Sharing Sorrows — Pulling up Leviathans

Posted on November 21, 2010 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Light and Dark, Joy and Sorrow

Good Morning, God!

“Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.” That’s Romans 12:15. Only it puts rejoicing first. Such good words, God, such good words. Rejoicing is easy. Weeping is not. Yet, how much more important it is to weep together, than to rejoice.

I remember a story from one of Maya Angelou’s books. Her son has been in a car accident and survived — but she is stricken with The Fear and Grief at what might have been. A friend sends her off to visit a woman who is a friend of his. The woman looks at Maya and tells her to SIT DOWN. YOU NEED TO CRY and YOU NEED SOMEONE WITH YOU WHILE YOU CRY.

We do need to cry WITH others, God. I suppose it is like the difference between “thinking words” and “SPEAKING words.” Word and Tears that are heard and seen — have been acknowledged. We need that, God, we need that.

Ah, but sorrows are not always what they seem. Years ago I learned that they can live inside us — like Giant Sea Creatures — that may be pulled up out of the deep by a seemingly small hook. Before, I didn’t understand how it was that Maya would be SO upset, as her son HAD survived. But, just now I realize that his accident was only the HOOK that brought up that HUGE SORROW from her past. It was a creature too big and too scary to be “fished for” consciously.

This morning a friend called and asked for help in dealing with her sorrow. It was Kit who saw that THIS SORROW was “A Hook” bringing up A PAST — but STILL PRESENT DOWN DEEP — sorrow. It is good, God, for such leviathans to surface and speak with us.

Posted in healing, processing on deeper levels, Sorrows of the Deep

A Towering Cloud and More Healing Humility

Posted on November 20, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Towering Cloud over Koko Head

Good Morning, God!

What an amazing evening last night! On the way home from an afternoon errand I saw the moon in an almost cloudless sky. I called Kit to ask about having dinner outside at the Shack — looking at the Marina AND the moon rise. Kit said “Sure!”

Then, as he came back from Mom’s, he said, “There is the most amazing towering cloud out there!” It WAS amazing! And it just sort of stayed where it was over Koko Head. While we ate, it turned from peach and coral to shades of grey. Then it began to generate LIGHTENING! We saw FORKED lightening light up the cloud — over and over again!

It was Awesome, God, AWESOME! I know thunder and lightening are common on the mainland — but not on Oahu! It is good, God, to be reminded of the Power of Nature. Good to have our perspective shifted. Good to look UP from our busy-ness.

Looking up is one thing — relinquishing or abandoning our attachment to busy “purposeful” lives quite another. And, yes, God, I am back to the second half of Father Keating’s Welcoming Prayer:

I let go of my desire for power and control.
I let go of my desire for affection, esteem,
approval and pleasure.
I let go of my desire for survival and security.
I let go of my desire to change any situation,
condition, person or myself.

Hmmm. Let go of my desire to change or improve myself? I HOPE that doesn’t mean stay the same. I HOPE it means understanding all that is not My Job. My JOB? After ALL the “Letting Go” The last line is:

I open to the love and presence of God and God’s action within. Amen.

Posted in healing, Heavens declare the Glory of God, humility, Humility or Needing Help!, Perspective, setting my life in context

Interactions and Conversations and Welcoming Prayer

Posted on November 19, 2010 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Human Dolphin Interaction

Good Morning, God!

Such a marvelously full week I’m having, God! Sunrises so astounding that we stopped our early morning walk yesterday and stared. Diana said, “We should just lie down on the grass and look up at the sky!” We should have. I wish we had.

Then after breakfast at the Kahala I caught this interaction between human and dolphin. I can’t say about the dolphin, but the woman looks like she is having a wonderful time. If she and the dolphin are not having a “conversation” they are at least interacting at a high level. We really don’t need words to interact, God. In fact, maybe sometimes words get in the way?

But interactions are not all joyful. Before the dolphin, I saw a stingray swimming around and around its too small pool and I grieved with it. I felt how it feels to be constrained, artificially limited, boxed in. I suspect, God, that schooling does that. Puts us in cognitive boxes. I feel the sorrow of it.

