Dang! Still More Retirement Adjustments

Posted on January 31, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

bromeliad leaves at Linikona Art Center

Good Day, God!

It came to me this evening that I am feeling slightly aimless. This morning I resigned from a committee in my Rotary Club. And I am now pretty much done with outside responsibilities. I’m feeling like it’s Decompression Time, God! Should I worry about getting the bends?

I’m only mostly joking about the bends. Because there is a fairly significant series of adjustments bubbling up inside me. One adjustment is changing my focus from “work” to family. My wonderful mom is 97. And as for my wonderful husband, all these years I’ve left all the major responsibilities for our family on Kit’s shoulders. That’s not fair to him and it’s not helping me grow.

an orchid from the Farmers' Market

Another adjustment I’m making is realizing that being on “autopilot” won’t do it. I guess that fact is appallingly obvious to most folks. But, it wasn’t until right now, God, that I realized “living on autopilot” is exactly what I’ve been doing.

It reminds me of the time when Suzy was very young and had a tricycle accident. A dear neighbor carried her home and helped me mope up the blood. Later Suzy explained that she wanted to see “if the tricycle would steer itself.”

I guess, God, that if we just keep going without having to turn that tricycles and lives DO sort of steer themselves. It is just that Turns Have to be Made! Please help me invest more Time with You, God. I need Your Help! And I need the help of others, too.

Tagged with: living on "autopilot", making the Turns
Posted in Changing, choices, compassion to care for myself, courage to see myself, Discernment, inner paths of the heart, Prayer

Rainbows and Rest

Posted on January 30, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Almost a double rainbow as I arrived home from a morning walk.

Good Day, God!

Thank You for Rainbows! I hope I never tire of them. Even a photo of them cheers me. Light and Color circling across the sky! Marvelous!

And thanks too for my battery being charged enough to “run” the Appreciation App. What a difference that makes! I’m truly understanding my NEED to recharge! Or to use Your words, my need to keep a Sabbath Day every week.

I canceled today’s two afternoon outings but then decided to go with my husband, Kit, as he got his ears cleaned. I’d thought we’d sign up for hearing aids right then. But, now we are going to do some comparing.

It is easier — although, not cheaper — to take a friend’s referral on such matters. But, this morning another friend gave a different referral. Ah, now it has become a more complex choice instead of just a GO! Ah well. Please help us explore, God.

So, God, what does my Day look like? I walked and then we breakfasted with our Monday friends — laughing even more than usual. Then off I went with Kit to his ear cleaning and then out to lunch with him at Zippys. I have napped and read. Made pesto. And solved a long standing computer problem, thanks to a 45-minute phone conversation with an Apple Senior Advisor. I have had a lovely relaxed day, God.

Kit went off to visit my Mom — which I had planned to do. He enjoys the visits and the games too. And I was still deep into following phone directions from Tracy the Apple expert. Now I’m listening to Bach as I write. My biological optimism is back!

And I am smiling.

Tagged with: amomentwithgod, rainbows, recharging, rest
Posted in recharging my battery, recovery time, refraining from work, rejoicing, relaxation, sabbath rest

Reflections on an Almost Sabbath Day

Posted on January 29, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Morning Light in the monkey pod tree next to Atherton Chapel

Good Day, God!

This morning I made my own tea while Kit was still sleeping. Then I slipped back into bed — sipping and pondering what I wanted in my day. I knew that I had a Very Low Battery. It had been drained during the week by three outings with my husband, Kit. The outings were enjoyable — but they were Add-ons. EXTRAS!

It’s interesting, God, that I am beginning to “notice” when my internal battery signals that it is dangerously low. Grumpy and gloomy would be two of the more noticeable signs.

As I lay there sipping tea and thinking about the Sabbath several verses came to mind. Jesus saying that the Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath. Then Paul saying in Galations 5:1 that we had been set free and to stand then as free!

Ah, but the one verse that really reverberated was Jesus saying in Luke 14:5 if one of you has an ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath will you not immediately pull it out?

