What’s it take to Grow?

Posted on March 25, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A new orchid on a rainy Palm Sunday

Good Evening, God!

Yesterday was a grey and rainy day — so the glowing purples of this orchid were especially appreciated. I’m getting “into” orchids, God. I now know enough to look for the orchids with two stalks. They are only slightly more expensive and the second stalk will bloom a bit later — extending the orchid’s time with blossoms.

Much to my delight I have now managed to get two of my orchids to have a second bloom without going dormant. Sunlight (I didn’t know they liked sunlight), daily ice cubes and clipping the stalk off to just above a live joint — these seem to do it.

Hmm. Pruning. I hadn’t realized that pruning was part of the process. That’s because I don’t like the whole idea of pruning. Pruning roses is OK. And I have no problem with pruning the small banyan growing in a pot in our car port. So? So, I guess I don’t like the idea of having my life and activities pruned.

Sigh. I am sitting here realizing that I don’t like limits. I don’t like being limited. I don’t like making the hard choices of: If This, then Not That. Gosh, God. That sounds so childish. Dang! It is childish, isn’t it.

And into my mind pops a character from Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Veruca Salt perhaps? Whose refrain is I WANT IT and I WANT IT NOW!

Hmm. Wanting has a Never-Get-Filled-Up ring to it. Getting only satisfies for a little while. Then it’s on to another round of Wanting. Wanting Things, Wanting Goals . . . Wantings that cannot satisfy.

So, God, I’m rethinking Pruning . . . and Limits . . . and maybe even . . . going to bed early?

Tagged with: Hard Choices, Limits, orchids, pruning, Wanting
Posted in Changing, choosing HARD, growing toward up

Thoughts on Becoming

Posted on March 22, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A hibiscus in June’s backyard

Good Evening, God!

Wednesday I saw this glowing hibiscus in my friend June’s backyard and zipped down to take several photos. By now, this hibiscus has closed up and gone. It lasted only a day. Yet, it was giving being a flower its all!

Yes, I like the idea of giving our all, to be what we are/can be. The trouble is, God, we humans aren’t exactly sure what that is. You seem to have designed us to be like snowflakes — no two the same. So, becoming for us isn’t like becoming a hibiscus blossom.

This is not an idle thought, God. I still feel I am very much about the Business of Becoming. The first part of my life seemed to be about becoming a whole series of “roles.” Being a daughter, becoming a student, becoming a friend, becoming a wife, becoming a mother.

Then it was about becoming a worker . . . in my case a librarian. All of these roles are still important to me. And while my roles don’t define me — they do allow me ways to extend and express myself.

Now I am deeper into Becoming. I go each week to talk to June, a trained Spiritual Director. She helps me, through compassionate listening, to hear my inner selves. The week I heard, from inside myself, “In your heart are many mansions.” That was totally unexpected. But, I sat with that thought and slowly realized two things: 1) my Heart is much bigger than I realized, and 2) I have walled most of it off with a “Berlin Wall” to protect myself from painful feelings.

My Sense of Self is deepening. I have a lot more Becoming to do. And I am so thankful, God!

Tagged with: Becoming, listening to myself, Sense of Self, Spiritual Direction
Posted in Abundant Life, Becoming FRESH from God's Hand, Compassion, hearing myself

A Good Day! A Good Life!

Posted on March 17, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Close up of a puakenikeni blossom

Good Evening, God!

Such a wonderful day! Church, breakfast with my wonderful husband Kit, and then off to work. Hmm. Work? Actually, I am having so much fun that “Work Party” would be a better description.

So Thank You, God! Thank You for a Job to do and great people to do it with! The retirement residence where I served as library consultant for 14 years called me back out of retirement to deal with the angst of RENOVATION! They will end up with a beautiful new library — but first they have to go through the trauma of “destroying” their old library. So, I got called into help them over the hurdles.

It helps God, that I am a Biological Optimist. To me, it just seems easier to Hope than not. But, then, I am not the one who in the last two years brought the Library up to just about Perfect! I’m not the creator . . . it is not my “baby.” When the Parent App is running it’s so easy for it to overwhelm us!

