The Monster from the Black Lagoon

Posted on December 10, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

images (1)

Good Evening, God!

Just the other day I was talking with my spiritual director about my Reptilian Brain . . . which I jokingly referred to as “The Monster from the Black Lagoon.” Almost immediately I “saw” an image of my Monster (looking a lot like this triceratops) being led out of the toxic black lagoon into a clear deep salt water pool. Hm.

I had always seen my reptilian brain (we ALL have them) as something to be kept pushed down into the depths . . . I hadn’t thought about what a toxic environment that was for her. In fact, I hadn’t ever thought about her as a creature deserving respect.

As she soaked in the clean salt water I realized that She was my Energy Source. I need her. And I need her healthy and connected to You, God. Gosh, I had isolated her. Kept her in solitary confinement. No wonder she was scary!

Now, as I am in the process of getting to know her I am humbled, God.

My prefrontal cortex thought she was all I needed . . . telling me to fear my Reptilian Brain. . . how arrogant . . . how foolish . . . how sad. You expect us to respect one another and to work together.

Hm. Right now my Reptilian Brain (I must ask her name) is saying go to bed . . . got to sleep. More on this later.

Posted in connecting

In the Womb of God

Posted on December 6, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

eggplant flowers

Good Evening, God!

Your love for us humans is so hard for us to grasp. We know ourselves, God, and therefore we doubt. Sigh.

But recently I found out the the Hebrew word for Compassion (Rachamin) comes for the root word rechem which means womb. Yes, Womb. Wow! When You feel compassion for us is like Your are enfolding us in Your Womb.

Learning this fact kind of made me quiver all over with delight.

A Mother’s womb does two major functions: 1) supplies nutrients needed for growth 2) carries away waste products that would be toxic to the infant. And as we pray . . . center . . . seek to connect with You . . . You do both of those!

Forgiving is less difficult when we feel embraced by Your Love. After a 10 day silent retreat this September I felt cleaner . . . so many regrets and resentments had been released.

I’ve often thought that to You we are all toddlers . . . and toddlers can be forgiven much. But, it is far more than that, God. We are like fetuses — that undeveloped! And that beloved. I remember being pregnant and talking to my baby . . . loving each one so dearly . . . loving them while still unseen.

I came out of a male dominant world . . . so picturing Your Compassion as being not just in Your Lap but in Your Womb . . . is a marvelously healing image for me. I am smiling. I am thankful.

Posted in connecting, developing helpful definitions of love, Forgiving, growing toward up, healing, LOVE, The Flow of God's Love

A Jubilee Year of Mercy!

Posted on December 2, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God,

What a delight to find that starting December 8 we (well, I guess anyone who wants to join in) will be in A Holy Year of Mercy. Pope Francis declared his intention back in April but the church calendar doesn’t turn over until12/8 and the start of Advent.

So, here we are (almost) in a Jubilee Year of Mercy. And our species really needs it! Hey, I need it too!

Actually, I was thinking that what we humans really need is a Year of Repentance. A Year of doing a fearless moral inventory and asking, God, for Your Help in cleaning us up. But, I suppose that IS part of this Jubilee Year. After all, I NEED to receive mercy! I need to more fully understand how I have hurt — or failed to help — those around me.

I heard Professor Fred Luskin give a talk on Letting Stuff Go (forgiving) and the line that stuck with me was: “Everyday all the people around us have to be busy forgiving US for who we are.” So much mercy flowing over us!

Today for the first time in pondering the story of the Good Samaritan I saw myself not just as the Levite walking by on the other side . . . but as the one beaten and wounded lying by the side of the road.

My wounds are very small. Mostly, my wounds are because someone I care about has been hurt. Small or not, I am still wounded and need help to heal.

Perhaps healing comes before — or along with — forgiving. They seem linked together. So, as I look around me — at my Wounded and Wounding Species — I think how important it is to focus on Mercy. Your Mercy and compassion are continuously flowing out — waiting for us to receive it — and pass it on.

Tagged with: forgiving, Forgiving is Healing, healing, mercy, Repentance
Posted in confession, connecting

Perspective and Compassion

Posted on November 28, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Three stars and the other lights are Galaxies

Dear God,

I often wonder HOW You can love us here on Planet Earth when You have trillions of stars and galaxies in the Palm of Your Hand. But, the other day my spiritual director asked me to ponder how You felt about us . . . or something like that. I was swept up into a state of Deep Contemplation. And I felt — in every cell — that You care far more deeply than I can imagine for each one of us. You have overwhelming compassion for every one of us!

And I realized that You love me much more than I love myself.

So, I have been wondering, HOW do I love myself? I mean what does that kind of love look like? One thought I took back with me was that You want us to keep Learning/Growing. Not so much Head Learning as Heart Learning.

