More Small “January” Steps

Posted on January 26, 2011 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way

Good Morning, God!

Monday, it was a trip to my therapist. Yesterday, it was a physical assessment at 24 Hour Fitness. These don’t sound that small, but they all started with a small step. And that’s the point of Robert Maurer’s book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life, The Kaizen Way.

Going to the gym started with just walking in — my first time in over a year — to get my finger scanned for their new check-in process. I was getting cash from an ATM when I noticed the gym was just a few small steps away. Inside, a smart receptionist offered me a FREE physical assessment. Hey, small and free, perfect! Of course, at my physical assessment I met muscles I didn’t know I had — and now I have to figure out a step small enough to get me back!

Maurer “explains” that a Part of us doesn’t like change. It is easily overwhelmed and “fearful” so we need to start with VERY SMALL STEPS that don’t alarm that Part.. Taking small steps gives that Part, the Time and Security it needs to get used to a New Path.

I am mindful, God, of how much MORE I have to learn about managing my Self and my Life. I must say it is HARD. I take comfort in Saint Paul’s words about how those things he wanted to do, he didn’t. And those things he didn’t want to do, he did. Me TOO, God! But, I too, press on! And You do remind me that a clean desk and an organized office are not mentioned in Your Book. Aah! Now THAT ‘S a comfort.

Posted in a series of molts and upgrades, Humility or Needing Help!, self care as maintenance, slow incremental change

A Walk into Fuller Healing

Posted on January 25, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Two tall trees at Young and Keeaumoku

Good Morning, God!

I saw these two tall trees as I was walking to see my therapist, yesterday. I was walking because I couldn’t find her new address while driving so I parked at a meter and explored on foot. My therapist had moved TWICE since I saw her. Yes, God, it had been a while.

WHY did I wait so long to go back? I’m not sure. As I was telling a friend — there is nothing so helpful as being HEARD into speaking — speaking from my Heart as well as my Head. Ah, perhaps, my Head was “protecting” me from the sorrows of my Heart?

Anyway, I did speak from my Heart about Patty — about the guilt and grief I had — well STILL have. It was not quite as hard as I imagined, God, but that was because I practiced with You, the day before.

Actually, the part of our conversation that is still reverberating in my heart, is when she asked me How Hard Was It? As I let my heart take me back, I could feel myself tearing up. I couldn’t speak for a minute or two. Then I heard myself say “It was very close to unbearable.”

It felt so good to say that — to have the words and the truth out. Yes, it was just this side of unbearable! But, it was as if I couldn’t let myself feel that grief and guilt fully as I was going through it.

Ah, but now, finally, My Heart has been heard and acknowledged. And I feel LIGHTER. Thank You, God, for the nudge to go for help.

Posted in healing, Hearing, hearing myself, Hearts, Humility or Needing Help!, inner paths of the heart

A Good Image, one of Hope

Posted on January 24, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

lighting a candle in Saint Serkis church in Tehran

Good Morning, God!

I have lit candles in churches and I love doing it. Lighting a candle is such a visible sign of HOPE and maybe a SIGNAL to catch Your Attention? Holy Places . . . Holy Actions . . . we need them, God.

Ah, but, we don’t really NEED a church building. YOU are everywhere and at all times. Still, while that seems true, I long for SET ASIDE PLACES and RITUALS, too. Now that I stop and think about it, I can see that it is my task to create them inside my daily life. A GOOD thought!

The photo itself cheered me because this young girl is worshipping in Tehran, Iran. Freedom of religion is SO IMPORTANT. And, I am afraid, it is also fragile. Tolerance and True Belief do not make good bedfellows. Sigh. Giving people the Right to be Wrong — that is how tolerance looks to some.

Saving people’s eternal souls via torture was part of what led to the Spanish Inquisition. Only, Spain was not alone. Other religions have given people the “choice” of OUR RIGHT WAY or DEATH. How did I slip into such unpleasant thoughts, God? Perhaps, it is because we live in a Time of Great Change when people LONG FOR CERTAINTY?

But, enough of that! I wanted to thank you for having stumbled on The Big Picture, a site created by the Boston Globe. I knew there were terrible floods in Queensland. But, now I have STUCK in my memory a photo of a kangaroo on top of a bit of flotsam in a huge expanse of water. Images MATTER.

Hmm. Please, help me look for GOOD images, God!

Posted in freedom, images, intentional and invited sacred space

The Awesomeness of the Ordinary

Posted on January 23, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

white oleander in a bit of sunlight

Good Morning, God!

I like the night, God, so still and silent. Aaah, but what a glorious thing Your Light is. I have passed these small white oleanders a hundred times. But, yesterday a good friend requested a photo of a flower with light streaming through it.

At first, I only saw flowers facing the light. Of course, that was because I had my back to the light. But then I turned the corner and noticed just a wee bit of light coming through this small ordinary oleander blossom. It was transformed! Luminous! Lovely!