Before the stingray, during breakfast with a friend we heard about her four day retreat on Welcoming Prayer. I liked what I heard and read the prayer by Father Keating which starts with:

Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me today
because I know it’s for my healing.
I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons,
situations, and conditions.

That feels good, God. It feels right. This past week has been filled with all sorts of thoughts and things. I welcome them for my Healing — knowing we are never FULLY well. Aah, But, God, The Prayer goes on doesn’t it. If we are to WELCOME we must also LET GO. But, let me ponder THAT PART, tomorrow.

Posted in inner paths of the heart, interactions, interspecies contact, living within limits

The High Cost of Storage — Physical Stuff and Emotional Stuff

Posted on November 18, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

one of thousands of Self-Storage companies

Good Morning, God,

When I was visiting Suz we talked about our Pasts. Both of us are more or less at Peace with them — Praise You, God. Acceptance comes slowly — well, at least for me, And I have realized that almost all of my really hard work of acceptance has been about me — my failures, my blindness, my shortcomings. Once I accepted myself, God, accepting and forgiving others has seemed far less difficult.

Still, I am certain that deep inside me I have STUFF IN STORAGE! Stuff I haven’t yet been able or willing to pull up and process. It is, so to speak, in a Self Storage Locker. And, I fear, I am paying RENT on it. It does take ENERGY, GOD, to keep Stuff from Consciousness. Sigh. I became aware of this when I felt YOU were making me tell someone that he needed ALL his energy to HEAL. He could no longer afford to “pay rent” on his past. The rent money had to go toward his healing. And, for him that meant a purging of the physical stuff AND the emotional stuff.

I guess that is the very essence of repentance and forgiveness — of our selves and others — that we no longer have to “pay rent” on STORING STUFF. Of course, FINDING that stuff isn’t easy as we rarely have the Stuff labeled as RESENTMENT and GUILT. We are so clever and creative in renaming things we can’t let go of. Noble causes –quests to bring the guilty to justice. Please help me with that FINDING, God. Please help me uncover and process the hidden storage units.

Because keeping the Past at bay — drains me of energy for the Present — energy with which to construct my future.

Posted in confession, Forgiving, healing, loving myself

Being Heard into Speaking Our “Sorrows”

Posted on November 17, 2010 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

early morning sunlight over Koko Head

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday morning I was out early and got this photo. The sight was a JOY and SHARING IT doubles the joy. There is an old saying: Joy shared is joy doubled; sorrow shared is sorrow halved. Perhaps, sorrow isn’t halved, but it is lessened.

A few days ago I heard a good friend as she shared about her old and very sick dog. It wasn’t so much that I heard — but that being heard helped her to speak her sorrow. Speaking our sorrow. Gosh, God, it seems to me doing that, both speaking and hearing, is a Sacred Act. Speaking from our Deep Heart is healing.

Sigh, wouldn’t it be wonderful, God, if we could “sacramentalize” that — or at least name it and appreciate it? I’m good at grumbling — occasionally sniveling — but I am not sure that I have ever Spoken My Sorrows. Hmmm. I am sitting here — realizing for the first time — that I am sort of ashamed or embarrassed to talk about deeper feelings.

Aah, this is An Open Doorway for me, isn’t it God! I feel that You are calling me to HONOR all my feelings. They need to be Named and Heard. That is MY job! And I CAN DO IT!

I would never disrespect another person who shared her grief and sorrows! So, then, I can go and sit in Your Compassionate Presence and dare to call up suppressed emotions and honor them by listening. Hmm. I will REALLY need Your Help, God! This is another LEAP into HUMILITY! And, yes, I am imagining a SPLAT at the bottom. I’m smiling. I’m pretty sure You’re saying that You will scrape me up so I can leap again.

Posted in being heard into speaking, being together in a compassionate presence, courage, hearing myself, humility, Humility or Needing Help!

