The Ashes and Fruit of Humility

Posted on November 15, 2010 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

An "AFTER" Photo of My Office

Good Morning, God!

I confess, I didn’t exactly keep the Sabbath yesterday. But, I felt I HAD to ASK for HELP. I was overwhelmed! Usually I can wait and do it Monday. But Monday is booked. And the volume of “stuff” needing my attention made me realize that I needed help to get my office under control — before I “drowned” in chaos and confusion.

It is taking me a long time, God, to accept my Limits! Yes, and even longer to be willing to live WITHIN my limits! Hmmm. You’re Right, God, I am not THAT far along.

It’s so funny, God. Humility tastes like ASHES in my mouth, but it bears the sweetest fruit!

Anyway, yesterday, it was totally clear that the BEST kind of “rest” would be to “play” with organizing my office. My promise to myself was “YOU are ONLY going to be helping YOURSELF — no work for anyone else! That is another admission of My Limits, and Needs — an act of Humility. Because helping OTHERS makes me feel needed and useful. But understanding that first I had to help myself — was to acknowledge myself as “needy.” DUH! I mean, that should be SO OBVIOUS, God! But reality is warped by my protective filters. Sigh.

Another confession, God, I have my friend and former work colleague, Ann, here to help me. Having her help is just like getting a second brain! I know I could not have done it without her help!

I am the product (victim?) of my generation’s educational model. If you “needed” help you had “failed.” And if you GOT help from someone else — it was called CHEATING! No wonder it is so HARD for me to ask for help! Thank goodness, the educational model is changing. Just the other day a friend was saying how in her graduate classes all students work in cohorts — not alone! Now, God, please help ME keep on changing and growing toward humilty!

Posted in asking for help for myself, being a Slow Learner, humility, Humility or Needing Help!, living within limits

A New Farmers’ Market and Farmers and Caring

Posted on November 14, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A square of hand-made goat milk soap

Good Morning, God!

What fun! Yesterday I doubled up on Farmers’ Markets. A friend brought me an article on free range eggs that listed the Kaiser Hight Farmers’ Market as one of the sites. So after going to the Kapiolani Farmers’ Market we stopped at the one at Kaiser and walked around.

My FIRST find was the lady who made herbal healing salves and goat milk soap! Made them in her kitchen! I asked her about the various products and then I bought a “guest soap” and a small tin of healing salve for Sandy. Buying directly from the maker feels really good, God. I like seeing the person who makes what I buy. Global economics may increase the prosperity of the whole — but it is so impersonal. I am thankful for the return of local markets!

Epitaph for a Peach: Four Seasons on My Family Farm

I found the egg lady and was going to buy a half dozen when she pointed out that I could become a SUBSCRIBER. Only $22.25 and I had “bought” 60 eggs — to be picked up any Saturday morning. The price was better for me and she assured me it was better for the farmers, too.

I’ve been thinking about Farmers in a more personal way since I’ve been reading David Masumoto’s book, Epitaph for a Peach. He has made the hard work and the vulnerability of farming far more “real” to me. His story has made him — and his world — alive for me. It has made me CARE. That is good, isn’t it God!

Yes, Caring IS good. But it is overwhelming, too. I need a bigger wiser Heart! Can we do that, God? Do it without it HURTING too much? Ah, there is the rub. Caring does hurt. So unless I am “giving it back” to You, I am overwhelmed and shut down. Did I hear You say “TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!”

Hmmm. There is THAT. Help me with my limits — help me embrace humility.

Posted in Farmers' Markets, Hearts, Help me to see, helping farmers, humility, self care as self compassion and humility

The Slow Turning of the World and Me

Posted on November 13, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunlit grey clouds driving into Town

Good Morning, God!

You do the MOST wonderful skies, God! THANK YOU! Last evening, when Kit was driving us into town, I saw the sky and exclaimed, “Isn’t it BEAUTIFUL!” Kit looked and smiled. Then he said, “Yes, but subtle.” We both laughed as I remembered how Kit prefers COLORS. I guess, God, that for me, it is more about the LIGHT.

Yet, at the same time, I love it now that I am waking up in the DARK when Night still holds sway. Dawn is coming. The World is turning. And, right now, I am turning, too. Turning my mind — and tugging at my heart — away from the enticing piles of things to DO — and toward YOU.

