Back from a Week OFF

Posted on January 17, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A sunrise walk on Martin Luther King Day

Good Day God,

I’m sitting here pondering my Week Off. It wasn’t just a week off from “work.” It was a week off from playing with friends, too. I even took off from my beloved Wednesday Morning Women’s Prayer Group.

The first thing I learned was I REALLY NEED TO DO THIS! The second thing I learned was I needed to do this A LOT MORE THAN I REALIZED!

It’s funny, God. My Mom has been telling me for years, “You are doing TOO much!” Ah, but who listens to mothers . . . or heavenly parents . . . either.

I can remember writing a story for a dear friend at Arcadia — a story about how we “borrow against the Body’s Bank” when we need to get through things. Then we have to pay back the loan. Paying back is tricky. We don’t get statements in the mail. We don’t have an outflow meter. We don’t seem to be able to quantify our “debt.”

I can’t quantify my debt either, God. I just know that I have more to pay back. When I ask myself “how much more?” I come up with the image that my Battery is still only 45% charged. That’s not enough is it. So I will be going a bit slower for a while.

Looking back at my Week Off what amazes me the most is that I had the “wit” to take it. Hmmm. Surely my daughters or friends must have suggested it? In the past I think I have just waited to get sick. I guess for me SICK was the only acceptable excuse.

One clear lesson is that Voluntary Down Time is ever so much better than INVOLUNTARY Down Time. I have lots more to say about my Week, God. But, it can wait. Right now, I just want to focus on how very very thankful I am. Thank You!

Tagged with: A Whole Week Off, Doing not much, gentle meandering and being open
Posted in Cherishing our Bodies, Needed Repair Time, refraining from work, rest

Changing Viewpoints, Changing Perspectives

Posted on January 9, 2012 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Looking at the "back side" of Koko Crater

Good Night, God!

Koko Crater is one of my favorite objects to photograph. But almost always I take photos from the Hawaii Kai side. This view was taken on our walk up Makapuu,, on the other side.

There is a lot to be said for changing viewpoints. So often we get stuck in one point of view. In fact, I remember how shocked I was to realize that Koko Crater was hollow! Of course, intellectually I realized craters are almost by definition hollow. Still, it didn’t look hollow from where I sat.

I’m going to refrain from obvious applications of this idea and go to one that I believe is not so obvious. That’s about our “routines.”

When I retired for the first time, at the end 1994, I must have been without a normal routine. But, since the start of 1997 when I started working again, I have been living a fairly structured life. Even our trips have been not real vacations, as we were either doing a marathon (husband Kit as the runner) or group tours, or visiting family.

So, having an At-Home-Retreat will be a change — sort of a change of viewpoint? Furthermore, God, I am not going to blog about it. I couldn’t blog when I was on my Snowmass Retreat. And it feels “right” that I should keep silent during this one. Seeds need time to put out roots. Pulling them up out of the dirt to see how they are doing — is tempting, but not a good idea.

So, if all goes well, I’ll be back to blogging next week, God. Meanwhile, I’m hoping to mostly just listen.

Tagged with: an at-home retreat., Time outside of Routines
Posted in Changing, Hearing, listening, lying fallow, Perspective

Makapuu Lighthouse, Great Views and Whales Too

Posted on January 8, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Makapuu Lighthouse

Good Day, God!

I’ve seen the Makapu’u Lighthouse for years, but only as a small white shape on the slope of Makapuu Point on the island of Oahu. It was planned back in the 1880’s — when Hawaii was still a kingdom. It wasn’t built until 1909 and still has the largest lighthouse lens in service.

This morning Kit and I went with his Metro Rotary Club — which has a retired Coast Guard admiral as a member — and with his “good offices” we were able to tour the inside of the lighthouse.

That would have been exciting enough for one day, God. But this lighthouse sits right at the southeast tip of Oahu. The views of Rabbit Island and Waimanalo were fantastic — and then we saw whales leaping and splashing. Who could ask for anything more?