Then, just today I read an article in YES Magazine on “How to Build a Culture of Good Health.” I loved it! Good Health truly is a family/community affair. Loneliness really does kill. But my favorite take away from the article was: Give yourself, as best you can, what your parents would have loved to grant you but probably could not: full-hearted attention, full-minded awareness, and compassion. Make gifting yourself with these qualities your daily practice.

I’m smiling. Full-hearted attention can make even brushing my teeth an act of love. Thank You, God, for all the Love and Full-Hearted Attention You keep pouring over us.

Posted in Compassion, compassion to care for myself, connecting, health, LOVE, self care as self compassion and humility, The daily details of love, The Flow of God's Love

Our Paris, Our World

Posted on November 15, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Eiffel Tower

Good Night, God!

There is such a Rising Tide of Hate, Dear God, that I fear for our species. I would like to say the hate is from Other People, Other Countries, other Cultures. But, I have seen it here in America.

Actually, God, when Our Dear Paris was attacked I felt it too . . . hatred burning a hole in my heart.

But, that was exactly what the terrorist want. They want to inspire fear . . . and then hate. After all, that is the primary purpose of hate — to create more hate.

What to do? I like to hope, God, that we are all asking ourselves What To Do? Dragnets are going out to pick up suspects. And I hope they do a good job. But, I just watched an interview with a Green Beret who said hate and violence really doesn’t work well. During his second tour in Afghanistan he realized that there were MORE Taliban than when we had started.

He offers practical tips on how to deal with terrorism. It is a video that we all should watch.

As for myself — I see countries with a high percentage of unemployed young men — and I see trouble. Meaningful work that provides a sense of self respect and a feeling of hope for the future is essential! How is it God, that creating this kind of useful meaningful work doesn’t seem to be anyones responsibility?

Is it because there is no monetary profit in it? Let me see — profit? or the continuation of civilization?

Tagged with: hate, hope, meaningful work, our response?, Paris, terrorism
Posted in connecting

On the Road again . . .

Posted on November 4, 2015 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

A Sequoia Tree and Me

Good Evening, God!

Ah, a wonderful Road Trip . . . we are just finishing up part 8 of a 10 part trip. Our oldest daughter, Suzanne, after Tisk Tisking about WHAT WERE WE THINKING did agree that it would have been hard to do anything much different. It all started out with planning to go to my Stanford Reunion. Then daughter Sandy pointed out that she was running the Nike Women’s half marathon the weekend before in San Francisco and wouldn’t we come up a few days early and cheer her on.

Of course we wanted to do that. Then we had a few days before the reunion and so I invited ourselves up to see my brother and sister-in-law in Grass Valley. Then back down to Stanford for my reunion. After that I had planned four nights in Sequoia. But my wonderful husband Kit said Hey! Let’s go to Yosemite too! Actually, God, he insisted.

And amazingly enough there was a vacancy at the Wawona Lodge! So, we saw Half Dome and drove up to Glacier Point and lunched at the Ahwahnee. Lovely memories as we had honeymooned in Yosemite.

Then down to Sequoia and magnificent old trees . . . 3,000 years old . . . amazing! I wondered God, if the trees talk to each other. It felt to me as if there was communion — if not communication — there in the rich, full, silence. The silence felt like music that I couldn’t quite make out. I loved it.

Next was Santa Barbara for a visit with Kit’s brother Dick and wife Larie –plus brunch with our niece Judy and her husband Steve. So good to connect! We are too scattered. Then a wonderful two day birthday celebration in L.A. with Suzy and then a flight over to Tucson to see Sandy and grandson Ian . . . Mark is at Rice and Dave is in Portugal.

Each stop filled with joyful memories and hundreds of photos, too. I am ever so grateful, God! Thank You!

Posted in connecting

The Road Home — into Forgiveness and Love

Posted on October 10, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A lake in the Arapaho National Forest seen on the drive back from Aspen to Denver

Good Evening, God

This lovely lake looks so smooth and calm. Ah, but what is going on underneath? What is going on in my Unconscious? I think it was Fr. Rohr who quoted Jung as saying, “The face we turn to our unconscious is the face we turn toward the world.” I really got that, God.

Now that my Gut is feeling forgiven by You, I am not nearly as judgmental of my deeper self . . . or for that matter . . . of others. This Gut thing is really big, God. As I understand it, all that silence and stillness really gave the Cleanup and Repair neurological software (aka our parasympathetic nervous system) a chance to kick in and do some deep emotional healing.

So on Day 4 when I read a quote from Billy Graham saying, “I’m just a simple farm boy. You don’t have to know what it means ‘that Jesus died for your sins’ — I don’t. Just accept that it’s true.” It HIT me. Oh, I don’t have to understand. I just have to accept!

I was filled with a vast joy and went to bed and fell into a deep sleep. The next morning I took this event out and pondered it during the stillness. And My Mother Cat — the part of me that has been very unhappy with me for 34 years for my not keeping our daughter Patty from dying from cancer — hopped up into my lap, purred, and then put a paw on each shoulder and licked my face.

