A Family Christmas Dinner

Posted on December 26, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

red hibiscus at my mom's

Good Morning, God!

Ah, our Christmas Dinner was a success! Daughter Suz created a fresh spinach and leek casserole with gruyere cheese and cream and butter. Marvelous! And when I announced that she had worked for hours and hours and hours on it. She said, “Oh, no. Just hours and hours.”

Kit went to pick up my brother and his wife, Dave and Barba (correct spelling), freshly arrived from California, while I wrestled with the not-quite-thawed turkey. Just as I was getting a good grip on the ice-cold neck my phone rang. It was my mother calling to say she was sick, dizzy and maybe dying — and needed me.

I yelled, “I’ll be there just as soon as the turkey is in the oven! When I arrived she was just fine. My family does have a strong dramatic streak, God. Thankfully, I am aware of that and mostly I handle it pretty well. In fact I, too, can play Drama Queen.

After getting my mom settled, with lunch and a game, I returned home and by 5:00 all of us, and the food and the house, were ready for company. Kit drove over to pick up our guests and the dinner began. Dave and Barba were in great form and my mom looked great and we ALL talked and talked and talked. My mom outdid herself in eating — which made me very happy.

Families — at their best — are the best of joys. In my family I am the oldest child — the one that has to be forgiven. So, I give my brother a lot of credit for our being a loving family. I’m thankful, albeit exhausted.

Posted in Christmas, Families, family visits

Christmas Eve at Central Union Church

Posted on December 25, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A small Christmas Angel

Good Morning, God!

I’m up early — just to say THANK YOU for Christmas — then I shall go back to bed, back to sleep. Last night Kit, Suzy and I had our traditional Christmas Eve dinner at Duc’s on Maunakea Street.

Before dinner we went the Children’s Service at Central Union Church. What fun to be sitting there with little angels and shepherds and more than a few kings in front of us in the pews! I must say, we were also surrounded by grandparents with iPhones and video cameras! It was all about “seeing” the children as they took turns going up to see “Baby Jesus.” The congregation sang the appropriate carol as children processed up to see “Baby Jesus.” They went up in flocks by their costume — angels, shepherds, animals, and kings — followed by all the rest of the children.

At the end of the service I waited expectantly for music on which to process out. No music. No exiting! Everyone — including Suzy and then me — went forward to take more photos!

It takes me back to my one and only time as pageant director. Somehow, I thought it would be more artistic if it was played out in the dark. Duh! What was I thinking? Now I can laugh. But I was lucky I wasn’t tarred and feathered — more feathered than this little angel!

Ah, the Mistakes and Blunders we have made. Yes, make that the Mistakes and Blunders I have made.

But, back to Christmas Eve! The church was filled with poinsettias — 250 of them — in memory of dear dear Frannie. Her husband shared that with me and he was obviously pleased — as well he should have been. What a lovely way to share his love and his sorrow.

Love and Sorrows fill our lives, God. Fill our Hearts. How important it is that You are Willing/Wanting to Enter Into Our Hearts. Oh Come. Please Come, Emmanuel.

Tagged with: flocks of little angels
Posted in Choosing to respond, Christmas, LOVE

Here comes Christmas — More than we can grasp

Posted on December 24, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Nativity scene at Arcadia

Good Morning, God!

Today is Christmas Eve — the day before Christmas when all is Waiting and Holding its breath. I love the legends and folktales, God. Isn’t there one about the animals being able to speak on Christmas Eve?

I seems to me that the legends and folktales come closer to capturing the reality of Christmas than our current understanding. We are such a rational culture — ah, to our loss, God, to our loss.

Animals speaking seems so right. My mom’s cat is so clearly trying to communicate with us. And we are so pitifully non-telepathic. Clearly words cannot capture or explain what You want to tell us. So in Christmas you “act it out.”

