Lashing ourselves to the mast — or putting in ear plugs?

Posted on October 28, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sirens by Oscar Ramos Orosco

Good Morning, God!

Through a series of “random” connections I ended up at an interesting website called 99% and saw this illustration of Odysseus who had himself bound to the mast to resist the irresistible songs of the Sirens. His crew were wearing wax ear plugs. Surely, a much easier way to resist temptation. But, Odysseus wanted the joy of hearing the Sirens while the safety of resisting them. How like us, God!

Temptation is always with us, God. Even when we have no intention of “giving in” we still want to gaze upon it. We, like Odysseus want to hear the Siren Song — while resisting. Sigh, how good we are at deluding ourselves. It makes me think of the “Marshmallow Test.” This was a study years ago — in which children had ONE marshmallow put on the table in front of them. Then, they were told by the “instructor”, “I’m going to leave the room for a while. You can eat the marshmallow. But, if you can wait and not eat it then when I return I will give you a second marshmallow.” It turned out in this longitudinal study that the children who “waited” for the second marshmallow were more successful in later life.

For years it was assumed these children had more “character” — more “will power.” But, the secret for many of them seemed much simpler. They just didn’t LOOK at the marshmallow. They distracted themselves and focused on other things. They did the equivalent of putting wax in their ears.

How utterly simple, God! And how amazingly uncommon. Now, the question for myself is — what are my temptations? And, what am I doing about them? Hmmm.

Posted in accepting my need for help, choosing HARD

NOW, because Later is So Close to Never

Posted on October 27, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Rosy fingered Dawn

Good Morning, God!

So often, when I have to do something, I tend to think that I’ll do it later. The thing about LATER is that so many things can be stored in it. Later is endlessly expandable. But, NOW mostly only holds One Thing. And, that means that we have to decidewhat to put in our Now.

Deciding is hard. But, the other morning it hit me with fresh power that Later is very close to Never. That’s especially true with Dawn, and I realized that morning was the first dawn “with clouds” since I’ve arrived in Tucson. It was the thought of pink clouds that got me up. And once up and moving, it was easier to keep moving. So I went out jogging — this time for a full two miles. Newton was right. Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion.

Reflecting on this, it comes to me, God, that “A Day” is rather like an empty necklace chain — with activities like beads. Such a variety of shapes and colors, God! And, mostly, I get to select the beads I string. I’m pretty much free to choose what I do and when I do it. Now that I am retired again I have this gift of freedom. Freedom is a terrible thing to waste, God. And, I suspect it was some variation of that “thought” that has kept me so busy over the years.

Because, God, it is hard for me to grasp that Nothing can be the Very Best Something. I’m sure that is why I love the Benedictine Retreat Center at Snowmass so very much. Sitting in silence was a Something. It was even a scheduled Something. The value it was given, and the ritual surrounding it, helped me see it as a beautiful bead that I can string on the necklace of my days. But, now that I am home, that bead is covered over by the other beads. Please, God, help me in my NOWS to choose wisely.

Posted in Centering Prayer, choices, Nothing as Something, time

I’m NOT running with the Coyotes

Posted on October 26, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Coyotes on Sandy's street

Good Morning, God!

I’m up at dawn, again. Taking photos and sipping coffee. I have turned over to Sandy all of the responsibilities for the boys leaving for school. I am relaxed and happy. I was considering going jogging earlier than usual. But, that was before I saw three coyotes lopping down Sandy’s street. I am not eager to run with coyotes — especially three of them.

Coyotes are resourceful creatures. I dare say they are far more interested in the local rabbits than they are in me. Still, I shall wait another hour or so before I take to the road.

No one is worried about coyotes becoming extinct, God! They seem very adaptable. They have even shifted from diurnal to nocturnal in urban areas. They learn quickly and work together in packs. I’m full of coyote factoids after reading the wikipedia article. It seems they might have originated in the Americas.

But, what really interests me is our human reaction to coyotes as opposed to wolves. If I had seen three wolves lopping along Sandy’s street — would I be outside AT ALL? Fear of wolves seems far more powerful than of coyotes or even of the cougars who inhabit Sabino Canyon. Not, God, that I am jogging in Sabino Canyon.

