Out of the Monastic Corridors and back into MY life

in the halls of the Benedictine Monastery in Snowmass, Colorado

Good Morning, God!

I am MOSTLY home. But, part of me still yearns for the simplicity of life in the Retreat Center. Three hours of sitting in Centering Prayer a day. Sitting intentionally in Your Presence — saying YES to You. It was a GIFT.

Looking at the simplicity of this hallway — leading from the gift shop to the chapel — I am mindful of the amazing clutter of my office and of my downstairs guest room, now my unpacking area.

And my assignment is? To go slow? To do less? To listen?

Ah, God, so many years of my delighting in BUSY and FAST! This is change is HARD! It makes me think of the time it takes to turn a large aircraft carrier. Turning does take TIME and EFFORT.

Did I MEAN the YES I said? I DID! But, now comes the logistics of simplifying. Of making room for the BEST which will mean?  Hmm. I suspect PAINFUL CHOICES.

Upon my return from church, God, I shall SIT in SILENCE. And, perhaps, You will suggest SMALL CHANGES of my Heart — as well of my schedule. Maybe, just maybe, You have JOY in mind for me?

Joy AND Pain? Ah, well, into Your Hands, God!

Posted in a hand up, self care as self compassion and humility, Silence, slow incremental change, Transitions

The Getty, Living Well, and Sugar

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday, Suz and I went to see the Paris Exhibit at the Getty Museum in the Santa Monica Mountains. It was all about the daily life of the wealthy in the time of Louis XV — 1723 – 1775. It gave me a “funny” feeling, God.

I stood in front of one of the portraits — a bright and happy man in his 40s — and felt as if we were somehow related — family, even. These were people who worked at living “well.” They valued reading and thinking as well as beauty. And they loved the “latest technologies” such as pocket watches. Many were involved in scientific pursuits. It was clear that “learning” was important.

But, the exhibit was made bittersweet by the knowledge that the Revolution of 1789 was to sweep so many of them away — away to England, if they were “lucky.” The American Revolution had inspired the Thinkers — while the unbearable Poverty of the People on the Land fueled terribly destructive anger. Did any of the people described in this exhibit SEE THAT COMING? And, if so, how did they respond?

Ah, God, then I think — not historically — but personally, about myself. I think about how I SEE Sugar is bad for me, and yet I find it so hard to resist. Living WELL involves so many dimensions. Knowing and Doing. Loving Self and Loving Others. Spontaneous Child and Responsible Grownup. Creating and Organizing.

Not either / or choices but moment by moment blending. Thank You, God, for this incredible Life!

Posted in Uncategorized

A Few Thoughts On Food And Tradition

Good Morning, God!

I know from the Book of Leviticus that FOOD is important to You. There are a lot of Rules in that Book. I confess, it has been years since I read it. Hmm. Yes, You’re Right. It would be a good idea for me to pause and read SOME of it before continuing our Conversation!

That was a Surprise! It was only Chapter Eleven that talked about food — clean and unclean MEATS. I guess I was hoping to find a section on eating vegetables. Hmm. Yes, that was in the book of Daniel, wasn’t it. I suppose that was because Daniel and his friends would have had no way of telling if the King’s food was clean or unclean.

Meanwhile, what’s been on my mind is how colorful traditional diets are! The photo here is of a Persian dish — sabzi — mostly green herbs! Suz wrapt them in a piece of flatbread and dug in! An older man next to us asked her, “Are you Persian?” And then added that he had NEVER seen an American eat like that!

I think back, God, to the iceberg lettuce of my childhood — or the creamed celery of my Canadian father. So Colorless! What is it that Michael Pollan said? That ALL tradition diets support life and good health — EXCEPT THE AMERICAN DIET!

Suz observed at our Persian meal that we have become “unlinked” from our Traditions. We are like Children, Set Free, to chose what we WANT! No wonder we have wandered into the Land of Excess — The Land of Sugar — The Land of Tastes Good.

It is kind of scary, God. What will it take to deliver us from “The Sugar Serpent?” Please help us, God! Please help ME!

Posted in Uncategorized

Walking and Talking

Good Morning God!

Yesterday was quite a day. I knew Suz loved to walk but my walks with her have been short ones — maybe an hour at most. Ah, but yesterday we basically walked and talked from 12:45 to 6:45 — a half marathon of walking and talking while Suz’s car was given an “oil change” which morphed into an Intermediate Service + New Tires and New Front Brakes. Yikes!

I feel for Suz’s car, God! I identify! It has 70,000+ miles on it and it NEEDED AN OVERHAUL! Oh, if ONLY it were so easy for Humans, God, to go in for Oil Changes, New Tires, and New Brakes. Smile! At least I know that is what I need. And being at Suz’s does feel a bit like being up on those hydraulic lifts that garages have — Suz has been checking my tongue for clues and probing my psyche. I feel loved and cared for — if just a wee bit sore from the walking.

It was a beautiful day, God, and — as we set out from the Santa Monica Toyota Dealers — I couldn’t resist talking a photo of the “ice plant” that is so typical of Southern California. We walked up to Brentwood for salads at La Pain Quotidien and then found our way to Free People — one of Suz’s favorite stores. Then, after we checked in with the Toyota dealer via cell phone, we made our way to the Montana Street shopping district and stopped for iced hibiscus tea at Peets.