I look at this lovely scene with Mary, Joseph and Jesus — plus a shepherd, three kings and a sheep. Perfect! The highest and lowest rankings of humans and a sheep. Surely, God, all of us are like sheep who have gone astray — lost our way. Forgotten that loving one another — caring for ourselves and others — helping people help themselves — all of these create the lasting riches of a meaningful life.

It seems to me, God, that it is important to understand that we do not understand. I choose love, God. I choose You coming in a special way as a baby. Entering Time and Space — to bring not just Love, but Hope. I need them both!

Tagged with: Christmas brings love and hope, understanding that we don't understand
Posted in Christmas, hope, Hope as a gift from God, LOVE, Understanding

Committing to the Dance of Life

Posted on December 23, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Honolulu Academy of Arts: Photo from sue96815.wordpress.com

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday I actually left home without my iPhone. A whole day without a photographic record! Hmm. But, perhaps, I have more snapshots stored in my mind because of that.

The exhibit of Yuan paintings at the Honolulu Academy of Arts was worth several mental images. One was of geese that I thought were flying in a line. Each goose was in a different pose — each one clearly an individual. I stared at them — delighted, but bothered. Birds in flight ought not to look that different. They looked as if they were engaged in a fanciful dance — not flight. And, a write-up I read later described the scroll as “a misty evocative environment” with some geese resting and some in flight. But they were all in a line . . . which did confuse me.

But, then I remembered what the exhibit had stressed. These master painters lived during the Mongol takeover of China. During this time many of the intelligentsia refused to work for the Mongol rulers. Instead they turned to the arts. Perhaps the geese “dancing in flight” were declaring their freedom — their independence — from foreign rulers?

That was a nice idea, God, but it seems this scroll was painted in the Southern Song period BEFORE the Mongols. So my “interpretation” no longer worked. How easy it is filter past events though our present mindsets. Perhaps the artist just enjoyed letting each goose do her own dance?

Still, I love the idea of “dancing in flight.” I see that in people around me. People, who in the face of adversity, laugh and dance and create. Not without tears, God. I think we should not live without tears. But, neither should we live without committing to the Dance of Life.

Tagged with: a moment with God, committing to the Dance of Life, dancing in flight
Posted in Dancing, freedom, perspectives, Understanding

Seeking, Asking and Knocking — Looking Ahead

Posted on December 22, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The view from Neiman Marcus's Mariposa restaurant

Good Morning, God!

I had such a GOOD day, yesterday. Our oldest daughter, Suzanne, has arrived from L.A. We spent the day running a few errands and then Christmas shopping at Ala Moana.

While we were running the errands we got to complaining about how slowly our iPhones ran when they were searching the web. So, I called AT&T to complain. Fortunately, I did say to Nicole, the customer service rep, “Maybe I’m doing something wrong.” Yes, God, there was a slightly sarcastic tinge to my voice. Still, I was thankful I added that — because I was doing something wrong!

I had the wifi setting ON instead of OFF. So my poor dear phone spent minutes trying to find a wifi connection — instead of searching the web. I changed the setting, restarted my iPhone and the response time changed to a second or two. Amazing.

Sometimes solutions to problems are just as simple as “changing a setting.” The good news, God, is that Suzy is going to help me “change a few settings.” The even better news is that I want her help!

Well, yes, I was grumpy a few times as she pointed out problems — and You’re right, I did try to change the subject several times. Let’s face it, God, changing settings, habits, and definitions is painful. Even just thinking about it is painful. Sigh.

But, I have help! My mom is busy setting a good example and Suz will keep on persisting. But, inner changes really do require that I keep on seeking, asking and knocking for Your Help!

Tagged with: accepting help, asking for help, changing my "settings"
Posted in accepting my need for help, being repotted, Changing, daughters, Definitions, family visits

Angels and Humans

Posted on December 21, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

An Angel standing watch over the library at Arcadia

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday I joined a dear friend for breakfast at the Arcadia retirement residence. She had worked with me on the library committee there since 1997, and we both retired this August. It did my heart good to see her and so many other friends that I’d made over the years.