Mama Duck and ducklings

I saw this just yesterday while going for my Saturday morning walk. A Mama Duck was crossing over with eleven ducklings following her. She was headed to the pond on the other side of the oleander hedge and the chain link fence. Her ducklings followed close behind — except for one little fellow who had to be repeatedly called back to her. The ducklings popped right through the chain link fence. Not Mama!

Distressed Mama Duck

Up and down the fence she went — looking for an opening. All the time she was keeping her ducklings to her. Calling and Checking!

Did she fly over the fence? No . . . she wasn’t going to leave her ducklings!

She wasn’t Thinking Outside the Fence. She was totally caught up in her Mama Duck app. She didn’t have room or energy to remember that she could fly. I’ve been there, too, God!

Tagged with: overwhelmed by instinct, Stuck, The Mama Duck app, the power of the Parent App, Thinking Outside the Fence
Posted in connections, hope, interspecies contact, responsibility

The Wrong-Side UP app

Posted on March 14, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Aging Palm Fronds -- golden in the sunlight

Maturing Palm Fronds — golden in the sunlight

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday while chatting with June (my Spiritual Director) I suddenly noticed a Wrong-Side UP App at work inside me. I had been telling her how much I appreciated her help. Then I remembered that 8 or 9 years ago I felt I had received a “command” from You: Find 10 areas in which you need help — then find 10 people in each area to help you!

Immediately, I could feel my delight slipping away. Instead of focusing on what I was doing now to ask for help, I had switched to focusing on what I hadn’t done.

June heard me and suggested that I have come quite far. And I thought, “That’s RIGHT! I am making progress.” I started to count and realized that I am getting help in eight areas. Then I thought how wonderful that there were two more areas waiting for me to discover. At the time I just thought how easy it was to slip into focusing on self blame and self judgment.

Then, God, this morning a friend called. She was upset, having just dropped and broken a favorite light fixture — and was feeling terrible. Then she mentioned how yesterday she had taken her eye off her dear husband, who had fallen and scraped his arm.

AH! That was when it hit me, God. I told her that she was looking at the one time she failed –while failing to see the 99 times she had succeeded!

It seems there are a lot of us who have an Inner App that wants to turn things Wrong-Side Up!

Thank You, God, for helping us to install The Right-Side UP app!

Tagged with: refocusing, reframing, The Right-Side UP app, the Wrong-Side Up app
Posted in asking for help for myself, authority over my life, Changing

A Touch of Warmth and Color

Posted on March 10, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Overlooking the bougainvillea at the Honolulu Convention Center

Good Evening, God!

This morning began with RAIN as my husband Kit was getting ready to go off to run a half marathon (13.1 miles). Next I was off to a 7 a.m. church service followed by a lovely breakfast with friends. Then 4+ hours of shifting books (for a retirement residence library) then over the Pali for lunch and a board meeting. All the while the rain continued.

Then it was home to fix dinner for my beloved husband Kit. We savored it while we chatted and listened to the rain.

The day was grey but it was filled with wonderful people. People add warmth and color to life — just as the beautiful bougainvillea at the Honolulu Convention Center softened the buildings in the background. (I was at the center for Hawaiian Islands Ministries’ annual conference.)

People make the routines and work of life richer and warmer. It’s so important to make room in our days for real interactions with fellow humans — taking, or making, time to connect. Time to hear and see one another. That requires building margins into our days. Years ago You spoke to me about gleaning. In the Old Testament You commanded the owners of fields not to harvest the edges of the fields. They were to leave something for the widows and the poor to harvest or glean.

That’s a BIG message, God. For me that means not scheduling my day so full that I have to rush by people. I just redid my story Gleaning to make a 3 minute iMovie out of it. Wow! I’m still working on leaving room for You, God.

And . . . It’s not just about my Time, is it God? It’s also about my Money and my Energy.