I’ve read Farley Mowat’s book about wolves. And I dare say he has it right when he says: “We have doomed the wolf not for what it is, but for what we deliberately and mistakenly perceive it to be –the mythologized epitome of a savage ruthless killer – which is, in reality, no more than a reflected image of ourself.”

Sigh, we are predators. And, I suspect, God, that is HOW predators behave — eliminating other competing predators. Wolves when reintroduced into Yellowstone set about killing coyotes. We don’t like competition. It seems we dislike most in others, our very own qualities.

Aah, but, the sun is fully up now, God. And I shall be setting out on a jog.

Tagged with: a moment with God, coyotes, sabino canyon, wolves
Posted in Common Sense, exercising

Seeing Beauty in Unexpected Places

Posted on October 25, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Grains of Sand from Maui: Photo by Dr. Gary Greenberg

Good Morning, God!

I knew that each snowflake was unique — but grains of sand? I’m amazed! And delighted! These grains of sand are beautiful. But, the thing is, God, that it takes a very powerful microscope to see — and photograph — them. So, it is no surprise that I’ve always seen grains of sand as identical.

It is tempting to think that people — all 7 billion or so — are pretty much identical. It is just “easier” to assume that other people are pretty much like us. That’s my default assumption. Hmmm. And I hold to this illusion, in spite of growing up in a family filled with diversity — in spite of my being married for many years to a person fundamentally different from me. Ah yes, God! Gender differences!

It’s odd, God! In spite of my reading books by Deborah Tannen and learning about Myers Briggs “types” and enneagram types — I am still, so often, surprised by our differences!

Sigh, yes, You do love surprises. And I do have “miles to go before I sleep.” So much learning and growing left to do. So much interacting with other grains of sand. Are we ever done, God? Or is “done” a finite human concept?

Hmmm. Perhaps, it would be better for me to focus on the beauty and uniqueness of the grains around me? Please help me, God!

Tagged with: beauty, beauty in unexpected places, diversity, Dr. Gary Greenberg, sand grains.com
Posted in A God given diversity, appreciation, beauty, Diversity, Expand my Heart, seeing

The Return of the Parents

Posted on October 24, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Midnight at the Tucson Airport

Good Morning, God!

And a good, good morning it is! Sandy and Dave have returned home and I am no longer The Responsible Party! Sigh. I had forgotten just HOW responsible parents are. I love my grandsons, but I am happy to turn over the Position of Responsible Adult to their Mom and Dad!

Responsibility is a funny thing, God. When I was an Active Parent — one never stops being a parent — I wasn’t so aware of the weight of responsibility. It is only when reassuming that “responsibility” that I notice how heavy it is. I guess You don’t let us “notice” it while we are engaged in it. A Very Good Thing!

Both boys ARE responsible. They are really Young Men. And, mostly I only reminded and chauffeured. Well, and cleaned and washed and cooked. The most fun for me were the conversations I had with them. This visit I made a point of spending quality time with each of them one-on-one. And that was delightful.

Hmmm. I’m remembering the Smoothers Brothers comedy duo from my past. Their whole schtick was sibling rivalry — “Mom loved you best!” Everyone laughed. We all understood. We all want to be loved “The Best.” Even, maybe especially, when we are Grumpy, Prickly, and sometimes downright Nasty.

It was several years into our marriage when I was finally able to 1) understand and 2) tell Kit that when I got Hurt/Angry and yelled “GO AWAY!” that I really wanted him to come and give me a gentle hug. What an incredible difference those “hugs” have made over the years! Touch, is definitely one of my Love Languages.

Thank You, God, for Your On-going Love of us! Your Love, like Mother Love, isn’t so much quantifiable as it is endless. And, thanks, too, God for bearing the Real Responsibility.

Tagged with: God's Love is Endless, Hugs, mother love, parents, responsibility, the gift of loving touch
Posted in Communication, hugs, LOVE

An Hour of Stillness — A Thankful Heart

Posted on October 23, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

another beautiful Tucson sunrise

Good Morning, God!

