Home — And the Process of Reassembling Myself

Posted on June 14, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Flying over New Jersey -- looking at Manhattan

Good Morning, God!

HOME! Home, sitting in my own dear loft office, and realizing that I am not QUITE ALL Home.

I feel, God, as if I have left “parts” of me strewn — not just around New England — but comet-like from Newark to Honolulu. Parts scattered as we flew — and I am aware that I need Time to Completely Reassemble myself.

Hmm. I LIKE that image, God! It explains without judging. Explanations are so helpful. And that makes me think of a former colleague who would say from time to time — “Never Apologize, never Explain.”

The World often seems to operate on that saying. But, God, I cannot imagine how any healthy marriage could survive that way!

We humans need both Apologies AND Explanations. Hmm. Explanations are tricky, God, because often we don’t HAVE an explanation for our own behavior — let alone someone else’s. Explanations are dependent on understanding. And there is just SO MUCH to understand!

On this trip I expended a fair bit of emotional energy — read: anger — whenever Kit-the-Driver ignored my navigational directions. Finally, I remembered how at the Library, people had to come to a FULL STOP in order to READ the Large Signs. Our “Walking Around” app could not be run at the same time as the “Reading” app. Of course, our “Driving Around” app probably consumes even more brain space than our “Walking Around” app.

Understanding the difficulty of running two big apps at the same same — having an explanation — was like pouring oil on my emotional gears. Please, God — help me keep on seeking Understanding!

Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, Rethinking, Understanding

Two Tired Rats Make it Through the Maze!

Posted on June 13, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

On the Road -- The Easy Part

Good Morning, God!

THANK YOU! Kit and I made it safely to the Newark Airport yesterday. Of course, God, we WANTED to go first to the Fairfield Inn.

But, my trusty Google Maps App couldn’t get us the last dozen complex turns going to the Fairfield Inn. We ended up at the back of the airport — or maybe it was back of the Port of Newark?

We could SEE the Fairfield Inn — once or twice — across 16 lanes. Aieee! But, the REALLY good news, God, is that we kept it all together — no yelling and falling apart!

Well, OK, maybe a little falling apart . . . but we are doing better at “Regrouping!” I tried Google yet again — this time with a different hotel as destination and we made it to . . . the PRISON? Who knew there was a BIG PRISON so close to the airport. But, following the policeman’s directions to the Inn — we made it to the Airport! And, once there, we turned in the car and caught the shuttle to the Inn.

Ah, God! We are BLESSED to live here in this Space and Time. To travel by car and not covered wagon. To have freeways that take us in an afternoon from Outer Boston to New Jersey. Still, I admit, to “pining” for a Star Trek kind of Travel! The “Just Beam Me Up” type travel.

But, as You pointed out during my shower, Travel isn’t about Arriving — it, like Life, is all about the Getting There. Yesterday, Kit and I had several opportunities to practice Regrouping — a Very Useful Skill.

But, please, God, don’t give us anymore opportunities to practice it today!

Posted in Ongoing Transformation, resiliency

Car Keys, Memory and Two Intersecting Articles

Posted on June 12, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Cover of July, 2011 Discover Magazine

Good Morning, God!

And it IS a GOOD morning! Partly because we are Beginning To Head HOME!

And it’s partly because of two articles in this month’s Discover magazine. I love it, God, when ideas come from two directions!

The first article was about regrowing muscles and other body parts, using Extra Cellular Matrix — a thin layer of protein from pigs bladders or intestines — as a structure or scaffolding for new growth.

The second article was by Joshua Foer — author of Moonwalking with Einstein — about how to use Memory Palaces to remember an amazing number of images/data.

It came to me, God, that in both cases STRUCTURE was being used to achieve remarkable results. Structure, as in visualizing the interior of a building, and structure as in the support scaffolding of the Extra Cellular Matrix. Joshua Foer made the point — which I have known, but not made use of, for years — that we remember by Location.

Somehow, God, reading BOTH these articles in the same day helped me FOCUS on the idea that I can use the Structure of Our Home and Our Offices to help us remember! I had already bought a decorative key hook for Kit to use coming up the stairs from the car. And I will move the key holder in my office down to the same location. Closer is easier, God!

Car Keys are such a delightful symbol of Having Control of Our Lives. And HUNTING for Car Keys is such a painful activity! So, I am EAGER to get home and begin Reassessing and Utilizing the Various Structures in Our Lives. Please, God! Help me REMEMBER this intention!

Posted in a hand up, accepting my ability to REDESIGN, Changing, Transitions

Dining at the Andover Inn after “Regrouping”

Posted on June 11, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

The Samuel -- the restaurant at the Andover Inn

Good Morning, God!

I’m not sure if it was my resolution to Go Slow — or Kit’s Good Sense. But we decided to forgo the Friday night dinner we had paid for and, instead dine at the Andover Inn. That way we could take over an hour to eat — and not RUSH off to the 7:30 Musical Extravaganza.

It was our second dinner there in three days! High living, God! It’s a lovely old building right on campus.

