Stopping to See: The Aloha Tower and Hard Facts

Posted on August 19, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Aloha Tower on the Honolulu waterfront

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday I was off to downtown to get my teeth cleaned and checked. As I was walking along, I looked to my right and there was the Aloha Tower. There were only a few yards of visibility — a few more steps and I would have passed it by, unseen.

I forget exactly how many data bites we take in each day, God. Billions? Or more. But our conscious mind can only register a small fraction of the whole.

Whole? As I typed that word I laughed! The billions of data bites our senses absorb are a minute portion of an Ever Expanding Whole. Of course, that is just the part we have managed to “see.”

But what we do know sets us in an Amazing Context of Time and Space. I like that, God. I like having my Framework STRETCHED. Of course, it snaps back. I suppose it tends to snap back to 1) Beliefs we were taught when young and 2) Things we WANT to believe.

But back to my walk. I was listening to the book Sleeping with the Enemy: Coco Chanel’s Secret War. She was such an iconic figure, God. I’ve admired her creations so I was distressed to learn of her antisemitism! The author “explains” it by saying she was taught antisemitism in a Catholic orphanage where she lived from the age of 12 on. But, that just distressed me all the more — thinking of how people using Your Name taught hatred.

Can we “unlearn” hatred, God? I think the evidence shows that bringing “enemies” together to interact side by side does help to break down negative stereotypes. So did South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation sessions as people shared their injuries or confessed and repented from hateful deeds.

The trouble is, we have to WANT to unlearn hatred. For that, we need Your help, God!

Tagged with: a moment with God, Aloha Tower, antisemitism, Coco Chanel, stopping to see, stretching our minds, unlearning hatred
Posted in a prayer for healing, Forgiving, Humility or Needing Help!, Ongoing Transformation, Repentance, respect, Rethinking, stopping to see

What happened to MY Overfill Alarm?

Posted on August 18, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A small Overfill Alarm at my gas station

Good Morning, God!

I just happened to notice this small little box the other day while I was getting gas. I didn’t remember ever seeing it before. It clearly says it is an “Overfill Alarm.”

My instant response was WHY DON’T I HAVE ONE OF THOSE? I guess I was thinking, God, that IF I had an alarm like that — one that FLASHES and SQUEALS — I would have retired a few years ago.

Ha! Guess again!

You are right, God. I would have ignored the flashing light and put in ear plugs. Actually, I am pretty sure I DID have ear plugs in. I just really didn’t want to hear or know that I was on “overflow.”

What You had to do for me, God, was send me off to Snowmass for a 10-day silent retreat. That loosened the grip that adrenalin had on me. Busy wasn’t just about “helping” and being “useful” — there was an actual addiction to adrenalin.

Now I have slowed down and I have space in my day. I look back and I am dumbfounded that I was so slow to get it. Worse yet, I look around me and see a lot of folks on “overfill.” Since I was so determined to keep on doing all I was doing, I am at a loss as to how I might “help” others. Is it possible?

I had read all the books. I could repeat Dr. Arch Hart’s words on anhedonia — about how busy builds a WALL around our pleasure center. I loved Richard Swenson’s book on Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives. But, I just couldn’t apply it to myself.

I am thankful for Your help, God. Now, please help all the others who are just like me!

Tagged with: adrenalin addiction, anhedonia, busy builds a wall around our pleasure center, Dr. Hart, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, Margin: Restoring Emotional, overfill alarms, Physical, Snowmass Retreat Center, ten day silent retreat
Posted in Borrowing from the Body's Bank, busy, setting my life in context, systematic rebuilding required, The difficulty of changing

Rereading Keats — Time and Timelessness

Posted on August 17, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A Grecian Urn (from Bai du site)

Good Morning, God!

Listen to Myself? Listen to Literature? Me? Well, maybe. The thing is, God, that I have invested so heavily in being 1) useful 2) cheerful and 3) a happy-ending-sort-of-person that listening to my “unheard” self seems like descending into the Dark Regions. It is like being asked to go Spelunking! Arrgh!

But, what is Life if not to Dare and Grow — to appreciate Beauty and Seek Truth? So, I am planing on doing what Mavis suggested and investing an hour in HEARING myself.