The sunset turns "colored" as the day continues

Trying, God, to TURN TOWARD YOU. Where do I imagine YOU are? A good question. I dimly sense You are not a “location” but more like interwoven into the fabric of Time and Space. Yet, You hold both in the Palm of Your Hand, so to speak. And this morning, although my FIRST response was to say — HERE I AM, God, USE ME — my second response was to lift my little hands UP and say HELP ME!

Aaah. Yes, God! You DO use “little children” especially if they remember they ARE little children. You are pretty clear about the importance of “being as little children” aren’t You, God. Children learn with JOY. They TRY THINGS. They get back up when they fall down. And they have not been taught to hate or despise others.

That Little Child is still inside me. Inside us ALL. Help her, and me, to hold Your Hand and get on with my day!

Posted in asking for help for myself, being a beginner, growing toward up

Up in the Air so Blue

Posted on November 12, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

How it felt to SWING as a child

Good Morning, God!

I haven’t thought about swinging for YEARS! But yesterday morning, I went for a walk without taking a key and when Kit left for his 9 mile run he naturally locked up. So, when I came home I was LOCKED OUT! Fortunately, I was walking with a friend who is visiting us — so we just went for a longer walk — up to the top of the street. I suggested we stop at the park at the top of the valley and swing. There was fancy new playground equipment. But NO SWINGS. We completed the walk and I said, “Oh well, let’s go on the swings at the lower park.” I remembered swings being there. GONE!

Ah, yes, God. Children can get hurt if a swing whams into them. Law suits + Insurance = no swings!

I understand all the reasons why. But, the first thought that came to me — after I finally got the ban on swings — was Robert Louis Stevenson’s poem. Will children hear that poem without knowing what it feels like to swing?

How do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!

My father build a tall wooden swing in our backyard when I was a child and I remember with great fondness the joy of swinging. Up UP UP! Higher and higher until the frame groaned. My grandsons had a metal swing set. Nice, but it wasn’t as high. It wasn’t the same. It’s funny, God, how with all the electronic toys and just plain quantity of toys and stuff that children have today, that I should sit here feeling sorry for them.

Thank You, God, for MY childhood. I was blessed. Indeed, I AM BLESSED!

Posted in freedom, Perspective, Play

The Bright Lights of “Progress”

Posted on November 11, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Nile Delta at Night: Photo from NASA

Good Morning, God!

I was delighted by this photo of the Nile River Delta at night. I got it out of a weekly email from NASA called Earth Observatory. It shows how we humans need water and congregate around it. I suppose it also shows just how much electrical energy we are using. Water and energy. Two essentials. The bright and shining photo of the Delta looks like “success” to us. And, I admit, I am addicted to electric light, God.

Even though I remember childhood trips up to the fishing cabin owned by my mother’s family — a cabin with kerosine lamps and an ice box — it still seems to me as if we humans have ALWAYS had electric lights. If that is true for me, how much more true for my children and their children. Would I want to “go back?” Hey! I’m sitting here at a computer! Take away my electricity? Yikes!

Hmmm. At dinner last night we were discussing the cruise ship, Carnival Splendor, that had a fire in its engine room and was without air conditioning and hot food. What we wondered about was the lighting! Being in an inside room without light. Ick! Light is right up there, God, with other essentials. And I guess what is nagging at me is how QUICKLY new inventions morph into essentials. My grandsons have a hard time believing there were no computers when I was young. No TVs? That seemed beyond their comprehension.

And now I look back at the photo and see that thin yellow brown band at the curve — air glow — it makes me think of L.A. smog. Our electric lights are not without cost. But, the costs are postponed for many years. And the people using the lights now are not thinking ahead. Sigh. Help us, God, to live within our Planet’s means.

Posted in Light, Our lights vs Your light, Perspective, time, web of life

36 Righteous Humans — The Humble Ones — Saving the World

Posted on November 10, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Central Union Spire

Good Morning, God!

Sunday, in the 7:00 a.m. service at Central Union, Rev. Nancy Lockwood talked about the Lamed Vav. Lamed Vav means 36, and according to a very old (3,000+ years) Jewish story, these are the 36 Righteous People, because of whom, You are NOT destroying the rest of us. I have loved that story for years.