Tagged with: Gleaning, human connections, making time, Margins
Posted in caring for the widows and orphans, Colors, connections, listening, time

My Body and Me

Posted on March 8, 2013 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

The Honolulu Convention Center — The Hawaiian Islands Ministries Conference

Good Evening, God!

It came to me Tuesday night that I didn’t want to die. Dying “seemed” to be the “threat” my body somehow posed. No doubt this was a trifle over the top, but I got the message and sent off word that I wasn’t going to be at my Wednesday morning prayer group. Meeting with this group is one of my most favorite things to do. But, my body was sick, tired and wanted both Respect and Compassion.

Hmm. Respect and Compassion. Aah, God, don’t we ALL want Respect and Compassion! Certainly I know that other people deserve that. But, sigh, I wasn’t giving Respect and Compassion to my own Body. So, my Body “spoke up!”

Today I was at the center for the annual conference of Hawaiian Islands Ministries. These upraised arms holding up the glass ceiling of the Honolulu Convention Center made me think of how we lift up our hands in praise of You, God. But then I thought — hmm, maybe these arms are also raised in surrender? Respect and Surrender are more closely related than I had ever realized. To respect another is in some measure to surrender our expectations of that person. They are respected as they are — which is often not as we might wish they were.

Now my Body has been granted a new level of respect. I have heard it. And because of that, I have left unheard some wonderful speakers at the HIM conference. I have taken my body home and soon will put it to bed.

It feels as if my Body has been invited to become a Part of my Grand Alliance. That feels good. It feels right. And now I am feeling very relaxed . . . and very thankful.

Tagged with: a new relationship with my body, My Body, My Inner Grand Alliance, respect and compassion, Respecting my body
Posted in Cherishing our Bodies, Compassion, compassion to care for myself, respect

Love Requires Maintenance Work

Posted on March 4, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Looking at LOTS of distant galaxies

Good Morning, God!

I’m up early due to a phone call. I’m sounding frog-like . . . and going back to bed soon. But while UP I noticed that my blog needed a new photo of distant galaxies because the one I have repeats and that repetition makes the universe look “regular” and it surely isn’t!

So, while sitting here looking at this photo — not of stars but of galaxies — I found myself thinking that WOW, there really are a LOT of galaxies in this Universe! And then the thought crept in . . . maybe You can’t care about each one of us?

Instantly, into my mind came the thought: Love is Built-in to the Very Structure of Everything. That’s a very good thought, God! And although it may not be very scientific it does feel true.

I’ve been listening to Fr. Greg Boyle talking with Krista Tippett On Being — the NPR radio show. He talks about walking late at night — seeing one of the local gang members — and going to sit down next to him on the steps. The young man says to him, “Funny you should show up right now. I was just praying ‘God, show me a sign that you’re as great as I think you are,’ and then you showed up.”

What touched me the most about that incident — wasn’t so much that Fr. Greg appeared right then — but that the young gang member could ask! Most of those gang members were abandoned by their fathers, beaten by their mothers and much worse. They have suffered more in just a few years than I have in decades. Suffering from parents passing on the “sins of the fathers” — passing on all the Stuff that crawls in when the protection of Hope is removed.

So Yes, Love is Built-in to the Very Structure of Everything — but it needs ongoing maintenance workers — like Fr. Boyle — like each one of us.

Tagged with: Fr. Boyle, hope, Love, On Being, Prayer
Posted in hope, LOVE, Maintenance, Prayer

Time: Soap Bubbles and Super Volcanos

Posted on March 3, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

walking with a friend blowing bubbles . . . and catching four in this photo

walking with a friend blowing bubbles . . . and catching five in this photo

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday my friend Ann surprised me by bringing a small jar of Miracle Bubbles on our Saturday morning walk. She couldn’t resist blowing bubbles and I couldn’t resist trying to capture the bubbles with my camera! I did indeed get one multiple-bubble photo.

I think of bubbles as fleeting — but a few lasted long enough to float up over 20 feet. Still the evanescent bubbles made me think of TIME. I think it was Madeliene L’Engle that described Humans as standing at the midpoint of Time Lines. Stars and Neutrinos and here we are God, in the middle. Or perhaps she was just thinking of Sequoias and Mayflies?