The musical evening reminded me of when everyone at a party became part of the entertainment. In addition to Patty’s poems set to music and beatifully sung, we had Poems Read — 3 by the poet David Slavitt, a classmate of Kit’s. And we had a brass quartet, an organ piece, piano pieces and other musical bits.

It felt amazingly “homey,” God! Very warm and supportive — it had a family feel. And it enriched my definition of Creativity. When I thanked Lloyd for the putting it all together — I told him that creating the evening was A Creative Act. And it was!

Creativity comes in unlimited shapes and forms . . . and formlessness, too! Kit and I got lost on the way in to town and both of us got UPSET! But we regrouped and recovered! Now I can see that even such an unsung thing as REGROUPING after a Trauma — is a Creative Act!

Or to adapt Churchill’s saying to us: A successful life is going from one mistake to another with undiminished enthusiasm. Ah! Now THAT is Creativity at its BEST! Thank You, God, for being so eager to help us regroup!

Posted in Creating, creativity in loving service, Mistakes, Needed Repair Time

Storm Fronts and Slower Moving Clouds

Posted on June 10, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Thunderstorm approaching at 3:30 p.m.

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday afternoon I saw a storm front approaching. For the previous hour or two I had been glancing out the window and thinking how strange the sky looked — the air seemed somehow thicker than usual. Then I looked out and saw THIS!

I confess, God, as I peered at it, I was expecting to see a funnel extending down. So while I watched the lightening and heard the thunder — I downloaded a Weather Alert app!

Alerts are so important, God! Alerts help us respond to immediate problems — like this cloud!

Ah, but Problems that creep up on us slowly — like being overweight and out-of-shape — don’t give us Clear Alerts.

Yes, OF COURSE! That is why You gave us Minds as well as Instincts. So we CAN plan ahead and Set Alerts. Plan and Observe and Evaluate. Analyze and Extrapolate. Sheesh! If only it were that easy, God. My Mind’s Reason and My Body’s Instincts live together in an uneasy “cease fire” truce — sort of like North and South Korea.

I acknowledge, God, having been duly ALERTED to my need to exercise more and eat less. And to Eat Less, More Slowly. Alerted! Warned! Thankfully, I even know HOW to help myself! I can use the Insight Timer App — the one with the beautiful bowl sounds — to Time my Exercise Routines — and to Time and SlowDown my Meal Times.

You say, I really need to Slow Down my Whole Life? Yes, SlowDown! Slow Down and make truly Cooperative and Supportive Peace within me?

Aah, SLOW! Glorious Slow! Thank You, God, for these five lovely days of SLOW! Please Help me USE them!

Posted in compassion to care for myself, developing helpful definitions of love, slow incremental change, time

The Dimensions of Music — and Purposes of Bravery

Posted on June 9, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Spire of South Church, Andover, Massachusetts

Good Morning, God!

Kit and I were in this church last night to hear the first rehearsal of Patty’s Poems — from her book, Mango Days — set to music. We’d seen the score, God. But we had not HEARD it.

The MUSIC tore the Words out of the Realm of Intellect and HURLED them into the Realm of FEELING! FEELINGS OF PAIN! FEELINGS OF GRIEF!

Music cutting like a knife through layers and layers of TIME’s insulation.

Music, helping me. Music helping me to Hear Patty’s Pain at last! Because, God, Patty was BRAVE and COURAGEOUS! And she was “brave” for us. And we were “brave” for her. So, so brave, God.

So BRAVE that we never got to scream and yell and weep TOGETHER! Only apart . . . and that is no true way to grieve.

So, Last Night the MUSIC helped me Hear the Inner Patty — helped me FLOOD my Inner Being with TEARS. Inner Tears, God, because, I too, am brave.

The Purposes of Bravery? I remember years ago waiting at the airport with grandson Ian during some power outage or problem. Ian was getting fussy. I told him that EVERYONE THERE felt the same way. We ALL wanted to fuss and whine — complain and yell. And if he actually DID that — it would make it MUCH HARDER for the rest of us to refrain.

Courage and Bravery are such useful Warrior Virtues. God. How can we FIGHT if the person next to us is WEEPING? Ah, how HARD it IS, God, for us Warriors to even consider — Another Way?

Your Ways? Please help me, God!

Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, Belonging to each other, Grief, Hearing, Helpful Hards, Sorrows of the Deep

Wetland Waterways and Neural Pathways

Posted on June 8, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

View at the Rachel Carson Wildlife Refuge in Maine

Good Morning, God!

Here I am in Andover, MA. As Kit went out the door this morning — to drive to his trombone rehearsals — he was still apologizing for leaving me alone for the day! I think he was worried I’d be bored. Bored is NOT a problem, God. Indeed, I desperately NEED both Alone Time and Inner Maintenance Time! I hadn’t understood HOW MUCH I need both of those — until I missed them.

Of course, Being Together is Important, too! Yesterday we had a lovely walk at the Rachel Carson Wildlife Refuge on the coast of southern Maine. We had both seen it on the map and wanted to go there. But, we didn’t expect to find a booklet with a guided tour of the Rachel Carson Trail.