I could SEE myself — an Ox down in a well — needing to be pulled out. Yes! But, how best to do that? I decided on a combination of things. First, I would go to church, get cash, return library books, get gas, and buy groceries. In short I would do the things that would improve tomorrow. Then I called and canceled two activities for tomorrow afternoon. I gave myself a Day at Home. That’s a biggie for me!

I’m learning, God, that activities that are a delight when my battery is over half-way charged are actually repellant when my battery is low. I like this “battery” concept God! It’s helpful!

And now? Please, God, bless me as I sleep.

Tagged with: My inner battery needs recharging
Posted in compassion to care for myself, loving myself, lying fallow, recharging my battery, recovery time, sabbath rest

Home, Glorious HOME!

Posted on January 28, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

An orchid purchased today at the Farmers' Market

Good Day, God!

Actually, it is BEING home that is glorious. The home could use a little help. This gorgeous orchid is still in the box it came in because I have been out all day.

I can only say THANK YOU, GOD that I am retired. I hate to think how tired I’d be if I had outside responsibilities. Today, after the Farmers’ Market, I went off with Kit to his band concert.

This was a joint concert with the Omiya Wind Symphony from Japan.

The combined community bands of Omiya, Japan and Honolulu

We left at 11:00 a.m. for a 2:00 p.m. concert so I took lunch, water bottle, books, and my iPhone and iPad. I munched on lunch while both bands rehearsed. The music was marvelous! And when the concert ended there were, of course, photo ops. The Japanese had brought signs, flags and even a beach towel with the islands of Hawaii on it. All taped up or held up. Fun!

Kit proceeded to come down with a cold right afterwards and sneezed all the way home. So we skipped the post-concert joint dinner. Arriving home at 6:00 p.m. Kit went to bed and I went to play scrabble with my mom.

Sunlit clouds over my mom's retirement residence

I must say, God, that I may go back to writing my blog in the morning! In the morning my mind is clear and all is waiting alluringly ahead of me. While at the end of the day my mind and heart are FULL. Well, full is too kind. Jumbled! That is a more accurate word.

On the other hand, sitting and review my day is useful. Today was full of good things — enjoyable things — worthwhile things, even.

BUT I am LONGING for TIME HOME ALONE! Longing for a FULL SABBATH Day.

Well? Can I PRACTICE what I philosophically and spiritually embrace? Only with Your Help, God! ONLY with Your HELP!

Posted in sabbath rest, sacred space, Sacrifice, solitude and silence, stopping, The difficulty of changing, the gift of nothing to do, time

A Walk from Kakaako to Queens and back

Posted on January 27, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A bougainvillea in industrial Kakaako

Good Day, God!

When I said that I wanted to go with my loving husband, Kit, to his 9:00 a.m. audiologist appointment, I didn’t really imagine what it would involve. First we left his car off at Kyle’s Service in Kakaako for an oil change and then we walked to Queens Physician’s Office Building I. Walking there and then back!

Now that I have admitted this, God, I know that our daughter, Suzanne, who also loves to walk, is snickering at me. When Kit first brought it up I assumed he wanted me to follow in my car and then when he had dropped his car off for a safety check we would drive to POB I. What else would anyone do?

fountains in front of the Honolulu Hale

I wouldn’t call myself a slug, God. I like going for walks. Really. I just don’t think of walking as a mode of getting somewhere. Walks and hikes are to see the beauty all around us and enjoy nature. They aren’t to get somewhere.

However, I rallied, God. This is a “Love Gift,” I told myself. Well, actually, that is what I told Kit! I put on my running shoes and a pretty good attitude and we set off.

between an underground parking lot and the city hall

Much to the surprise of my “Stick-in-the-mud” self I loved the walks. The public buildings and public lands in downtown Honolulu are lovely. Being outside with green rolling lawns and bright blue skies is a treat. And I took lots of pictures.

Dang! I was just hit with the thought that Kit isn’t the only one that offers me opportunities that I initially dismiss. You do that do.

You are longing to pull me out of my stuckness and into Your Greater Out-of-Doors. Thank You!

Tagged with: being pulled out of our stuckness, love gifts
Posted in Giving, Light, LOVE, people as gifts, Venturing out of the shallows?