There are a lot of small unnoticed flowers in my life, God. Flowers, and people, and situations. If I have my face turned toward Your Light, then I can SEE Your Light flowing through the flowers, the people and even the situations. Hmmm. That feels like Your Word to ME this morning, God.

Because, now that I am opening toward my “feelings” — diverse sorrows and fears— they awakened me last night. They surged and ebbed and flowed through me until I finally got up to pray. Then, comforted, I went back to bed and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

As I prayed I felt You reminding me of the questions You had asked me the night before Patty’s cancer diagnosis was confirmed. The first one was: Margie, do you TRUST yourself to me? I said, YES, LORD. Then the second question: Then can you not trust Patty to me? I said Yes. And YOU WERE WITH US THROUGH IT ALL.

So, God, You ARE the LIGHT flowing through the small flowers and THE WORST of SITUATIONS. THANK YOU, God, for reminding me!

Posted in Light shining through, thankfulness, The Flow of God's Love, Trusting God

Points of View and Cleaning Connections

Posted on January 22, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A View from the Mariposa Room

Good Morning, God!

Another New Day! And one in which I go to the Farmers’ Market, too. Thank You for today! I will thank You also for last night — even though, my night was FILLED with dreams.

Perhaps that was because I DID call my therapist, Mavis, and I will see her this Monday. Maybe You wanted to make sure I had stuff to share? It is GOOD to SHARE. It might even be essential to our health and wellbeing!

This view from the Mariposa Room at Nieman Marcus is probably analogous to my usual point of view — looking at the good and the lovely. That is actually a very good point of view. St. Paul, himself, tells us that whatsoever things are good and pure and true and lovely — think on those.

But, that does not preclude times of retrospection and “house cleaning.” In fact, I am pretty sure Times of Confession are needed prior to Times of Repentance. Or is it the other way around? No matter, they are two sides of the same coin. But, WHY should I take “time out”, as it were, to ask for help in processing?

This is a good question, God, and hard to explain — unless one has done it. I know YOU know my Heart. But, I am not ABLE to SEE ALL of myself. Some things seem too painful — so they are repressed by the Protective Part of me. AND THAT TAKE ENERGY!

So, it isn’t so much “cleaning house” as it is cleaning out the water line into my house. The STUFF that has gotten stuck between Me and Thee needs dredging out — so more of You can flow (or trickle) into me. Thank You, God!

Posted in A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, confession, connecting, connections, courage to see myself

Green and Blue — God’s Favorite Colors?

Posted on January 21, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

GREEN Koko Crater

Good Morning, God!

The sun won’t be up for another hour or so — but I am sitting here appreciating the beauty of the green colors on Koko Crater. Normally, this old volcano mount is streaked with the brown of weathered lava.

But, the rains have meant that the growing vegetation has carpeted it with variegated greens. LOVELY. Actually, God, it was breath-takingly lovely. I pulled my car over to the side of the road and took a photo.

There are these moments when I SEE. See and FEEL. And that reminds me of Daniel Siegel’s book Mindsight. The case study I was listening to yesterday was of a woman whose miserable childhood had closed off her willingness (unconsciously, of course) to FEEL. I marveled at how simple relaxation and body scans helped her integrate her body with her mind — opening her heart to feel again.

Dr. Siegel makes the point that we ALL know, that feelings come in a spectrum. Limiting the down limits the up. But, he actually tells how folks can slowly reconnect — even to disassociated traumas — and regain fuller access to a broader spectrum of feelings.

Awareness. It seems to be about TRUSTING enough to open ourselves up to buried feelings. I’m sitting here, God, and wondering how many walled off feelings I might have. My conscious mind says, NONE. But, aah, yes, there is still a subterranean labyrinth of pain and sorrow about losing Patty.

So, perhaps, it is Time Again to go and Share with my therapist, Mavis. My “Warrior Spirit” says DON’T BOTHER! Get on with your wonderful life. But, I am learning, God, that my Past, when Reclaimed, will help me become Green and Growing, too. Please, God, help me MAKE TIME for further healing.

Posted in an invitation to abundant life, asking for and accepting forgiveness, healing, hearing myself, loving myself, Needed Repair Time, processing on deeper levels

A Diversity of Palms and People — The Gift of Daughters

Posted on January 20, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Looking up at the palms in front of Mom's

Good Morning, God!

Thank You for all the different kinds of palms — and all the different kinds of people! There are a LOT of good people in the world, God! Please help us take off the blinders that keep us from really seeing each other. Help us to see others and to see ourselves as others see us. Or maybe it isn’t so much seeing as HEARING?

In hearing others the Content takes a back seat to our FEELINGS! Just yesterday I could hear Suz getting heated on the phone at something I had said. I felt attacked and told her that is how I felt. She managed to explain that she wasn’t “attacking” — rather she was feeling “panicked” and worried about what I meant. Hmmm. I realized I was feeling panicky too. Hearing the emotion filling her voice I had felt that it was aimed at me and, yes, I panicked! Once we took a minute or two to reassure each other we sorted it out fairly easily.

