FULL of Feelings

Posted on March 12, 2015 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Suzy’s living area

Good Morning, God!

This afternoon Kit and I fly off to Ft. Lauderdale to embark on a cruise with the Garrison Keillor ensemble. A truly joyful thing to do. And Kit and I are reasonably well — for which I am very, very thankful.

But, beloved friends are NOT well. And our World’s Balance is being shaken by all sorts of Forces. And, so I grieve as well as rejoice. Grieving AND rejoicing?

It is as if I have an Inner Landscape in which BOTH are taking place. Prayers go up — drenched in tears — for dear friends. Words fail. Groans escape.

Dame Julian assures us that ALL WILL BE WELL. And, I cling to that assurance.

Ah, but we are Creatures set in Time. And in my NOW I can go to PEACE and JOY and GRATITUDE. I have so much to be thankful for.

And I can fall off dark cliffs into the pain of people’s suffering. Into the PAIN of personal friends struggling with illness in their families. And fall into the amorphous cloud of the Dark Nights of Syria. Literally a Dark Age. Millions of children suffering because of ? ? ? Everyone has a reason that blames someone else.

And me? I’m a bit embarrassed by the cruise as our past trips have mostly been for Kit to run marathons. But, we do give money away to charities. We give small bits of time and attention. Too small. Yes, God, too small! And prayers, You ask?

Right now I am praying for HOPE! Hope such as will move us . . . move me . . . into doing what I can. Praying for peace. Praying for love, kindness and forgiveness. Praying for a willingness to BLESS BLESS and refrain from cursing. Praying FOR all those lost in Meaninglessness who turn to hate in order to Matter.

I’m sure glad YOU are in charge . . . except You are delegating to each one of us, aren’t You.

Tagged with: Attention, Caring, Giving, hope, kindness, Love, praying
Posted in both / and, breathing in Your Spirit, Caring, Compassion, connecting, gratitude, Grief, hope, Prayer

Rejoicing and Embracing Calm

Posted on February 23, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Gold Tree at the end of January

Good Day, God!

I’m REJOICING! I’m so thankful to have finished my four part series on FORGIVING. I am praying that the folks that heard me speak — remember what YOU want them to remember and forget whatever You want them to forget.

It is scary to speak up and speak out — saying what I felt that You wanted me to share. But, it is exhilarating too. Thank You!

And thank You, too, for the small bits of understanding that have lodged in my heart as I prepared.

Years ago Kit and I discovered that our eyes are quite different in how much light we need. Once Kit understood — he laughed and called me a Beautiful Moth. That allowed me to laugh too and call him my Beloved Bat. Physiological differences are easier to accept than matters of “morality”. Before our physiological awareness I was being judged as “a person who wasted electricity”. Being judged in not fun. Being physiologically different is fine.

And now that I understand about how my sympathetic operating system is designed for ACTIVE and ALERT and ON THE JOB, I am more compassionate with myself when I find it hard to be kind and gentle at the same time that I am FOCUSED! My other operating system — the parasympathetic system is designed for healing, digesting and cleaning up — my body and my heart. She loves being kind, gentle, loving and forgiving.

Of course, she is mostly on while I sleep. She isn’t ON much of the day. But, I can change that! I can do centering prayer. I can slow down my breathing. I can stretch. I can remove one (OK, maybe two or three) of my projects from My Day’s To Do List.

Having a Physiological Explanation helps reduce my guilt and shame. And, that is calming and healing, too.

Tagged with: cleaning, healing, Our Two Operating Systems, Parasympathetic (Mac), physical differences, Sympathetic (Windows)
Posted in Centering Prayer, Changing, compassion to care for myself, connecting, Digesting as processing, Expand my Heart, healing, health

A Pre-Lent crescent moon

Posted on February 18, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Crescent moon — 6% in early morning

Good Day, God!

Thank You for early morning walks with dear and trusted friends! Thank You for thin crescent moons showing through the morning clouds. Thank You for this gift of Life!

How appallingly easy it is to have my mind focused on small irritations. Now I can “think of it” as my Sympathetic Nervous System Mind. Not my Whole Mind! Not at all! It is the READY to FIGHT or FLEE or FREEZE operating system — OS SNS. I need it. I’m glad I have it.