All of this on a Glorious April Day! Clear blues skies. Temperature in the low 70s with a very light breeze blowing. LA at her best! Suz was at her best, too! I feel indulged and slightly “spoiled” God. I have the great luxury of spending Time and Money on Myself. It feels — ODD. I realize that I feel UNCOMFORTABLE if not GUILTY about it.

A day or two ago Kit called from my Mom’s where he was playing scrabble with her. He asked if she’d wanted to talk with me. My Mom called out, “TELLL HER TO COME HOME!” There is that PULL, God! The Pull of Love for my mother. Love for Kit. These are very Strong Pulls, God! Important Pulls, for which I am Grateful!

But my own Dear Self is pulling, too, God. And that is why I am soon to be off to my Silent Retreat in Snowmass. Thank You, God — and Kit — and my Deeper Self — for making this possible!

Posted in Uncategorized

Squeezing The Sugar Snake Back in A Nutrient CageCage

Good Morning, God!

Let’s see, it’s been over three days since my last sugar fix. I’m almost clean! And, I’m visiting Suz who is a great “role model” and a bite of a “monitor.” That helps, God! And I NEED the help.

Both Kit and Suz have no problem with “going without” food. Kit even LIKES weight loss “games.” But, my Body PANICS! Now, yesterday, Suz and I had a light breakfast around 9ish and agreed we’d have a late lunch. We got so into shopping we didn’t eat “lunch” at all — but had an early dinner at 5. My Body didn’t seem to even notice, let alone mind.

How could that be, God? Hmm. One difference is the Variety of Food that my Body is getting. So far I’ve had exquisite (mostly vegetables) Japanese food, Korean food with 32 different tiny side dishes, and Lebanese food. My Body seems delighted! And I do remember that our pre-agricultural ancestors ate 800 different foods over the course of a year. So, maybe God, the variety is giving my Body the nutrients it needs? Enough nutrients so my Body isn’t anxious?

Looking up at the photo I took of our Lebanese dinner I can see that the tabouli is almost entirely parsley — while American versions are mostly bulgar wheat. The waiter told us that parsley has 14 vitamins in it. No wonder I wasn’t hungry later!

Hmmm. That’s sort of a foreground background shift on thinking about obesity, isn’t it, God? Seeing obesity as caused by the ABSENCE of nutrients — not the EXCESS of calories? That FEELS, God, like a VERY USEFUL THOUGHT. Please help me –help all of us in “Industrial Societies” — eat more nutrient rich foods. Alas, the best nutrients don’t “live” in boxes sitting on shelves.

Posted in Uncategorized

A Mystery Food

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday, Suz said “I have a food for you that you’ve NEVER had.” I admit I was dubious — after all I’ve eaten quite a few foods. But as soon as I saw it, I knew Suz was right!

“TASTE IT!” she said, “and GUESS what it is!” — so, I did. At my first bite I said “Avocado!” But I knew that wasn’t right. So, I had another bite — with a squeeze of lemon and a pinch of sea salt. I still had NO idea, God, what it was! Fortunately, SUZ gave me a “hint” by pointing to the shape inside. The shape was familiar. A baby ALMOND! I was eating fresh almonds!

Suz said she had tried one years earlier, and didn’t like it. But then a couple of weeks ago, Suz saw a Persian man buying a pound at the Farmers’ Market and she asked him, “How do you eat them?” He said, “You scrub off the fuzz and eat them with lemon juice and salt. That’s all. They’re GOOD for you!”

They really did taste as if they were good for me — in a very positive way — refreshing and satisfying. But, it was IMPORTANT to know that the thick grey fuzz had to come off and that lemon juice and salt helped!

For some reason, God, I’m thinking not of food now, but of communication. There are pieces of “information” that would be “good for us” to know — but they are wrapped in the “grey fuzz” of judgment — which is hard to scrub off! And, if we don’t know about ADDING the “lemon juice of humor” or the “salt of affirmation” then the information is not going to be “consumed.”

Funny — or sad — God, how much energy we put into preparing a meal, but, how little real attention we put into our conversational interactions. Please, God, help me pay more attention to both what I eat and what I say!

Posted in Uncategorized

Underway — and now in LA

Good Morning, God

Just now, looking out the plane’s window at the air flowing over the wing, I thought about how it is the plane pushing forward the creates the LIFT on the wings — enough “lift” to raise the whole plane and all its contents skyward. The wings just don’t look BIG ENOUGH to do that. However did they discover that? (And, if I knew how to add one of my photos I would HAVE a photo of my plane’s wing.)

Learning involves effort –I am used to living without much frustration — so I have forgotten that it is part of pushing through to new connections. Amy Chua understands that. Understands that PART of parenting or teaching is to push or pull the “child” into to experiencing that.

I remember when I learned that work could be satisfying. I was mopping the floor at the Girl Scout camp at Emerald Bay, Catalina. I was doing it “under duress” but midway through it came to me that I was enjoying seeing the floor become clean.