Fertility or Longevity — The Body Knows

Posted on November 16, 2010 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

A Wild Soay Lamb on a remote Scottish Island

Good Morning, God!

Imagine studying wild sheep on the remote island of Hirta 100 miles to the west of Scotland! Apparently, there are “families” of sheep that live longer, survive harsh winters better, and have more antibodies. But they have fewer lambs annually. Other families have more lambs per season but have fewer antibodies and don’t live as long.

Fertility or Longevity? The researchers seemed to be expecting those results. I tell You, God, any mother could have predicted that! It takes a lot out of our “bank” to build a baby. Now days we don’t think much about that because we have a choice — or choices. 22 children? I love children, BUT, 22? Of course, those women were eating all organic food. Still, my mind boggles at the shear investment of Time and Energy, not to mention Nutritional Supplies.

It is hard to imaging wild sheep having “choices.” I guess the long-lived female’s body must decide. Just one lamb this year, not two! Our bodies decide things for us too, don’t they God! We get sick or even fall and break something to get a little rest or time off. It is like our Bodies are Smarter than we are. We keep on until we DROP — that being our bodies way of pulling the plug on our Egos or Minds.

Hmmm. You would think, God, that my Mind might give my Body more RESPECT! Ah, but that would involve HUMILITY wouldn’t it! Humility AGAIN? Do I detect a theme, God?

I am lying here in bed pondering what respecting my Body might involve. Time and Attention! So, please, God, help me STILL my Mind — and listen to You . . . and my Body. Thank You. Thank You, God.

Posted in Centering Prayer, compassion to care for myself

The Ashes and Fruit of Humility

Posted on November 15, 2010 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

An "AFTER" Photo of My Office

Good Morning, God!

I confess, I didn’t exactly keep the Sabbath yesterday. But, I felt I HAD to ASK for HELP. I was overwhelmed! Usually I can wait and do it Monday. But Monday is booked. And the volume of “stuff” needing my attention made me realize that I needed help to get my office under control — before I “drowned” in chaos and confusion.

It is taking me a long time, God, to accept my Limits! Yes, and even longer to be willing to live WITHIN my limits! Hmmm. You’re Right, God, I am not THAT far along.

It’s so funny, God. Humility tastes like ASHES in my mouth, but it bears the sweetest fruit!

Anyway, yesterday, it was totally clear that the BEST kind of “rest” would be to “play” with organizing my office. My promise to myself was “YOU are ONLY going to be helping YOURSELF — no work for anyone else! That is another admission of My Limits, and Needs — an act of Humility. Because helping OTHERS makes me feel needed and useful. But understanding that first I had to help myself — was to acknowledge myself as “needy.” DUH! I mean, that should be SO OBVIOUS, God! But reality is warped by my protective filters. Sigh.

Another confession, God, I have my friend and former work colleague, Ann, here to help me. Having her help is just like getting a second brain! I know I could not have done it without her help!

I am the product (victim?) of my generation’s educational model. If you “needed” help you had “failed.” And if you GOT help from someone else — it was called CHEATING! No wonder it is so HARD for me to ask for help! Thank goodness, the educational model is changing. Just the other day a friend was saying how in her graduate classes all students work in cohorts — not alone! Now, God, please help ME keep on changing and growing toward humilty!

Posted in asking for help for myself, being a Slow Learner, humility, Humility or Needing Help!, living within limits

A New Farmers’ Market and Farmers and Caring

Posted on November 14, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A square of hand-made goat milk soap

Good Morning, God!

What fun! Yesterday I doubled up on Farmers’ Markets. A friend brought me an article on free range eggs that listed the Kaiser Hight Farmers’ Market as one of the sites. So after going to the Kapiolani Farmers’ Market we stopped at the one at Kaiser and walked around.

My FIRST find was the lady who made herbal healing salves and goat milk soap! Made them in her kitchen! I asked her about the various products and then I bought a “guest soap” and a small tin of healing salve for Sandy. Buying directly from the maker feels really good, God. I like seeing the person who makes what I buy. Global economics may increase the prosperity of the whole — but it is so impersonal. I am thankful for the return of local markets!