But, it wasn’t until this morning that I got an enlarged understanding of what it could mean for me. As a follower (very imperfectly) of Jesus, I have assumed that Jesus had done it all. I thought, Jesus, has replaced our need for the 36 righteous humans. Besides, righteous people — or at least the Ones Trying HARD to be righteous — are not terribly appealing people.

But, God, I think I had gotten the TIMING wrong. What if these humble righteous people — You MUST have a better definition of Righteous than we do — have to GROW into a righteous state? Since humility is key, and is obtained through failures, it would take TIME to become fully humble.

Gosh, God! What if it took a life-time of mistakes and failures — a life-time of learning to forgive ourselves and others — to become a fully humble and compassionate person? Aaah, THEN, after years of scraping ourselves up off the floor and pressing on toward YOUR LOVE — THEN we might possibly have grown and worn into being one of the 36.

I would be totally scared at being one of the 36 in the Old Story. But, somehow just the idea of THAT as the goal of living — creeping, stumbling and falling toward Humility and Compassion — that brings tears to my eyes. It is as if the Old Story and the New Story have merged in my mind. Jesus IS the ONE righteous person. But, YOU are calling/inviting/enabling us to grow toward becoming — maybe not one of a select World-Saving number — but far more than I had ever imagined.

Thank YOU, God, for giving me this wee glimpse of what the phrase “A NEW CREATURE in CHRIST” might mean.

Posted in Failure as Teacher, growing toward up, Hope as a gift from God, humility

Calling Oldest Daughters to the Joy of Praying Together

Posted on November 9, 2010 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Rewick Board Room before 7:00 a.m.

Good Morning, God!

I had a wonderful time on my trip. God! Family visits are so special! So are Reunions and trips to Sequoia and BIG Birthdays! Still, I’m VERY happy to be home. And one of the things I am most looking forward to is our Wednesday Morning Women’s Prayer Group. It is from 7:00 a.m. to 8:15 a.m. at Central Union Church’s Rewick Board Room and we love to welcome new people.

Our group may be a trifle unusual as we found out that we are ALL Oldest Daughters. We have 10 or more women coming and going and it seems every one has been the oldest daughter — or only. We were surprised — but, my take, God, is that Oldest Daughters are OVERLY RESPONSIBLE. Who but someone overly responsible would get up early to go and pray?

Or as it might look to You — we get up early to “bring to Your attention” what we want You to do. I guess oldest daughters grow up thinking they know best, God. We do know that You know best but we often forget. We are probably not a typical Prayer Group. But, we are REAL. There is no pretense. We are free to be who we are and say what we want. Most of us are at the point where we have accepted ourselves as we are — and extend that grace to others.

We enjoy each other. And we laugh a lot. Sometimes right in the middle of a particularly “real” prayer. We are pretty sure You are laughing with us. I look forward to Wednesday mornings because I feel so aerated afterwards — aerated with the Fresh Air of Your Spirit — less heavy and much lighter. It is amazingly therapeutic to “hear” and “be heard.” But, it is FAR MORE THERAPEUTIC to know we are being heard by YOU!

Posted in Being ENJOYED by God, being heard into speaking, being together in a compassionate presence, Prayer, Praying together extemporaneously

Personal Maintenance — the Healing Power of Forgiving

Posted on November 8, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Forgive for Good by Fred Luskin

Good Morning, God!

I’ve been thinking about Personal Maintenance, God. How is it that the world is filled with books on dieting but has so few on forgiving? Hmmm. If we could but see our Inner Being, God, that would inspire us. Or maybe, it would overcome us with despair at the SIZE of the task? It seems clear to me that the single best thing we could do for our overall wellbeing is learn how to forgive.

Actually, I think You GAVE us the best method of forgiving others when You command us to “PRAY for those who persecute you — PRAY for those who despitefully use you.” Praying for another person helps us see that person through YOUR EYES. They can morph from powerful bully to crippled child.