Ah, but I did not learn it well enough to teach it! Hmmm. I didn’t learn it well enough to use it in my own life — let alone, pass it on. So, HERE is another chance. Another series of chances.

Thank You, God, for new days, new opportunities, new chances. Life isn’t, perhaps, so much about “getting it Right” as it is about pressing forward with the choosing. Not so much in the EFFORT as in the SENSING? Discerning?

Now off into a Day of being in Your Compassionate — and quietly encouraging — presence.

Posted in Uncategorized

The Call to Listen

Retreat Center at Snowmass, Colorade

Good Morning, God!

This will be my last blog on my Mac Book Pro — at least for a few weeks! If I can, I will send blogs via my iPad 2. If not, then we shall have a lovely series of private conversations.

Friends are joking, God, about my being silent for 10 days.  I shouldn’t wonder! I do a LOT of TALKING!  And Centering Prayer is about LISTENING.

Today at Rotary, Sister Joan told me that Sister Katherine used to wait for 3 or more sessions when doing her Spiritual Direction before she made comments or offered suggestions. She WAITED and LISTENED until she heard the hidden “whys” behind the situations.

She was listening to the person being “directed” but she was listening even more closely to You. Ah, her Self must have been so permeable — so transparent.

It is very tempting, God, to say that I am just a WORD person. But, that is to miss the point. We are invited to REACH UP — to GROW into new ways of Being. So, God, here is my Prayer. Help me let go of old ways to make way for anything new You might want to do.

Posted in a series of molts and upgrades, a surfeit of sound, Adventures, afraid of quiet?, Light shining through, listening

Traveling Toward A “Time of Listening”

The Grand Canal, Venice -- pastel by Ann Peters

Good Morning, God!

I love this pastel of a lone gondolier on the Grand Canal. Actually, I love Venice. The Sea may be rising — but they are adapting.  Hmm. It seems to me that we do the same with Aging. We adapt.

Adaptation seems a lot like Maintenance in that it is essential but unappreciated.

Our culture admires the Alamo or the Masada — people who refused to surrender — refused to accept and adapt. Somehow that seems clearer in History where we have “picked sides” and labeled some “noble” and others “bad.” But, when exactly to resist and when to “walk away or walk around” is messy.

Jesus “stepped around” Roman rule. He would not have been at Masada. He had a “Higher Context” — a Higher Calling. We ALL have Higher Callings, don’t we God.  So, today — as I unpack and repack and do the laundry and tidy up loose ends — I am setting off toward a Time of Listening: My second 10-day silent retreat at the Benedictine Monastery in Snowmass, Colorado.

In the first one, in 1995, You helped me empty out tons of resentment and regret — anger and judgments — left over from working. This time it feels more like You intend on Rearranging — but it is UP to YOU!  I shall show up and go along.

And, yes, I “hear” You saying that “listening” is part of an on-going connection. But, it feels as if I have way too much daily detritus to have a clear connection. Please, God, I want Your Help in Sorting Things Out. I WANT more time with People — Beloved Family and Beloved Friends. So off I go into a period of Silence and Solitude — a Time to Pull Back and be Pruned. Thank YOU!

Posted in a hand up, A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, adjusting, Maintenance, Rethinking

The Surprise of Easter Morning

G

Heliconia -- hanging one behind the other

Good Morning, God!

Easter!  Easter Morning!  I was looking for a flower that would capture the GLORY of the Day. But, truly, God, what flower could?

To dip into the mundane world for a minute — my new suitcase — intermediate size — did not arrive last night. I awoke this morning listing the contents and “missing” them. That isn’t at all like the WAY in which we MISS a PERSON, God. But, it made me think of all of Jesus’ friends and family — MISSING HIM.

Grieving all day Friday, all day Saturday — MISSING HIM. But, unlike me and my suitcase, they were not EXPECTING HIM TO RETURN!

Now, I hope to be happy upon the return of my suitcase. But, I sit here, trying to compare that to the AMAZED GLORIOUS SURPRISED JOY of the disciples upon the Return of Jesus!

If I will be happy at the return of my “missing” suitcase — how much MORE did the disciples — REJOICE at The Return of Jesus, on Easter!

Jesus had tried to explain, God. But, his followers COULD NOT COMPREHEND!  I don’t blame them AT ALL!  Miracles are one thing — rising from the DEAD — quite another. Even after the miracle of Lazarus, God, our human minds, don’t seem to stretch THAT FAR.

We need Your Help, God, to grasp that — or is it to be GRASPED BY IT? It seems to me, God, that You LONG to BRING US INTO YOUR KINGDOM!  A kingdom in which everything is TURNED right-side-up!  In which we are empowered to Love our neighbors AS we love ourselves. A Kingdom of Love, of Light, of Life Eternal. WOW!

Posted in Easter, Expand my Heart, Light, LOVE

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chatting and sometimes, listening

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chatting and sometimes, listening

Sacred Dance Guild Journal

Since 1958 articles by members & guests offer news about activities, history, Sacred Dance practices, profiles of Sacred Dancers, choreography, images & illustrations.

Victoria Paulsen

How to Step In -- Substitute Teaching