Walking around my Block — Content

Posted on May 12, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Plants in Sun Light

Good Day, God!

OOPS! I hit the wrong key and this published without a word typed. How like Life! So easy to do and say things that cannot be taken back. How very dependent I am on the Gift of Forgiveness!

How very important to offer the Gift of Forgiveness to Myself. Hmm. Perhaps aging is mostly that? An exercise in forgiving. Forgiving myself for mistakes made and for opportunities missed. Forgiving others. Forgiving You, too, God, for our being “not quite” perfect.

Sigh. Yes. That feels right. But, it misses the fact that we have Choices of Background as it were!

This photo called to me because the plants are so ordinary and so ordinarily unseen. They were planted years ago as part of the strip of land owned by our townhouse association. I think we may have deeded it to the City. But, no matter. That strip of land remains untended.

These plants don’t seem to have noticed that fact. They are growing — seemingly content and happy — on their own. Roots in the soil. Leaves in the Light. To me, God, they are an example of living with a Background of Contentment with What Is!

Strange that Contentment has not featured in my List of Virtues. Gratitude for what is — PRAISE for what is — those have loomed as Virtues. But, “contentment” is right down there with “surrender” as virtues I have never considered valuing.

Now, God, You might think that after traveling to Paris — seeing the Louvre — seeing the Eiffel Tower — seeing Versailles — that I might arrive home, discontent. But, it seems to be just exactly the opposite. I am home. And I am Deliciously Content!

Thank You, God!

Tagged with: a Background of Contentment, Contentment with what is, seeing the ordinary things of life
Posted in appreciation, beauty, Forgiving, Uncategorized

On Being Back

Posted on May 11, 2012 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

A Diamond Jubilee plate in my mother’s china cabinet

Good Morning, God!

I’m back. After doing this blog every day for a couple of years, interruption was difficult. Mostly, the interruption was caused by the “technical difficulties” of having a poor wifi connection on our river boat in France.

But, off and on during this time I was mad at You, God. Mad at You and mad at myself. Unhappy with both of us . . . blaming You for the trials of being human. Well, Who Else to blame?

I didn’t want to talk about it then or think about it — both of which I would have to do if I blogged. So not being able to blog suited me just fine.

But, now I am starting to get back in touch with You and I am accepting that it is permissible, in fact, to weep. Permissible? Well, yes. That does say a lot about my dominant mindset, doesn’t it, God!

It is some sort of “warrior” mindset. Warrior women don’t snivel. They don’t complain. They do their duty. So, when faced with Emotional Pain, God, I try really hard to ignore it. That is what I have done about watching my beloved mother age. I have relentlessly focused on the positive.

But, Thank You, God, that at some point there was ENOUGH PAIN to force me to recognize it — open the door to it — accept it as part of being human. I cannot stop Time. I cannot fix all the ills of the world, or of my family, or of myself.

That does not mean I have failed — even though it sometimes FEELS as if I have failed. It is just part of being human –and not superhuman. Accepting that fact is part of forgiving You and of forgiving myself — an ongoing process!

And now a more upbeat word: I gave my mom this Diamond Jubilee plate commemorating Queen Elizabeth’s 60 years on the throne. My mom admired it and then said, “Oh I remember her when she was just a little girl!”

What a wonderful comment! What a wonderful life!

Tagged with: being human, not being superhuman, opening to pain
Posted in Failing, Sorrows of the Deep, time, Transitions

foie gras, fatty livers, failure and me

Posted on May 5, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

a French farmer force-feeding his geese

Good Morning, God!

I’m sitting here, thinking of the French geese that are force-fed to turn their normal 1/2 pound liver into a two pound liver — liver for fois gras!

Poor geese. Even if they are raised in the old French way, having a fatty liver can’t be fun.

As for me, after two weeks in France, I am sitting here with my liver much fattier than it was before our trip down the Seine. Sigh. I was not force-fed. I did it to myself.

