Raising our Offspring and Ourselves

Posted on April 6, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Mother Duck and her Duckling

Good Evening, God!

I just came home from visiting my mom so Mothers are on my heart, God. This mother duck has only one duckling. As I gazed at her, I hoped that she was a new mother who had only one duckling. One is so much easier to keep track of. I can still hear the agitated honking of a mother duck exhorting her eleven ducklings to keep close to her. Anxiety city!

Ah, to love is to experience a certain degree of anxiety — for ducks or humans. It takes energy to keep anxiety and worries at bay. Energy and Prayer!

I do pray for my Loved Ones when they are traveling or have a stressful event coming up. But, now that I think of it, I realize I do not pray for them routinely — putting them in Your Lap, every morning. How foolish of me, God!

When I was a child my father would tuck me in bed and then say the Lord’s Prayer with me. I would finish by blessing our family and our grandparents. I remember those prayers with great fondness, God. And I am wondering, why didn’t I do that for our three daughters?

I should have. Ah, God, I simply didn’t realize the vast scope of motherhood! And part of me is smiling — thinking I might not have become a mother if I had known! It was a clear case of ignorance being better than courage.

For I am thankful to be a mother — and now a grandmother. And in my wiser moments I am even thankful for all the mistakes I have made and am still making. Mistakes are how we learn. And my mistakes provide opportunities to forgive myself — and to seek and receive Your Forgiveness. Best of all, my mistakes help me grow in humility and compassion for all of us creatures.

Tagged with: anxieties, ducklings, motherhood, Prayer
Posted in Faith, Families, Forgiven!, Prayer

The Future is NOW

Posted on April 1, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunset at the Hau Tree Lanai — Waikiki

Good Evening, God!

Nanosecond by nanosecond, the future comes. A nanosecond isn’t much — so practically speaking the future is NOW.

That’s a new point of view for me. Thinking back, I guess the closest I ever let the Future get was Tomorrow. And the future as Next Week was even better.

Part of this changing mindset came from watching Keith Chen’s TED talk on how the structure of any language influences things as varied as our weight and our savings rate. It seems that if a language lacks a future tense — as in “it rains tomorrow” — the speaker behaves as if the future is close. And with the future close — one save more and overeats less.

As You know, God, I did not leap to apply this to myself. But, since my birthday March 30, my future is starting to get closer. It feels as if my Future and my Present are blurring and merging — wanting to become just a nanosecond apart.

The only time I can do something is now. Otherwise I’m merely planning to do something.

So, I just spent . . . INVESTED . . . 5 minutes in stretching. Then I drank another glass of water. Then I went down to help Kit finish the dishes. Next I did a calculation I was planning to do tomorrow. Now I’m smiling and trying to decide if I want to keep chatting with You or go sit in silence . . . opening myself to hearing. . . .

I’m back from a time of silence. What I saw, more than heard, was our Earth with its political borders as oozing wounds. I felt all the wars and killings back and forth over those boundaries. I felt a small drop of Your Overwhelming Compassion for us. And I felt called to pray for isolated North Korea.

I feel You changing my Sense of Time — and feel You stretching my Heart. Thank You.

Tagged with: changing, compassion, Future, language, time
Posted in Changing, Perspective, Praying for our enemies, Silence, time

A Happy Birthday!

Posted on March 30, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Dillingham Fountain from a distance

Good Afternoon, God!

A lovely day . . . with walks and talks and breakfast out . . . and two trips to the local Hawaii Kai Farmers’ Market. And it is barely afternoon! It’s also my happy Birth Day.

I chose this photo, God, because it makes the fountain in the distance seem wilder and more random . . . more like life. And, it makes me think of what Jesus said in John 7:38: “Streams of living water will flow from deep within the person who believes in me.” I love that image . . . that promise.

But, we do need to dredge out Rocks of Regret, Resentment and Rage . . . to allow the waters to flow. In me, the Water often trickles. I am semi-willfully blind to all the rocks I have buried, covered over . . . or made idols and altars of.

