Good Day, God!
These beautiful clouds greyed up just a few minutes later and looked very much like rain. And it has been that sort of day. Lots of changes in the “weather” and in my “inner weather” too. Lots of feelings, God. I started out excited that my beloved husband Kit returns tomorrow. Then I got a call from my mom — calling me over.
I thought she was just trying to avoid going to the ear doctor but I found that my mom really was sick — having a small infection on her lower left leg — yes, from the cat. Really, God, I was quite upset when I realized there were no doctors to be scheduled in Hawaii Kai for the week. As the poor dear receptionist explained — people can’t get refills unless they re-see the doctor. She quickly added that infections OUGHT to come before refills. But that they had been instructed NOT to add any more visits.
I thought of the terrible urgent care place . . . and keeping my mom sitting there amongst the Contagious. Then I tried to picture getting mom to go to the emergency room . . . actually, I tried to imagine getting myself to go. Sigh. She at least has a childhood of Christian Science to explain her attitude.
All of this is hard, God! And, even though I know I am incredibly fortunate in many ways, knowing that doesn’t reduce the suffering. I wonder why it is, God, that we feel it isn’t right for us to suffer as long as there are others worse off? We act as if somehow suffering were rationed and we’d have to hold off until we get our coupon.
Anyway, I soaked my mom’s leg in hydrogen peroxide and after playing scrabble with her I told her I’d come back to check on her. Two hours later she had eaten a good lunch and her leg looked better. And, I felt better too. Better, but wrung out. Indeed, a lot of pride has been wrung out of me, God. And, mostly, I’m thankful.