The stillness of a predawn breakfast and love

Posted on February 10, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

predawn breakfast

Good Morning, God!

I took my wonderful husband Kit out for an early breakfast to celebrate his half birthday. Of course, I took him to my favorite spot on the island — the Plumeria Beach House at The Kahala. This view is of Koko Crater on the left and Koko Head on the right. We live in Hawaii Kai so both of these craters are seen every day and I particularly love Koko Crater.

But, what was special was gazing at them before dawn. The light quality is muted and soft. The day begins so gently. . . softly and quietly. We could hear the waves lapping at the shore. And when the sun did rise over the ocean, most of us stopped eating and went to take photos.

I am learning, God, that You are very present in the silence and the stillness.

This evening was Ash Wednesday and Kit and I went to our church’s service. We were all sprinkled with water shaken off a couple of ti leaves. Then we all walked to the front to have ashes put on our foreheads — then walked up again to receive communion. My body felt good about being involved in worship. And it came to me that my Body is more closely connected to my Heart than my Head is. Those simple acts meant something to my Body and my Heart knew it.

Ah, God, the Old Church knew about the importance of involving the Body in worship. But now there is so much Head Stuff. As Fr. Richard Rohr said, “Orthodoxy teaches us the theoretical importance of love; orthopraxy helps us learn how to love.” And love expresses itself most fully in actions — simple behaviors like listening. Listening to what is not said . . . not able to be said. Ah, that is love!

Tagged with: Ash Wednesday, dawn, Heart, Koko Crater, listening, Love, Silence, sunrise
Posted in beauty, connecting, LOVE, Silence, Stillness

A Surprising Gift

Posted on February 3, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

yellow royal pointceana

Good Morning, God!

I first remember learning that SIZE doesn’t matter in Madeleine L’Engle’s book, A Wind in the Door. This photo is of a rather small bloom on a dwarf poinciana tree. But, just look at its beauty! If we look carefully enough . . . if we see as we are seen by You . . . perhaps everything has beauty.

Every one of us matters . . . every one of us is beloved by You. That does not mean we are yet in full alignment — whatever that might mean. I take it to mean that You love us As we are and Where we are.

So, God, 2016 has been declared by Pope Francis to be the Year of Mercy. I have declared it to be The Year I Learn to Take Better Care of Myself. I kind of squirm when I write that, God. In my Culture — I am to take care of OTHERS. I am definitely NOT to be self-centered, selfish or self-indulgent.

Only, I have recently realized that I am in need of care. . . in need of help . . . in need of changing my priorities so that my family and I are central (I couldn’t quite write, FIRST.) The last time we talked, God, I wondered “what will I do Today?”

Now I am reporting back. What I did that day was I ACTED to put myself first. And I found that when I did that I actually put my wonderful husband, Kit, first! I had “forgotten” that I had made him part of me and therefore able to be “shelved” while I honored my “commitments” to Others. Now that I have been able to resist duty to others — even just a little bit — I am able to lavish attention on the two of us.

This is a BIG surprise. A Very Happy Surprise. It feels revolutionary!

Posted in Abundant Life, accepting my ability to REDESIGN, accepting my need for help, Commitments, connecting, Duty, loving myself, priorities, The Self

Looking Ahead

Posted on January 27, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

far vistas

Good Morning, God!

On our ten stop trip this last Fall, Google Maps was one of our great delights. We would put in the address and off we would go. No more Navigation Wars — with me saying the maps says Left and Kit saying he was sure we turn Right! With Google Maps we got clear and timely directions on when to turn and whether to turn left or right. How much simpler travel is now.

Actually, it is coming to me, God, that Artificial Intelligence is arriving Just In Time! I am thankful! And grateful. And mostly, hopeful.

And I am realizing that I could make a lot more use of AI. Our marvelous daughter, Sandy, frequently tells her phone to “remind me” to do x or y . . . at a set time. How helpful! Both my wonderful husband and I are already “attached” to our iPhones. Why not make fuller use of them?

Why, indeed? Well, there is the Setup Investment of time and energy. It would all take a bit of planning . . . a bit of thinking ahead. That sounds simple enough. But, it would also mean stopping and looking at what I do . . . maybe thinking about how much I’m doing . . . maybe asking myself about what my priorities are? Hm. The truth is, God, that while Part of me is committed to Taking Better Care of Myself — another Part is quite intent on Doing What It Wants to Do.

Hm. What shall I do, TODAY, God?

Tagged with: analyzing, cooperation, Helping myself
Posted in a hand up, asking for help for myself, authority over my life, Balancing and adjustments, being a Slow Learner, being repotted, connecting

New Every Morning

Posted on January 22, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Morning walk

Good Morning, God!