At the eleven stops Kit read me the information from the booklet. I had no idea that the marshy wetlands received nutrients from the forested highlands. Detritus from White pine, hemlocks, oaks and maples slowly decay and flow into the wetlands. One of the curving channels is shown in this photo while off in the distance is the ocean. Twice a day the tides bring nutrients from the ocean In — and carry stuff Out. It is sort of a SLOW breathing for the land. Lovely!

Then, God, while I was doing my Centering Prayer this morning — I thought, OH, this Time in Silent Prayer is like opening my Gates to Your Incoming Tide — so that all my Neural Pathways can be bathed and nourished.

Hmm. You say that You ALSO use the Decaying Detritus of Daily Life to nourish us. But that takes both TIME and TRUST!

Posted in acknowledging my need for prayer, clear waterways, Maintenance, solitude and silence, time

Fringe Trees and Being on The Fringe

Posted on June 7, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Fringe Tree on the Dartmouth Campus

Good Morning, God!

What FUN to be back on my laptop! And what JOY to anticipate Apple’s iCloud! Transferring photos from iPhone to iPad to laptop or to laptop and not iPad — has been cumbersome.

“Cumbersome?” — only an Apple Fan would be so kind. But, help is coming. Speaking of “fans,” God, yesterday as we walked through the LL Bean store, Kit observed, “This is sort of like a cult, isn’t it?”

LL Bean and Apple — cults, God? Or VERY STRONG BRANDS? I’m smiling, God, wearing my new LL Bean pants and top. Brands and cults BOTH are part of how we build our “identity.” And I am finding that so, too, are our comfortable sets of daily habits.

Being into our third week of Habit-less has given me an Out-On-The-Fringe feeling. It is as if I have ONCE AGAIN stepped away from my Identity Shell.

Yes, God, I KNOW this is an OPPORTUNITY! And I am sorry to seem — and feel — so disgruntled by it. Sigh. I do so like to imagine myself as responding to change in a positive fashion. I am NOT doing that right now, God, as You have noticed.. But, I am at least, at last, creeping toward an awareness of The Task. And, mercifully, I have another WEEK to ponder all of this before I re-enter my Old Shell.

Only, that ISN’T the point, is it God! I’m not QUITE sure what the points are . . . but right now I suspect it is to be aware that I have LOTS of SHELLS and I CAN BE SHELL-LESS. Thanks, God, for my upcoming week!

Posted in A God given diversity, a series of molts and upgrades, asking for help for myself, Ongoing Transformation, Options

Spiritual Disciplines and The Road Trip of Life

Posted on June 6, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God!

I have agreed to commit to two Spiritual Disciplines, God. One of Engagement — doing — and One of Abstinence — refraining from doing. Both are HARD. And, that is the Point, isn’t God? Rev. Collins’ sermon yesterday was about Christianity being challenging. If it isn’t “hard,” perhaps it isn’t Christianity?

So, the Idea of “challenging” myself or, as my dear mother-in-law once put it to me, of Growing Up, is creeping into my Consciousness. Aargh! Worse yet, I am certain that I need to seek Kit’s HELP in this.

Proud? Stiff-necked? Rebellious? Well, yes, we COULD use those negative descriptors, God — or, I could be more generous and say that I am a Very Slow Learner. But, I believe You are Right! I will be better served if I stick to the truth about my Old Nature, my True Nature, or my Shadow Side. Drat!

Life is a Journey — a rather long Road Trip. I can barrel ahead, as usual — or use this Time Away to Rethink and Redesign the mostly small details of My Daily Life. One thing is CLEAR — I need to ask for, and ACCEPT Kit’s help.

How fortunate I am, God, that Kit is trustworthy! Thank You!

Posted in Uncategorized

St. Thomas church and The Gatherers

Posted on June 5, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning God!

Yes, I know, God, it is really Kit’s Trip — but when the very kind and helpful young woman at the computer store told me about the fabulous “jumble sale” at St. Thomas Church in Hanover — going on Right Now — I couldn’t resist. Kit could have resisted easily.

But, being a Loving Husband, he agreed. Off we went to The Jumble Sale — an opportunity for me to exercise my Gathering Instincts — enjoying the sorting, analyzing and examining of all the detritus of the church community. Looking back, my behavior reminds me of that of a bloodhound on the trail although, I had no set “quarry” but rather a desire to check it all out.

I like to think, God, that this behavior is hard-wired from our Paleolithic Past when women provided all the food that “didn’t move.” Roots, berries, seeds and nuts comprised 70% of the total calories of our diet back then. And in an average year we ate over 800 diverse types of food. We women were BUSY! It was Ursula Le Guin who said that the “first tool” was a string bag that women made to carry it all home!

There was no need of a string bag for yesterday’s shopping expedition. But, for $9
I brought back 2 bracelets, one necklace, a cross for a necklace, and one black cashmere sweater — none of which I needed — but all for a worthy cause! That last fact setting church jumble sales slightly ahead of Ross’s.

Ah, The Joys of USING our innate “skills.” Please, God, help me to “notice” them — and to cherish them.

PS We just retuned from an outstanding service at St. Thomas — how foolish I am, God, to think I can stay connected to YOU without the help of Sunday services — and preferably Wednesday morning Prayer Times, too!

Posted in Uncategorized