Small Treasures — Some Saved, Some Noticed

Posted on January 4, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Me in a class photo . . . 2nd grade?

Good Day, God!

And it WAS a good day. My wonderful mom is slowly recovering from the celebrations of Christmas and her 97th birthday (Dec. 27), including loving family visitors from the Mainland. I’m very thankful, God.

While I was visiting her today I picked up a class photo of me taken in maybe the second or third grade. I know I was in the Woodrow Wilson Elementary School in Richmond, Calif. Other details, including who my teacher was — are gone from memory.

In the photo I look very much like my father. . . I can’t recall having seen that photo since it was taken. But, it turns out that my mom compiled a scrapbook of my report cards, drawings, etc. As I write, the scrapbook is sitting in a box next to my feet. I discovered it by accident last week when one of the closet doors at Mom’s wouldn’t close because it was stuck on the scrapbook.

Treasures, God, treasures — even if I am going to let them sit for a while longer.

Four of the six egrets perched on the fence

Today was full of a variety of treasures. One was watching my mother’s cat REACT to the toy bird I bought her — with her fur puffed up and slow stalking behavior. Another treasure was driving home and spotting six egrets sitting in a row on a fence.

Still another treasure came in beginning Pearl Buck’s book A Bridge for Passing.

Perhaps, God, today wasn’t so much a day of puttering about as it was a day of sampling and savoring small activities. As Madeleine L’Engle points out in The Wind in the Door, size doesn’t matter. Thank You for that thought, God.

Tagged with: "size doesn't matter", maybe time doesn't matter either
Posted in appreciation, delight, simple joys of daily life, stopping, stopping to see

Reflecting at the end of the Day

Posted on January 3, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Stopping at a red light

Good Night, God!

Sitting with You at the End of the Day feels softer. My biological optimism has ebbed and I can pause and look back.

Optimists would rather look forward, God. Looking forward we can see — whatever we hope for. Ah, but looking back we have to see what was.

So, today? A lovely start — in fact, I was going so slow that I was late for a lunch date. A leisurely mid-day time — talking — being heard — by a dear friend that I see too seldom. Then driving home after a haircut to get gas and assemble dinner. This is Kit’s Band Night so he rushed off to band practice. I, on the other hand, sat down to do my Centering Prayer and fell asleep three separate times — zzzzz. Then I went back and finished the dishes and emptied the all the trash baskets and garbage bags. Actually, I drove the bags out to the street for tomorrow morning’s pickup. Kit would never ever do that, God. But, I feel quite clever.

Now, God, I am off to bed. I feel more deeply relaxed than I have for a long time. In fact, I am feeling as if You are pouring oil on the places where my “armor” rubbed. Ephesians 6:10-18 talks about putting on the full armor of God. And that is a powerful metaphor.

But, now it seems quite clear that we are not intended to always be in combat. Armor has to be removed and we need to allow ourselves to be cleaned up and then “anointed” with the oil of gladness. At least, God, it feels as if that is what You want to do for us.

Oh, Please, God! Help us create more times and places where we can help each other to take off our armor — ministering to one another — humbly.

Tagged with: Do we have times and places to remove our "armor"?
Posted in rest, Rethinking, seeing, self care as self compassion and humility

Drifting through a Holiday

Posted on January 2, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Statue of a surfer in Waikiki

Good Night, God!

The end of a relaxing slow day — a real holiday. And I am pondering the fact that this can be my norm. Hmm. It feels like bad luck to even think that, God. Things can happen.

Still, it feels good to have relaxed and done almost nothing today. I have this funny feeling that I owe You, God. Owe You for all the Sabbaths I didn’t take.

Actually, God, I think it is more a matter of owing myself. Owing myself Time and Attention. Owing myself time to restore and recharge.

This attitude is so foreign to good little WASP women — which is what I basically am. Most of my life, being busy has meant being useful and thereby being worthwhile. My sense of personal worth was built on busyness.

I almost feel ashamed to talk about “taking care of myself.” It sounds so self-indulgent. I guess it IS self-indulgent. But, for me it is about bringing myself back into balance. Doing Nothing-Much isn’t going to be that easy for me. A Necessary Corrective? That is how I think about it.

And, if I can be said to aspire, I’d like it to be about doing things I’m not very good at. Like, maybe, God, I could learn to enjoy going slowly through the piles on my desk. Smile. I have a timer that I love to set, as in Ready Set Go! Let’s see, how much I can do in 10 minutes? Habits like that will require quite a bit of reframing.

So, maybe, God — instead of the standard list of New Year’s Resolutions and goals — I should just work on learning to putter. Or to rephrase it — learn to ENJOY doing SMALL ORDINARY TASKS . . . doing them slowly and with love. I’m sensing that might involve opening the Door of my Heart to the Prince of Peace. Right?