But, before that — for that IS scary — I thought I would take a page from my English major daughter and read Ode to a Grecian Urn. It was good to read it again — after a full life.

In youth, I think we mostly resonate with “Beauty is truth, truth beauty.” But now the line that caught my eye was Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu. My response, after many years of bidding Spring adieu and dropping leaves — is to feel the benefits of leaves dropped — to anticipate the joy of unfurling New Leaves. I have no desire to be frozen in Timelessness. Time itself, is precious.

Just yesterday a friend sent me a text — asking if I see “humans on earth as a failed experiment of God.” I love out-of-the-blue questions like that, God! Because I get to have an Out-of-the-Blue response. Mine was, “NO WAY!!! We are an ongoing exercise.” Hmmm. An Exercise, not an Experiment.

Perhaps part of the “exercise” is to grapple with the Great Mystery of Our Temporal Existence? And, then to “choose” our Context? Ah, as St. Paul said, “someday we shall know, even as we are known!”

Tagged with: experiment or exercise, frozen in time, Keats, Ode to a Grecian Urn
Posted in healing, hearing myself, humility, Inner Journeys, Ongoing Transformation, Transitions

Respecting Others: The CORE of Good Manners

Posted on August 16, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Pair of White Hibiscus

Good Morning, God!

A friend loaned me the book, Essential Manners for Couples, by Peter Post (yes, the great grandson of The Emily Post.)

Actually, it was more like an “assignment,” so I have been dutifully chugging along, about one third through. Still, I know it is one of those simple books that everyone ought to read.

As the author puts it, the book is about: Ensuring that you always treat each other with consideration, respect and honesty. Those sure are the Big Three of Relationships. In fact, Respect is SO important that Consideration and Honesty seem more like add-ons. In fact, I hope he has a separate chapter on honesty as that can be a devastating “virtue” when we forget that honesty is best coated with vulnerability.

While the book is intended for couples, many of the ideas work for relationships in general. We are immeshed in such a complex and movable web of relationships that I am pretty sure we could all use some help. I’m pretty sure, God, that most of the time we don’t even see the small momentary contacts we have with others as “relationships.” But they are. And they can be important.

You let me experience that potential importance when Kit and I were flying home from Princeton. I got into a conversation with a woman, seated next to me, who lives in Colorado and it became deep enough that we exchanged addresses. She sent a letter and I sent a card and then Mango Days, our Patty’s book. She has sent back two cards and even bought the book AntiCancer that I recommended. Who would have guessed?

It makes me think of the White Hibiscus bush outside our door. I focused on two hibiscus “together” but, in truth the bush is FULL of hibiscus — all connected, knowing it or not.

Posted in relationships, respect, web of life

Same View — Different Vantage Point

Posted on August 15, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Koko Crater from a slightly different vantage point

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday, while running an errand at Kale’s food store, I thought I’d take some photos from behind Queens’ Hawaii Kai Clinic. What fun to have a different vantage point!

Later I was thinking about how badly I need slightly different vantage points on lots of things. I don’t think of myself as “rigid,” God, but I have noticed I tend to get “locked in” to my viewpoints. Hmmm. I hardly ever stop and think, “I could be wrong!”

Sigh. It takes energy to stop and reconsider our “world views” — energy we often squander on Worries, Fears and Angers — or just plain busy.

Then, on my way home, the Public Radio station had a talk about how so many of us spend way too much time in the Fight or Flight Mode. That is the direct opposite of the REST & DIGEST mode. I remember reading Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky some time ago, God, and being struck by how hard on our Bodies to be set on ON all of the time. But, of course, I failed to take it “personally.” Duh!

I sort of understand why I didn’t get it. I wasn’t angry or scared — I wasn’t feeling like fighting or fleeing. I was just busy. Busy doing. Resting and Digesting wasn’t even there as a “phrase” in my mind.

So here I am, God. I have borrowed a lot from my Body’s Bank. I haven’t gotten a statement — not a numerical statement, that is. But, now that my “Addicted to Busy Mind” is not giving orders, I can feel the debt . . . feel my need to pay it off by Resting and Digesting. And, now that I reflect on it, I have a lot more than just food to digest. Thank You, God, for all Your Help!