Ooooh. Those last few words surprised me. Have I made an Idol or an Altar of a Regret? Well, yes, of course I have. But it will take work to discover all the details. Actually, it will take Time Set Apart. It will take Prayer and Fasting. Fasting so my energy can go to digesting my past . . . instead of my lunch.

The point is to START! Yesterday on Good Friday I went for a 90 minute silent prayer walk with a friend in the woods — in complete silence. And, what did I hear from You?

I heard: “Burn Your Boats.” This clearly referred to three sailing ships encrusted in the ice of grief in my inner inland sea. Burn them? That is what generals do after they land their forces, so the soldiers cannot turn back. I cannot turn back either, can I God . . .

So, here is the Torch, God . . . let past failures burn . . . and let the ashes be replaced with the Oil of Gladness.

Tagged with: fasting, fountains, Prayer, promises, rivers of living waters, rocks of regret
Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, Failing, Holy Saturday, Prayer

What’s it take to Grow?

Posted on March 25, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A new orchid on a rainy Palm Sunday

Good Evening, God!

Yesterday was a grey and rainy day — so the glowing purples of this orchid were especially appreciated. I’m getting “into” orchids, God. I now know enough to look for the orchids with two stalks. They are only slightly more expensive and the second stalk will bloom a bit later — extending the orchid’s time with blossoms.

Much to my delight I have now managed to get two of my orchids to have a second bloom without going dormant. Sunlight (I didn’t know they liked sunlight), daily ice cubes and clipping the stalk off to just above a live joint — these seem to do it.

Hmm. Pruning. I hadn’t realized that pruning was part of the process. That’s because I don’t like the whole idea of pruning. Pruning roses is OK. And I have no problem with pruning the small banyan growing in a pot in our car port. So? So, I guess I don’t like the idea of having my life and activities pruned.

Sigh. I am sitting here realizing that I don’t like limits. I don’t like being limited. I don’t like making the hard choices of: If This, then Not That. Gosh, God. That sounds so childish. Dang! It is childish, isn’t it.

And into my mind pops a character from Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Veruca Salt perhaps? Whose refrain is I WANT IT and I WANT IT NOW!

Hmm. Wanting has a Never-Get-Filled-Up ring to it. Getting only satisfies for a little while. Then it’s on to another round of Wanting. Wanting Things, Wanting Goals . . . Wantings that cannot satisfy.

So, God, I’m rethinking Pruning . . . and Limits . . . and maybe even . . . going to bed early?

Tagged with: Hard Choices, Limits, orchids, pruning, Wanting
Posted in Changing, choosing HARD, growing toward up

Thoughts on Becoming

Posted on March 22, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A hibiscus in June’s backyard

Good Evening, God!

Wednesday I saw this glowing hibiscus in my friend June’s backyard and zipped down to take several photos. By now, this hibiscus has closed up and gone. It lasted only a day. Yet, it was giving being a flower its all!

Yes, I like the idea of giving our all, to be what we are/can be. The trouble is, God, we humans aren’t exactly sure what that is. You seem to have designed us to be like snowflakes — no two the same. So, becoming for us isn’t like becoming a hibiscus blossom.

This is not an idle thought, God. I still feel I am very much about the Business of Becoming. The first part of my life seemed to be about becoming a whole series of “roles.” Being a daughter, becoming a student, becoming a friend, becoming a wife, becoming a mother.

Then it was about becoming a worker . . . in my case a librarian. All of these roles are still important to me. And while my roles don’t define me — they do allow me ways to extend and express myself.

Now I am deeper into Becoming. I go each week to talk to June, a trained Spiritual Director. She helps me, through compassionate listening, to hear my inner selves. The week I heard, from inside myself, “In your heart are many mansions.” That was totally unexpected. But, I sat with that thought and slowly realized two things: 1) my Heart is much bigger than I realized, and 2) I have walled most of it off with a “Berlin Wall” to protect myself from painful feelings.

My Sense of Self is deepening. I have a lot more Becoming to do. And I am so thankful, God!