Sequoias, Mayflies and Time

Posted on January 26, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

a small but brilliant cactus blossom

Good Day, God!

It’s fun to look at photos of blossoms that only bloom for a day. Catching those blooms — freezing them in Time — lets me really look at them. Now I’m marveling at all the diverse time spans underway on our Planet, God.

Sequoias live for thousands of years and mayflies for just 24-72 hours. (Although mayflies do live for around two years as nymphs down at the bottom of a lake.) I’m not sure about mayflies but Sequoias have been around for 200 million years. Sequoias, now that’s a species built to last!

a sequoia in Sequoia National Park

And, then there’s us, God. If there was a lifespan continuum from Sequoia to Mayfly we humans would be closer to the Sequoias. But, I just don’t think our species is good for 200 million years. This makes me dizzy, God. I don’t do numbers well. Or, maybe it’s Time that I don’t do well.

I have a friend who does do Time well. She’s a planner. And when it comes to doing “hard things” she thinks “If I do this today, my tomorrow will be better.” I don’t need to tell You, God, that this is a brand new thought for me. I love that thought! I want to think that way.

Yesterday I resolved to cancel this morning’s standing walk with a friend AND an evening committee obligation. The first one was a fun thing. The second was a “duty” thing. In both cases canceling was a difficult thing for me to do. Forgoing fun is hard and it is harder yet to “shirk my duty.” But, I hadn’t slept well for a couple of night. And I knew that I couldn’t do all that I had planned to do — without a significant cost to myself.

Hmm. So planning must include planning what not to do . . . not just what to do. That’s another new thought! Thank You, God, for New Thoughts!

Tagged with: Doing things today so that tomorrow will be a better day, planning what NOT to do, Sequoias now that's a species built to last!
Posted in Perspective, Planning, Thinking and Feeling, time, Trees

A Beautiful but Empty Marketplace

Posted on January 25, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Aloha Tower on the Honolulu Waterfront

Good Day, God!

I love water — love the ocean — and I particularly enjoy eating a meal while looking at the water. That was my hope this morning, God, as I drove off to the waterfront.

The last time I had gone to the Aloha Marketplace, it was bustling with busy shops and people happily strolling around. Sigh. Not so, today, God. Most shops were closed with For Lease signs on them. The restaurant we were going to was only open for dinner. And, there was not a tourist in sight. Not any local folks there either.

I know the economy is BAD, God. But I’ve been down in Waikiki and it seemed to be doing fairly well. This lovely spot overlooking the harbor is a disaster. It is geared to cruise ships and they are few and far between right now. The whole property has been “For Sale” for several months. But, I wonder if anyone can do much without the ships coming in.

We are all so interconnected God! Trouble in one part of the globe affects us all. But, we live on the East end of Oahu and life is good out here. So, I only had an intellectual understanding of the recession. And that’s pretty close to No Understanding.

I suspect I am not alone, God. In history class we all found it appalling when Queen Marie Antoinette of France suggested that the peasants rioting for bread should “eat cake.” Alas, God, people at the top have always failed to “understand” the realities at the bottom.

Even just this small dose of “awareness” has been sobering. Please, God, open our Hearts!

Tagged with: Aloha Tower, cruise ships in Honolulu, The Aloha Marketplace
Posted in acknowledging another's existence, attitudes, attunement, processing on deeper levels, setting my life in context

The Secret Garden: Transformation and Recovery

Posted on January 24, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Good Day, God!

I was chatting with our Hawaii Kai librarian this morning and shared that I had read the Secret Garden over Christmas. She brightened and said what a timeless classic it was. I agreed and then I said “It’s a Transformational Book.

That’s a good word for it, God. The book does show how we can — after all our temper tantrums and fits — open ourselves to Your Transformational Power. In the book the characters referred to the Transformational Power as “magic” and “fresh air” and being “outdoors.” But, I give You the credit.

I love knowing that we CAN change. That knowledge opens the door to HOPE. And, it takes hope just to imagine there could be a better future. It takes hope — and a lot of hard work — to take even one small step forward.

