Starting a New Day and a New Life

Posted on May 31, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Marina on this morning’s walk

Good Day, God!

People asked us on our recent travels, “Why did you leave home?” The message was clear. Why leave Hawaii? Why indeed!

Actually, I am not the traveler in our family. I travel to see our daughters and grandsons. Kit is the one who prompts all our other trips. I go . . . and I enjoy. It is my nature to enjoy.

Alas, that gift — if not balanced by a certain awareness of imperfections — leads me to slip into complacency. And therein lies the benefit of Travel for me, God. I come home and actually see: my office, our home, my varied piles of decisions still undecided. Yikes!

The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal

In a way, returning home after time away is like beginning a New Year. There is an Open Space wanting to be filled with New Resolutions. Oh, the Joy of New Resolutions to those of us who are biological optimists! Past failures are merely prelude to upcoming successes. Ah, no matter that my rational mind demurs. Hope Billows Up!

So, in that vein, I am starting The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It, by Kelly McGonigal. I think this is the THIRD book on Willpower that I have bought, and by now I have a few facts in hand. For example, I know that we need to do more than just try to STOP a habit. We have to REPLACE it with something else . . . hopefully more beneficial. And I have also learned just how essential it is to ferret out the very beginning point or urge before the action.

Still, God, what I need are proven strategies! And this is what Kelly McGonigal promises — all tested by her hundreds of students in her classes. And guess what the first exercise she recommended, God? Meditating or (for me) Centering Prayer — as an exercise in Awareness. How good to merge the Spiritual and the Practical, God!

Oh Joy! New Opportunities to coordinate my Will Power, my Won’t Power and my Want Power!

Tagged with: Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct, Want Power, Willpower, Won't Power
Posted in A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, Books, courage to see myself, Rethinking, self care as self compassion and humility, slow incremental change

Portrait of a Fixer

Posted on May 30, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Self portrait — of a recovering (?) Fixer

Good Day, God!

I’s so thankful I didn’t try to do a Daily Blog while I was visiting our daughters! The last few days at Sandy’s were so FULL of just “being with” and enjoying the three of them that there wasn’t much energy left over for blogging. And, that is as it should be!

This photo was taken as I finally had a chance to take Sandy out for dinner — just the two of us. We had such a good time.

It was the best visit yet with my daughters and I am beginning to understand why.

The understanding grew out of my hour long session this morning with June my Spiritual Director. I am not at all sure just how we got there but, somehow I began to “get” the difference between a Fixer and a Helper. Not just in my head — but in my gut which is still “feeling” how destructive “fixers” can be. And, Yes, God, I am deep down, still a Fixer.

VPPs (Very Proud People) love to FIX. Both the “problem” and the “solution” seem so clear. So does the shortest path to that solution. And, why wouldn’t people want to know “The Answer?” Oh MY! Such Massive Insensitivity on my part!

June gently suggested that perhaps Satan was a Fixer? I thought of the Snake in the Garden of Eden and started to laugh. Then I turned to June and HISSED and LISPED — dussst thou sshink ssso? I really “felt” how that Snake was a Fixer!

The Holy Spirit, on the other hand, is called The Helper! The Helper loves helping but only as “Invited” and then only as much as the requester is willing to receive. No pushing and no judging . . . just ever so patient LOVING.

So, as I look back on my visit with my daughters I can see that many times in the past I have acted as Fixer. This time, maybe, I spent more time as Helper. Please, God, I really want to become a only a helper!

Posted in Families, family visits, Holy Spirit

Real Time Visits

Posted on May 28, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Very small blooms on a bush in Sandy’s neighborhood

Good Morning, God!

The house is quiet. Everyone is sleeping. Except, of course, me, God. I have checked in to my flight that leaves at 1:00 pm this afternoon. And I have only a few more things to pack. I have had a wonderful time! I have been welcomed and loved and invited in — into the Fullness of Family. A Blessing!

The thing about longer visits is that the Visitor slowly gets absorbed into the reality of the Visited. And this Alternate Reality differs in Pace as well as in Place. I became aware of this yesterday, God.

I saw it as my Last Full Day and I wanted to make good use of it. Several times during the day I fell into doing — not being. This got my “pace” off. And so there were a few — very minor — “collisions” until I geared down my pace.