It’s morning and all is still. No sound of cars driving by as I nipped outside to take this photo of the dawn. The boys are sleeping. I am back in bed with my coffee. Missing Kit. But, then there is a Race today and on Saturdays he is often out early doing TNT runs or, as he did yesterday — working at the AID Station as part of his job as a mentor. Smile.

Active and involved is good. But, God, as with all Good Things, the danger lies in TOO MUCH of a Good Thing. Balance is HARD for us, God. So too, is Understanding. As I lie here, literally in my daughter, Sandy’s bed, I think of the old Native American saying. We truly don’t understand anyone until we have “walked a mile in his moccasins.” It has only been a week, God. But, my “Understanding” and “Appreciation” of her have quintupled.

And, in part that is from the gift of a breakdown — as Suzy says, “Breakthroughs come AFTER Breakdowns.” Sigh. I, who haven’t cried in years, was reduced to sobbing outside the Tucson Music Hall — and calling Sandy for help. I was taking Ian to see, Shrek: The Musical. I had, as Sandy had urged, earlier done a dry run into downtown. But, that evening the key street was closed to all but GAME TRAFFIC. My next turn took me onto the freeway and into being LOST for 30 minutes.

LOST is stressful. How much more stressful for my “high functioning” autistic grandson! All his “coping energy” was quickly used up! Even as we arrived — just in time — he wanted only to GO HOME! Thus my tears. I called Sandy. With her loving comfort and advice I exchanged our tickets for the next night and we went home — relieved and in good spirits.

And, last night we both enjoyed — the first 50 minutes of the show. Then, Ian said — pleasantly but clearly — it was time to go home. Thank You, God, for a good evening!

Tagged with: an hour of quiet, appreciating others, autism and coping, on being a grandmother, stress, the stress of being lost
Posted in appreciation, the gift of persistent love, The gift to SEE others, the importance of Grandmothers, Understanding

Waterways, Habits and Curmudgeons

Posted on October 22, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A dry waterway

Good Morning, God!

Jogging around Sandy’s neighborhood isn’t quite a habit, yet. But, I am working on it! Doing something over and over does create a path or waterway. I enjoy looking at the dry waterways that seem to be around every corner. Dry ones. The monsoon season is mid-summer. But, the rains, like repeated activities, leave pathways.

Our brains are full of pathways. Some useful, some not. One dysfunctional pathway is criticizing. The image of a castle springs to mind. A person who criticizes me — elicits the image of a person battering on my castle door. Ha! My first instinctive response is to want to pour boiling oil on him! Take THAT.

Mostly, I manage to refrain. After all, such Defense Acts are just as counterproductive as criticism. This all became much clearer when I came across Jay Forrester’s axiom: “In a complex system we almost always get the opposite of the result we intend.” Boy! Did THAT explain a lot!

This comes to mind as I consider siblings and, oddly enough, curmudgeons. A good friend sent me this quote by John Winokur: “Curmudgeons are mockers and debunkers whose bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They can’t compromise their standards and can’t manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for feigned cheerfulness. Their awareness is a curse. Perhaps curmudgeons have gotten a bad rap in the same way that the messenger is blamed for the message: They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor.”

Reading that reminded me of the curse laid on Cassandra. She was always to be “right” but never to be believed! Yes, that might well make her a curmudgeon, God! Please, Help us, God!

Tagged with: Cassandra, complexity, curmudgeons, dysfunctional habits, getting the opposite of the result we intend, pathways in our brain and heart
Posted in Choosing to respond, complexity, courage to see myself, Expand my Heart, Feedback, Hearing

A Thirst — for Love?

Posted on October 21, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Water Bottles Awaiting Recycling

Good Morning, God!

It was just a few days ago that the relationship between Water and Love resurfaced in my mind. That idea reappeared this morning as I gathered up the empty water bottles from around the house for recycling. Water is essential. And, so is Love. Love is far more essential than we seem to realize. It isn’t the frosting. It’s the CAKE! We (me?) really don’t understand that, do we, God.

Hmmm. Speaking of cake reminds me of sugar and the upcoming diabetes epidemic. Excessive thirst can be a sign of impending diabetes. And adult on-set diabetes is on the rise — a dramatic rise. I’m sitting here, God, trying to remember who said that a craving for sugar is a craving for the Mother. Certainly, comfort foods tend to be made with sugar — or lots of starch that quickly turns into sugar. But, sugar is only a temporary comfort . . . not that longed for source of unconditional love.

