Good Morning, God!
Cough, COUGH! Still, it is a good morning — perhaps because I am feeling my grief? Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of the morning Patty died. Kit and I were lying in bed this morning and remembering.
Someday I’ll sleep below the grass / And dance above the sky / But now I lie between the two / And let the wind blow by.
For some reason I always substitute the word Clouds — for Sky. Picturing Patty Dancing above the Clouds, is a lovely image, God.
Yesterday, talking to You about being full of sticky feelings and thoughts, I wasn’t consciously thinking of Patty’s death. But today it seems so clear. Even my wretched cold seems perfect. In Chinese medicine the Lungs are associated with Grief. So, God, it seems that My Body, as usual, has been doing a lot of my “Feeling Work” for me.
I don’t “do” Grieving, God. It feels OVERWHELMING. And, of course, it is. [More coughing] Hmm. I guess, I have believed that Grieving would take away the Energy needed to do Useful Things. But, I have had it Backwards! I have wasted LOTS of energy — repressing my grief.
Letting it flow out — flow into the World — is part of the Healing Process. Oh, God! Oh, that the World might WEEP TOGETHER! All of us have failed and fallen short of Your Glory! There are no faultless parents — and I confess, God, I still find fault with YOU that this isn’t a perfect world.
Yes, God, I am Missing the POINT, once again. It isn’t about “Perfect” — it is about TRUSTING. Trusting that grieving is an essential part of living. Trusting that You will help us bring Good out of Darkness!