Good Night, God!
The end of a relaxing slow day — a real holiday. And I am pondering the fact that this can be my norm. Hmm. It feels like bad luck to even think that, God. Things can happen.
Still, it feels good to have relaxed and done almost nothing today. I have this funny feeling that I owe You, God. Owe You for all the Sabbaths I didn’t take.
Actually, God, I think it is more a matter of owing myself. Owing myself Time and Attention. Owing myself time to restore and recharge.
This attitude is so foreign to good little WASP women — which is what I basically am. Most of my life, being busy has meant being useful and thereby being worthwhile. My sense of personal worth was built on busyness.
I almost feel ashamed to talk about “taking care of myself.” It sounds so self-indulgent. I guess it IS self-indulgent. But, for me it is about bringing myself back into balance. Doing Nothing-Much isn’t going to be that easy for me. A Necessary Corrective? That is how I think about it.
And, if I can be said to aspire, I’d like it to be about doing things I’m not very good at. Like, maybe, God, I could learn to enjoy going slowly through the piles on my desk. Smile. I have a timer that I love to set, as in Ready Set Go! Let’s see, how much I can do in 10 minutes? Habits like that will require quite a bit of reframing.
So, maybe, God — instead of the standard list of New Year’s Resolutions and goals — I should just work on learning to putter. Or to rephrase it — learn to ENJOY doing SMALL ORDINARY TASKS . . . doing them slowly and with love. I’m sensing that might involve opening the Door of my Heart to the Prince of Peace. Right?