The gift of the right word

A man of Hawaii -- a painting in the Art Deco of Hawaii exhibit at the Honolulu Museum of Art

A man of Hawaii — a painting in the Art Deco Hawaii exhibit at the Honolulu Museum of Art

Good Evening, God!

Recently, I went to the Art Deco Hawaii exhibit with our daughter Suzanne and I found the art troubling. Much of it depicted idealized Hawaiians looking oh so happy at being part of America. But, of course, it wasn’t quite like that. After the overthrow of the Queen in 1893 ruling elite were — as most Westerners were at that time — racist. They were also sexist and class conscious.

Come to think of it, God, those are still problems for us all around the globe — problems of judging and not respecting.

But, I digress. The piece of art that captured me was of a man who seemed to me to be unhappy at best and perhaps even angry. He was depicted as he was — a real person — not an idealized one.

All of which prods me to be real. Under stress, God, I get “irritable.” But, both of our daughters had a different word for what I was doing. Sigh. They said I was bullying.

And, I was — I was bullying my wonderful husband. The second or maybe it was the third time they called me on it I heard them, and I stopped appalled! I realized that I was calling it being irritable — but it really was worse than that. I was using an acceptable word to cover an unacceptable behavior. Sigh. I’m thankful, God, for daughters who speak the truth in love.

As it happens, Bullies are close to the top of my “despise” list. So, I guess, I should have suspected I was harboring a Bullying Spirit down in my Shadow Self. They say: Make a list of what we dislike MOST in others and that is what is waiting deep inside us — waiting for us to acknowledge them — waiting for us to come — with them — to You for healing.

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Posted in connecting, family visits, Heal Us Now, hearing myself, Helpful Hards, humility, Repentance

Love in the Family — a Pattern for Nations?

My wonderful husband as a very young boy

My wonderful husband as a very young boy

Good Evening, God!

Ah, the parties are over. Our daughters are back home in L.A. and in Tucson. And we all had a marvelous time.

We were celebrating my wonderful husband Kit’s 80th birthday and we did it up right. Among assorted gifts the one that stood out was the one our daughters gave him. It was a booklet they had made: 80 Ways to Be an Awesome Dad. In it they recalled 80 ways  in which he was especially loving.

He is an awesome dad. And a loving husband.

He is also somewhat of an anomaly — having run the Boston Marathon this year at age 79 in 4:45. I think of running as his second “career.”

But, in truth, his real  career is being an excellent husband and father . . . and grandfather. And that is as it should be, I think. After all, it is our relationships that last.

And all relationships require a willingness to Press the Reset Button. We bumble along and hurt one another. I surely bumbled a lot as both a mother and a wife. Sigh, I am STILL bumbling.

But, as our daughter Suzanne said recently, “It is wonderful to come from a family that knows how to apologize.” Heartfelt apologies are so important!

I don’t mean to make it sound easy, God! One big turning point came when I told Kit that when I got angry at him it was almost always because I was hurting. And no matter what I said (or yelled), what I truly wanted was for him to give me a hug.

I’m pretty sure, God, that Nations are like people. We have all bumbled and worse. How good it would be if Countries could hit the Reset Button and apologize — making amends as best we can — and truly work at living together in healthy relationships on this planet.

 

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Posted in Anger, Apologies, appreciation, connecting, Families, Forgiving, LOVE

Playing, Working, and Depression?

Christ of the Andes and the World Cup final game

Christ the Redeemer and the World Cup final game

Good Afternoon, God!

I was blessed with a quote yesterday — gosh, only yesterday — that helped me to see myself.

the opposite of play is not work—the opposite of play is depression. Our inherent need for variety and challenge can be buried by an overwhelming sense of responsibility.” That thought is from the book Play by Stuart Brown.

Honestly, God, now that I think about it, I have been suffering from an overwhelming sense of responsibility. I went from feeling responsible to my beloved mother to being responsible for anyone near me. Not, of course, for myself — but for others. Oh foolish, foolish me!

After all, God, I am only “in-charge” of myself. And so I am very limited in what I can do for others. Ah, I am once again, accepting 90% of my responsibilities are in Your Lap! Or is that 100%? So, with Your help, God, I will pull back from “care giving” and focus on caring for myself!

