Inner Mortgages — Do They Get Paid Off?

Posted on February 4, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Tecomanthe Vine from New Guinea in a friend's yard

Good Day God!

Cough cough cough . . . but my cold is not as bad as it might be. Today I waited out my cold by resting and reading. Wondering if this cold is just another semi-disguised way of reducing my Energy Debt.

Sigh, a friend just called and offered the thought that I might possibly be learning to rest. Such a positive spin, God! I would love to think I was learning to cut back, say no, and schedule less. Love to imagine myself molting and emerging as . . . as . . . as . . .

Well, God, there’s the thing. I can imagine myself in a sort of cocoon. I can imagine that I already might not be what I was. But, I have absolutely no idea of what I might be becoming.

Trust? Did I hear the word Trust?

Let’s be clear here, God. I would rather know than trust. I would like to see just how much energy/time I “owe” so I can know when I will be paid off and back to being me again. Because, I really don’t want to change.

A friend emailed me the wonderful news that she had paid off her mortgage. That really is good news. And I am thinking longingly of numbers and things one can measure and count — and pay off. Only, I am a human being and we are far more complex. So, there go simplistic analogies. Dang!

Well, not being able to know, I shall try for trust. I shall try to rest in the not knowing. Maybe not exactly embrace it. But, set my Not Knowing in context. Set myself in the Context of Your Love.

Tagged with: a moment with God, changing into what?, inner mortgages, overwhelming complexity of begin human
Posted in Changing, complexity, LOVE, Ongoing Transformation, Trusting God

True Rest: Coming to a Full Stop

Posted on February 3, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Cat Friend of Suzanne -- who greets her on her walks

Good Day, God!

It wasn’t hard to find today’s photo! I feel just like this cat! Totally relaxed. Last night I was worried that my cold might go down into my chest — I hate bronchitis, God! But, an old remedy — a steamer with a drop of oil of cloves, thyme and cinnamon — did the trick.

I am at a Full Stop, God. Thank You! It feels good. And now I’m thinking of how much Being Time I have wasted. Hmm. Let me reframe that, God. I am now looking forward to enjoying Being Time. Being Alive. Being With.

Ah, God. What was that quote that delighted me recently? Oh yes, Sophia Loren said it: “Mistakes are part of the dues that one pays for a full life.”

You do so want us to live Full Lives, God! And to do that we have to understand that we cannot live without making mistakes. I suspect that our culture wants to live without mistakes. I’m sitting here and pondering that marvelous story about the prodigal son . . . and his “I never made a mistake” older brother. The poor dear older brother was so upset, God, when their father rejoiced so greatly when he welcomed home the “never did anything right” younger brother.

I’m looking at this adorable cat. He comes running to see our daughter Suzanne when she walks by his home. She adores him. And he obviously loves it.

You love us far far more than our daughter loves this cat. You love all of us — mistake makers and mistake haters. Please, God, help us to love.

Tagged with: prodigal humans, uptight older brothers
Posted in LOVE, Mistakes, reframing, relaxation, rest

Reassembling Myself: Between Past and Future

Posted on February 2, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

xcor-lynx suborbital vehicle -- win a free flight!

Good Day, God!

I have been sort of aware that America is turning space over to Free Enterprise. Still, seeing an article on how one can enter a drawing to win a flight on this suborbital vehicle was jarring! Of course, it isn’t like you send in cereal box tops to enter — as in my childhood. You have to register for the Next Generation Suborbital Researchers Conference (NSRC-2012) in Palo Alto, CA on February 27-29. Gosh, I wonder if a friend’s granddaughter might be going to that? Yikes!

I feel, God, as if I am on the very TIP of

Primal Body, Primal Mind: Beyond the Paleo Diet for Total Health and a Longer Life

the exponential curve that is our technological world. Can we really be Going FURTHER? My imagination says SURE! But, other more ancient parts of me shake their head and murmur “too far, too far!”

Ah, God. In spite of being raised on Science Fiction, I am in need of a Time Out. Maybe that is what this persistent cold really is? A chance to stop. A chance to regroup. An opportunity to try to stitch together my old nature with the changes that surround me?