In any case, I’ve been thinking about TIME, God. Geologic Time to be precise. For several weeks now I have been mulling over the Super Volcano that lives under Yellowstone. Volcanos create mountains. Super Volcanos obliterate mountains. And the one under Yellowstone has been moving up and down a bit recently. Let’s see, it has been 630,000 years since it last exploded. So, God, is it due? And would I want to know if it were about to explode?

One Super Volcano was bad but then last night I was leafing though Science Illustrated and found an article showing six land based Super Volcanos — and probably more that are ocean based. Hmm. I’m actually smiling at the overload on my Chicken Little nature. So it might not be what’s coming down from the sky so much as what is going UP into the sky!

It makes me thankful, God, that our Species has been given as much time as we have had here on Earth. It makes me thankful for the Time I have been given! Let us Seize Each Day with JOY!

Tagged with: my Chicken Little nature, Super Volcanos, time
Posted in gratitude, Perspective, time

Organizing my Being — the Female Way

Posted on February 27, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Coffee/Tea corner of our kitchen

Good Evening, God!

Aah, another full day! I love Wednesdays. This morning I got a cup of tea and climbed into bed to chat — via phone — with my beloved husband, Kit, who is visiting our daughter Sandy and her family in Tucson. Kit is soloing because that way he has one-on-one time with his daughters. If we both go then Mother/Daughter Time tends to squeeze him out. Now I finally understand that Father/Daughter Time is extremely important and I’m really thankful I am able to get out of the way.

Then I was off to our Women’s Prayer Group followed by a visit with June, my Spiritual Director. I trust June. And I feel as if June is helping me Organize my Being — just as my Professional Organizer is helping me organize my home. Organize my Being? Yes, that is the phrase that popped into my mind and it feels right.

This morning after our prayer group I was laughing with friends about how our group doesn’t have A Leader. We have a lot of lower-case-leaders who intuitively speak up or share gifts informally and organically. Then at June’s I realized that my New Grand Alliance works exactly the same way.

(Note on my Grand Alliance: several weeks ago when I was talking to June about my “dreadful” Warrior Spirit. June suggested that I might want to work together with her. I agreed and said that I was willing to try. And as soon as I said that I “heard” my Warrior Spirit “say” Wonderful! WE can have a Grand Alliance!)

Realizing — that all my “Parts” want to work together that same way our Prayer Group works — is surprising. This is a very female model, God. And I am just beginning to truly appreciate it.

Tagged with: Becoming a Grand Alliance, female models of working together, organizing my being, organizing on diverse levels
Posted in awareness, people as gifts, relationships, self care as self compassion and humility, Uncategorized

Asking for Help and Then Scheduling It

Posted on February 24, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Leaving the 7:00 a.m. service at Central Union Church

Good Evening, God!

My wonderful husband, Kit, is at our daughter Sandy’s home in Tucson. He is doing the Dad Thing and will be visiting our daughters for the next 12 days. I told him last night at the airport that I was much more dependent on him that he knew.

Actually, it turns out that I am a lot more dependent on him than I knew! This became clear to me as I took forever (2:00 a.m.?) to fall asleep. And it became even clearer this morning as I locked the keys in my car while going into Foodland.

Ah my — so much for my illusion of being a Self-Sufficient Being!

And, that does seem to be the message of the day, God! The scripture this morning was Luke 13:31-35. Verse 34 really spoke to me: “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem . . . How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me.

That sounds like me, God. I struggle on doing things — or not doing them — myself.

But that verse, and the sermon, helped me to snuggle under Your Wings as I waited for AAA to come and pop my door open. Yes, You have put so many of the keys to our lives inside us. But, often I feel “locked out” by all the forces and details that inveigle me to doubt and fear — or just to fail to dream!

Calling AAA was obvious. Enlisting my Professional Organizer has been less obvious. As I worked with her for the rest of my day I was astounded by how she “unlocked” my capacity to Change and to See. Thank You, God, for gifted helpers!