Small Mysteries

Posted on January 7, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

sunrise in Honolulu

Sunrise . . . isn’t so much about watching the sun rise . . . as it is noticing our world turning. It is always turning but the transition from dark to light is dramatic.

Like birth and death, God? We are creatures set in time. And our time scale seems so small. My response it HERE IT IS. GRAB IT! LIVE IT! BE THANKFUL!

Now, that may be all I am supposed to hear this morning. I was going to ask You about how it works that from January 7th (today) all the way through January 25th the sun continues to rise at 7:11 — even though the length of the day increases by 12 whole minutes. Amazing! And it is noticeable as I am out walking at sunrise — but almost alway inside at sunset.

I like getting up in the dark to walk. Brings out my Night Owl. Thank You God, for nights and sunrises — for births and deaths. For giving us the Gift of Life — I don’t think I did anything to deserve it. Maybe all You want is for me to enjoy it? SEE IT? Yes. It isn’t about DESERVE — or entitled or maybe any other human concept. But it sure feels as if You want us to open our eyes and appreciate what You have given us. Family! Friends! Flowers! And, small mysteries like sunrise staying at the same time for most of January. SMILE!

Thank YOU!

Posted in appreciation, small mysteries

Conservation Lands

Posted on January 7, 2010 by a moment with god — 3 Comments

an oak on the Tejon Ranch

Good Afternoon, God. Yes, God, I KNOW time doesn’t matter to You, but Hi seems too informal. Anyway, I want to think about conservation land. Once again I was reading Sierra magazine and was struck by an article about the Tejon Ranch putting 90% of its land into conservation status. It’s a BIG ranch.

How many times have we driven the Grapevine — going right over Tejon Pass. But it was just a Pass — I had no idea the oldest ranch in California was surrounding it. Ranch land that spans the coastal hills, the central valley and the Sierras. Ranch land that is on the northern edge of the giant Los Angeles megalopolis.

Now, why am I so interested? As I ponder this it comes to me that my Days at Home (twice a week — well, one and a half days a week) have the value to me that Conservation Land does to California. Keeping excess development at bay? Or is it more a matter of making room for Nature — Your activities — not ours.

Perhaps one benefit to leaving things alone — is that we don’t come in to “improve” things. Your complex web of life works very well when we dwell within it in humility. And I think of the German Forestry Workers who removed “useless” dead trees — only to find that they had badly damage the forests, who needed the dead trees.

Ah, humility . . . the fine art of knowing at least a portion of what we DON’T KNOW! Help us, God. More to the point, help ME!

Posted in days of rest as conservation days?, humility

Unknown Variables and THE Expert

Posted on January 5, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

fly fishing

Good Morning, God. Here I am — with my thought for the morning. It’s the difference between expert advice and tradition. Expert advice is something people have proven scientifically SHOULD work. Tradition is what HAS BEEN WORKING.

What brought that thought to mind was listening to the book The Age of the Unthinkable by Joshua Cooper Ramo. I heard how in the 1950s the conservation experts figured out mathematically how many fish could be harvested from a given site — only to have their formulae result in massive fishery collapses.

Apparently, they had failed to take into account a lot of variables — variables they were unaware of. Say for example, the fact that more fishermen with a smaller limit meant more foot traffic, more litter, poorer drainage and thus less moss for the fish that were food for the target fish.

Yes, God, everything IS connected to everything else. And it would be a good idea for us to cultivate more humility and less expert certainty. Or, perhaps, also to be more aware of expert advances so we can prepare? This book talks about how in traditional war the goal was killing enough of the enemy to “win”. Whereas now the innovative idea in war is to analyze the enemies complete system — looking for maximum “effect” points to attack.

It comes to me that if the Devil wanted to “take out” good people the most effective way to do it would be to encourage them into doing more and more “Good Deeds” until they reached the point of collapse and descended in to a more noticeable sin — affairs, embezzlement, etc.

ONE WHOLE DAY A WEEK RESTING? It worked really well for the traditional Jews for many many hundreds of years. Might even have accounted for why people persecuted them so badly. People who believed YOU COMMANDED THEM TO REST! Not to work? Enjoy their spouse and familly? Wow! Now THAT is EXPERT ADVICE That HAS WORKED! The best kind of tradition.