The changes aren’t just located in Space, God. They are located in Time as well. I’ve been working my way through Primal Body, Primal Mind and realizing that we humans did our basic developing in the Ice Age. This warm period has only been the climate for 12,000 years. The author, Nora Gedgaudas, points out that we weren’t eating grain during the ice age. We weren’t even eating it until roughly 3,000 years ago. Ice age? I guess I should have realized that. But, hey? Haven’t things ALWAYS been the way they are NOW?

No. Things keep on changing. Please help all of us, God. Help us through the changes.

Tagged with: a moment with God, Primal Body Primal Mind, suborbital vehicles
Posted in Changing, God's Time, Needed Repair Time, setting my life in context

A Gift of Perspective

Posted on February 1, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Aurora Borealis: Photo by Mara, posted in ZME Travel

Good Day, God!

I’m home with a cold and cough, drifting aimlessly and tired of introspection. I need a change of subject!

The Aurora Borealis seemed like a beautiful topic. There is a lovely time lapse video of the auroras as seen from the space station.

We live in an utterly amazing universe, God! For example, in looking up Northern Lights (Aurora) I found that the Southern Lights seem to change at the same time as the Northern ones. They are in sync! Or, at least that is how I imagine it. The quote (from the Wikipedia link) was: “Its southern counterpart, the aurora australis (or the southern lights), has almost identical features to the aurora borealis and changes simultaneously with changes in the northern auroral zone”

I’m glad I found that quote midst all the scientific information! It makes me feel as if our Planet is “embraced” — held at both poles by the magnetic/solar wind.

Anyway, God, it is GOOD to take my eyes off of myself and delight in the Mystery and Beauty of our Universe — and in strange historical factoids like the extreme Solar Storm of September 1859. The northern lights were seen as far south as the Caribbean and people in the northeast could read by their bright light. What a sight that must have been!

But, then I consider what happened to the telegraph lines — the High Tech of that Time. The pylons threw off sparks, some telegraph paper caught fire, and while some stations stopped working other stations telegraphed for hours without having their normal power “on.”

Hmm. I hope that our communication and internet systems are prepared for another huge solar storm — especially as our eleven year sunspot cycle is reaching its peak.

This is a Beautiful and Amazing World, God. But, it is surely not always a Safe One!

Tagged with: aurora borealis, northern lights, solar storms
Posted in Energy, our small blue dot, Perspective, web of life

Dang! Still More Retirement Adjustments

Posted on January 31, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

bromeliad leaves at Linikona Art Center

Good Day, God!

It came to me this evening that I am feeling slightly aimless. This morning I resigned from a committee in my Rotary Club. And I am now pretty much done with outside responsibilities. I’m feeling like it’s Decompression Time, God! Should I worry about getting the bends?

I’m only mostly joking about the bends. Because there is a fairly significant series of adjustments bubbling up inside me. One adjustment is changing my focus from “work” to family. My wonderful mom is 97. And as for my wonderful husband, all these years I’ve left all the major responsibilities for our family on Kit’s shoulders. That’s not fair to him and it’s not helping me grow.

an orchid from the Farmers' Market

Another adjustment I’m making is realizing that being on “autopilot” won’t do it. I guess that fact is appallingly obvious to most folks. But, it wasn’t until right now, God, that I realized “living on autopilot” is exactly what I’ve been doing.

It reminds me of the time when Suzy was very young and had a tricycle accident. A dear neighbor carried her home and helped me mope up the blood. Later Suzy explained that she wanted to see “if the tricycle would steer itself.”

I guess, God, that if we just keep going without having to turn that tricycles and lives DO sort of steer themselves. It is just that Turns Have to be Made! Please help me invest more Time with You, God. I need Your Help! And I need the help of others, too.

Tagged with: living on "autopilot", making the Turns
Posted in Changing, choices, compassion to care for myself, courage to see myself, Discernment, inner paths of the heart, Prayer

Rainbows and Rest

Posted on January 30, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Almost a double rainbow as I arrived home from a morning walk.

Good Day, God!