But, it is designed to be My Protector — Always On Guard — Ready to Defend and Repel. So, it does Critical and Negative really well. And it can be HYPERACTIVE too.

Just recently I relearned that I have a second Operating System — the Parasympathetic Nervous System. — OS PNS That is the one that is ON while we sleep or are at rest. It is gentle and kind and loves to do cleanup. This is the OS that does Maintenance and Healing. And I am discovering that this operating system is designed to cleanup my Heart and Head as well as my Body.

For example, yesterday, my wonderful husband, Kit, hurt my feelings. Not his fault . . . not really my fault either . . .but I was plunged into hurt, and anger and distress. Not a good place to be. Not where I wanted to be! And I remembered — if I just rest and breathe slowly I can shift out of IRRITATED and into RELAXED and PEACEFUL. I told Kit, “Just give me a few more minutes,” And very slowly my body shifted into OS PNS. PEACE RETURNED! I confessed and released my hurt feelings with explanations and apologies.

Having a physiological explanation of what was happening made that shift so much easier. I could understand AND CHANGE my behavior without judging and scolding myself. Thank You, God!

Tagged with: Autonomic Nervous System, Parasympathetic Nervous System, Peaceful, physiological explanations, Snippy, Sympathetic Nervous System
Posted in accepting my need for help, asking for and accepting forgiveness, awareness, connecting, healing, learning, Maintenance, Quieting my Lizard Brain, rest

Being Willing to be Created . . . moment by moment

Posted on February 10, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

red leaves at the beach

Good Morning, God!

How good it is to chat with You. I wish it were the very first thing I did every morning. And, of course, I can with just a simple THANK YOU! Most mornings I manage to put my wonderful husband, Kit first and we make time for coffee and conversation in bed before we start our day.

How good it is to open to YOU! Like the instant Joy I experienced looking at these gorgeous red leaves, it just takes a nanosecond to to “connect” with You.

So this morning when I returned from my (shorter) part of our jog I decided that before I began doing stuff I would do Centering Prayer. I used to be sort of purposeful and ASK You for help with this or that before Centering. But. it finally occurred to me that YOU know best what I need in terms of help. And the very best I can ask for — or want to receive — is what You want to give me. Smile! I am inching along on the Pathway to You.

I do have a Dear Part of me that seems to know and delight in You. But, she is gentle and kind and gets pushed to the far corners of my Mind and Days. Oh? You did mention that this morning? Hm. Was that the nudge about my not utilizing my Planning Part? Hm. OH, You mean I have to PLAN in all the THREADS I want! And an Awareness of You and Your Love is a MAJOR THREAD? Still, please remember, God, I don’t want to be cloistered nun.

Well, I couldn’t spell “cloistered” so I looked it up in Google and found this quote. Thomas Merton said that contemplation is “to find the place where you are here and now being created by God.” WOW!

Tagged with: centering prayer, Contemplation, Contemplative prayer, Thomas Merton, weaving God into our lives
Posted in accepting gifts sight unseen, Centering Prayer, connecting

LOVE — a fuller understanding

Posted on January 27, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The title of the talks on Forgiving that I’m doing in February

Good Afternoon, God!

The scriptures tell us that You are Love . . . and that fills me with joy. The word also tells us that “we love because God first loved us.”

You LOVE us . . . just as we are. And just today — as I was pondering how to sequence what I am to say about forgiveness — it came to me that LOVE is a much fuller word that I had imagined! Please correct me if I am mistaken, God, but it seems to me that ALL of Your Blessings and Riches are included in Your Love. That means that love is far more definitionally replete than I had ever imagined.

Ah, well, here I am a true librarian wanting to define and clarify. As if we humans could define You! You have had to stretch me a lot just to get my old understanding of love into me. I clearly need more stretching, God! But, at least I am dimly sensing that to say — You are Love — is to say far more than we yet comprehend.

It is like when Jesus tells the paralyzed man that his sins are forgiven — and the scribes are upset by that. Jesus looks at them and says Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Rise up and walk’? To me that statement conflates forgiving and healing. And, I guess, God, that in You Forgiving and Healing are woven together.