So, You are saying there are experts and then there is THE EXPERT? Ahaaa, God. Help me HEAR YOU AND RESPOND WITH TRUST! You say I might also think of that as “obedience”? Yeah, You know I don’t like that word. Help me, here, to hear.

Posted in A weekly day of rest, accepting my need for help, becoming the change I wish to see, busy, busy as an attack strategy, Experts and THE EXPERT, Trusting God

Monuments, Perspective and Time

Posted on January 4, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Corinth

Good Morning, God. This is an old photo from the book The Greek World. When I was there in Corinth a decade or so ago I don’t think I saw anything but pillars. The lintels had fallen.

It makes me think of Time Passing — not just for civilizations but for me — and not just for me but for my mom. Not the most cheerful of topics, to be sure. But it does enforce a certain perspective.

Paul preached in Corinth and wrote two of his letters to the church there. Letters in which he calls them/us to become new creatures in Christ. Calls us to become Ambassadors of Reconciliation — reconciling the world to YOU, God, through Christ. Going through Christ is hard. It is like the camel going through the eye of a needle. Talk about enforcing perspective!

We (and most civilizations) seem to be focused on building monuments — when we could be building relationships. Relationships. It seems to me that all my relationships rest on my relationship with You. When my life is set in context — in You and in Your love — then all the other relationships do better. Ah, You point out that having come to You THROUGH CHRIST I have truly set myself in context . . . I have the right perspective.

We are the sheep of Your Pasture. It is YOU who have made us and not we ourselves. I am a sheep. I need a Shepherd. AND I HAVE A SHEPHERD. That reality is way outside of TIME and vastly comforting. Thank You.

Posted in Christ as Shepherd, Perspective, seeing myself as a sheep

Emotional litter and clear waterways

Posted on January 4, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Elmer Eddy, founder Waterway Stewards

Last night I came across Elmer’s photo in Sierra magazine. He is the founder of a group called Waterway Stewards — a group dedicated to picking up trash as they paddle.

Kit picks up trash as he runs. Sometime, if I am close to a trash can, I will pick up a piece of trash myself.

Now, God, I find this a marvelous metaphor for how we all ought to live. Trash picker-upers. Literal visual trash is easy to pick up — and YES I will try to do more of that. But, people who are under stress or unwell (or maybe just in a bad mood) also toss away “emotional trash.” I guess I would describe that as unkind words or gratuitous criticisms.

Sometimes, we get a chance to put in a kind word — or maybe respond in a loving way — after this emotional trash has been tossed. I would call that a chance to pick up trash. Elmer talked about keeping the waterways clear. Communication waterways need to be kept clear, too. Ah, another idea, God. When we apologize we can pick up a portion of the “emotional trash” we tossed. Keeping our interpersonal waterways clear seems like a lovely idea.

Oh yes, prayer, confession and repentance help keep our waterways clear with You, too.

As I heard in the sermon this morning, we are ALL BEGINNERS here — help me be a beginner who is learning to pickup trash and learning not to toss it.

Posted in being a beginner, clear waterways, emotional litter

Simple Joys and Useful Worries?

Posted on January 2, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

just before the entrance to the KCC Farmers' Market

Good morning, God. Here I am, back from an early jog/walk and trip to the Farmers’ Market. Walking and talking — such a simple joy. Starting today with a cup of tea and time chatting with Kit — a mostly daily routine — another joy.

And now I am sitting here in silence. The silence is so deep that my first thought upon entering my office was to notice the hum of my printer and TURN IT OFF!

Wouldn’t it be nice if some of our low grade worries could be switched off? God, that WAS a statement, but I changed it to a question because I started to wonder if worry, like fear didn’t serve some sort of useful function. Fear is there to ALERT us and help us to prepare and avoid dangers.

Worry? Perhaps it is to help us map our stress points? To help keep us from being blindsided? Could a wee bit of judicious worry be like a radar sweep — seeing if blips appeared — to be considered? Prepared for?

God, is worry one of those activities that get DISTRIBUTED in a family? I mean, if I worried more, would someone else in the family get to worry less? Probably! But, what I am sensing is that there are assorted kinds of worry. Actually, this is maybe the FIRST time I have ever even considered that worry might have a useful function. DUH! I hope that Duh was from me, God, and not You!