Looking toward Waimanalo

But, we did have more, God. We had friends to walk and talk with as we climbed up and down the path.

Now it’s time for bed. I’m still falling asleep in my Centering Prayer time — but I am beginning to feel like myself again.

Thank You, God, that I have committed myself to a whole week at home — this Tuesday through Monday. Otherwise, I would be out there doing.

I like doing. I like it a lot! But, I am so thankful for this week of resting, going slow, reading and maybe thinking, too. Meanwhile, here is just one more photo of the actual light! Then, thanks for a Great Day and Good Night!

looking at the light from INSIDE the lighthouse

Tagged with: a moment with God, beauty everywhere, being outdoors, Makapuu Lighthouse
Posted in appreciation, Light, Perspective, thankfulness

Creative Solutions and Doing Something Different

Posted on January 7, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Notice the giant sign-in pen

G’Day, God!

This morning, my wonderful husband Kit suggested that I do a blog on “Creative Solutions.” Like what?, I said. Like the huge pen at your mom’s retirement residence, he replied. And, he’s right. That huge pen, for use in visitor sign-ins, is a delightfully creative solution to the problem of pens inadvertently being carried off.

I’ve been thinking about creative solutions. The only one I can remember coming up with was putting a king-sized top sheet on our queen-sized bed. That solved the problem of Kit rolling up in our queen-sized sheet and leaving me uncovered. He still rolls up in the bigger sheet but now there is enough left over for me.

There should be more creative solutions, God. Lots more. And I guess there would be if I could just clearly identify individual problems. That’s harder for me than it sounds, God.

Problems — or opportunities for creative solutions — become familiar and then slowly slide into invisibility. I guess this is the downside of adaptability, God. So, I keep on doing the same old things with the same old results.

Next week I am going to try something different. Starting on Tuesday I am going to cancel all the fun things I do during the week and stay at home. Stay home and sleep in. And focus on . . . Hmm. I’m not at all sure what I will focus on. I’m not doing it to come up with creative solutions. I’m doing it because I need to. It feels like an Official Act of Humility.

Funny how one of my Sub-Selves is calling it self-indulgent . . . calling it giving up . . . failing, etc. Maybe this sub-self will be less judgmental and more compassionate when we’ve all rested for awhile!

Tagged with: an at-home retreat., Taking a week off
Posted in Creating, Possibilities, rest, self care as self compassion and humility

Sunset, Tiki Torches and a Few Thoughts

Posted on January 6, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sitting at the Shack -- looking toward the ocean

Good Evening, God!

Well, a slip of the fingers and an empty post got published. Ah yes, God, I make mistakes — all kinds! Maybe that’s why I went ahead and ordered a copy of Wabi-Sabi. This is a book about the Japanese aesthetic that values the beauty of the imperfect, the impermanent and the incomplete. The beauty of things modest and humble.

It sounds wonderfully wise — and comforting, too. Just what I need as my vantage point shifts so that the long ignored impermanent becomes more and more real to me. Then, too, the reality of Never Being Done is taking on more and more the nature of a Challenge.

Maybe that is part of why I love sitting outside and watching the sun set and the moon rise. These basic repeating cycles provide a sort of assurance, God, about continuation and structure. One that I very much appreciate. One that I need as I live in the Now.

One good part of getting older is that each Now can contain so many other Times and Places. This afternoon I went through my mom’s assortment of jewelry. She had received a bracelet for her birthday and she wanted to find an old one to wear with it. We found owl earrings from Athens which took her back to her three months there with my dad while he worked there. We found a necklace from Egypt which may have been from that same time period — and Cripple Creek gold earrings from when she and Dad lived in Denver.

We had such a good time, God. And now I have silver to polish — just as we polished up memories.

Tagged with: a moment with God, sunsets, Wabi-Sabi and the beauty of impermanence
Posted in Changing, cyclical nature of the universe, the joy of sharing, the layers of life, time, Transitions

Time sitting beside the Waters

Posted on January 5, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Conversation under the Hau Tree

Good Day, God!