Tagged with: Becoming, listening to myself, Sense of Self, Spiritual Direction
Posted in Abundant Life, Becoming FRESH from God's Hand, Compassion, hearing myself

A Good Day! A Good Life!

Posted on March 17, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Close up of a puakenikeni blossom

Good Evening, God!

Such a wonderful day! Church, breakfast with my wonderful husband Kit, and then off to work. Hmm. Work? Actually, I am having so much fun that “Work Party” would be a better description.

So Thank You, God! Thank You for a Job to do and great people to do it with! The retirement residence where I served as library consultant for 14 years called me back out of retirement to deal with the angst of RENOVATION! They will end up with a beautiful new library — but first they have to go through the trauma of “destroying” their old library. So, I got called into help them over the hurdles.

It helps God, that I am a Biological Optimist. To me, it just seems easier to Hope than not. But, then, I am not the one who in the last two years brought the Library up to just about Perfect! I’m not the creator . . . it is not my “baby.” When the Parent App is running it’s so easy for it to overwhelm us!

Mama Duck and ducklings

I saw this just yesterday while going for my Saturday morning walk. A Mama Duck was crossing over with eleven ducklings following her. She was headed to the pond on the other side of the oleander hedge and the chain link fence. Her ducklings followed close behind — except for one little fellow who had to be repeatedly called back to her. The ducklings popped right through the chain link fence. Not Mama!

Distressed Mama Duck

Up and down the fence she went — looking for an opening. All the time she was keeping her ducklings to her. Calling and Checking!

Did she fly over the fence? No . . . she wasn’t going to leave her ducklings!

She wasn’t Thinking Outside the Fence. She was totally caught up in her Mama Duck app. She didn’t have room or energy to remember that she could fly. I’ve been there, too, God!

Tagged with: overwhelmed by instinct, Stuck, The Mama Duck app, the power of the Parent App, Thinking Outside the Fence
Posted in connections, hope, interspecies contact, responsibility

The Wrong-Side UP app

Posted on March 14, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Aging Palm Fronds -- golden in the sunlight

Maturing Palm Fronds — golden in the sunlight

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday while chatting with June (my Spiritual Director) I suddenly noticed a Wrong-Side UP App at work inside me. I had been telling her how much I appreciated her help. Then I remembered that 8 or 9 years ago I felt I had received a “command” from You: Find 10 areas in which you need help — then find 10 people in each area to help you!

Immediately, I could feel my delight slipping away. Instead of focusing on what I was doing now to ask for help, I had switched to focusing on what I hadn’t done.

June heard me and suggested that I have come quite far. And I thought, “That’s RIGHT! I am making progress.” I started to count and realized that I am getting help in eight areas. Then I thought how wonderful that there were two more areas waiting for me to discover. At the time I just thought how easy it was to slip into focusing on self blame and self judgment.

Then, God, this morning a friend called. She was upset, having just dropped and broken a favorite light fixture — and was feeling terrible. Then she mentioned how yesterday she had taken her eye off her dear husband, who had fallen and scraped his arm.

AH! That was when it hit me, God. I told her that she was looking at the one time she failed –while failing to see the 99 times she had succeeded!

It seems there are a lot of us who have an Inner App that wants to turn things Wrong-Side Up!

Thank You, God, for helping us to install The Right-Side UP app!

Tagged with: refocusing, reframing, The Right-Side UP app, the Wrong-Side Up app
Posted in asking for help for myself, authority over my life, Changing

A Touch of Warmth and Color

Posted on March 10, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Overlooking the bougainvillea at the Honolulu Convention Center

Good Evening, God!

This morning began with RAIN as my husband Kit was getting ready to go off to run a half marathon (13.1 miles). Next I was off to a 7 a.m. church service followed by a lovely breakfast with friends. Then 4+ hours of shifting books (for a retirement residence library) then over the Pali for lunch and a board meeting. All the while the rain continued.

Then it was home to fix dinner for my beloved husband Kit. We savored it while we chatted and listened to the rain.

The day was grey but it was filled with wonderful people. People add warmth and color to life — just as the beautiful bougainvillea at the Honolulu Convention Center softened the buildings in the background. (I was at the center for Hawaiian Islands Ministries’ annual conference.)