RIGHT!

Posted in Peace, reframing, relaxation, simple joys of daily life, small meaningful moments, so much to learn

A Humbling Beginning to the New Year

Posted on January 1, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A closed gate -- no 7:00 a.m. service

Good Evening, God!

Not that TIME matters to You. But, I am seeing how ENDING my day with a chat with You works. This morning, Kit was doing a 10K race and I wanted to start the new year with the 7:00 a.m. church service. I sang all the way in — happily anticipating the gathering and the service.

Aaah, but some dim dark part of me must have known — the church was having just ONE service — just as it did on Christmas Day. When I drove up and saw no other cars . . . I knew.

Foolish me. Wanting should not mean ignoring clues. Still, aside from feeling foolish, I was happy to be there — and to have had such a strong intention.

I took photos of the walled garden and then as I drove back I admired the sunrise all the way to Moanalua Bay. Sunrise on the bay — glorious stillness — a silent sermon.

Moanalua Bay, sunrise 1/1/2012

The rest of the day alternated between pondering WHY it was so HARD to let stuff go — and actually letting some stuff go.

I’m guessing that there are a thousand tiny decisions that I need to make. And I am realizing — in my gut — that I need at least a week of At-Home-Time to find my feet again. Not this week, God, but next week. I am giving myself a block of time — home-alone-time.

I was going to call it a Retreat, but I suppose it is really a Restore. A Restocking of my Physical Body and my Emotional Body. Right now, God, I am just thankful that tomorrow is a holiday!

Posted in A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, humility, rest, Rethinking

A New Year and a Definition of Success

Posted on January 1, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Morning moon between Bahinia blossoms

Good Morning, God!

A New Year! A Fresh Start! And, in spite of years and years of mostly failing in my Plans for Change, I am filled with enthusiasm and hope.

And, yes, God, I do remember Winston Churchill’s famous quote about success.

“Success is going from one failure to the next with undiminished enthusiasm.”

I love it! And in that spirit I rejoice in the New Year. Thank You!

Meanwhile, a few changes are tiptoeing around in my heart. I shall be back this evening — after sitting in Silence with You — listening to Your Spirit.

I’m pretty sure You want to help me — if I will only focus on YOU! And empty myself to hear . . . and, Oh Yes . . . slow way down. And, remembering that doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition for insanity . . . or perhaps, stupidity?

Tagged with: receiving the New Year with enthusiasm, slowing down to hear
Posted in a New Year, thankfulness

Ending the Year in a Humble State

Posted on December 31, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The fountain at Kapiolani Park -- in the afternoon sunlight

Good Morning, God!

Suzy and Kit are chatting away downstairs as they prepared to go play tennis.And I am sitting here ruminating on December, on 2011 and on my life.

The thought foremost in my mind is daughter Sandy’s observation made to daughter Suzanne. “Mom writes a lot about keeping the Sabbath and doing less — but she doesn’t.”

Sigh. How true, God, how true.

My Defensive Sub-Self has just reared up sputtering excuses about just how hard it was to adjust to retirement and how full — albeit with good things — December was. That’s true, too.

Life is Rich, Complex and more than a bit of a Challenge. And, You are telling me that is as it should be. Life is designed so that we need to ask for help. That is a hard truth for Very Proud People to grasp. Sigh. We think of it as failing.

Yes, God. I know that failing is an essential part of learning. It’s just that failing is so painful! More sighs. I am “hearing” — “Don’t worry, you will get used to it.”

Actually, asking for help isn’t really all that bad, God. Yesterday, Suz noticed I was GRUMPY and asked if I had taken my glutathione the night before. Glutathione is apparently especially good for cleaning out Angry Livers. So, I asked her to give me one of her glutathione capsules. I took it. Felt calmer rather quickly and two hours later fell into a deep detox sleep. I awakened, pleasant. Sigh, my Liver and my Life need help in processing all that is going in and on.

Taking less in will help my Liver and my Life.

So will hearing my daughters and taking their advice. And, of course, God, my mother has told me for decades that “you are too busy!” Dang! Knowing all of this is so humbling! Please, God, help me relax and relish a Humbler New Year.

Tagged with: humbly listening to my daughters and my body, living a rich and complex life
Posted in being a Slow Learner, daughters, humility, Humility or Needing Help!

End of the Year Thoughts

Posted on December 30, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

taking a photo of Suzanne as she takes a photo of the restaurant

Good Morning, God!

I’m remembering a line from M. Scott Peck. It is something to the effect that A Parent Who Refuses to Learn From His Child Is Condemned to an Early Senility. That statement rings too true!

Thank You, God, that my husband, Kit, and I do seem — finally — to be learning from Suzanne. It is so easy for children to lose heart and give up on their parents. Now that I think about it, God, there have been long periods when I have given up on myself!