As Ian put it so well — he felt “pushed.” Yes, God, I do know that no one likes to be pushed. And I AM Pushy! I know this about myself. And, to be honest, God, I don’t want to lose that quality . . . but I do want to control it better.

Visitors need to match the pace of the place. And even Mothers and Grandmothers are at the same time visitors who need to respect the pace of each place visited. At Suzy’s I went a bit faster than usual. At Sandy’s I have had to go a bit slower at times. Both have been good “exercises” for me.

My Heart is Full of Love. I am so very Thankful! And now I go on to home. And I am thankful for that too.

Tagged with: a matter of pace, being pushy, family visits, the importance of pace
Posted in Families, family visits, gratitude, LOVE

Breakfast with Ian in Piazza Gavi

Posted on May 24, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Piazza Gavi in Tucson, Arizona

Good Day, God!

Here in Tucson I have been sharing my time with Sandy and the two grandsons — my son-in-law, Dave, is in Europe on business.

Yesterday, Ian and I ate breakfast here at the Piazza Gavi — a lovely restaurant not far from Sandy’s home. This is definitely a cut above the Good Egg or JeriBob’s, the site of our former breakfasts.

Today I went with Sandy to her dentist appointment — reading Uncle Tom’s Cabin while I waited. The book is Sandy’s assignment to me as part of an “upgrade” of my reading habits. I can see how influential the book must have been in the 1800’s in the fight against slavery. But, it plays well now as a story on the abuse of economic power. I’m enjoying being “upgraded.”

After the visit to the dentist — just for cleaning — Sandy and I went to Costco and loaded up on staples and a few fun foods and then came home for lunch. We are both doing without carbs and focusing on eating “right.” It’s such fun to share — even ordinary things — with daughters!

Looking out the door of Piazza Gavi

Then, while Sandy took Ian for acupuncture I took Mark for a haircut. Much to my surprise he suggested it, God! Afterwards, Mark and I proceeded to run errands — visiting Ace hardware, shopping at Buffalo Exchange, a vintage/recycling clothes store, followed by a quick stop for french fries for Mark. All the while we chatted and bickered and enjoyed talking so much we went right past two turns. Finally, I deposited him at the movie theater to meet friends and made my way home.

Tomorrow, Ian and I will go back to the Piazza Gavi for another breakfast. Ian is a man of few words so there will be periods of silence. But, it will be a comfortable silence. He is willing to be with me — willing to share his time and space — and that is a precious gift. I am very thankful for our family and for the time to be with them!

Tagged with: Daughters, dividing my time, family visits, grandsons, Piazza Gavi, Uncle Tom's Cabin
Posted in Families, family visits, Sharing

Graduation Day in Tucson

Posted on May 23, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Most Unusual Palm (I think?)

Good Day, God!

Suzy wanted me to put this photo in a blog as we were both struck by it on one of of many errands. I have always loved animals, God, but I have noticed in recent years a growing enjoyment of plants.

Indeed, just this morning Sandy was talking about how seeing a rabbit in her potted basil plant brought out a decidedly “Mrs. McGregor” response! She sighed and said, “I used to love Peter Rabbit.” I knew exactly what she meant.

I have mallards as neighbors and they occasionally block the driveway and leave droppings in our carport. Sigh. These are gorgeous birds — but, not good neighbors.

I do love animals who are like my Mother’s Cat. There is a link with intelligent creatures. And, I definitely prefer house-trained animals. Still, baby animals can be forgiven almost anything. Bonding with babies is a powerful thing! I remember my first grandson as a newborn!

Speaking of my first grandson — there are only 90 minutes before we take off for his graduation. This is a BIG day and we are all excited. Ian is bright but so sensitive to specific noises that he mostly goes out in public wearing his iPod as a buffer. With the challenges of his autism, it has been quite an accomplishment for him to complete his courses. Dealing with fears is a difficult thing, God. It takes a lot of courage.

But, the good news is that courage begets courage. Overcoming a fear makes for Self-Respect. That is quite a different thing than Self-Esteem. Sigh. Oh that ALL of us would work toward more self-respect and get more grit into our life. Well, at least, God, I know that is what I want to work toward.

