Good Morning, God!
I have a wonderful family! But, we are NOT a PERFECT family. Mostly, I don’t mind that. But last night a “dinner table” incident plunged me into what felt like “terminal sorrow” — at least that is how I described it when I resumed speaking. Terminal Sorrow, Yikes! But, God, that is how it felt at the time.
I felt so bad I actually took a walk around the block. As You know, on the walk I was back on my favorite complaint of WHY DIDN’T YOU DO A BETTER JOB OF CREATING US! At least that is what it boiled down to. Sigh. For all of my intentions of taking personal responsibility for myself — I so often lapse into blaming YOU! I’m sorry, God! I am only an “intermittent grownup.”
One thought that repeated itself was the AA one of “I am powerless over this problem” and I need to hand it over to GOD — even if God won’t do what I want. Yes, God, you noticed that snarky postscript. But, really, in my saner moments I understand that it is a good thing You don’t do MY will.
Returning home I discovered my SORROW had looked a lot like ANGER. Hmm. It might have been wrapped in a bit of anger — but it WAS sorrow. Meanwhile, things had been patched up and steps toward growth and understanding had been taken. All that remained was to bring me back into “equilibrium.” Sigh.
Christmas is about YOUR COMING and YOUR LOVE for us just as we ARE. You love me at my most judgmental worst. And, amazingly, You help my family to love me too. You even help ME to love myself. Ah, NOW THAT IS THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS! THANK YOU!