I enjoyed the Christmas decorations, too — especially the Angels. That got me to thinking about angels — and about us humans. Angels seem like such good beings. Well, not all of them, certainly. But, I have the impression that we are much more of a mixed lot than they are. I mean, even inside just one of us, we are mixed — filled with lots of Sub-Selves.

I ran across the term Sub-Selves in Douglas Kenrick’s book, Sex, Murder and the Meaning of Life. I must say, the term Sub-Selves really resonated! I have a lot of them . . . probably more than I can even name.

Just recently, I have decided that Sorrow is a Sub-Self. I don’t mean the feeling of sorrow. I mean the part of me that “gets” sorrow — and understands its purposes and worth. This thought is no doubt glaringly obvious. But it was a brand new idea for me. I guess I just thought of sorrow as something to “get over” — like a patch of rough winds on a flight across the Pacific.

Now I see it as a part of me. Just as much a part of me as the part that appreciates beauty or the part that loves to share. All of these Sub-Selves seem to come with the Standard Human Model.

Now I’m wondering about angels, God. I think of them as so superior. But, do they have diverse sub-selves? Or could they be an earlier, simpler model?

Tagged with: Angels, humans as complex beings
Posted in Sorrows of the Deep, Sub-Selves

Taking care of “My Own Dear Self”

Posted on December 20, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Full Moon over Koko Crater: Pastel by Ann Peters

Good Morning, God!

I received this pastel painting with total delight. It was in a way (no offense, God) better than the real thing. Artists can darken the darks and lighten the lights. Artists can reposition the clouds and add a touch of mystery.

Art is as much about what we leave out as what we put in. Part of the fun for me, God, is how little it takes to evoke so much. A few simple lines can capture the essence of a person. While most photographs seem too full — containing too much.

Now that I think about it, God, I have the same feeling with a lot of the non-fiction books I read. A few good ideas buried in too many words. Many fiction books would also be improved by a good editor. I guess I sound a bit like King George’s critique of Mozart — too many notes!

“Too Much” describes me right now, God. It has been two weeks since I have “edited” the various layers of my life. My closets are stuffed. My desk is covered. My in-basket overflows. And still more library books are overdue. But, all of that can wait, has waited and probably will wait.

What needs my attention is my “own dear self.” Not so much my physical body as my emotional body. I am not exactly sure how to do that, God. Sitting here, now, knowing You are listening to me, helps. But, I have to be willing to speak. Willing to confess . . . but what?

The first thought that came up was that my emotional body is full of tears. Unshed tears. Underground currents of salt water flowing deep within me. Hmm. I am pretty sure, God, that this is the Part of me that prays with “groans too deep to be uttered.” (Romans 8:26) Please, God, help me hear and honor this Essentail Part.

Tagged with: a moment with God, caring for my emotional body, hearing my inner selves
Posted in a hand up, being heard into speaking, being together in a compassionate presence, listening, LOVE, Wholeness

Learning to “Let it GO, Louie”

Posted on December 19, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Louie from the Budweiser Beer commercial

Good Morning, God!

Most of us humans like to “go on and on” when talking on certain topics. I sure do. It is as if I get caught in a mental whirlpool — spinning around and around — not able or willing to extricate myself from the topic. And certain topics are, indeed, Hot Buttons.

I do this without really remembering doing it. My selective memory is at work — cleaning up my life!

Ah, but I do remember when others do it. Kit’s dad was famous in the family for Going On and On! I don’t mean retelling good old stories. . . or singing someone’s praises. For me the phrase “Going On and On” means the content is full of judging. It really isn’t pleasant, God. In truth, it’s toxic.

But, for many years, it never occurred to me that I could do anything about it. That’s the trouble with Cultural Roles — when we are IN that sort of box, that is all there is. As I remember, I broke out of that box in a terrible fit of temper. Quite suddenly I snapped! It was clear that this “Going On and On” was Verbal Abuse! And it was VERY CLEAR that it was no longer acceptable to me.