Thank You for Rainbows! I hope I never tire of them. Even a photo of them cheers me. Light and Color circling across the sky! Marvelous!

And thanks too for my battery being charged enough to “run” the Appreciation App. What a difference that makes! I’m truly understanding my NEED to recharge! Or to use Your words, my need to keep a Sabbath Day every week.

I canceled today’s two afternoon outings but then decided to go with my husband, Kit, as he got his ears cleaned. I’d thought we’d sign up for hearing aids right then. But, now we are going to do some comparing.

It is easier — although, not cheaper — to take a friend’s referral on such matters. But, this morning another friend gave a different referral. Ah, now it has become a more complex choice instead of just a GO! Ah well. Please help us explore, God.

So, God, what does my Day look like? I walked and then we breakfasted with our Monday friends — laughing even more than usual. Then off I went with Kit to his ear cleaning and then out to lunch with him at Zippys. I have napped and read. Made pesto. And solved a long standing computer problem, thanks to a 45-minute phone conversation with an Apple Senior Advisor. I have had a lovely relaxed day, God.

Kit went off to visit my Mom — which I had planned to do. He enjoys the visits and the games too. And I was still deep into following phone directions from Tracy the Apple expert. Now I’m listening to Bach as I write. My biological optimism is back!

And I am smiling.

Tagged with: amomentwithgod, rainbows, recharging, rest
Posted in recharging my battery, recovery time, refraining from work, rejoicing, relaxation, sabbath rest

Reflections on an Almost Sabbath Day

Posted on January 29, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Morning Light in the monkey pod tree next to Atherton Chapel

Good Day, God!

This morning I made my own tea while Kit was still sleeping. Then I slipped back into bed — sipping and pondering what I wanted in my day. I knew that I had a Very Low Battery. It had been drained during the week by three outings with my husband, Kit. The outings were enjoyable — but they were Add-ons. EXTRAS!

It’s interesting, God, that I am beginning to “notice” when my internal battery signals that it is dangerously low. Grumpy and gloomy would be two of the more noticeable signs.

As I lay there sipping tea and thinking about the Sabbath several verses came to mind. Jesus saying that the Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath. Then Paul saying in Galations 5:1 that we had been set free and to stand then as free!

Ah, but the one verse that really reverberated was Jesus saying in Luke 14:5 if one of you has an ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath will you not immediately pull it out?

I could SEE myself — an Ox down in a well — needing to be pulled out. Yes! But, how best to do that? I decided on a combination of things. First, I would go to church, get cash, return library books, get gas, and buy groceries. In short I would do the things that would improve tomorrow. Then I called and canceled two activities for tomorrow afternoon. I gave myself a Day at Home. That’s a biggie for me!

I’m learning, God, that activities that are a delight when my battery is over half-way charged are actually repellant when my battery is low. I like this “battery” concept God! It’s helpful!

And now? Please, God, bless me as I sleep.

Tagged with: My inner battery needs recharging
Posted in compassion to care for myself, loving myself, lying fallow, recharging my battery, recovery time, sabbath rest

Home, Glorious HOME!

Posted on January 28, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

An orchid purchased today at the Farmers' Market

Good Day, God!

Actually, it is BEING home that is glorious. The home could use a little help. This gorgeous orchid is still in the box it came in because I have been out all day.

I can only say THANK YOU, GOD that I am retired. I hate to think how tired I’d be if I had outside responsibilities. Today, after the Farmers’ Market, I went off with Kit to his band concert.

This was a joint concert with the Omiya Wind Symphony from Japan.

The combined community bands of Omiya, Japan and Honolulu

We left at 11:00 a.m. for a 2:00 p.m. concert so I took lunch, water bottle, books, and my iPhone and iPad. I munched on lunch while both bands rehearsed. The music was marvelous! And when the concert ended there were, of course, photo ops. The Japanese had brought signs, flags and even a beach towel with the islands of Hawaii on it. All taped up or held up. Fun!

Kit proceeded to come down with a cold right afterwards and sneezed all the way home. So we skipped the post-concert joint dinner. Arriving home at 6:00 p.m. Kit went to bed and I went to play scrabble with my mom.