This is close to my heart, God, because I, myself, am undergoing a transformation of sorts. Or perhaps it is more of a “recovery.” Here’s an example. This morning in my jewelry making class I introduced myself to 3 of the new class members and one of my class member from last semester. Then I realized: Last semester I didn’t learn a single person’s name. YIKES! Talk about being on Overload!

Yet, I just didn’t realize HOW depleted I was. My Emotional Self was not just TIRED, she was grumpy, irritable and depressed. But, The Conscious Me wasn’t willing to hear any of that. So, now I’m recording a daily voice memo on my iPhone. I’m just talking about what’s going on inside me and around me. Then I play it back. Wow! I HEAR how I FEEL! I hear my full range of Emotional Tones — something I can’t do when I’m talking.

So, Thank You, God. Thank You for hearing me — and, now, thank You for helping me to hear myself. It’s a step!

Tagged with: amomentwithgod, I hear my full range of Emotional Tones, recording a daily memo so I can really HEAR myself
Posted in being heard into speaking, Hearing, hearing myself, hope, recovery time, slow incremental change

The Lion Dance and the Importance of Fun

Posted on January 23, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Lion's Head in a Lion Dance celebrating Chinese New Years

Good Day, God!

And a very good day it was — complete with a colorful and noisy Lion Dance at my Rotary lunch-time meeting. Noise is an important part of the dance — the idea being to scare away evil spirits at the start of the New Year. To “ensure” good fortune for the coming year the audience “feeds” the lion money — in red envelopes or just plan bills.

What tickled me was what fun people had for their money. To be sure, God, it wasn’t much money. But it was a lot fun. And part of me said, YES! That is what life is about! Make things fun! Make a game out of things.

There have been a number of books out recently that talk about how captivating games are. Good games involve ascending levels of challenge so that one can push toward ever more mastery. These games make it clear when you fail a level. The feedback is immediate.

Ah, but there is one special component, God: These games expect you to fail and fail repeatedly. They require persistence in the face of failure. Persistence is a wonderful “skill” or “mindset” to have for life!

When I went to school, they “labeled” children Slow, Medium and Fast. That sad thing was both the teachers and the children believed those labels. But Research has shown that without the presence of those toxic labels, very often the child who is slow to start will finish ahead of the fast child.

So what am I inching toward, God? I guess I want all of us humans to realize that failing and being slow are normal parts of our lives — that we can persist — we can keep working at things. We can grow and improve. And maybe doing that is the most fun of all.

Tagged with: learning as inherently fun, Lion Dance, persistence
Posted in Endurance, Enjoyment, layer upon layer, learning, Persistence

Time for myself — Time to Raise my Personal Responsibility Level

Posted on January 22, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

two ducks flying home

Good Day, God!

To be sure, the birds are only small black dots on this photo — but catching birds in flight is always a treat. They were flying home just as Kit and I were driving out to celebrate his half birthday. Half-birthday observances are one of his family traditions and I enjoy it.

I am slowly getting used to the idea of having enough time for myself. It isn’t easy as it sounds. Before I could depend on “Good Deed Doing” to provide the excuse for not managing myself well.

Now, I am nose to nose with the Call to upgrade my level of Personal Responsibility. Yikes! High Time! Yes, God, part of me does say that. But then I think how fortunate I was to have been able to slip and slide by growing-up for all these years!

That is yet another “voice” inside me. Needless to say, other voices are “Tisk Tisking” at that immature attitude. It was Robert Ornstein who wrote that we are not homogenized selves — but rather an assortment of “juntas” trying to take over the national TV station. That sure feels right, God.

So, now I am tackling Calendar Control! I’m firmly resolved to do no more double booking! That will be helped when I figure out how to sync iCal on my computer, iPad and iPhone. Thank goodness I can call Apple! Too bad, God, that there isn’t a problem-solving service like that for ordinary (non-tech) problems. They would make a fortune AND help so many people!

Now I am off to bed — to curl up with Judith Kolberg’s book: ADD-Friendly ways to Organized your Life. I’ve read it before. But this time I’m going to go really slow — then review and repeat and review it again. I am very thankful, God, that I have time for myself. Please help me use it wisely.