So, now God, please help me adjust my focus to include some useful worrying time. Some mapping of my personal environment and my concentric rings of environments. And, then, having mapped them — let me consider what responses I can make. Ah yes! Sorting out what I CAN do and what I MIGHT do does help. Generating options as a result of identifying worries — sounds like it might even become a joy. Or, am I pushing it? Hey! LET’S PUSH IT!

And, now God, back into the simple joys of daily life. Thank You!

Posted in generating options, simple joys of daily life, useful worrying?

Happy New Year – Happy New Decade

Posted on January 1, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

a new Deborah Butterfield horse at The Contemporary Museum

Haoli Makahiki Ho! A Happy NEW Year, God and indeed, a happy new DECADE. My brother felt that it was high time we left the Aughts. Until his email I hadn’t even realized we were starting a new decade. I like the idea, though.

I remember the FEAR and attempts at preparation for the new millenium. Numbers do affect us. Time is a scary thing for us. And thank goodness You do give us this sense that we are going to last forever right here on Earth. Mind You, some folks have far too much of that and seem not to value this Great Gift of Life. Then, others, are too afraid of dying to truly live.

And now I am off to jog around Kapiolani Park and then swim.

I’m back. A GLORIOUS MORNING! This morning a friend mentioned that she knew a man so desirous of becoming MINDFUL that he wore a bell on his belt to help him be “aware” each time he stood up. Now this just tickled me. Mindfulness . . . such an interesting concept. And — just now — in thinking about mindfulness I looked up and became aware that my maidenhair fern wanted water. To me mindfulness is about noticing and appreciating –as I did this morning seeing Your light pouring through leaves.
It only takes a moment to SEE. But, of course, mindfulness is more complex than just noticing what is around us and what we are doing. What I REALLY NEED, God, is to be mindful and aware of what is going on inside the various layers of ME.

For example, I realized that I had not given myself PERMISSION to say No to my daughters. Somehow, I thought LOVE meant not saying NO. Needless to say, that meant that at times I over did and in addition to LOVE — I felt RESENTMENT. Now, to feel resentment is to broadcast it. And that is not experienced as love by those around us.

But, as Suz said, when we understand the situation more fully the solution often arises organically. So, this year, I am committing myself to being aware of my “authority” — indeed, my responsibility — to set boundaries and limits as part of caring for myself. Loving myself!

Yes, YOU DID say LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. But, somehow, I got some dysfunctional definitions of love. You say that it takes time and work and MINDFULNESS to develop helpful definitions of love? Hmmm. Your command to SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE does sum this all up. Right! IF we remember that it is our perception of truth that we are speaking and to do it humbly. Shoot, God! Why aren’t we teaching this? Why is it taking ME so long to put it together?

Because it takes courage? Ah yes. Courage.

Posted in accepting my authority to set limits, developing helpful definitions of love, loving myself, mindfulness

Standing in the Doorway of Time

Posted on December 31, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Here we are, God. Busily coming and going and all the while Your Heavens declare Your Glory. Mind You, Your Glory is easier to see here on Oahu. This photo, snapped with my cell phone while waiting for the light to change, doesn’t capture the brilliant blue of the sky and the brightness of the white clouds. Doesn’t take one’s breath away with the beauty of it all.

Still, I like it as a reminder of the contrast between the world we have created (see cars) and the world You have given us. After a busy Christmas season of shopping and giving — it is good to sit here in the silence and appreciate all that YOU have given — are giving. Perspective.

And, we come now to another New Year. . . sitting here looking back on the OLD YEAR and pondering the NEW. Resolutions beckon. How exactly do I want to be different in this New Year? What a GIFT to be given a DIVIDER like this. An opportunity to stand in the doorway of Time and look both backwards and forwards. Perhaps, before looking forward, it would be helpful to look back and consider the old year.

It was a year filled with significant birthdays and anniversaries and celebrations and visits. And also a year in which I was able to SEE some of my small social fears — and in seeing them, be to some extent free of them. Free enough to lose some long attached extra weight. That was a nice by-product of a bit more courage. COURAGE? Yes, in 2010 I feel called to exercise the courage of looking at and into myself. INWARD?