And aren’t they intertwined with Love, also? When we small humans open ourselves to receive Your Love — let it be, that we are also opening to Your Forgiveness and Your Healing!

Tagged with: definitional limitations, dissolving limits, expanding, expanding God's Love, loving, opening, receiving
Posted in connecting, Forgiving, Good News!, healing, LOVE

Forgiving ourselves for being afraid

Posted on January 18, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Fern and Rocks -- the hard and soft of life

Ferns and Rocks

Good Afternoon, God!

I’m giving a class on forgiveness this February. So naturally, I am having an Enhanced Awareness of how much I need to forgive — mostly myself. Funny, God, how easy it is to bury deep inside us our mistakes and shortcomings.

But, sometimes, my awareness is dramatic. I realized I needed to give this class again when I woke up from a vivid dream in which I was choking and yelling at a man who had cheated my oldest daughter. Even I, God, know that was taking being a “Mother Tiger” too far.

So, believing that truly, “To Teach is to Learn Twice” I offered to teach a class on Forgiving. Two years ago I taught one and created massive handouts. This series is briefer (20-30 minutes over the four Sundays in February) and my approach is a little different. I still want to offer both secular and spiritual information. But, this time I want to focus on stories.

Information (facts and data) mostly stay in our Mind. But, stories sneak into our Heart and sometimes our Gut. Our Heart seems to be the pivot point in changing.

I was Centering this afternoon — and pondering one of the stories — the one about Chuck. (It’s on this site: in Stories under the title Memories.) I was wondering why it took Chuck so long to go to the doctor with his nightmares?

Duh! He was afraid! Now, God, I never asked him. But, if he was like me he was afraid. Maybe afraid he had a brain tumor? Maybe afraid he was going crazy? Or maybe he was afraid to admit he was so very afraid?

After all, Northern Europeans like me have been bred to fight. Bred to be fearless — or at least to be afraid of showing fear. How silly! Please help me be more open — more honest — more Aware of Your Love!

Tagged with: ashamed of fear, fear, forgiving, Love, open hearts
Posted in connecting, fears, Forgiving, hearing myself, LOVE, Maintenance, small hidden fears

A Peaceful Day

Posted on January 13, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Atherton Chapel on our way to Central Union’s main sanctuary

Good Evening, God!

I do love Central Union Church’s 7 a.m. service in Atherton Chapel . . . but we slept in this Sunday.

So, we got to go to the class after the 9:00 a.m. service and hear Biblical scholar Tom Robinson talk about the book of Genesis. He started by telling his wish that we Christians could be more like Jews. He said the Jews understand the Bible is History! Many Christians view it more like Greek myths and don’t really get that these were real people, doing real things in real places.

REAL! Right, God! REAL! Hearing that was a Wake Up Call! A slap on the side of the head.

You are far more real — and just far more — than I can comprehend. But, You long for me to step out of my busy world of worries and cares and step into Your World of Love and Joy and Peace. Those are just a few of the qualities that the Bible refers to as the Fruit of the Spirit. As we open to Your Holy Spirit and let it take root deep inside of us . . . the Spirit will bring a richer and deeper sense of Peace as well as a spirit of Joy — a joy that bubbles up and around our burdens.

Centering is one pathway into Your world. Praise and worship are another. One-on-one praying with a friend is another. And, yes, “sitting Your Presence” and letting my thoughts and words flow is yet another pathway.

Today was a day entirely at home. I had no idea that having nothing on the calendar would be so refreshing. But, after my 3 mile walk/jog I came home — had a bite to eat with my wonderful husband, Kit, Centered and took a two hour nap. WOW!

Yes, God, I’m retired. I can do this more often — entering more fully into the Peace You give.

Tagged with: centering prayer, Fruit of the Spirit, Holy Spirit, peace, praying, rest
Posted in Centering Prayer, connecting, letting the Holy Spirit flow through us, Peace, Prayer, rest

The Joy of Praying with a friend

Posted on January 8, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

maidenhair fern in my front garden

Good Morning, God!

This dear maidenhair fern plant wasn’t placed quite right in my automatic watering setup — and when I got home in late November from my trip to Tucson I found it in a sad shape.