So, back to the water bottles. I don’t mean to knock them, God. We NEED water. But, I am thinking of the difference between that Living Water that You talked about — about how You would transform us so that Rivers of Living Water would flow out from us. And those who drank would never thirst again. I’m comparing that to the water bottles we buy and carry with us. Yes, my mind seems overflowing with analogies this morning.

Water, Love, Life — hmmm. Beloved Families, Beloved Spouses even, are imperfect sources of unconditional love, God. But, that is what You Long to Give Us. It’s a paradox! It is KNOWING we are LOVED — loved JUST as we are — that gives us the hope and faith to change. AA had it RIGHT! We need help from a Higher Power. That would be YOU, God!

Tagged with: a craving for sugar is a search for the Mother, a moment with God, AA, excessive thirst, Higher Power, living water, water
Posted in a hand up, Abundant Life, LOVE

Walls and Rules: A Pedant Repenting — or at least Reconsidering

Posted on October 20, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Wall seen While Walking

Good Morning, God!

Jogging around our daughter Sandy’s neighborhood,I wondered about this wall — why did it get higher so abruptly — what was behind it? As it turned out, nothing was behind it. Strange. Then, just a few hours later, I came across this quote by George Polya, mathematician (1887-1985):

Pedantry and mastery are opposite attitudes toward rules. To apply a rule to the letter, rigidly, unquestioningly, in cases where it fits and in cases where it does not fit, is pedantry … To apply a rule with natural ease, with judgment, noticing the cases where it fits, and without ever letting the words of the rule obscure the purpose of the action or the opportunities of the situation, is mastery.

Suddenly, Rules and Walls seemed so related, God! And this photo seemed to express the difference so graphically. To a Master, the wall is low. To the Pedant the wall is high.

I am remembering how my freshman roommates awarded me a Scarlet P for Pedantry. Worse, even than living Behind Walls — pedants seem to feel everyone else should be dragged behind assorted walls. Sigh. It isn’t easy being a Pedant. Oddly enough, people resist being confronted with “rules.” I suppose, God, that You have noticed that.

Remembering the Pharisees, God, I can now re-envision them as Pedants. They clearly meant well. But, for them, the Rules became the foreground and the Purposes faded into the background. That happens.

It takes a Master, like Jesus, to see to the Heart of what the rules are for. Just tossing out rules — which seems to be what we have done, God — brings anarchy and chaos. And Chaos opens the door to dreadful things.

Thank You, God, for reminding me that it isn’t a choice of Either/ Or. You are here to help us make a way.

Tagged with: A Scarlet P for Pedant, Rules, Rules as Walls, Walls as Protection or Imprisonment
Posted in background / foreground questions, Choosing Meaning, growing toward up, loving limits

Wise Words on Being Human

Posted on October 19, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

current day Inuit hunters

Good Morning, God!

My life seems full of marvelous quotes! Here is one from an old-time Inuit hunter as quoted in David Graeber’s book, Debt, the First 5,000 Years. “Up in our country we are human!”said the hunter. “And since we are human we help each other. We don’t like to hear anybody say thanks for that. What I get today you may get tomorrow.”

Sigh, that pierced my heart, God. It did. Part of me responded by saying “Give More!” But then I came to the second part of that quote: “Up here we say that by gifts one makes slaves and by whips one makes dogs.” So, as always, God, I come up against Simplicity and Complexity. I am not living in a Hunter / Gatherer Society. Things have changed. And things are changing faster and faster.

I am a big fan of technology, God. I don’t want to go back to a Hunter / Gatherer World. It was full of problems, too. But, how do we help one another? How do we all grow into being Helpers? Yes, not forgetting to help ourselves! I do that, God. And I keep forgetting that I am terrible about confessing my need for help — asking for it — seeing all the ways I need it.

How then to help? How to determine when a person really wants to be helped? Not as a Perpetual Taker — a horribly demeaning fate — but as a fully functioning human.

How, indeed. And can I be “one of them?” Seeking the help I need? Oh? All it takes is Humility? Sigh. Please, God, help me with that.