There is something very healing about sitting near water. Even a small creek, God, is restorative. But, surely the ocean off Waikiki is in a class by itself.

I was in the sunlight for a few minutes — getting my vitamin D — long enough so that I was thankful when my friend arrived and announced that she needed to sit in the shade.

Sitting, looking at the ocean, and talking — with little bursts of prayer — resting and recharging — sharing time together. That’s Friendship.

And, it comes to me that may very well be all You want from me. No deep thoughts, no mighty acts, nothing worthy of note. Just being aware of You and “being together” in some indescribable way. Being out of doors, God, makes it easier to be aware of You. Sunshine and perfect weather makes it easier still.

Looking up at the sky, out at the water, around me at the people — I know that what I am seeing is not all there is. But, when I am indoors — sitting at my desk, surrounded by my projects and stuff — I lose perspective. I fall back into thinking that “what I see, is all there is.” Daniel Kahneman, in his book, Thinking Fast and Slow, describes that as a common mistake .

Knowing that there is a whole lot more “going on” than we can see helps us appreciate other people. Gosh, God, it even helps me appreciate myself. In another conversation, later in the day, I was complaining that my Executive Director Sub-Self was missing. Then my friend gave me a quizzical look and it came to me that I do not want a bossy Executive Director! I want a subservient social secretary and accountant! That was a new awareness, God!

Thank You, God, for new understandings and for days by the sea.

Tagged with: a moment with God
Posted in appreciation, Conversations, friends, rest, seeing, Sharing, Sub-Selves

Small Treasures — Some Saved, Some Noticed

Posted on January 4, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Me in a class photo . . . 2nd grade?

Good Day, God!

And it WAS a good day. My wonderful mom is slowly recovering from the celebrations of Christmas and her 97th birthday (Dec. 27), including loving family visitors from the Mainland. I’m very thankful, God.

While I was visiting her today I picked up a class photo of me taken in maybe the second or third grade. I know I was in the Woodrow Wilson Elementary School in Richmond, Calif. Other details, including who my teacher was — are gone from memory.

In the photo I look very much like my father. . . I can’t recall having seen that photo since it was taken. But, it turns out that my mom compiled a scrapbook of my report cards, drawings, etc. As I write, the scrapbook is sitting in a box next to my feet. I discovered it by accident last week when one of the closet doors at Mom’s wouldn’t close because it was stuck on the scrapbook.

Treasures, God, treasures — even if I am going to let them sit for a while longer.

Four of the six egrets perched on the fence

Today was full of a variety of treasures. One was watching my mother’s cat REACT to the toy bird I bought her — with her fur puffed up and slow stalking behavior. Another treasure was driving home and spotting six egrets sitting in a row on a fence.

Still another treasure came in beginning Pearl Buck’s book A Bridge for Passing.

Perhaps, God, today wasn’t so much a day of puttering about as it was a day of sampling and savoring small activities. As Madeleine L’Engle points out in The Wind in the Door, size doesn’t matter. Thank You for that thought, God.

Tagged with: "size doesn't matter", maybe time doesn't matter either
Posted in appreciation, delight, simple joys of daily life, stopping, stopping to see

Reflecting at the end of the Day

Posted on January 3, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Stopping at a red light

Good Night, God!

Sitting with You at the End of the Day feels softer. My biological optimism has ebbed and I can pause and look back.

Optimists would rather look forward, God. Looking forward we can see — whatever we hope for. Ah, but looking back we have to see what was.

So, today? A lovely start — in fact, I was going so slow that I was late for a lunch date. A leisurely mid-day time — talking — being heard — by a dear friend that I see too seldom. Then driving home after a haircut to get gas and assemble dinner. This is Kit’s Band Night so he rushed off to band practice. I, on the other hand, sat down to do my Centering Prayer and fell asleep three separate times — zzzzz. Then I went back and finished the dishes and emptied the all the trash baskets and garbage bags. Actually, I drove the bags out to the street for tomorrow morning’s pickup. Kit would never ever do that, God. But, I feel quite clever.

