Stumbling on an Historic Spot

Posted on June 20, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Haystack Monument in Williamstown, Massachusetts

Good Morning, God!

Chance can led us in strange and unexpected ways, God. I recognized the name of the minister as we walked by her church in Williamstown. We met with her and she gave us a map to this monument!

Having been a “Congregationalist” since I married Kit I had heard the story of 5 young men back in 1806, praying together in a field when a thunderstorm came up. They took shelter under a haystack and during the storm they all committed to go “into all the World” to serve in the name of Jesus.

Hearing the story, I had smiled, God, thinking that it is easier to make such commitments to You when lightening is striking all around us. But, they kept that commitment and it lead to the establishing of The American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Mission in 1810. Some of them went to India in 1812 and by 1820 missionaries came to Hawaii. All due to these young men — and Your Thunderstorm.

These missionaries came bringing the Good News of Your Love — and Literacy. They converted an oral language into a written one so that Literacy was almost universal in Hawaii by the 1850’s. It was quite remarkable!

Sigh, so many of us look back and judge them by our 21st Century standards. But, they were moved by Your Love and by Love of You.

And today? I vividly remember hearing the older women of Pohnpei sharing how hard it was BEFORE the missionaries came in the 1950s. The Good News brought by the missionaries changed the way men treated women — and each other. Those women were so thankful. Thank You, God, for reminding me to be thankful, too.

Posted in Changing, gratitude, Help me to see

Clouds: Coughing, Grieving and Trusting

Posted on June 19, 2011 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

the tail end of a passing weather front

Good Morning, God!

Cough, COUGH! Still, it is a good morning — perhaps because I am feeling my grief? Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of the morning Patty died. Kit and I were lying in bed this morning and remembering.

Patty wrote:

Someday I’ll sleep below the grass / And dance above the sky / But now I lie between the two / And let the wind blow by.

For some reason I always substitute the word Clouds — for Sky. Picturing Patty Dancing above the Clouds, is a lovely image, God.

Yesterday, talking to You about being full of sticky feelings and thoughts, I wasn’t consciously thinking of Patty’s death. But today it seems so clear. Even my wretched cold seems perfect. In Chinese medicine the Lungs are associated with Grief. So, God, it seems that My Body, as usual, has been doing a lot of my “Feeling Work” for me.

I don’t “do” Grieving, God. It feels OVERWHELMING. And, of course, it is. [More coughing] Hmm. I guess, I have believed that Grieving would take away the Energy needed to do Useful Things. But, I have had it Backwards! I have wasted LOTS of energy — repressing my grief.

Letting it flow out — flow into the World — is part of the Healing Process. Oh, God! Oh, that the World might WEEP TOGETHER! All of us have failed and fallen short of Your Glory! There are no faultless parents — and I confess, God, I still find fault with YOU that this isn’t a perfect world.

Yes, God, I am Missing the POINT, once again. It isn’t about “Perfect” — it is about TRUSTING. Trusting that grieving is an essential part of living. Trusting that You will help us bring Good out of Darkness!

Posted in Grief, growing toward up, Trusting God

On Being Sick and Respecting my Body

Posted on June 18, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

The Shower Tree in Kokua Market's parking lot

Good Morning, God!

I took this photo on Wednesday when I felt fabulous — just tip top! But then the symptoms began — slowly sneaking into my consciousness. At first, I thought I was just tired from jet lag.

But, I did cancel Thursday’s activities and stayed home — taking it easy. Then, on Friday it was clear that I was SICK, not just tired. So, I called and canceled our attendance at a Special Birthday Event this weekend.

And, now, God, I am flat on my back in bed — except when a paroxysm of coughing expels me. I am lying here — full of feelings and thoughts — but they feel thick and congested — like my lungs. Please, God, help me sort through them.

I remember — going into work sick, as if I were too important to “stay home” and take care of myself. The other — darker — side of Duty. Keeping on until I got better or collapsed and needed antibiotics. Looking back, I see this as the Imperialistic Mindset at work.

My Mind as the Raj and my Body as unnamed servants or workers were toiling on and on. Hmm. Didn’t King George the VI have to wear iron leg braces to make his Body conform to “standards.” I suppose, God, that if we “oppress” our own bodies, then oppressing women, children, and anyone not one of “us” comes easily.

So, here I am, God, SICK but still, mostly grateful! Grateful that I am not sick with something awful. Grateful that my Body will get well. And maybe most of all, God, I am Grateful that my Body and I are “becoming friends!”

Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, Duty, healing, health

The Moon as Seen from Norway — and Swaziland

Posted on June 17, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Lunar eclipse seen from Norway

Good Morning, God!

Heidi and Ellery Lum and their boys, Matthew and Noah, saw this eclipse in Swaziland. They are there for Advocates for Africa’s Children, learning the language and living in a rural village as Villagers. Sunday, Ellery will kill the goat for the welcoming feast.

Hmmm. That gives me pause for thought. Please, God, bless them all — and bless the whole country, struggling with the highest AIDs rate in the world. Sigh.