Tagged with: a slightly different Vantage Point, being in debt, borrowing from our Body's Bank, rebuilding, renewing, Rest & Digest, squandering energy, the toll of being busy
Posted in processing on deeper levels, refraining from work, rest, Rethinking

Watching Time Flow By — And Flowing With It

Posted on August 14, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Watching the Sun light up the base of Koko Crater

Good Morning, God!

I love sitting outside at twilight and watching the movement of both the Sun and the Moon. We go to this restaurant a day or two before the full moon because I also love going to bed early.

The evening that this photo was taken I was able to see the sunlight slowly move up Koko Crater. I could “see” Time Passing, God!

When the sun is overhead I have trouble seeing it move. Even over the course of several hours I can’t see it move.

There is something very satisfying about being able to see Time Passing. Transitions are happening all the time — all around us, and, YIKES, even in us! But these are mostly too small to notice. Usually noticing requires something dramatic — like having to buy a larger size pair of pants — which I did have to do a few weeks ago.

Buying larger pants was an unhappy marker for an unhappy transition, God. So, I am back on my NO GRAIN DIET and I am digging in to fight Entropy — that appalling tendency of things to unravel and slide into disorder! I am fighting it in my Body and in my Office. But, mostly God, I feel this is a battle being fought in my Heart.

My Heart wants to feel that both Body and Office can be reordered and reorganized. My Heart wants to have Hope for what is coming next. A Hope that leads to Anticipation and Joy. A Hope that sustains us in the ongoing discipline required to reorder our lives.

Please, God, replenish my Hope — I need it to change — I need it to flow into the future.

Tagged with: changing, flowing into the future, Hope brings anticipation and joy, my Hearts need for Hope, transitions
Posted in Changing, hope, Hope as a gift from God, Transitions

Walking (slowly) in the Light

Posted on August 13, 2011 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Morning in Kapiolani Park looking at Diamond Head

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday I intended to jog around Kapiolani Park. I thought that after my 3.1 mile “Mango Days 5K” race on Sunday it would be doable.

Not so, God. Although I did jog for a half-mile or so, it was a reminder that getting back into condition takes time. Rebuilding my Body will take time and slow, loving steps. And rest.

And, it also makes me more thankful for Sunday’s 5K when I DID run the whole way.

bromeliads in the sunlight

Meanwhile, God, I had no trouble yesterday taking photos while I walked around the park. We live in such a Beautiful World! And for me it is the LIGHT that brings the most joy. Diamond Head was irresistible as a photo subject, but so were these bromeliads, which look pretty shaggy when the light is not pouring through them.

Ah, that we should let Your Light pour through us, God. Hmmm. Yes, I guess that takes training and time, too. And lots of intention.

Both my Body and my Spirit feel as if they have overdone and need rebuilding and renewing.

Retiring is essential to having the time and space to do the “renewing work” of letting go and moving on. But, at the same time, it is part of the work. Please, God, help me rebuild my Body, Spirit, and Sense of Identity.

Tagged with: Diamond Head, identity, Kapiolani Park, letting the Light shine through, our Sense of Self, retiring as rebuilding
Posted in a prayer for healing, a series of molts and upgrades, accepting my need for help, being repotted, Changing, exercising

Learning from Feedback — Am I Willing?

Posted on August 12, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Blue Angels: Photo by Rob Vogelaar

Good Morning, God!

How do these pilots DO IT? How can they fly that close and that fast? No room for error there! Our Bodies and Minds have incredible abilities, God!

Yesterday in Discover magazine I read an article that was really an excerpt from the book, Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain by David Eagleman. The article touched on how our Bodies can learn to do things without our Minds having any idea HOW we do them. For example, in WW II there were people in Britain who could instantly tell a returning English plane from an attacking German plane. A very useful gift. They “just knew.” They couldn’t explain HOW they knew. If you don’t know how you know . . . then how do you teach others “how to do it?”

