The painful gift of hearing

Honolulu Academy of Arts

Thank you, God, for families!  I am particularly blessed by an oldest daughter who has faith that I am (eventually) teachable.  As a friend said, EVERY FAMILY should have Suzanne.  Now, God, that is not to say that learning is easy. . . or pain free.

Last night I heard a home-based interview with Ian, my older grandson — who is 17 and has high functioning autism — an interview which began with rage and then with his mom gently interacting went through fear and finally into crying and profound sorrow. As the tape progressed I responded first with “labeling” then an attempt to find a solution. I ended completely overloaded.  It was very close to unbearable.  Suz looked at me with surprise.  Mom, this is CATHARTIC!  This is GOOD!  Suz has been where Ian is.  She knows.  I don’t.

Talking is good, isn’t it God.  Or is it listening that is the key?

Being heard by a Trusted Other — being heard into speaking out of our deep dark well of sorrow and isolation — this is healing.  We need to be heard into speaking.  And now, God, I sigh — thankful You are hearing me, yet so painfully aware at how hard it is to hear our most beloved.  Like the SQUEEL of a microphone too close to the speakers — being SO CLOSE — makes the communication feedback happen so quickly that ONLY NOISE COMES OUT!  PAINFUL NOISE.  I went to bed last night with sorrow sloshing from every pore.

But now, being heard by YOU, I am aware of what a rare and incredible gift it is to have a “child” who loves me enough to keep on trying to be heard — trying to help me hear.  And one who is willing to hear ME!  As she told me yesterday:  Mom you have to spend TIME with the problem.  You have to work at understanding the situation.  Solutions grow organically out of understanding.  Ah my.  THANK YOU GOD for the ongoing GIFT of those who love us into growing!

Story teller,

Posted in being heard into speaking, going THROUGH the sorrow, the gift of persistent love

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