Tagged with: autism, courage, graduation day, rabbits, sound sensitivities
Posted in connections, courage, education, Endurance, Families

Going SLO*W and Leaping About

Posted on May 22, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A peak in the Santa Catalina Mountains

Good Day, God!

Aaaa, I am sitting here at daughter Sandy’s, looking out the window at the glorious Santa Catalina Mountains. Mark is in school. Sandy and Ian are at his graduation rehearsal. It is quiet.

This morning began — wonderfully late — with a massage from Renate — a Mother’s Day Gift from Sandy. I am thankful, God! Make that THANKFUL.

Truly our children hold our Hearts in their hands. Grandchildren, too, hold our Hearts. This is as it should be. What good is a Protected Heart? Perhaps, God, Hearts are like bread dough? They only expand after a combination of pounding and resting.

This morning Sandy and I were talking about Praising You. Truly, the point and purposes of praise are often hard to grasp. Yet Hebrews 13:15 tells us to offer up the sacrifice of Praise.

gardenia on the front porch

As we talked it seemed to me that our very bodies are analogous to musical instruments. Cellos? When we Praise You, God — it is like giving You the Bow to our Cello. The music becomes richer and full of assurance. Not, alas, assurance that we will get what we want. But, assurance that we matter and that we are loved.

How does this matter? Well, I’m looking up at the dry mountains of Tucson and thinking of the Beaver Believers described in the June, 2012 issue of the Atlantic. These are people committed to repopulating North America with beavers. Apparently, one shallow little beaver dam can add a tremendous amount to the local ground water. It comes to me that Somehow one person Praising You is like a beaver. I am laughing. I have no idea what the spiritual equivalent of ground water is. Still, the link is there in my heart.

Beavers, shallow dams, ground water and the sacrifice of praise. Go figure! Still, God, I am smiling and feeling joy at the images. Thank You!

Tagged with: Beavers, ground water, Hebrews 13:15, the sacrifice of praise, Tucson, water conservation
Posted in LOVE, Music, Praise, Prayer

Back in Time

Posted on May 21, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Hill I loved in Granda Hills, CA

Good Morning, God!

A New Day — a day of Goodbyes — a day of Greetings — as I fly from LA to Tucson. I am both sad to be leaving Suzy and eager to be seeing Sandy.

How FULL our hearts can be.

Yesterday, having completed our last errand, Suzanne and I drove up to Granada Hills to visit our old neighborhood. What a Step Back in Time!

We walked around Zola Street — our cul-de- sac where everyone had bought the houses as new — and named all our neighbors. We walked around remembering the people, stories and details from our time there. Then, we walked, as Suzy had done every school day, to Van Gogh Elementary School. After that we walked up the street to where Suzy’s best friend had lived.

At that point a man came out of his house asking if we had seen the eclipse. We had not. But, we enjoyed his description of the crescent shapes he had seen in the shadows. He was full of excitement and we got to talking. He had bought a house that belonged to a friend of ours, and was full of stories. He had bought it just before the Northridge Earthquake, and we had been in the earlier Sylmar Earthquake in the same area, so we shared stories. Shared Traumas seem to make for instant connections, God.

Sharing memories — as Suzy and I did — definitely strengthens connections. I’m so thankful, God, for being able to make this trip with Suzy, back in time.

Tagged with: back in time, Granada Hills, memories, Van Gogh Elementary School
Posted in connecting, connections, daughters, family visits

The Stiff-Upper-Lip App

Posted on May 20, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

: Lord Horatio Nelson

Good Day, God!

Aaah! The Tangled Webs of Complexity involved in being a Human! Being here with our Oldest Daughter, Suzanne means that I am engaged in teasing out some of the strands in the Web.

Yesterday Suz took me to task for not asking for what I want. Hmm. As we discussed the matter I realized that it was worse than that. Often I don’t even let myself know what I want. Yikes!

As I pondered that, I thought of my family of origin’s Culture of Duty and Silence. Suddenly I realized that I have a Stiff-Upper-Lip application.

That brought to mind Lord Nelson and his famous words to the Fleet before the Battle of Trafalgar: “England expects that every man will do his duty.”