What Plane Spotters did was have an apprentice with them who would guess which plane it was. Then the Spotter would immediately tell the apprentice if they were right or wrong. It worked. The apprentice learned how to tell one plane from another. Their Bodies learned — without any apparent help from their minds.

I suppose that must be how the Blue Angel pilots become so skilled. I guess flight simulators help them “learn” from mistakes? I know we’re designed to learn from our mistakes, God. But, unlike the apprentice plane spotters, I am rarely aware of that instant corrective feedback.

You say, I COULD BE . . . but I turned it OFF? You would be willing to make that feedback available and even make it a little louder? Sheesh! I bet You are RIGHT! I bet You ARE willing to give me that feedback. Like after I take a bite? Or BEFORE I ORDER? Sigh. OK, God! Let’s turn that “app” back on.

Tagged with: being willing to learn, Blue Angels, feedback, Incognito, Incognito: the Secret Lives of the Brain, leaning by feedback, our Bodies learn
Posted in choices, Feedback, learning, Rethinking

Clouds in the Sky: Seeing things in Context

Posted on August 11, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

fascinating clouds over Hawaii Kai

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday was a bumper day for photos! I was at the Ala Moana Shopping Center taking photos in Neiman Marcus and the Apple Store. Then in the evening my brother sent me a great photo of four baby finches with their mouths WIDE open. Their 10th finch nest of the season!

But this is the one I wanted to share — unusual clouds over Hawaii Kai. Actually, I saw them as I got off the freeway but I didn’t hit a red light until Hawaii Kai.

I love clouds, God, and we have such beautiful clouds in Hawaii. Big white, puffy ones that rise up over the mountains — cumulus clouds — are what I usually see. But every once in a while we get something unusual. A Treat. I suppose, God, that when I say I love clouds I really mean I love the Sky and the Clouds.

Because I really don’t like it when I cannot see the sky. I’m thinking of the low grey clouds that cover the sky completely — the June Gloom of Coastal California. Or the low thick dark clouds of the Northwest that come and sit on top of everything.

So, then, it isn’t just the clouds — it is the clouds in the context of the sky — that I love. Hmmm. I suppose, God, that there is a lot of that type of confusion in my mind. I’m thinking now of ice cream bars which are a special “comfort” food for me. It isn’t really because of the vanilla ice cream and the chocolate coating. It is more that they bring back memories of my childhood visiting my grandparents and waiting for the ice cream truck.

So, maybe it’s the context that determines the Value? Thank You, God for BEING OUR CONTEXT!

Posted in Enjoyment, JOY, reframing, seeing

Noticing a SLOWING DOWN into Relaxation

Posted on August 10, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Plants growing (slowly) outside our front door

Good Morning, God!

Last night at dinner, I suddenly became aware of eating more slowly. I could FEEL a SLOWNESS settling around me and in me. I was sort of startled, God. And then I realized I didn’t need to rush. I had enough time to do what needed to be done.

I still feel that way. It feels very, very good, God! And now I am understanding how hard it was for my Body to be on Overload. Part of me wants to cry out — WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE TELL ME! But, of course, it wasn’t that I didn’t KNOW THAT. It was that I HADN’T FELT IT!

Sigh. I am beginning to think that head knowledge is appallingly useless, God. If we don’t feel a fact in our Gut and in our Bones, then we don’t know it at all.

All of which makes me wonder about “education” and “rational arguments” and other things that don’t seem to matter very much at all. Of course, I LOVE learning. I love pondering problems. But, there is a lot to be said for EXPERIENCE!

I have often thought, God, that a well-run company is one that listens to the people fielding customer complaints. Or better yet, gets the Designers, Funders and Users together to hear one another. That reminds me of the Victim/Offender Reconciliation Program that Oregon ran some years ago.

Having the Offenders HEAR the victim speak about how they felt, how their lives had been damaged– that reached past the Head and into the Heart! That changed the Offenders. And being Heard helped the Victim to forgive and release the Offender.

Hmmm. Forgiving and Releasing and Going Slow. Good words, God!

Tagged with: forgiving and releasing, having enough time, the joy of going slow
Posted in Forgiving, Thinking and Feeling, time