I am NOT alone, God, in Voluntarily Force Feeding myself! That is a Societal and Cultural Problem that compounds my Personal Problem. Yes, God. It compounds, but does not excuse, my behavior. So, now after wining and dining (and lunching) myself to excess on our holiday in France, I am returning to a saner lifestyle. There is nothing more sobering — and useful –than failure!

The Power of Habit

How long will it take to undo the damage I have done to myself? I am estimating it takes ten times as long to undo force-feeding as it does to DO it. That’s sobering!

But, really, God, after listening to most of Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, I understand that it isn’t just what I eat. The problem is what I label as REWARDS. That’s what needs changing.

So, how do I “reward” myself, God? Can I change what tastes like “love” to me? Can I step out of my Cultural Context and establish my very own Set of Rewards?

Not simple questions, God! I will need to keep coming back for Your Help!

Tagged with: Cruising the Seine, foie gras, force-feeding, over-eating, Paris to Normandy
Posted in asking for help for myself, Failing, food questions, Perspective, responsibility

Rejoicing AFTER the Marathon

Posted on April 17, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Kit at our Celebratory Dinner after the Marathon with college friends

Good Day, God!

Thank YOU! Kit is Alive and Well. I confess, that yesterday, fearing for my beloved husband’s well-being, I offered all sorts of DEALS to You.

Kit was one of 47 runners in the Boston Marathon over 75. And he ended up number 5 among those runners. Indeed, for a while he was jockeying for second or third place in his age group.

Ah, but the infamous Heartbreak Hill late in the race, plus the high temperatures, conspired to make the last few miles difficult — for Kit and for everyone else.

Kit ended up in the medical tent — woozy — and they kept him there long enough to reduce me to tears. Well, not so much that I was worried — as he called ONCE to say he was in section 3 of the medical tent and fine. But, that I then lost contact with him.

This was 1) Due to his cell phone being ON but having a ring tone set to Very Low. 2) Due to my cell phone running out of its battery because I totally forgot about turning off the 20 other apps I had running in the background. And I had been “on the road” since 9:00 that morning — taking photos and listening to The Power of Habit.

Having the stress of Kit’s running in the heat was one thing. But not being able to FIND him to meet up with him — THAT reduced me to copious weeping when back in the hotel room. But, after my iPhone came back to life I found that Kit had been leaving me messages . . . which I retrieved — unlike Kit who didn’t know how to retrieve my messages.

Finally, after a long period of each of us calling at the same time and getting the other’s voice mail, we connected.

Oh! Thank You, God, for the JOY of connecting! The JOY of the Lost Husband, FOUND!

Tagged with: Boston Marathon, Heartbreak Hill, medical tent, out of contact
Posted in Adventures, connecting, connections

The Day Before the Marathon

Posted on April 15, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Blessing of Kit and the Marathoners at Trinity Church

Good Day, God!

It’s The Evening before the Boston Marathon, God! Yikes! I’m still a little anxious, but the Blessing of Kit and the other marathoners this morning at Trinity Episcopal Church has helped.

It was really hard for me to wake up and go off to church this morning. My whole body was kicking its heels and yelling that it wanted to stay home and sleep. Actually, my body didn’t have that much energy. It was more of a snivel and whine. It was only knowing that Kit would not go without me — and the dim sense that it would prove a blessing — that got me going.

I am so thankful I gave Kit that “Love Gift,” God. Because it was a lovely service. Beautiful music! How marvelously rousing was the organ booming out Chariots of Fire at the end.

And the sermon by William Rich, hit the mark, too. He talked about how the celebration of Easter continues for a full 7 weeks. He explained that it takes TIME to absorb the reality of a man being raised from the dead — a long time for many of us.

Aah, God, do we ever truly absorb What That Means? As for me, God, it feels as if I catch glimpses. But, we have been Set Free and we are called to Stand as Free People. Hmm. Please help me to Stand Up, God — and Stand Free of the Invisible Fears that quietly entangle me.

