Good Morning, God,
When I was visiting Suz we talked about our Pasts. Both of us are more or less at Peace with them — Praise You, God. Acceptance comes slowly — well, at least for me, And I have realized that almost all of my really hard work of acceptance has been about me — my failures, my blindness, my shortcomings. Once I accepted myself, God, accepting and forgiving others has seemed far less difficult.
Still, I am certain that deep inside me I have STUFF IN STORAGE! Stuff I haven’t yet been able or willing to pull up and process. It is, so to speak, in a Self Storage Locker. And, I fear, I am paying RENT on it. It does take ENERGY, GOD, to keep Stuff from Consciousness. Sigh. I became aware of this when I felt YOU were making me tell someone that he needed ALL his energy to HEAL. He could no longer afford to “pay rent” on his past. The rent money had to go toward his healing. And, for him that meant a purging of the physical stuff AND the emotional stuff.
I guess that is the very essence of repentance and forgiveness — of our selves and others — that we no longer have to “pay rent” on STORING STUFF. Of course, FINDING that stuff isn’t easy as we rarely have the Stuff labeled as RESENTMENT and GUILT. We are so clever and creative in renaming things we can’t let go of. Noble causes –quests to bring the guilty to justice. Please help me with that FINDING, God. Please help me uncover and process the hidden storage units.
Because keeping the Past at bay — drains me of energy for the Present — energy with which to construct my future.