House

Daughter Suzanne Interacts with the exhibit, The Shape of Things, at the Spaulding House

Good Evening, God!

Our daughter Suzanne told me recently that each year she comes up with a Word for The Year. She hasn’t discovered her word for 2013 yet, but I was inspired by her idea.

So, I have come up with a phrase for myself — but maybe just for January. It is: I have permission to make mistakes. It came to me as I read a quote in the morning newspaper. It was from a “handyman,” who said that each of us can do anything if we allow ourselves to make mistakes. That’s not exactly the quote. But it’s close.

Really, God, reading that simple quote made me aware of how much I hate (fear) to mess up. I guess that must be the part of me that loved to do well in school. And doing well in school meant — Doing it Right!

Actually, I never got straight A’s. And I didn’t realize just how big an imprint “school” had left on me. But, this morning, once I officially gave myself permission to make mistakes — to do it wrong the first several times — I felt ever so much better. In fact, I went to my computer and — after struggling — was able to insert a revised story into my website.

Of course, God, I haven’t got my website back up yet! That’s going to involve a whole bunch more Missteps and Mistakes. I can feel them looming.

Still, God, I feel as if I have crossed some sort of invisible hump. I sure hope so because I really do want to get back to sharing my stories. In fact, I want to get back to creating stories! Creating and sharing are both joys!

Tagged with: creating, fear of mistakes, learning via trial and error, messing around, Permission to make mistakes
Posted in courage, Creating, learning, Mistakes

Saying Goodbye to 2012 and Releasing My Past

Posted on December 31, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunset on my mom’s 98th birthday

Good Evening, God!

Aaaah, today I got a loving compliment from Suzanne, our Oldest Daughter! I’m an Oldest Daughter, myself, so I know how high our standards can be. The compliment was about how well I had done in maturing over the last 30 years. That isn’t exactly what she said, God. But, that’s the idea.

As I sat there with her at the airport, processing the compliment, I realized that I have a lot of guilt/grief/regret to let go of. (I think I am holding in my belly fat — and I really want to let go of that.)

So, instead of focusing on the New Year with resolutions to DO BETTER and to BE BETTER — I am sitting here and RELEASING all my failures and mistakes of the last several decades. RELEASING! Such a lovely word, God! Putting all my STUFF in Your Lap and then climbing up into Your Lap, myself.

I am still a Very Small Child in Your scheme of things. And it is good to sit Silently and Peacefully in that awareness. Gosh, God! I need to keep on opening myself to that awareness.

It’s funny, God. Releasing feels like a better word than forgiving. It is like I am pouring out a Lifetime of Totally Unrealistic Expectations. Gosh, God. It takes an awful lot of energy to push my past away and repress all the times I missed opportunities to change . . . to ask for help . . . to grow.

Releasing is very much an ongoing process, isn’t it, God? I can’t do it without Your Enveloping Love! You love me as I am — and as I was — and as I am becoming. And You love each one of us that very same way. Smile! Here is to a New Year FULL OF LOVE!

Tagged with: cleaning up my heart, letting go, Releasing my past, saying goodbye to 2012
Posted in a New Year, lap time, letting the Holy Spirit flow through us, LOVE

Touched by Music and Hope

Posted on December 30, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

a cello made from an oil can and landfill trash

Good Morning, God!

Music coming from instruments made from recycled landfill trash! I was touched by the very idea . . . and even more moved by the beautiful music pouring forth!

I friend sent me the link to the video — and I like many others feel called to share it. Hearing these children — living on a landfill in Paraguay — create marvelous music from their cobbled together instruments called me to account.

The sheer audacious creativity to even conceive of such an undertaking! Then to make it WORK! To bring forth real music from discarded trash — inspiring! But the real impact on me came from the children who were making the music — children of the Third World — so full of gifts and talents — so enlivened by the music.

We have an old flute in our home, God. I longed to be able to send it to these children! I wanted to help — or maybe it would be better to say that I wanted to give myself the gift of being part of all of this. So, I made a donation.

That’s pretty small — but it is something. It feels more and more as if being a part — even a very small part — of helping others is essential to my health and well-being. I’m pretty sure You designed us that way, God.

Maybe that’s why, all over the world people — ordinary people — are getting up and doing things! My dear friend, Heidi, has created Advocates for Africa’s Children. And half a world away in rural Swaziland orphans are being helped — via gardens and rabbits — toward food security. And just as importantly, they are receiving Hope and Love.

Hope and Love . . . and Music . . . what is life without them?

Tagged with: creative visions, helping, landfill harmonic, music
Posted in connecting, Help me to see, Music, Ongoing Transformation

New Things!

Posted on December 26, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Frost Flowers near the North Pole

Good Day, God!

My wonderful husband Kit sent me the link to an NPR story about Frost Flowers. Amazing! These crystalline ice structures pop up out of the central Arctic Ocean when conditions are just right. I am not at all clear what “right” means. The article makes it sound like the air needs to be extremely cold and extremely dry — thus to pull into the ice little bumps of moisture. Since it is too cold for the moisture to stay suspended in air, as it turns back into ice it takes a crystalline form, like snowflakes.

All of this was delightful enough, God. But, the article also tells that these frost flowers are three times as salty as regular ocean water and surprisingly full of bacteria.

A photo of frost flowers grown in a lab

I know we have found bacteria in all sorts of extreme habitats. Still, apparently, the scientists are curious about just what these bacteria are doing in their extremely cold and salty homes.

So, I am sitting here — happy. Happy to have discovered Krulwich’s Wonders — a science based blog that was the source of this story. Happy to have discovered Frost Flowers. Happy to have seen them up close. And happy for all the bacteria in those frost flowers. Bacteria that seem to be happily going about the business of living. Good on them!

Life is amazing, God. And maybe it isn’t so very different for bacteria than it is for us? Surely, regardless of size and complexity, life is to be relished and lived! Thank You!