Yes, YES! I seem to hear You say: It won’t be THAT frightening. And then — is it You or me –a voice saying THINK OF ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES TO FORGIVE AND LOVE AND CARE FOR YOURSELF! Hmmm. Must be YOU as the idea of looking at and into myself makes my toes curl up. Curled toes — a sign of fear — and then a cheerful COME ON, IT WON’T BE THAT BAD — reverberates in my being.

Sigh, O.K. God. With YOUR HELP!

Posted in compassion to care for myself, courage to see myself, opportunities to forgive myself

Honesty the root of change?

Posted on December 30, 2009 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

around the side of Koko Crater

Good morning, God! All is quiet (except for NPR news which woke me just a few minutes ago) and dark. It is fun to look back on this drive out to Waimanalo. Sandy took this photo as we passed the blowhole on our return and looked up at the rocky side of Koko Crater. So bright and clear and light. I love these volcanic rocks and the light dry layer of grass on them.

Suzy is here now and we go to San Souci instead of Waimanalo. I love my daughters and I am blessed. Blessed to have such wonderful daughters, blessed to have them want to come and visit.

But, I realized yesterday that sometimes I complain about them. Not large complaints, I say, God to comfort myself. But I realize it is a habit of sorts. Suz loves me and values my opinion. I feel we are evenly matched — well, when I speak up — we are evenly matched. But speaking up in a loving way — TAKING THE TIME TO CENTER MYSELF AND THEN SPEAK — that I have not been doing. We reviewed one of those times yesterday and I really was helped by it.

When I am off in another universe thinking, and get called back — it takes me time to GET back. Then to turn and give the person full attention and say what I want to say HOW I WANT TO SAY IT — that takes time and energy. So, often I snap or growl. This doesn’t have to happen. As Suzy said, when we understand the SITUATION, then the solution arrises organically. And it is such a small thing that needs to change! I just need to give myself permission to TAKE TIME to respond .

Once I give myself permission to be slow and take time AND to refuse requests — then I can do it lovingly and not aggressively. RESPECT! Taking the time to feel and show the deep respect I have for Suzanne will mean I don’t snap and then later complain.

Well, God, I hate confessing all of this. But being honest with myself is essential. And honest leads to accepting personal responsibility. And, God, with Your HELP — that might even lead to change. Smile.

Posted in Uncategorized

The painful gift of hearing

Posted on December 29, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Honolulu Academy of Arts

Thank you, God, for families! I am particularly blessed by an oldest daughter who has faith that I am (eventually) teachable. As a friend said, EVERY FAMILY should have Suzanne. Now, God, that is not to say that learning is easy. . . or pain free.

Last night I heard a home-based interview with Ian, my older grandson — who is 17 and has high functioning autism — an interview which began with rage and then with his mom gently interacting went through fear and finally into crying and profound sorrow. As the tape progressed I responded first with “labeling” then an attempt to find a solution. I ended completely overloaded. It was very close to unbearable. Suz looked at me with surprise. Mom, this is CATHARTIC! This is GOOD! Suz has been where Ian is. She knows. I don’t.

Talking is good, isn’t it God. Or is it listening that is the key?

Being heard by a Trusted Other — being heard into speaking out of our deep dark well of sorrow and isolation — this is healing. We need to be heard into speaking. And now, God, I sigh — thankful You are hearing me, yet so painfully aware at how hard it is to hear our most beloved. Like the SQUEEL of a microphone too close to the speakers — being SO CLOSE — makes the communication feedback happen so quickly that ONLY NOISE COMES OUT! PAINFUL NOISE. I went to bed last night with sorrow sloshing from every pore.

But now, being heard by YOU, I am aware of what a rare and incredible gift it is to have a “child” who loves me enough to keep on trying to be heard — trying to help me hear. And one who is willing to hear ME! As she told me yesterday: Mom you have to spend TIME with the problem. You have to work at understanding the situation. Solutions grow organically out of understanding. Ah my. THANK YOU GOD for the ongoing GIFT of those who love us into growing!

Posted in being heard into speaking, going THROUGH the sorrow, the gift of persistent love