Meanwhile, when I think about Play vs Depression I think of the World Cup soccer games. I forget which person it was who said, IT IS ONLY A GAME!”  But, that was not the general attitude. I enjoy sports so I can understand the pain of losing . . . which always seem MORE than the joy of winning. But, it is only a game.

Success, winning, achievements — none of them last. In a way, they are not real. Ah, would that we could all focus on things eternal. Kindness, charity, loving deeds, a listening ear, a caring heart — these are things that last. Please, God, help me with my focus!

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Posted in authority over my life, Books, compassion to care for myself, confession, connecting, courage to see myself, responsibility, Rethinking

A Thermal Image of Myself?

A thermal image of Pu'u O'o on the Big Island

A thermal image of Pu’u O’o on the Big Island from hvo.wr.gov/multimedia

Good Day, God!

I saw this photo in yesterday’s newspaper. And I longed to see the photo “lit up” on the web. It’s a thermal image — so Vivid and so Hot! I love it. We saw something very much like it years ago. Bright lava flowing down the mountainside at night.

That sight was absolutely gorgeous. But,  it made me afraid . . . I was going to say “skittish” but I was afraid! We stood there in the dark — feeling as well as seeing — the flow of lava. And I thought of the Hawaiian tales of the NightMarchers. Yikes! So we walked back to our car and left.

I suppose I am still like that when it comes to seeing really HOT things. I don’t want to be around hot lava or hot feelings. I always thought my family made me comfortable with anger. But, currently I view anger . . . like lava . . . as a failure of containment. I don’t know about volcanos, God, but I do know that I would rather be angry than sad.

So, my sorrows and pains don’t get dealt with. Worse yet, I repress my fears and sorrows. Thus I periodically overflow in anger. This is not just stupid — it is a Failure to Assume Personal Responsibility.

I really want to take care of myself. But I feel as if I was absent when “they” taught Emotional Hygiene. Sigh. Does anyone teach that? You say it is mentioned in the Bible? You call it speaking the Truth in Love. Hmm. I just never thought about speaking the truth in love to myself! That sounds so obvious.

But, I had best send this blog to my spiritual director lest I “forget” before Wednesday!

 

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Posted in being heard into speaking, compassion to care for myself, connecting, courage to see myself, Growth Opportunities, hearing myself, Helpful Hards, responsibility

FAT and FEAR as protection?

A green gecko appeared yesterday on my wall

A green gecko appeared yesterday on my wall

Good Morning, God!

I have no idea how long this Green Gecko has been living in my favorite room. But yesterday as I was admiring the koa whale on the wall — I thought, What is that green leaf doing on it?

Well, it wasn’t a leaf but a LIVE gecko!

Then this morning, it came to me that I have a lot of Hidden Creatures living inside of me. Alas, God, many are not as delightful as this gecko.

In fact, it was impressed on me with startling clarity that I have been trying to “protect” myself with Fat and Fears. Huh?  

How long it has taken me to get a good look at my behavior! Why now? Why not years ago? Well, it could have been because this morning one of my friends in our weekly women’s Prayer Group at church gave me a mini scolding/exhortation that NOTHING feels as good as RESTRAINT!

Restraint? Feel good? It was a Brand New Thought!

It turned “Restraint” right side up. Before “restraint” was a Block put in front of what I was doing . . . now, it is not a block . . . but a Positive, Powerful and Active Navigational Wheel.

I can feel energy that used to go into negative stuff now flowing into my Command Central Control Hub. Good Heavens, God! I can actually feel that I HAVE a Command Central Control Hub. Who knew???

And out of that amazing REFRAME somehow came the “information” that I have been padding myself with Fat and Fears. Fat yes . . . but FEARS? I guess part of me felt that fearing stuff would “protect” me? How odd . . . how wrong! And, how clever Fears are at Hiding!!! Better than little green geckos!

So, God, THANK YOU for the new understanding. And when I see the gecko — please help me remember what I’ve learned!

 

 

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Posted in connecting, Conversations, courage to see myself, freedom, healing, reframing

A Trusted Voice

a Google Map of Cape Cod

a Google Map of Cape Cod

Good Morning, God!