Now, God, I am off to bed. I feel more deeply relaxed than I have for a long time. In fact, I am feeling as if You are pouring oil on the places where my “armor” rubbed. Ephesians 6:10-18 talks about putting on the full armor of God. And that is a powerful metaphor.

But, now it seems quite clear that we are not intended to always be in combat. Armor has to be removed and we need to allow ourselves to be cleaned up and then “anointed” with the oil of gladness. At least, God, it feels as if that is what You want to do for us.

Oh, Please, God! Help us create more times and places where we can help each other to take off our armor — ministering to one another — humbly.

Tagged with: Do we have times and places to remove our "armor"?
Posted in rest, Rethinking, seeing, self care as self compassion and humility

Drifting through a Holiday

Posted on January 2, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Statue of a surfer in Waikiki

Good Night, God!

The end of a relaxing slow day — a real holiday. And I am pondering the fact that this can be my norm. Hmm. It feels like bad luck to even think that, God. Things can happen.

Still, it feels good to have relaxed and done almost nothing today. I have this funny feeling that I owe You, God. Owe You for all the Sabbaths I didn’t take.

Actually, God, I think it is more a matter of owing myself. Owing myself Time and Attention. Owing myself time to restore and recharge.

This attitude is so foreign to good little WASP women — which is what I basically am. Most of my life, being busy has meant being useful and thereby being worthwhile. My sense of personal worth was built on busyness.

I almost feel ashamed to talk about “taking care of myself.” It sounds so self-indulgent. I guess it IS self-indulgent. But, for me it is about bringing myself back into balance. Doing Nothing-Much isn’t going to be that easy for me. A Necessary Corrective? That is how I think about it.

And, if I can be said to aspire, I’d like it to be about doing things I’m not very good at. Like, maybe, God, I could learn to enjoy going slowly through the piles on my desk. Smile. I have a timer that I love to set, as in Ready Set Go! Let’s see, how much I can do in 10 minutes? Habits like that will require quite a bit of reframing.

So, maybe, God — instead of the standard list of New Year’s Resolutions and goals — I should just work on learning to putter. Or to rephrase it — learn to ENJOY doing SMALL ORDINARY TASKS . . . doing them slowly and with love. I’m sensing that might involve opening the Door of my Heart to the Prince of Peace. Right?

RIGHT!

Posted in Peace, reframing, relaxation, simple joys of daily life, small meaningful moments, so much to learn

A Humbling Beginning to the New Year

Posted on January 1, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A closed gate -- no 7:00 a.m. service

Good Evening, God!

Not that TIME matters to You. But, I am seeing how ENDING my day with a chat with You works. This morning, Kit was doing a 10K race and I wanted to start the new year with the 7:00 a.m. church service. I sang all the way in — happily anticipating the gathering and the service.

Aaah, but some dim dark part of me must have known — the church was having just ONE service — just as it did on Christmas Day. When I drove up and saw no other cars . . . I knew.

Foolish me. Wanting should not mean ignoring clues. Still, aside from feeling foolish, I was happy to be there — and to have had such a strong intention.

I took photos of the walled garden and then as I drove back I admired the sunrise all the way to Moanalua Bay. Sunrise on the bay — glorious stillness — a silent sermon.

Moanalua Bay, sunrise 1/1/2012

The rest of the day alternated between pondering WHY it was so HARD to let stuff go — and actually letting some stuff go.

I’m guessing that there are a thousand tiny decisions that I need to make. And I am realizing — in my gut — that I need at least a week of At-Home-Time to find my feet again. Not this week, God, but next week. I am giving myself a block of time — home-alone-time.

I was going to call it a Retreat, but I suppose it is really a Restore. A Restocking of my Physical Body and my Emotional Body. Right now, God, I am just thankful that tomorrow is a holiday!

Posted in A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, humility, rest, Rethinking