On Being Back

A Diamond Jubilee plate in my mother’s china cabinet

Good Morning, God!

I’m back. After doing this blog every day for a  couple of years, interruption was difficult. Mostly, the interruption  was caused by the “technical difficulties” of having a poor wifi connection on our river boat in France.

But, off and on during this time I was mad at You, God. Mad at You and mad at myself. Unhappy with both of us . . . blaming You for the trials of being human. Well, Who Else to blame?

I didn’t want to talk about it then or think about it — both of which I would have to do if I blogged. So not being able to blog suited me just fine.

But, now I am starting to get back in touch with You and I am accepting that it is permissible, in fact, to weep. Permissible? Well, yes. That does say a lot about my dominant mindset, doesn’t it, God!

It is some sort of “warrior” mindset. Warrior women don’t snivel. They don’t complain. They do their duty. So, when faced with Emotional Pain, God, I try really hard to ignore it. That is what I have done about watching my beloved mother age. I have relentlessly focused on the positive.

But, Thank You, God, that at some point there was ENOUGH PAIN to force me to recognize it — open the door to it — accept it as part of being human. I cannot stop Time. I cannot fix all the ills of the world, or of my family, or of myself.

That does not mean I have failed — even though it sometimes FEELS as if I have failed. It is just part of being human –and not superhuman. Accepting that fact is part of forgiving You and of forgiving myself — an ongoing process!

And now a more upbeat word: I gave my mom this Diamond Jubilee plate commemorating Queen Elizabeth’s 60 years on the throne. My mom admired it and then said, “Oh I remember her when she was just a little girl!”

What a wonderful comment! What a wonderful life!

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Story teller,

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Posted in Failing, Sorrows of the Deep, time, Transitions
2 comments on “On Being Back
  1. Hey, missed your blogs! They felt like a friend went on vacation…Well, she DID! I also wanted to say, “Happy Mother’s Day!” Much love and hugs from out here in CA! Robin (+ Larry + Johnny + Luke too)

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