A Tecomanthe Vine from New Guinea in a friend's yard
Good Day God!
Cough cough cough . . . but my cold is not as bad as it might be. Today I waited out my cold by resting and reading. Wondering if this cold is just another semi-disguised way of reducing my Energy Debt.
Sigh, a friend just called and offered the thought that I might possibly be learning to rest. Such a positive spin, God! I would love to think I was learning to cut back, say no, and schedule less. Love to imagine myself molting and emerging as . . . as . . . as . . .
Well, God, there’s the thing. I can imagine myself in a sort of cocoon. I can imagine that I already might not be what I was. But, I have absolutely no idea of what I might be becoming.
Trust? Did I hear the word Trust?
Let’s be clear here, God. I would rather know than trust. I would like to see just how much energy/time I “owe” so I can know when I will be paid off and back to being me again. Because, I really don’t want to change.
A friend emailed me the wonderful news that she had paid off her mortgage. That really is good news. And I am thinking longingly of numbers and things one can measure and count — and pay off. Only, I am a human being and we are far more complex. So, there go simplistic analogies. Dang!
Well, not being able to know, I shall try for trust. I shall try to rest in the not knowing. Maybe not exactly embrace it. But, set my Not Knowing in context. Set myself in the Context of Your Love.
Story teller,
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