It’s winter here in Honolulu. I wore a jacket this morning. But the main change in Winter is the Darkness. Starting a walk in the dark is special. The planets are showing. The birds are waking up. And the Sun is rising. Sunrise!

We are New Every Morning, God. New Creatures with a brand new day. The Gift of Time and the Gift of Life. The gifts of a wonderful husband to share coffee with before we get up to begin our day. The gift of dear friends to go walking with. I am thankful!

Thankful, but, I realized recently that I have been guilty of “minimizing” my hurts, my griefs, and my sorrows. My Mind — which fears pain and grief — rushes in to tell me not to feel bad. There there, it could have been worse . . . think of the drowning refugees, etc.

I was praying with a friend today and I saw that she was doing the very same thing. We don’t want to whine and feel sorry for ourselves. (Yes, I am culturally sensitized to be judgmental about folks whining.) But, that has meant that I have avoided feeling my feelings. Stuffing them.

Ooo. Not good. Feelings will WAIT AROUND until the ARE FELT. So, recently, I have been doing more feeling. It does hurt. Feeling tough stuff HURTS.

But, God, my Heart is feeling more open — feeling as if there is more room inside it. It is as if the Grief in my Gut can only escape through my Heart . . . when it is Heard . . .Felt . . . and Released.

Imagine, God! I am beginning to feel Compassion for myself . . . all of my dear old Past Selves . . . embracing them . . . comforting them . . . feeling with them. It is GOOD.

Thank You!

Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, compassion to care for myself, connecting, Feeling our feelings, Hearing, hearing myself, LOVE, loving myself, self care as self compassion and humility

Plumerias in Winter

Posted on January 6, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Plumeria in winter

Good Evening, God

It is winter here in Hawaii . . . it is 75 right now and cloudy. This week the highs will be between 79 and 81 and the lows may hit 68! Hardly winter anywhere else . . . but here the plumeria trees have dropped their leaves and grown dormant. So I was surprised to see flowers . . . and lots of buds too.

I wish I were seeing buds of Peace daring to get ready to unfurl. I think, God, that most of us humans are like these flowers. We want to bloom. We want to unfurl and bring joy to others.

But, some folks want to be RIGHT more than they want to bloom. So they go BOOM BOOM instead of flowering. It is so sad. It is a waste. Of course, that is how I see it now.

I used to be convinced I was RIGHT. Fortunately I never fell into the hands of folks wanting to point me in the wrong direction. Folks who wanted me to help them stamp out erroneous thoughts by killing people.

Now I am beginning to think that “right” is a two dimensional concept.

You designed us to be connected with You. Connected to each other. And connected to our inner wounded selves. You designed us to love and to care and to share.

So, I am going to pray for those folks who are certain they are Right . . . pray for their blessing and healing and growth. And pray for my healing and growth, too. After all, we all have a long way to grow!

Tagged with: Hawaii, Plumerias
Posted in a prayer for healing, connecting, growing toward up, healing, Peace, Prayer, Praying for our enemies

Third in his age group!

Posted on January 4, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Kit mile 16

Here is my Wonderful Husband almost 4 hours into the December 13th 2015 Honolulu Marathon! He is so obviously A Happy Man that I have given up — well, I am in the process of giving up — my desire for him to specialize in HALF marathons which are only 13.1 miles!

He is THAT happy just from running. He doesn’t even know that he is going to do negative splits and place third in the 80-84 age group! Better yet with a 5:59:15 he slipped in under 6 hours.

A dear friend in Minnesota asked about Kit . . . saying “I didn’t see anything on your Facebook page.” So not quite a month late — here is the Good News!

Posted in connecting

Designed to Bloom

Posted on January 2, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

African zinnias Good Day, God!

I just reread Jimmy Carter’s essay on why he left the Souther Baptist Church over its theological position on the inequality of women.

Wow, God! I am still totally amazed at how much evil is done in Your Name! Mostly, I tend to look abroad. But, sheesh . . . right here in America we are oppressing over half the population.

Women responsible for sin? Hello? When are men going to Grow Up??? Well, actually, when am I going to grow up and speak up? Like maybe most . . . or all of my generation . . . I have suffered from the toxic cultural beliefs about females. Suffered without ever knowing it.

But, when I take the time and sit and feel . . . as part of my Self Care resolution — I know that growing up female was hard hard hard. Men who speak up and out are leaders — women who speak up and out are mostly just not heard. Being heard without being a Bitch . . . isn’t easy.

Of course, “not being heard” isn’t nearly as bad as being stoned to death.

But THAT is NOT THE POINT! Neither one is acceptable.

Yet, we women have accepted it. Hm, well, we American’s have burned witches not that many hundreds of years ago. So, burning, stoning AND SHAMING have succeeded in keeping lots of us quiet and a little embarrassed about the others.