Tagged with: Blessing of the runners, Boston Marathon, Chariots of Fire, Easter, love gifts, Trinity Episcopal Church
Posted in Faith, fears, freedom, small hidden fears

At the Expo — A Women’s Rights Reminder

Posted on April 14, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The first women (then illegal) to complete the Boston Marathon

Good Day, God!

Kit and I pushed and jostled our way through the Boston Marathon Expo this afternoon. A BIG CROWD! And with over 25,000 runners that’s no surprise.

What WAS a SURPRISE was seeing this booth with Katherine Switzer signing books and posing for photographs. She was the first woman to run Boston with a bib number — which she got because she signed up with her initials. It was 1967 and it was a FOR MEN ONLY race.

Bobbi Gibb had run it the year before — also “illegally,” or do they refer to it as “unofficially” now days? No, I just looked and they refer to it as “unsanctioned.”

I knew about marathons not “allowing” women runners, God. In fact, we know Jacqueline Hansen, who brought a lawsuit against the Olympic committee to get them to allow women to run the marathon — which they did in 1984.

Still, it was a SURPRISE for me — because I had forgotten. I had not erased it from my memory, God. I had just sort of lost sight of it. We “forget” a lot of things like that — at least I do.

Katherine Switzer’s case got more publicity because a race official tried to pull her off the course and her running companion shoved the official — all captured on camera and widely published. Of course, the result of all that publicity wasn’t to let women run! The result was that the AAU banned women from running in meets with men or they would lose the right to compete. The longest run the AAU had for women was 1.5 miles.

I guess women were not considered physically able to run — shades of women as the weaker sex! All of this is laughable now, God. But, gender inequities are no laughing matter. Especially in other parts of the world that are busy “protecting” women.

Well, we could certainly do a better job protecting children, God — all over the world. Meanwhile, Thank You, God, for the reminder of how far we women have come — and how much further we have to go.

Tagged with: Boston Marathon, gender equality, MEN ONLY, needing a reminder, women's rights
Posted in gender universes, grit, Marathons

Beautiful Boston

Posted on April 13, 2012 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Flowering trees and Spring leaves in a park in Boston

Good Day, God!

My goodness, after flying all of last night, I have no idea what time my body thinks it is!

But, here we are in Boston, tucked into our hotel room. And we have been out to dinner with friends — a college classmate of my husband Kit and his wife. It has been a good — if odd shaped — day!

Tomorrow we will walk about and I will be able to take real photos of the flowering trees — not just photos snapped from a taxi window. Our friends said that Spring came 10 days early this year. That is fine with me, God. I am happy for the Spring!

Hmm. But, what will happen to Summer? Will it be early, too? Will it be hotter than usual? We do not know. And if You asked me if I wanted to know — I would say NO!

Truly, we are given strength for the Day . . . not the week. The AA folks had it right. Help me TODAY to stay sober. Help me TODAY, God, to eat less, talk less and sleep more. And on that note I shall say Thank You for the safe trip — and crawl into bed!

Tagged with: early spring, Flowering trees, strength for the day
Posted in beauty, time, Trees, Trusting God

What Musical Instrument am I?

Posted on April 12, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Cymbals courtesy of doctorwhofanorchestra.blogspot.com

Good Day, God!

What with our symphony and the Easter music, I’ve been appreciating all the wonderful percussion instruments. I love the percussion section of the orchestra. When I was a child I wanted to play the drums. How I’d love to play the timpani!

The other day a Question entered my mind. What musical instrument have I been — as I scurry around getting ready to fly off for three weeks?

My answer was Cymbals . . . clanging and clashing cymbals at that. I have been reactive and reverberating! Bump a Cymbal and you will hear about it! I am pretty sure my wonderful husband Kit has been wishing he had a noise canceling headset like the musician in this photo.

It comes to me now, God, that I have been anxious. I am always anxious before Kit runs a Marathon but this time I am also anxious about my mom. She is usually resilient and adaptive. But, I have become a sort of Security Blanket for her as well as a loving daughter. So, just the prospect of my leaving on a trip has been hard for her. Of course it is! Especially at 97! I do understand, God, but not well enough. My mother is a plaintive Oboe — accompanied by my banging Cymbals.