Apparently, God, My Mother Cat had received forgiveness, too. And since she was forgiven she could reach out and forgive me.

Now, God, I can hear You (and others) saying, “But surely you knew you were forgiven years ago?” And, yes, My Mind knew. And, I think My Heart knew, too. But, it seems that My Gut did not know. And I guess My Mother cat lives in My Gut.

Tagged with: a slower pace, centering prayer, forgiveness, healing, Mother Cat, Parasympathetic Nervous System, peace, silent retreat, Snowmass Retreat Center
Posted in connecting

A Doorway into Stillness

Posted on October 1, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Door into Stillness — the entrance into the Retreat House Prayer Room

Good Morning, God!

I just came across a quote from Brene Brown that helped me understand my Silent Retreat a bit better.

“Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.”

I had been focusing on the Silence. Although we were all Still . . . I hadn’t noticed the stillness.

Ah noticing! There’s a challenge! Noticing what is going on inside of me . . . and outside of me. Such a balance. I wonder, God, if this Noticing is more like a Dance or more like a Musical Score. Hmm. I’d like it to be both!

And now, God, I’m laughing! Here I am talking about choreographing it and creating a musical score — when I am not trained at noticing. I suppose that first one must have a Name or Definition for what one intends to notice?

I had just defined stillness as the absence of motion. Now I can “see” it not just “no motion” but a clearing . I can see it as an Entry Point into both MORE and LESS. Stillness can become the starting point for extending awareness . . .

As an extrovert I have leaned toward noticing externals — noticing the beauty all around me . . . noticing the people, the news, the weather, the multitudinous swirl of information all around me.

So, what a gift to be invited out of that swirl and into silence and stillness . . . invited to make no eye contact even . . . with the folks there with me. It made it easier to go inside myself . . . into memories, concerns, regrets, and worries . . . a lot of stuff.

Then having looked . . . handing them over to You as best I could. All of this to Clear an inner Space and open it to You. Wow!

Tagged with: awareness, clearning, creating a space, definitions, mindfulness, Names, noticing, Stillness
Posted in connecting

Nine Days in Deep Silence

Posted on September 30, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Benedictine monk (Aaron) in the monastery bookstore.

Good Day, God!

I’ve been home over a week now from my nine day Silent Retreat at the Retreat Center at Snowmass, Colorado. When I first got home I was exhausted — which amazed me considering how much I had rested and napped.

But slowly it has come to me that You and my Unconscious were doing a lot of work in all that silence. My conscious mind got an occasional peak into what was happening. But, I am pretty sure it will take months for my Mind to find out what was going on. Or, maybe, God, my Mind isn’t able to conceptualize what You did?

I took many hundreds of photos — beautiful photos of rainbows, snow on the highest peak, green meadows with cows and sunsets. So, how did I pick this photo in which Brother Aaron is only in silhouette? I did it because of the LIGHT surrounding him! I think of these monks as ordinary mortals who have chosen to immerse themselves in the Light of Your Love.

And, yes, all of us ordinary folks are welcomed in . . . welcomed to sit in Your Presence. Now I do know that You are everywhere! I don’t really NEED to go off to a “sacred valley” to sit in Your Presence. However, it is so much easier to sit in silence with 21 others who have come together with the same purpose. I shamelessly drafted on their capabilities! And I came to love them . . . without speaking a word . . . as Your Holy Spirit knit us together.

Thank You, God! It was a Glorious Time!

Tagged with: Benedictine Monastery, Nine Day Silent Retreat, Non verbal communication, quiet, Silence, Snowmass, Stillness, Time Set Apart
Posted in connecting

Yes! We CAN help . . .

Posted on September 5, 2015 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A three year old boy drowned leaving Syria

Dear God!

I cannot look at this dear little boy without tearing up. And I am not alone. I have seen many images, heard many words and read many, many words. But, this ONE image is working in my heart. My wonderful husband, Kit, printed it off and left it on my desk . . . just in case I hadn’t seen it.

Oh Dear God! How is it possible to look and not to weep? To see and then do nothing?

Well, WHAT to do?

A dear friend sent me the link to Rescue.org and I have given . . . not much . . . but pledged monthly. I guess, God, that I wanted to give specifically to a group focused on helping refugees.

Does it help the hundreds of thousands of refugees? No, not much . . . I will ask Kit to give, too. But, it is helping me. It is helping me to feel less powerless . . . less hopeless . . . as I watch the news.

Oh YES! There is one more thing I can do! I read about it in a weekly posting from Father Richard Rohr. He shares information from Tibetan Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön about Tonglen practice as a way of holding suffering and awakening compassion.

Briefly it is: “. . . breathing in others’ pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, our own resistance, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness, happens to be at that moment.”

Ah, Dear God, I feel that is the kind of prayer that You desire and that You inhabit! A prayer that turns into a prayer for our own hopeless self and all the others like us.

Come, Dear God, and Help us!