“Not giving up” — persisting — is, like many gifts, a two-edged sword. As I write that I “sit up straighter” thinking of Suzanne’s encouraging words. I’m so thankful, God, that Suzy has not “given up” on us.

Our plans for this morning went awry — as happens when cell phones are not left on. But, while we continued to call — Suzy and Kit and I gathered in our queen-sized bed and talked and talked and talked.

I’m feeling that I have finally reached the point where I recognize just how much I need Suzy’s help. I’m feeling it, God — not just thinking it.

Thank You, God! Thank You. It turns out that I am a very proud person. [A gift of self-awareness that came while reading the Secret Garden.] And it is incredibly hard for VPPs to even catch a glimpse of that pride, let alone get “free enough” to cry for help.

Ah, and now to take that help! Because, God, I have been here before, but briefly. I will want to forget. I will want to go back to protecting myself by being a Very Proud Person.

Please, God, I will need You to help me follow through. You and Suzanne.

Tagged with: being a Very Proud Person, Pride
Posted in accepting my need for help, Being a Very Proud Person, daughters, Families, family visits, learning, Pride

A Lovely Layered Day

Posted on December 29, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

standing under the Hau Tree walkway -- looking at San Souci Beach

Good Morning, God!

Such a layered day I had yesterday. First came my Wednesday early morning women’s prayer group. Then our family of three — including daughter Suzy visiting from California — breakfasted with friends at the Big City Diner. Then Suz and I left for what turned out to be a successful shopping trip to Ala Moana.

We lunched at the Pineapple Room, then went off to the beach — where we both read the Secret Garden, one of our favorite children’s books. Suzy read in the sun with a book while I read on my iPhone under the shade of the hau trees.

Then we were off to three stores to find more spinach for another greens-and-cheese casserole. We wanted that to augment the left-over turkey as we repeated Christmas dinner at our house with my mom, my brother David and his wife Barba.

But first we trooped over to my mom’s to open her birthday gifts. Then we caravanned in two cars back to our apartment. There were six of us — a loud laughter-filled family of six — happily sounding like a dozen or more. We all like each other — even more than we did a decade or so ago. Liking and enjoying are not necessarily a part of loving. . . or maybe they are?

Love is not a simple or single entity, is it God. Love, too, like our days, is layered and flavored. Perhaps, families are like various varieties of grapes that are not so much blended as fermented together. Hmm. All sorts of comparisons spring to mind. But, enough for now.

On to a New Day. And soon, a New Year.

Posted in Families, family visits, LOVE

A Family Birthday — with Friends, too

Posted on December 28, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Mom at her 97th Birthday Dinner

Good Morning, God!

Aaaah! A lovely birthday dinner last night, celebrating my Mom’s 97th birthday! Actually, her presents didn’t get opened last night as we all went home to bed by 7:30 p.m.

But, my mom said she loves extended birthdays and I know what she means. We will open them today.

The dinner was made even more special by meeting and greeting good friends who were also dining there. And on the way out there were more greetings and kind words, from people we didn’t even know, which warmed my heart. It felt good to share our joy with others.

Dave (my brother) and Barba had brought Mom’s Birthday Cake with them from Grass Valley, California. A homemade Rum Bundt Cake. Such a wonderful thing for them to do! And no easy matter to transport it safely!

Good times, God. Good times! Thank You! Still, it felt really good to crawl into bed last night!

Posted in Families, family visits, friends, Mothers and Fathers, people as gifts, thankfulness

Families and Trees — And Being Together

Posted on December 27, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Trees on the mauka side of Kapiolani Park

Good Morning, God!

How very blessed I am with family — our immediate family and our extended family. This photo of trees reminded me of how we are all separate trees but as we grow our branches intertwine. They intertwine more and more — if we are lucky. . . or wise.

I’m pretty sure our roots are even MORE intertwined. All those unseen connections — being nourished by the very ground itself. As You nourish us.

Today is my mother’s 97th birthday and we shall celebrate it with family from the Mainland — my brother David, his wife Barba, and our daughter Suzanne. We are blessed — to have my mother, and to be together! Blessed, too, that daughter, Sandy, came out earlier to celebrate early.

We are so fortunate to have families of friends, too, God — people we have shared lives with over the years. Hmm. Sharing. There are all kinds of sharing. And all kinds of “families.”

Recently, I was delighted to see a young man I know working at Kokua Market. I really don’t “know” Blake. But, I know his grandmother. And every Labor Day, for longer than Blake is old, we have joined with his grandmother and her children and then her grandchildren to celebrate the life of her first husband — and the life of our daughter Patty. So, Blake is family to me.

Being together, in space and time. Being together in One Heart. If we could but “see” God, it would look even more beautiful than these trees. Thank You!