The Battle of Trafalgar

Doing one’s duty in a Warrior Culture means that your lip doesn’t quiver — as it does when you cry. It means that you are ruthlessly suppressing all emotions — especially fears and sorrows. And, of course, God, the most effective way to repress those feelings is to suppress them before we feel them. So, no wonder I am not monitoring and participating in my feelings enough to know what I want.

Put that together of the WASP imperative to “be nice” and “don’t rock the boat” and it is not at all surprising that I don’t ask for what I want. And that means I can’t even begin to negotiate to get close to what I want.

I guess, God, the amazing thing is that Suzanne DOES know how to ask for what she wants! Thank You for that! And now I am smiling, remembering what a friend told me long ago: “Every Family should have a Suzanne.” Even better, every family should know how to make use of a Suzanne. That takes time, God. And it takes Your Help.

Tagged with: Asking for what we want, Doing our Duty, Supressing our feelings, the Stiff Upper Lip app
Posted in asking for help for myself, family visits, The difficulty of changing, web of life

Clothing and the Common Arts

Posted on May 18, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Lunch at the Curious Palate — up on the balcony

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday was filled with many things but one that was quintessentially typical of Suzy was shopping. Not shopping as mindless consuming, though. Shopping with Suzy involves Advanced Logistics and Complex Decision Trees.

My shopping normally involves a quick stop at Ross’s with minimal questions of 1) does it fit and 2) do I like it 3) how low is the price. So, I marvel at all the additional factors, stores, websites and price points involved in Suzy’s sartorial searches. Such Complexity!

I do appreciate Dressing as an Art Form, God. Even with my humble wardrobe I very much enjoy matching the colors of bracelets, earrings and shoes. In colder climates one can add scarves as accessories which — thanks to gifts mostly from Suzy — I also enjoy. Simple joys!

Now, God, I’m sitting here thinking of the Chinese under Mao with their utilitarian blue jackets, and how they are now delighting in diversity and colors. Then there were the sober dressing Puritans who were reacting to the extreme excesses of dress in the British ruling class. Hmm. Now comes the thought that the cost of dressing for the Court at Versailles played a part in the horrific oppression of the peasants which in turn led to the French revolution.

Keeping things in Balance is never easy. And it seems almost to be the Nature of Things to flow into Excess and back into Restraint.

But, for now, I am appreciating that we humans have a long history of loving to adorn ourselves — creating, as it were, Our Outer Selves. There is something quite satisfying in the process of selecting and combining what we wear. It is not Fine Art. But, it is Art nevertheless. Art in its most accessible form.

So thank You, God, for broadening my appreciation of the Common Arts.

Tagged with: Balance, Excess and Restraint, Shopping, The Art of Self Adornment, The Common Arts
Posted in Art, choices, daughters, decision making, family visits

Adrian Saxe at the End of the Day in LA

Posted on May 18, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Adrian Saxe after talking at the Hammer Museum

Good Morning, God!

I’m back after two full days in LA . . . well, back attempting to present before You not requests or praises but encapsulations.

Is that odd, God? It feels as if that is the primary benefit to me in conversing with You — that I should be rounding up the vast complexity of my day and life — not so much for You as for me.

I’m smiling, God. Even in that sentence I reveal myself as an extroverted soul. I have to work at self reflection. It is work even to pull together the events of my day. So, let me begin at the easiest point — hearing a talk by Adrian Saxe.

The photo I took of him as he responded to members of the audience after his talk is blurred but has a marvelous sense of Light and Darkness. Suz had spotted the event at the Hammer Museum and thought we would both enjoy it. Neither of us recognized the name or the artist — Suz thinking he was a sculptor.

Etcetera — another ewer — not teapot by Saxe

What he was, is a Ceramicist — and an influential one at that! In person, and on stage, he was beguiling — enjoying his work and still challenged by it. When he showed what he was doing in the 1960’s Suz observed that he was among the first of the post-modernists. Clearly, his career has consisted of following his own interests and not current fashion.

His insistence on “ewer” not “teapot” as the name for what clearly look like teapots is indicative of his desire to follow his own path.

And that brings me back to the theme for our day, God. The Following of One’s Own Path. That is what Suz is about. And I admire it tremendously, all the while viewing my life as “muddling through” not path forging. And on that interesting observation I shall leave off until tomorrow or the next day. Thank You, God for listening.