But, this photo came from Norway — from the website NewsinEnglish.no. This is a website created and run by Nina Bergland, a former colleague of Kit’s at the Advertiser who is married to a Norwegian. It is such a Small World, God!

Yes, God, we live on a small round ball. A volcano in Iceland can shut down air traffic in Europe. Radiation from Japan travels. Plastic detritus from around the Pacific Rim swirls into the North Pacific Gyre. It seems odd to me that we ordinary people still think Small, Flat and Separate. One notices that in New England, where States are often separated only by Rivers — creating Historical and even Cultural Boundaries, God, that give us our sense of Us-ness.

Part of me loves it! I love living in Hawaii. We are different! Happily so! But, it only takes an Earthquake in Japan or Chile to make me realize we are all in this together. I “get it” and then, alas, I “forget it” and go back to my routine.

It is tempting to say — I am just One Person, what can I do? But, I know better, God. I can change my diet, change my spending, change my assumptions. Please help me, God!

Posted in Advocates for Africa's Children, becoming the change I wish to see, complexity, Understanding

Machines, Bodies, Pet Lambs and Respect

Posted on June 16, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

driving by a BIG machine -- working

Good Morning, God!

I just heard our morning paper come — thumping against our door. I’m Up before the paper, God! But, I have had almost nine hours of sleep — and I shall return to bed for more.

My Body was its usual Stalwart Self yesterday as I zipped along DOING THINGS. Really, a lovely, satisfying day — beginning with my Wednesday Morning Women’s Prayer Group — and proceeding on to meetings, planned and unplanned. And two visits with Mom.

But, last night, my Body reminded me that IT still had a slightly sore throat — and I LISTENED! I canceled my two standing Thursday morning appointments — both of which I love.

Perhaps, God, I am beginning to love myself more? Or is it a New Awareness of Limits? Limits not as Confining me, but as Loving Arms cuddling me? It feels different — it feels as if My Body and I are more in Balance.

Yes, God, the word Cosseting (to cuddle and indulge as a pet lamb) comes to mind. Oops! A Word from my Body: This is not Indulging a Pet — This is Responsible Stewardship of a Fabulous Ally!

Sheesh! I guess viewing my Body as a Pet that I am “indulging” is not showing her Proper Respect! In my defense, in the past I saw my Body as a Machine. So, I thought seeing her as a “pet lamb” was a step forward.

And it was — but ALL CREATURES WANT RESPECT! Thank You, God! Respecting Myself — and Being Respected — feel Very Good. And now, I am taking us Both Back to Bed!

Posted in Balancing and adjustments, respect, self care as self compassion and humility

Awakened by the Moon

Posted on June 15, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Almost Full Moon setting behind our valley

Good Morning, God!

Going to bed before 8:00 p.m. and sleeping until 4:30 a.m. surely helps with the process of reassembling.

I was happy, God, to have the moon wake me. Happy to be beginning a new day. Happy with the things I have chosen to do today.

This is a precious time in the Cycle of Life. Hmm. All Times are Precious — to be Valued and Cherished. It feels good, God, to sit and appreciate this Enormous Gift of Life! Sitting here, talking with You, helps me put my Life in Context.

I love the little I know about our moon, our sun, our solar system and our galaxy. They provide Context! But, I confess, while dipping into the beginning of The Hidden Reality : Parallel Universes and the Deep Laws of the Cosmos by Brian Greene I got seasick! Parallel Universes are too unstable a context for me. Mal de Mer overcame me.

I was thinking the other day about Parallel Universes and Time Travel — about how I would want to use Time Travel to “fix” my mistakes. But, then I thought — I bet trying to fix things would only make them worse! And, mistakes are not always recognizable — or even as bad as they seem to be.

This is a very complex universe, God! Just this ONE. I am very thankful, God, that I only SEE this ONE! And, thankful, too, that I am living HERE and NOW. And, as for my “mistakes?” Please, God, help me see them. Help me acknowledge them. Help me fix them, if I can. And, Please, God, Help me learn from them!

Posted in complexity, Mistakes, Perspective

Home — And the Process of Reassembling Myself

Posted on June 14, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Flying over New Jersey -- looking at Manhattan

Good Morning, God!

HOME! Home, sitting in my own dear loft office, and realizing that I am not QUITE ALL Home.

I feel, God, as if I have left “parts” of me strewn — not just around New England — but comet-like from Newark to Honolulu. Parts scattered as we flew — and I am aware that I need Time to Completely Reassemble myself.

Hmm. I LIKE that image, God! It explains without judging. Explanations are so helpful. And that makes me think of a former colleague who would say from time to time — “Never Apologize, never Explain.”

The World often seems to operate on that saying. But, God, I cannot imagine how any healthy marriage could survive that way!

We humans need both Apologies AND Explanations. Hmm. Explanations are tricky, God, because often we don’t HAVE an explanation for our own behavior — let alone someone else’s. Explanations are dependent on understanding. And there is just SO MUCH to understand!