Sunlit clouds over my mom's retirement residence

I must say, God, that I may go back to writing my blog in the morning! In the morning my mind is clear and all is waiting alluringly ahead of me. While at the end of the day my mind and heart are FULL. Well, full is too kind. Jumbled! That is a more accurate word.

On the other hand, sitting and review my day is useful. Today was full of good things — enjoyable things — worthwhile things, even.

BUT I am LONGING for TIME HOME ALONE! Longing for a FULL SABBATH Day.

Well? Can I PRACTICE what I philosophically and spiritually embrace? Only with Your Help, God! ONLY with Your HELP!

Posted in sabbath rest, sacred space, Sacrifice, solitude and silence, stopping, The difficulty of changing, the gift of nothing to do, time

A Walk from Kakaako to Queens and back

Posted on January 27, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A bougainvillea in industrial Kakaako

Good Day, God!

When I said that I wanted to go with my loving husband, Kit, to his 9:00 a.m. audiologist appointment, I didn’t really imagine what it would involve. First we left his car off at Kyle’s Service in Kakaako for an oil change and then we walked to Queens Physician’s Office Building I. Walking there and then back!

Now that I have admitted this, God, I know that our daughter, Suzanne, who also loves to walk, is snickering at me. When Kit first brought it up I assumed he wanted me to follow in my car and then when he had dropped his car off for a safety check we would drive to POB I. What else would anyone do?

fountains in front of the Honolulu Hale

I wouldn’t call myself a slug, God. I like going for walks. Really. I just don’t think of walking as a mode of getting somewhere. Walks and hikes are to see the beauty all around us and enjoy nature. They aren’t to get somewhere.

However, I rallied, God. This is a “Love Gift,” I told myself. Well, actually, that is what I told Kit! I put on my running shoes and a pretty good attitude and we set off.

between an underground parking lot and the city hall

Much to the surprise of my “Stick-in-the-mud” self I loved the walks. The public buildings and public lands in downtown Honolulu are lovely. Being outside with green rolling lawns and bright blue skies is a treat. And I took lots of pictures.

Dang! I was just hit with the thought that Kit isn’t the only one that offers me opportunities that I initially dismiss. You do that do.

You are longing to pull me out of my stuckness and into Your Greater Out-of-Doors. Thank You!

Tagged with: being pulled out of our stuckness, love gifts
Posted in Giving, Light, LOVE, people as gifts, Venturing out of the shallows?

Sequoias, Mayflies and Time

Posted on January 26, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

a small but brilliant cactus blossom

Good Day, God!

It’s fun to look at photos of blossoms that only bloom for a day. Catching those blooms — freezing them in Time — lets me really look at them. Now I’m marveling at all the diverse time spans underway on our Planet, God.

Sequoias live for thousands of years and mayflies for just 24-72 hours. (Although mayflies do live for around two years as nymphs down at the bottom of a lake.) I’m not sure about mayflies but Sequoias have been around for 200 million years. Sequoias, now that’s a species built to last!

a sequoia in Sequoia National Park

And, then there’s us, God. If there was a lifespan continuum from Sequoia to Mayfly we humans would be closer to the Sequoias. But, I just don’t think our species is good for 200 million years. This makes me dizzy, God. I don’t do numbers well. Or, maybe it’s Time that I don’t do well.

I have a friend who does do Time well. She’s a planner. And when it comes to doing “hard things” she thinks “If I do this today, my tomorrow will be better.” I don’t need to tell You, God, that this is a brand new thought for me. I love that thought! I want to think that way.

Yesterday I resolved to cancel this morning’s standing walk with a friend AND an evening committee obligation. The first one was a fun thing. The second was a “duty” thing. In both cases canceling was a difficult thing for me to do. Forgoing fun is hard and it is harder yet to “shirk my duty.” But, I hadn’t slept well for a couple of night. And I knew that I couldn’t do all that I had planned to do — without a significant cost to myself.

Hmm. So planning must include planning what not to do . . . not just what to do. That’s another new thought! Thank You, God, for New Thoughts!