Now, I don’t want to complain, God, but, in my experience Your Church isn’t pushing the idea of praying FOR our enemies. In fact, it doesn’t seem to be mentioned as a suggestion, let alone a COMMAND. Sigh, now THERE is a REVOLUTION waiting to happen!

I read Fred Luskin’s book five or six years ago and it does seem that the Secular World is making an effort to explain that forgiveness is really good for our health. They have lots of scientific studies. But, “studies” are not very good motivators. Let’s face it, God, Forgiveness is much harder than ordinary exercises. What are we to do?

Hmm. One thing to do is to define forgiveness. It doesn’t mean being a doormat and letting people continue to abuse us. And it doesn’t mean “pretending stuff never happened.” It doesn’t even mean that there are no “consequences” for the abuser. What Dr. Luskin says it means is that you “take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell.” Sounds good to me, God! Please help me by bringing up to the surface those I need to forgive –but, let’s do it slowly.

Posted in Forgiving, healing, Maintenance

Cleaning Windows and Cleaning our Hearts

Posted on November 7, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

catching a window being washed at Pauahi Towers

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday morning found me at the Pauahi Tower Gallery going with a friend as she dropped off a pastel — which it turned out won an Honorable Mention. I was snapping photos when I caught sight of a window being washed. The brush paused just long enough for me to get this photo. It takes a lot of maintenance to keep a building clean and working well.

It seems to me, God, that in our allocation of Time, Energy, Attention, Focus and Money — maintenance comes pretty far down the list. I have only to look around me — or, worse yet, look AT me — to see the process of slow but steady accumulation at work.

Books are a joy to buy, but HARD to part with. Acquiring STUFF is so EASY, but, again, difficult to release. In fact, it is literally hard to let go. When Sandy helped me by holding the books up for me to review it was MUCH EASIER to give them away. When I held a book — my hands WANTED IT.

Why is it, God, that It seems to take TWICE the energy and thought to DESELECT possessions than to SELECT them. Probably it’s related to how fast we put on weight and how slowly we remove it. Our appetites and our senses find real pleasure in what comes IN. But, OUT? Do I hear You say, God, that OUT is an “acquired taste?” Yes! It is Definitely a higher level activity!

Fat in our body or clutter in our homes — both make it harder to clean and repair. This is true of our Inner Self, too. You tell us BLESS and DO NOT CURSE. Blessing those who have “hurt” us helps us to forgive — helps us to get rid of those rocks of resentment — the grit of guilt.

Ah, God! That is the REAL MAINTENANCE that needs to be done! Forgiving ourselves and others — that takes work — HARD WORK. Without Your Help, God, would we even know it needs to be done? Let alone be helped to work on it! Cleaning and Healing. Please, God! Help me focus on Maintenance.

Posted in clean and tidy, Forgiving, Grit of Guilt, Maintenance, Rocks of Resentment

Monterey Pines, Sequoias and Me

Posted on November 6, 2010 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Monterey pines just south of Santa Barbara

Good Morning, God!

I have loved the shape of the Monterey pine ever since I tried to paint them in high school art classes. There is something about their sideways outreach and inky darkness that pleases me. Native to California, they live on or near the coast, mostly between San Francisco and Santa Barbara.

In their own way, they are as iconic as the sequoia. And much to my surprise, God, they are like the sequoia in another way. They both have closed cones that seem to require fire to release their seeds. The article I linked to up above goes on to trace their distribution through geologic time. Imagine! Their cones were found in the La Brea Tar Pits.

Aah, God, we are such fleeting creatures. As I stood next to — touched even — an unnamed sequoia I thought about what it would be like to live for 2,000 years. We have, if lucky, 100 years. And I am setting aside for now the awesome concept of Life Eternal — or is that a Life Outside of Time? I know, God, that I have MANY TIMES complained to You — that my species isn’t further along. We struggle. We have HARD choices. And, if I am typical, I mostly IGNORE the choices I am given.

And, yet, I have the nerve to complain! Such Chutzpah! It comes to me, that perhaps, our species like these trees REQUIRE FIRE to release our “seeds.” Thank YOU, God, for this incredible GIFT OF LIFE! Help me to SEE my Choices and step forth with COURAGE into the FIRES of LIFE. THIS life, right NOW!

Posted in becoming the change I wish to see, being repotted