Good Morning, God!
Listen to Myself? Listen to Literature? Me? Well, maybe. The thing is, God, that I have invested so heavily in being 1) useful 2) cheerful and 3) a happy-ending-sort-of-person that listening to my “unheard” self seems like descending into the Dark Regions. It is like being asked to go Spelunking! Arrgh!
But, what is Life if not to Dare and Grow — to appreciate Beauty and Seek Truth? So, I am planing on doing what Mavis suggested and investing an hour in HEARING myself.
But, before that — for that IS scary — I thought I would take a page from my English major daughter and read Ode to a Grecian Urn. It was good to read it again — after a full life.
In youth, I think we mostly resonate with “Beauty is truth, truth beauty.” But now the line that caught my eye was Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu. My response, after many years of bidding Spring adieu and dropping leaves — is to feel the benefits of leaves dropped — to anticipate the joy of unfurling New Leaves. I have no desire to be frozen in Timelessness. Time itself, is precious.
Just yesterday a friend sent me a text — asking if I see “humans on earth as a failed experiment of God.” I love out-of-the-blue questions like that, God! Because I get to have an Out-of-the-Blue response. Mine was, “NO WAY!!! We are an ongoing exercise.” Hmmm. An Exercise, not an Experiment.
Perhaps part of the “exercise” is to grapple with the Great Mystery of Our Temporal Existence? And, then to “choose” our Context? Ah, as St. Paul said, “someday we shall know, even as we are known!”
Margi, In the field of psychotherapy there is something called the “Wounded Healer”.
The thing is, God, that I have invested so heavily in being 1) useful 2) cheerful and 3) a happy-ending-sort-of-person that listening to my “unheard” self seems like descending into the Dark Regions”
That ides suggests that it is from the dark regions of our memories of our life that inform us when we are working with others. During my years as a psychotherapist in NYC I found it very useful. I could relate to the pain in my patients in an authentic way that would not have happened if I had not been informed by the dark things I had shed light on. You are introspective. I know of two ways to get to that dark place safely. One is to write with out thinking about what you are writing and the other is to paint. It is suggested that you do this every day and see what happens.
If you would like to speak with me, please do.
Go in peace and faith that God will hold your hand as you go.