My wonderful husband Kit and I have been married just a few days shy of 55 years — but we still do bicker.

I suppose we sort of enjoy mild disagreements.

However on several holiday trips I occasionally have NOT enjoyed my post of Official Navigator! I do not wish to reconstruct various past traumas. But, I will say that when I said, holding the map, turn right, Kit would sometimes say . . . “I don’t think so” and turn left.

He will minimize this, God. But You know what it was like for me.

I, however, take full responsibility for not finding The Simple Solution years earlier! I blush to confess it, but it was only last year that I learned to turn on the Google Map Gal. She SPEAKS! She gives clear and consistent directions. And, Kit trusts her!

When we fail to follow her instructions, she does not get upset, as I did. She simply recalculates and gives us new directions. She is a paragon! She is a Navigator without equal! She is that most precious of resources — a Trusted and Neutral Voice.

I suppose marriage counselors might play the same role . . . but Kit and I have found that having trusted friends over for breakfast every week plays much the same role. Trusted friends who love both of  us — while seeing us as we are. Friends who cope with similar gender gaps and with a variety of differing aptitudes and attitudes.

Let’s face it God . . . humans differ. Kit is a Lark, Bat and Ant. I am (or mostly was) a Night Owl, Moth and Grasshopper. We have both adjusted and we have both learned to accept. Let me rephrase that God: We are still adjusting and accepting — present tense. And we are still laughing!

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Posted in Balancing and adjustments, Communication, connecting, Perspective, relationships, respect

Rejoicing AND Weeping AND Piloting

Hang Glider over Waimanalo

Hang Glider over Waimanalo

Good Night, God!

I feel Between!

This hang glider is between the land he left behind and the land he will arrive at after his trip. I feel like that too.

I’m between years of purposeful work and an indeterminant Future. I loved my work and at first I loved retirement. But I turned 75 in March and Kit is turning 80  in July and so our future is not looking so infinite here on Planet Earth.

As this hang glider knows, transitions can be exhilarating  but landings — like Life — can be tricky.

So, I was focusing on the glorious sky — rejoicing in the floating. I closed my eyes to the rocks and ocean waves below me as best I could and all Spring I focused on our trip to Boston for my wonderful husband, Kit, to run the Marathon.

Then, a few weeks after our return home I noticed my body began to complain — rashes, infections, and visits to various doctors. And now a pain in my right buttock. PAIN? I very rarely even hurt so I knew my Body was trying to “Tell me Something”, but WHAT?

Fortunately, I was able to visit my spiritual director and she helped me hear my Heart. It seems that my Body talks for my Heart. I heard myself talk and talk and talk. I heard myself say how I dislike Self Pity (aka Compassion) — and how I have locked up the Part that Weeps.

Oh Foolish, Foolish me!

Those are two very helpful tools in dealing with the reality of possible Rocky Landings and difficulties in Life. I am to Acknowledge them! Feel them!  So, with help from my Body and my Heart my Mind is now  working on piloting our course. Responsibly caring for myself isn’t easy. My Body had to insist — and keep insisting. But, she loves me too much to be silent.

Thank You, God, for my Body and my Heart.

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Posted in connecting, healing, hearing myself, Hearts, living within limits, LOVE, loving myself, lying fallow, Marathons

The Power of Blessing

 

The Miracle and Power of Blessing by Maurice B

The Miracle and Power of Blessing by Maurice Berquist

Good Day, God!

I am going to have to read this book at least three times. I’m almost through the second pass and keep stopping to try and digest the power of what I am reading.

And it is POWERFUL! I had no idea just HOW powerful until recently in praying with a friend I prayed  Blessing over  a painful situation. Afterwards, I hung up the phone feeling a bit better. But I was amazed to find that my friend had continued to pray blessing on the situation and had then moved into PRAISING You, God, FOR the situation. She experienced a release from many of the fears that had entangled her and was filled with Hope!

Offering up the Sacrifice of Praise for What Is — comes out of Hebrews 13:15 and it has proved profoundly powerful in my life. But, I hesitate to offer it as a prayer path because it is so far outside of our Mental Maps.It is also an Act of Profound Humility and Trust. Please help me to act out my trust in You, God!