Needless to say, I have NOT been Praising You, God, with harp and voice and lyre. I have been as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13 — without love, a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. Somehow I have been so busy packing for myself and laying in supplies for my mother that I forgot to make room for love.

Sigh. How easy it is to forget that Love is both the Beginning and the End of everything. Love is HERE inside me. But, just like flecks of gold, it sinks to the bottom of a madly rushing stream.

Ah, God. Today is a New Day. Help me Still the Waters and pan for the Gold of Love. Help me to HEAR, even as I have been heard.

Posted in a prayer for healing, Compassion, compassion to care for myself, confession, Hearing, Music

Yellow Trees and me

Posted on April 11, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

More Yellow Trees -- at the entrance to Aina Haina

Good Day, God!

I love yellow trees! Maybe, God, my next car should be yellow instead of red? Speaking of cars, Bright Yellow Trees have been tempting me to try to take photos from my car. Yikes!

The gold trees that bloomed in February were on Hawaii Kai Drive so I could just pull over on my way home. I would stop the car and take the photos. But, these glorious trees are on Kalanianaole highway! It’s not possible to pull over.

Driving back from the Farmers’ Market last Saturday I once again was filled with PhotoLust at the sight of these yellow trees. It came to me that if I got in the left turn lane I might have a few seconds to take photos of these trees before the green arrow! It was only a few seconds, but still very satisfying.

Yellow Trees on the Art School campus

However, after my jewelry class (metal fabrication) on Tuesday I realized that there are Yellow Trees on the campus. I had to stand on a bench to get closer and it still wasn’t close enough to suit me.

I’m not sure what my “hunger” for yellow trees means, God. Perhaps, nothing? Or maybe it is just an over-the-top delight in color? I am also enchanted by the green parrots that I saw flying around (wild) this morning while visiting June, my Spiritual Friend/Director.

Tomorrow, God, I am off with my husband Kit to fly to Boston for him to run the Boston Marathon. There will be flowers in Boston . . . and surely flowering trees. And I will love them. Ah, but God, they will not be this Brilliant Yellow!

Those pastel flowering trees will not be for me a modern day version of the Burning Bush as these Yellow Trees are. I can almost hear the Yellow Trees calling me — Come Near! Take off your shoes. This is Holy Ground. I AM here!

And, of course, God, YOU are here! Thank YOU!

Tagged with: A modern Burning Bush, Boston Marathon, Flowering trees, Photo Lust, Yellow Trees
Posted in appreciation, beauty, blooming, Hearing

A Walk Around The Honolulu Museum of Art

Posted on April 10, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Looking into a Courtyard I think of a birth canals

Good Day, God!

Yesterday a dear friend offered me this verse from the Message: “Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life.” (2 Corinthians 6:11) Or as she put it — enter into Kairos.

Those were lovely words to hear and to savor, God, as my husband Kit and I prepare for a three week trip. So much to do before leaving, God, and so I have been feeling the pressure — even though I know I have “enough” time.

So, this morning after my jewelry class I set off to the Honolulu Museum of Art to pick up a jeweler’s rouge polishing cloth. And, no doubt inspired by a desire to live in “this wide-open spacious life,” I drifted around taking photos.

I got to this lovely archway into one of the courtyards and found myself thinking of “birth canals,” which does seem odd, God. But, this morning during my Centering Prayer (now up to 5 minutes — but done daily) I had a Wave of Resolution flow through me . . . about what I wanted for my future. It did make me think of New Beginnings, God.

New Beginnings don’t happen often enough for me, God. The flip side of my Adaptability is Drift. And now that I no longer have the crutch of work, I’ve been noticing my Drift. So, this morning this sense of Direction and Certainty came as an enormous gift. Thank You, God!

And please help me to keep on entering and re-entering Your Wide-Open, Spacious Life!