I cut off all the dead fronds and put it into what I hoped was a “better” spot. Now I’m rejoicing in its new fronds!

And, it comes to me that if I am so happy about a maidenhair fern coming back to health . . . how much more You rejoice when we turn toward a fuller Life.

I’m smiling, God. I am certain that lots of people would laugh at me for believing You exist . . . let alone believing that You take a loving interest in each one of us. And, I suppose there are others who are horrified that I dare to chat with You . . . no Thee, no Thou . . . no seminary degree. Ah well.

I know that You are far FAR more than I can comprehend or imagine! But, human is all the higher I can go. I mean how could I imagine more? To see You just as a Force is — in my mind — to subtract from You. Anyway, I am thankful — filled with heart-warming joy — that I can talk with You.

The only thing that I experience as even better is to talk to You with one or two others! It is more than just “praying” with someone. It is as if each person is Listening and Responding with You “helping.” That kind of prayer is one of the most meaningful things I do. And afterwards I feel more Alive . . . more Aerated . . . more Joyful.

How is it, God, that Praying isn’t presented that way? Oh, I do wish prayer were Packaged Properly!

Tagged with: chatting in God's Presence, conversational prayer, hearing with our hearts, Prayer
Posted in attunement, connecting, Conversations, Prayer, Praying together extemporaneously

Dealing with the Stuff of Life

Posted on January 5, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunset and boats and stuff at the marina

Good Evening, God!

I took this photo last night as we were watching the moon rise . . . I love both sunsets and moonrises.

For a change I wanted to photograph the “stuff” that is in this photo. Maybe because I knew that this morning was my morning to “deal” with stuff. Susan, The Helper, came over and with her as Body Anchor, encourager, and coworker I managed to plow through a few months worth of “stuff” that I had put off.

It wasn’t really hard. And, as I did each task I wondered WHY I had considered it “hard” enough to put off. I noticed that most of the tasks required several steps to complete. Apparently, I’m put off by that. And, yes, God, I know that is true for most of us. Each additional step reduces the chance a thing will get done.

I know that You want to help me exercise more personal responsibility. The “catch” seems to be that You will only help me with a project as I am doing the project. The STARTING seems to be almost totally my job.

Hmm. So, I BEGIN and You come along and help. Duh! I have been asking You to help GET me Started! Sheesh! I feel silly. Worse yet, I think I have been waiting for You to help me feel like doing it. How foolish to think I will ever feel like doing something dull and tedious.

Tagged with: asking for help, Body Anchors, helpers, personal responsibility, Starting, Stuff
Posted in Changing, choosing HARD, responsibility, Stuff, Work

The Open Doors of 2015

Posted on January 4, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A “hidden” open door at the Honolulu airport parking garage

Good Afternoon, God!

For years I’ve read about animals locked up in cages for so long that when the door was left open the animals didn’t even think about walking out.

And, God, every once in a while I wonder if there are doors in my life that I either haven’t seen . . . or haven’t thought to open . . . let alone walk through.

There are some Closed Doors (areas of Learned Helplessness) that I AM aware of. Spelling, Languages, Meticulousness. In those I have tried and failed and given up. I have accepted that I am just “not good” at those things. They look like Locked Doors to me.

But mostly, I don’t think about the “doors” in my life at all.

And this is true even though l loved Carol Dweck’s book Mindset which talks about how we are not nearly as FIXED or LIMITED as we assume. Dr. Dweck stresses the importance of Hard Work in mastery as opposed to resting on Fixed Intelligence. I loved the IDEA of Hard Work. I just haven’t applied it to my every day life.

Then New Year’s Eve I dropped our oldest daughter, Suzanne, off at the airport and went to park the car. The parking garage is being renovated so there are a lot of parts blocked off. As I was walking up toward the crossover walkway I saw a chainlink fence — apparently blocking the entrance. Bummers!, I thought, and I almost turned around. But, I went a few more yards so I could see around the corner and there on the right side was an open door!

I had only pushed on a few more feet. Not really “hard work” but it was enough to see that the door was open.

Please, God, in this New Year may I have eyes to see all the Open Doors around me!