Fortunately, this happened around the time of Budweiser commercials featuring two lizards, Frank and Louie. Louie would be “Going On and On,” griping that frogs, not the lizards, had been selected as promoters of the best-selling beer. Finally good ol’ Frank would sigh and say, “Let it go, Louie. Let it go!”

In our family, this became “Our Phrase” — a humorous way of reminding each other that it was time to stop. And, now we even use it to keep each other from starting. Thank You, God, for Your help with this!

Tagged with: "Going On and On", saying STOP, toxic words and feelings, verbal abuse
Posted in Habits, learning, Possibilities

The Moiliilil Water Cave and Layers of Reality

Posted on December 18, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Moiliili Water Cave: Photo by Leah Colucci

Good Morning, God!

After reading my blog on Draining Pools of Pain a friend reminded me of the Water Cave under the Kokua Market parking lot. Years ago I had heard that there were underground caverns along King Street, but I hadn’t thought much about them until she mentioned it.

Googling “underground Moiliili” took me back to the last interglacial period — the Pleistocene Sangamon Interglacial Stage — to be precise. That’s when the coral that the cave is made of was created.

Back then (maybe 2.5 millions years ago?) the sea level was 25 feet higher than it is today. So the coral reefs were further inland. They were right around the area between the University of Hawaii at Manoa and Kapiolani Boulevard. Over time the fossil coral was shaped by the Manoa stream — before it changed course — and is now a limestone landscape or karst. For years it was part of a water system that fed several springs, one of them being at the Willow’s restaurant. But, in 1934 a construction project caused a major drainage of the area — damaging the springs.

It’s funny, God, how when we stand on solid ground — the parking lot at the Kokua Market — we don’t think that there is a water cave just a couple meters under our feet. There is a phrase in the book, Thinking: Fast and Slow that describes a common human perceptual problem — “What we see is all there is.”

That pretty much describes me, God. There are so many layers in “reality” — but I am mostly oblivious. If that is true of the relatively easy physical reality, what about our emotional realities? Layers upon layers, God! And, mostly unseen, until they crop up in Springs — or sewer outfalls.

Thank You, God, for the Water Cave being a reminder that there is far more going on in the world — in me, and in others — than I can see.

Tagged with: emotional caverns, layers of reality, Moiliili cave
Posted in seeing, Understanding

A “fever” of 10,000 golden stingrays — migrating

Posted on December 17, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Thousands of stingrays migrating between Yucatan and Florida: Photo by Sandra Critelli

Good Morning, God

My brother sent this photo. Apparently, 10,00 golden cow-nose stingrays migrate between the Yucatan peninsula and Florida — twice each year. Why? Apparently, Florida is their summer feeding-ground.

Hmm. They congregate into “fevers” of ten thousand and then set out on their voyages. That’s a lot of golden cow-nose stingrays! And, they are flourishing — mating in winter and having litters of 5 – 10 young.

How do they know where and when to gather? I’ve wondered about this before, God, as our Ka Leo (golden plovers) congregate in April to fly to Alaska, returning in August. Whales, too, migrate between Alaska and Hawaii.

Our Earth is filled with amazing creatures — doing their “thing” without our help or even our understanding. I feel left out! We ought to understand, God! Maybe someday. Meanwhile, pondering the migration of diverse creatures fills me with wonder.

I am so easily entranced by what we humans know and have done (the iPhone being my favorite) that I forget just how much we don’t know. We don’t even have the questions yet. We are surrounded by mystery and don’t see it. But, sitting here and looking at these thousands of stingrays on their way to Florida opens a door to the vastness of what we cannot comprehend. Thank You, God, for migrations — and mysteries!

Tagged with: golden cow-nosed stingray migrations, migrations, mysteries
Posted in mysteries, Understanding, web of life