So, God, I was thinking isn’t this a little late for me to speak up? But then I feel in my bones that it is never too late . . . to feel and to change. Never too late to apologize to my daughters for passing the toxins on . . .

And not too late to see this as part of a horrible whole — because, as I hear You mentioning . . . women have not been the only victims of hatred, fear and oppression.

We ALL need to see ourselves and others as You see us . . . as toddlers. Toddlers who are being loved — and lovingly corrected — into growing toward up . . . loved into blooming as we are and where we are. Blooming in spite of oppressive forces!

Posted in a prayer for healing, Changing, changing who I want to become, connecting, Equality, freedom, growing toward up, Growth Opportunities, LOVE, The difficulty of changing, The Flow of God's Love, web of life

A New Start for a New Year

Posted on December 31, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Christmas lights in marina Good Evening, God!

New Year’s Eve . . . and I am smiling in anticipation of a New Year . . . yet another chance to molt and explore other options. Yes, of course, I do realize that I can make changes at any given moment. I don’t have to wait for New Year! But, with the tradition of New Year’s “resolutions,” one gets a helpful cultural push.

My wonderful husband Kit and I just finished a rewarding visit with our oldest daughter — who is one of my very best friends. I made the most of our time together! I have listener genes — as well as talker genes — and Suz and I outdid ourselves in the number of words spoken and heard.

And Kit outdid himself by suggesting that we three go up to the Top of the I (the 25 floor of the Ilikai overlooking the harbor) for dinner last night — the night before Suz left. That is what Kit and I did the night before the Honolulu Marathon and he wanted to share the experience with Suz. She was touched and delighted!

It was a lovely evening and it has been mostly a lovely year for us. But it has also been a very full year. And what I want now — more than anything else — is to lavish time and attention on Kit and on myself.

So I have canceled my regular activities and outings for the first two days of the year. I will stay home and see/discover what sorts of things might constitute lavishing attention on myself. I am suspecting that some of the things will surprise me as my definitions of self care are starting to morph.

So thank You, God, for 2015 and for new insights for 2016. Please help us ALL make better choices . . . in caring for ourselves and others!

Posted in a New Year, a series of molts and upgrades, connecting, self care as maintenance, self care as self compassion and humility

Merry Christmas 2016

Posted on December 25, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

fireworks

Merry Christmas, God!

Aah, now that is a funny greeting. I suppose it ought to be Thank You for Christmas! Thank You for designing such an incredible way of showing forth Your Love! Such a beautiful way of creeping into our hearts . . . as a baby . . . after all we are wired to love and care for infants . . . puppies, kittens . . .

I can feel You now — loving me as I am, while encouraging me to sit up straighter — because it is better for me. Oh, my! Love is so full of soft and hard. Yet, even (or especially?) the Hards are for our benefit.

Laughing! You are laughing . . . and if I had Your Perspective . . . I would laugh too. But, You are crying, too, aren’t You. And MORE! How was it that old theologians thought You didn’t experience emotions? Hm. For centuries emotions were shoved off onto women . . . men had to be logical and rational . . . and do unbearable things . . . how COULD they feel?

As I sit — slightly straighter — I marvel that we think we might comprehend You. You are like the light of this firework — multicolored and ever shifting. And, bright and beautiful! And we humans only see a very small percentage of the electromagnetic waves that comprise visible light.

Aah. Yet, You want us to know and receive Your Love! You keep on keeping on . . . wanting us to stop our foolishness and open to You. To become –day by day — moment by moment — new creatures in You.

Posted in connecting

Close to Christmas

Posted on December 23, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

June entering service

Good Evening, God!

I love that verse in Revelations where Jesus says “I stand at the door and knock. . .” I love it because it speaks to me of how You are always wanting to come closer to us . . . loving us AS we are and WHERE we are.

Ah, but God, I so often feel like the person in this photo. I am not opening the door. I am not stopping my busyness. Hm. In truth, I am avoiding You. Not because You are harsh and judgmental . . . but because I am harsh and judgmental. Mostly of my own dear self.

Our beloved oldest daughter is here for Christmas and we were talking of times and traumas past and she said to me, “Mom you were only 27! You were so young! How can you be so hard on yourself!”

Oh. 27? Yikes! That really is young. And her loving reminder really did help. I was young. And, perhaps, God, we as a species are still Very Young.

That is consoling. And, as we approach Christmas . . . I once again feel the gap between Your Love for us and our love for ourselves and each other. I am in need of consoling.

Somehow, I imagined I would be more grown up by now. Actually, I thought I was grown up at 17.

How foolish! I still have miles to go and hopefully years to go — on this amazing journey. So, thank You for Your comforting and consoling love. After all, I am still so very young.

Tagged with: consoling, growing toward up, judging, maturing
Posted in connecting