Good morning, God! All is quiet (except for NPR news which woke me just a few minutes ago) and dark. It is fun to look back on this drive out to Waimanalo. Sandy took this photo as we passed the blowhole on our return and looked up at the rocky side of Koko Crater. So bright and clear and light. I love these volcanic rocks and the light dry layer of grass on them.
Suzy is here now and we go to San Souci instead of Waimanalo. I love my daughters and I am blessed. Blessed to have such wonderful daughters, blessed to have them want to come and visit.
But, I realized yesterday that sometimes I complain about them. Not large complaints, I say, God to comfort myself. But I realize it is a habit of sorts. Suz loves me and values my opinion. I feel we are evenly matched — well, when I speak up — we are evenly matched. But speaking up in a loving way — TAKING THE TIME TO CENTER MYSELF AND THEN SPEAK — that I have not been doing. We reviewed one of those times yesterday and I really was helped by it.
When I am off in another universe thinking, and get called back — it takes me time to GET back. Then to turn and give the person full attention and say what I want to say HOW I WANT TO SAY IT — that takes time and energy. So, often I snap or growl. This doesn’t have to happen. As Suzy said, when we understand the SITUATION, then the solution arrises organically. And it is such a small thing that needs to change! I just need to give myself permission to TAKE TIME to respond .
Once I give myself permission to be slow and take time AND to refuse requests — then I can do it lovingly and not aggressively. RESPECT! Taking the time to feel and show the deep respect I have for Suzanne will mean I don’t snap and then later complain.
Well, God, I hate confessing all of this. But being honest with myself is essential. And honest leads to accepting personal responsibility. And, God, with Your HELP — that might even lead to change. Smile.