I have known for some time that a Key Verse in my life is — Bless, BLESS and do not curse! (Romans 12:14)  Hm. I keep forgetting the part about Bless those who persecute you . . .

Actually, just speaking words out loud is powerful. The spoken word HAS power! Even little muttered phrases have power. Negative thoughts are harmful. Negative words are worse. How much better it is to speak forth Your Hope and Promises, God!

Now that I have read about the power of the spoken work I understand why I want to pray WITH people — in person is best but the phone will do nicely. Well, back to the book for more insights and lessons!

 

 

 

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Posted in a prayer for healing, Blessing, Books, connecting, hope, humility, Praise, Prayer

A Change of Perspective

Diamond Head from the ocean

Diamond Head from the ocean

Good Evening, God!

I had a wonderful day today — playing with my new waterproof camera. How good to “capture” the light on the water while I was IN the water!And photographing Diamond Head from the ocean was a delightful change of perspective.

But, I just got news that my Godson is very sick. And  that has truly changed my perspective!

It is, after all, People who are important! People who matter.

All else is Stuff.

How is it that we forget that, God? How is it that I failed this year to send my Godson a Christmas /Birthday gift? How is it that I failed to remind him that he is loved?

Dang! I love a lot more people than I “show forth” love to. And now I feel the pain of that.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mother Teresa, who said: “There is more hunger in the  world for Love and Appreciation than for bread.” Two of my friends laughed at that and said hungry people want food! And of course, they do. Still, each one of us also hungers to know that we matter. That we matter not just to You, God, but to one or two fellow human beings.

I know that in my Head. I know it in my Heart. Now, please, God, help me to live it out in small and frequent concrete actions. But far more importantly, God, please heal my Godson!

 

 

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Posted in a prayer for healing, connecting, Families, friends, healing, Perspective

Walking as well as Running

Kit and me, high above the Hudson River last month

Kit and me, high above the Hudson River last month

Good Day, God!

Imagine my delight when our younger grandson, Mark, sent photos he took of us when we visited him at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, N.Y.. This was after my wonderful husband, Kit, ran the Boston Marathon the previous Monday!

Mark had carefully arranged for “activities,” and one was the “Walk Across the Hudson” on this lovely bridge. Lovely in itself, but from the bridge we could also see the Boat House for Mark’s Vassar crew. Smile!

Being photographed by a Beloved Grandson — especially in Artistic Black and White — is a joy! And when a photo is good enough to share . . . that is a triple joy!

We are blessed, God! I KNOW that. And I don’t really ever forget it. BUT now I am finally able to FEEL it again in my Bones! Thank You!

Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin, MD

Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin, MD

The problem was that we had two Very Intense Weeks on the Boston Marathon adventure, and then we were both still HIGH after our return. So we both had a Let Down Period with an assortment of health issues. All are taken care of now. But it was a much needed reminder that our bodies need Relaxation as well as Excitement.

After never missing an opportunity to LIE DOWN, my Dear Body is now saying it wants to exercise and go on more walks . . . maybe even go back to jogging next week. It’s all about balance, isn’t it God?

And mostly we are unbalanced on the DOING side. Lissa Rankin’s book, Mind over Medicine, is really helping. I’m on part three where she talks about the importance of relaxing in healing.

Sounds like what you had in mind for us with the Sabbath!

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Posted in Books, gratitude, healing, health, relationships, relaxation, rest, sabbath rest

Blogs I Follow
Brené Brown

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Rachel Naomi Remen

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A Moment with God

chatting and sometimes, listening

Sacred Dance Guild Journal

Since 1958 articles by members & guests offer news about activities, history, Sacred Dance practices, profiles of Sacred Dancers, choreography, images & illustrations.

Victoria Paulsen

How to Step In -- Substitute Teaching

Brené Brown

chatting and sometimes, listening

Rachel Naomi Remen

chatting and sometimes, listening

A Moment with God

chatting and sometimes, listening

Sacred Dance Guild Journal

Since 1958 articles by members & guests offer news about activities, history, Sacred Dance practices, profiles of Sacred Dancers, choreography, images & illustrations.

Victoria Paulsen

How to Step In -- Substitute Teaching