On this trip I expended a fair bit of emotional energy — read: anger — whenever Kit-the-Driver ignored my navigational directions. Finally, I remembered how at the Library, people had to come to a FULL STOP in order to READ the Large Signs. Our “Walking Around” app could not be run at the same time as the “Reading” app. Of course, our “Driving Around” app probably consumes even more brain space than our “Walking Around” app.

Understanding the difficulty of running two big apps at the same same — having an explanation — was like pouring oil on my emotional gears. Please, God — help me keep on seeking Understanding!

Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, Rethinking, Understanding

Two Tired Rats Make it Through the Maze!

Posted on June 13, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

On the Road -- The Easy Part

Good Morning, God!

THANK YOU! Kit and I made it safely to the Newark Airport yesterday. Of course, God, we WANTED to go first to the Fairfield Inn.

But, my trusty Google Maps App couldn’t get us the last dozen complex turns going to the Fairfield Inn. We ended up at the back of the airport — or maybe it was back of the Port of Newark?

We could SEE the Fairfield Inn — once or twice — across 16 lanes. Aieee! But, the REALLY good news, God, is that we kept it all together — no yelling and falling apart!

Well, OK, maybe a little falling apart . . . but we are doing better at “Regrouping!” I tried Google yet again — this time with a different hotel as destination and we made it to . . . the PRISON? Who knew there was a BIG PRISON so close to the airport. But, following the policeman’s directions to the Inn — we made it to the Airport! And, once there, we turned in the car and caught the shuttle to the Inn.

Ah, God! We are BLESSED to live here in this Space and Time. To travel by car and not covered wagon. To have freeways that take us in an afternoon from Outer Boston to New Jersey. Still, I admit, to “pining” for a Star Trek kind of Travel! The “Just Beam Me Up” type travel.

But, as You pointed out during my shower, Travel isn’t about Arriving — it, like Life, is all about the Getting There. Yesterday, Kit and I had several opportunities to practice Regrouping — a Very Useful Skill.

But, please, God, don’t give us anymore opportunities to practice it today!

Posted in Ongoing Transformation, resiliency

Car Keys, Memory and Two Intersecting Articles

Posted on June 12, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Cover of July, 2011 Discover Magazine

Good Morning, God!

And it IS a GOOD morning! Partly because we are Beginning To Head HOME!

And it’s partly because of two articles in this month’s Discover magazine. I love it, God, when ideas come from two directions!

The first article was about regrowing muscles and other body parts, using Extra Cellular Matrix — a thin layer of protein from pigs bladders or intestines — as a structure or scaffolding for new growth.

The second article was by Joshua Foer — author of Moonwalking with Einstein — about how to use Memory Palaces to remember an amazing number of images/data.

It came to me, God, that in both cases STRUCTURE was being used to achieve remarkable results. Structure, as in visualizing the interior of a building, and structure as in the support scaffolding of the Extra Cellular Matrix. Joshua Foer made the point — which I have known, but not made use of, for years — that we remember by Location.

Somehow, God, reading BOTH these articles in the same day helped me FOCUS on the idea that I can use the Structure of Our Home and Our Offices to help us remember! I had already bought a decorative key hook for Kit to use coming up the stairs from the car. And I will move the key holder in my office down to the same location. Closer is easier, God!

Car Keys are such a delightful symbol of Having Control of Our Lives. And HUNTING for Car Keys is such a painful activity! So, I am EAGER to get home and begin Reassessing and Utilizing the Various Structures in Our Lives. Please, God! Help me REMEMBER this intention!

Posted in a hand up, accepting my ability to REDESIGN, Changing, Transitions

Dining at the Andover Inn after “Regrouping”

Posted on June 11, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

The Samuel -- the restaurant at the Andover Inn

Good Morning, God!

I’m not sure if it was my resolution to Go Slow — or Kit’s Good Sense. But we decided to forgo the Friday night dinner we had paid for and, instead dine at the Andover Inn. That way we could take over an hour to eat — and not RUSH off to the 7:30 Musical Extravaganza.

It was our second dinner there in three days! High living, God! It’s a lovely old building right on campus.

The musical evening reminded me of when everyone at a party became part of the entertainment. In addition to Patty’s poems set to music and beatifully sung, we had Poems Read — 3 by the poet David Slavitt, a classmate of Kit’s. And we had a brass quartet, an organ piece, piano pieces and other musical bits.

It felt amazingly “homey,” God! Very warm and supportive — it had a family feel. And it enriched my definition of Creativity. When I thanked Lloyd for the putting it all together — I told him that creating the evening was A Creative Act. And it was!

Creativity comes in unlimited shapes and forms . . . and formlessness, too! Kit and I got lost on the way in to town and both of us got UPSET! But we regrouped and recovered! Now I can see that even such an unsung thing as REGROUPING after a Trauma — is a Creative Act!

Or to adapt Churchill’s saying to us: A successful life is going from one mistake to another with undiminished enthusiasm. Ah! Now THAT is Creativity at its BEST! Thank You, God, for being so eager to help us regroup!

Posted in Creating, creativity in loving service, Mistakes, Needed Repair Time