Epitaph for a Peach: Four Seasons on My Family Farm

I found the egg lady and was going to buy a half dozen when she pointed out that I could become a SUBSCRIBER. Only $22.25 and I had “bought” 60 eggs — to be picked up any Saturday morning. The price was better for me and she assured me it was better for the farmers, too.

I’ve been thinking about Farmers in a more personal way since I’ve been reading David Masumoto’s book, Epitaph for a Peach. He has made the hard work and the vulnerability of farming far more “real” to me. His story has made him — and his world — alive for me. It has made me CARE. That is good, isn’t it God!

Yes, Caring IS good. But it is overwhelming, too. I need a bigger wiser Heart! Can we do that, God? Do it without it HURTING too much? Ah, there is the rub. Caring does hurt. So unless I am “giving it back” to You, I am overwhelmed and shut down. Did I hear You say “TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!”

Hmmm. There is THAT. Help me with my limits — help me embrace humility.

Posted in Farmers' Markets, Hearts, Help me to see, helping farmers, humility, self care as self compassion and humility

The Slow Turning of the World and Me

Posted on November 13, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunlit grey clouds driving into Town

Good Morning, God!

You do the MOST wonderful skies, God! THANK YOU! Last evening, when Kit was driving us into town, I saw the sky and exclaimed, “Isn’t it BEAUTIFUL!” Kit looked and smiled. Then he said, “Yes, but subtle.” We both laughed as I remembered how Kit prefers COLORS. I guess, God, that for me, it is more about the LIGHT.

Yet, at the same time, I love it now that I am waking up in the DARK when Night still holds sway. Dawn is coming. The World is turning. And, right now, I am turning, too. Turning my mind — and tugging at my heart — away from the enticing piles of things to DO — and toward YOU.

The sunset turns "colored" as the day continues

Trying, God, to TURN TOWARD YOU. Where do I imagine YOU are? A good question. I dimly sense You are not a “location” but more like interwoven into the fabric of Time and Space. Yet, You hold both in the Palm of Your Hand, so to speak. And this morning, although my FIRST response was to say — HERE I AM, God, USE ME — my second response was to lift my little hands UP and say HELP ME!

Aaah. Yes, God! You DO use “little children” especially if they remember they ARE little children. You are pretty clear about the importance of “being as little children” aren’t You, God. Children learn with JOY. They TRY THINGS. They get back up when they fall down. And they have not been taught to hate or despise others.

That Little Child is still inside me. Inside us ALL. Help her, and me, to hold Your Hand and get on with my day!

Posted in asking for help for myself, being a beginner, growing toward up

Up in the Air so Blue

Posted on November 12, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

How it felt to SWING as a child

Good Morning, God!

I haven’t thought about swinging for YEARS! But yesterday morning, I went for a walk without taking a key and when Kit left for his 9 mile run he naturally locked up. So, when I came home I was LOCKED OUT! Fortunately, I was walking with a friend who is visiting us — so we just went for a longer walk — up to the top of the street. I suggested we stop at the park at the top of the valley and swing. There was fancy new playground equipment. But NO SWINGS. We completed the walk and I said, “Oh well, let’s go on the swings at the lower park.” I remembered swings being there. GONE!

Ah, yes, God. Children can get hurt if a swing whams into them. Law suits + Insurance = no swings!

I understand all the reasons why. But, the first thought that came to me — after I finally got the ban on swings — was Robert Louis Stevenson’s poem. Will children hear that poem without knowing what it feels like to swing?

How do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!

My father build a tall wooden swing in our backyard when I was a child and I remember with great fondness the joy of swinging. Up UP UP! Higher and higher until the frame groaned. My grandsons had a metal swing set. Nice, but it wasn’t as high. It wasn’t the same. It’s funny, God, how with all the electronic toys and just plain quantity of toys and stuff that children have today, that I should sit here feeling sorry for them.

Thank You, God, for MY childhood. I was blessed. Indeed, I AM BLESSED!

Posted in freedom, Perspective, Play