People make the routines and work of life richer and warmer. It’s so important to make room in our days for real interactions with fellow humans — taking, or making, time to connect. Time to hear and see one another. That requires building margins into our days. Years ago You spoke to me about gleaning. In the Old Testament You commanded the owners of fields not to harvest the edges of the fields. They were to leave something for the widows and the poor to harvest or glean.

That’s a BIG message, God. For me that means not scheduling my day so full that I have to rush by people. I just redid my story Gleaning to make a 3 minute iMovie out of it. Wow! I’m still working on leaving room for You, God.

And . . . It’s not just about my Time, is it God? It’s also about my Money and my Energy.

Tagged with: Gleaning, human connections, making time, Margins
Posted in caring for the widows and orphans, Colors, connections, listening, time

My Body and Me

Posted on March 8, 2013 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

The Honolulu Convention Center — The Hawaiian Islands Ministries Conference

Good Evening, God!

It came to me Tuesday night that I didn’t want to die. Dying “seemed” to be the “threat” my body somehow posed. No doubt this was a trifle over the top, but I got the message and sent off word that I wasn’t going to be at my Wednesday morning prayer group. Meeting with this group is one of my most favorite things to do. But, my body was sick, tired and wanted both Respect and Compassion.

Hmm. Respect and Compassion. Aah, God, don’t we ALL want Respect and Compassion! Certainly I know that other people deserve that. But, sigh, I wasn’t giving Respect and Compassion to my own Body. So, my Body “spoke up!”

Today I was at the center for the annual conference of Hawaiian Islands Ministries. These upraised arms holding up the glass ceiling of the Honolulu Convention Center made me think of how we lift up our hands in praise of You, God. But then I thought — hmm, maybe these arms are also raised in surrender? Respect and Surrender are more closely related than I had ever realized. To respect another is in some measure to surrender our expectations of that person. They are respected as they are — which is often not as we might wish they were.

Now my Body has been granted a new level of respect. I have heard it. And because of that, I have left unheard some wonderful speakers at the HIM conference. I have taken my body home and soon will put it to bed.

It feels as if my Body has been invited to become a Part of my Grand Alliance. That feels good. It feels right. And now I am feeling very relaxed . . . and very thankful.

Tagged with: a new relationship with my body, My Body, My Inner Grand Alliance, respect and compassion, Respecting my body
Posted in Cherishing our Bodies, Compassion, compassion to care for myself, respect

Love Requires Maintenance Work

Posted on March 4, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Looking at LOTS of distant galaxies

Good Morning, God!

I’m up early due to a phone call. I’m sounding frog-like . . . and going back to bed soon. But while UP I noticed that my blog needed a new photo of distant galaxies because the one I have repeats and that repetition makes the universe look “regular” and it surely isn’t!

So, while sitting here looking at this photo — not of stars but of galaxies — I found myself thinking that WOW, there really are a LOT of galaxies in this Universe! And then the thought crept in . . . maybe You can’t care about each one of us?

Instantly, into my mind came the thought: Love is Built-in to the Very Structure of Everything. That’s a very good thought, God! And although it may not be very scientific it does feel true.

I’ve been listening to Fr. Greg Boyle talking with Krista Tippett On Being — the NPR radio show. He talks about walking late at night — seeing one of the local gang members — and going to sit down next to him on the steps. The young man says to him, “Funny you should show up right now. I was just praying ‘God, show me a sign that you’re as great as I think you are,’ and then you showed up.”

What touched me the most about that incident — wasn’t so much that Fr. Greg appeared right then — but that the young gang member could ask! Most of those gang members were abandoned by their fathers, beaten by their mothers and much worse. They have suffered more in just a few years than I have in decades. Suffering from parents passing on the “sins of the fathers” — passing on all the Stuff that crawls in when the protection of Hope is removed.

So Yes, Love is Built-in to the Very Structure of Everything — but it needs ongoing maintenance workers — like Fr. Boyle — like each one of us.