Good Morning, God!
Yesterday I was sitting in the backyard of my Spiritual Director (note: she prefers Spiritual Companion) and talking about my mind being like a jumble of “pickup sticks.” That was the topic of our meeting last week.
I told her that the “sticks” have gotten a whole lot bigger — but much less distressing. Now they are sort of like the branches of a tree. Then I remembered how I loved sitting up in my grandfather’s avocado tree when I was a child. That’s a very positive memory, God.
One thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was sitting in her lichee tree. It is much older and bigger — as am I — and I missed being surrounded by big green avocado leaves. Still, it took me back to my childhood. And I felt as if I were sitting in the tree’s lap.
I’m pretty sure, God, that You are calling me to sit in Your Lap. But, just as when I was very small, I want to run around doing things. Not sitting. Not soaking up Comfort and Love. I am obviously NOT a Natural Lap Sitter. I guess I fall in the category of Remedial Lap Sitter. Which would be funny — it is funny — if it weren’t also sad.
But, back to the unfolding. I have been playing solitaire of late, dimly sensing that the random situations and patterns have something to teach me about life. Yesterday afternoon it felt as if I GOT IT! I found myself playing as Observer! I relaxed and watched the game unfold. I released striving and “winning” and entered into flowing. I was still “playing” but I had let go of “outcomes.”
Now, God, please help me. I really want to transfer that attitude to the Game of Living.