It is a problem, God. I OVER RESPOND to my daughter’s Tone of Voice! But, at the same time, I am mostly DEAF to My Tone of Voice! If I could HEAR how I SOUND I would be able to apologize or at least explain and excuse myself. I don’t think I am alone in having this problem, God.

Do You think, God, that we could create “classes” that would help us learn to HEAR ourselves? I suppose that a simple recorder would do it. Ah, but, maybe it isn’t just our ears — maybe our HEARTS needs the help first!

Thank You, God, for the GIFT of my daughters!

Posted in Communication, complexity, Conversations, daughters, Hearing, hearing myself, Hearts

A Deliciously Drifting Sort of Day

Posted on January 19, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

looking South from the Shack

Good Morning, God!

It was a lovely day yesterday, God, with just the quickest bit of color in a grey sky as the sun set. It was the night before the Full Moon and I love eating outside at the Shack on the Marina and hoping to watch the moon rise. It was too grey for the moon to show. But being outside with friends was good enough.

I confess, I didn’t use my Time effectively yesterday. There wasn’t much forward motion — not much direction.

But, it was relaxing and refreshing and drifting might possibly make it easier for you to “direct” me. At least I found myself sending off emails to a couple of folks whose addresses I stumbled upon. I like that, God. I like reminding people that they are known and valued and cared about.

Oh! I did call 202-225-6205 to talk to John Boehner’s staff. I told them I was a Patriotic American, a Deeply Committed Christian, and I wanted them to WORK TOGETHER with the other side for the GOOD OF THE COUNTRY. Really, God, I am tired of Adversarial Fighting! I’m tired of BLAMING. I want elected officials to respect one another and not be snide or condescending or hateful. Hmm. Me too.

We all need to work together to build up — not tear down. I believe that all of us ordinary-in-between-people want to see EVERYONE working together FOR AMERICA. And, You are right, God! Not just for America but for all the People on our Small Blue World. The People and the Creatures — the Water World and the Ancient Redwoods — All of us. Please HELP US, God!

Posted in A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, breathing in Your Spirit, Changing, Ongoing Transformation, Possibilities

The Difficulties of Using my Time Wisely

Posted on January 18, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Red Ti and red trunk palms

Good Morning, God!

I new day! A day for appreciating the small details of life — like the light through ti plants and palm leaves! A day for taking it easy. A day in which I can choose what I focus on.

Truth be told, it is very easy for me to have my Mind wander off and get STUCK. For example, God, yesterday I was determined to get the Adobe epub book I had borrowed from the library transferred to my iPhone.

This had been a project spread over several days. I had read A LOT of directions. Yesterday, I read them AGAIN. I tried to follow them. Then I reread them. Next I tried Help. I even called Apple for help. No Luck.

Now, God, it wasn’t as if I didn’t have plenty of books to read ON my iPhone. And part of my mind mentioned this. But, I wanted to read Where Good Ideas Come From. And I wanted to read it on my iPhone. Sigh, I could have read several chapters on my laptop WHILE I was fussing over on getting it on my phone.

I had an errand to run but after dinner I came back and tried a few more things. I was STUCK! So stuck, that after I went to bed, I woke up and tried AGAIN! That time all the pieces fell into place and I DID IT! The book is on my iPhone!

I’m pleased, God. Thankful, even. But, today I’d like Your Help in making wise choices — and avoiding obsessions!

Posted in choices, time

A Family of Cactus and “Guardians?”

Posted on January 17, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A rather small "family" of cacti

Good Morning, God!

First of all, THANK YOU for the lovely slow Sabbath Day, yesterday. I napped and puttered. Such a good day.

And thank You, too, for the idea of SEPARATING my “work” from my office. It took a few trips but all of the Arcadia gift books are now waiting for me in the downstairs guest room! They are not jostling for my attention as they were when they were piled in my office. That should make it easier for me to control my time..

Space and Time — our 4 dimensional stage. There is MORE, isn’t there, God. And I am pretty sure that it MATTERS that we “Bless and do not curse.” It is just that we are mostly blind to the “results” of our words. Ah, how scary it is to even begin to suspect how much we matter! Please! Help me to let You flow through me — washing way all uncharitable attitudes.

Help me to see past people’s angry words and into their anxious hearts. Speaking of that, God, I was touched on Saturday by this small cluster of cactus. The tall one looks like The Guardian. The others look as if they are clustered close for protection.

Guardians? I think that might be a key word in understanding folks on the other side of the world who do things that seem incomprehensible. The instinct to PROTECT, to GUARD, is very strong. I have it. And, mostly, I think of it as positive. But, as with many GOOD things, it can be perverted. Ah, God! Who will protect the Protectors? Help us PRAY for the Protectors. Help us Pray for ALL of US!

Posted in Guardians and Protectors, power and peace and gentleness, Prayer