It’s So Quiet here at home

Posted on February 20, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A flower in Monet's garden: Photo by Vickie Paulsen

Good Day, God!

And it has been a very good day . . . and I am thankful. Only, right now, God, it is so quiet. Kit just called me from Tucson sounding happy. I could hear our daughter Sandy and her family chatting in the background.

He is right where I wanted him to be — in the bosom of our family. Next week he will be with Suzy. All of this is very good. And I am thankful! But, still, God, it is very quiet here at home.

Maybe I will go and turn on Kit’s Bose Sound System . . . Kit always has music on . . . sometimes one piece upstairs and another piece downstairs. But, of course, God, it isn’t the music — it is the sound-of-Kit — that I miss.

Now, You have brought to my heart, God, a friend who was widowed way too young. I had thought that I “understood” her sorrow. Ah, I had no idea how expandable our Hearts are. There is always room for more feelings — more compassion — more grief — more unnamable Heart Essence.

I am beginning to suspect that being open to the experiencing of all these assorted and unsorted feelings is part of maturing. We are, indeed, to weep with those who weep. Oh, that all who weep could be heard and wept with!

I am sitting and feeling God — doing my best to embrace my very small and very temporary sense of loss — knowing that far more will in all likelihood be required of me. Sigh.

But, now enough of that, God. Now I am reentering my NOW. I am the most fortunate of women. I know that! My heart sometimes inflates painfully full with gratitude for all that I have been given. Please, God, help me give as I have been given to.

Tagged with: a very small temporary loss, family visits, fathers and daughters
Posted in Families, family visits, Feeling our feelings, gratitude, Perspective, The music

Sorcerers and the Accelerating Future

Posted on February 19, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

M.I.T. Media Lab

Good Day, God!

I actually went to a week long workshop at the Media Lab on designing CD ROMs — way back in 1994. So, God, when I was at the library and saw the book, Sorcerers and Their Apprentices: How the Digital Magicians of the MIT Media Lab Are Creating Innovative Technologies That Will Transform Our Lives — I borrowed it.

The Future is ACCELERATING, God! Of

Sorcerers and Their Apprentices

course, we know this viscerally. I wasn’t ready for Apple’s Lion (OS 10.7) and now Apple will be coming out with Mountain Lion. (A friend suggested Sabertooth Tiger might be next . . .)

But the book isn’t just about technology. It is filled with stories about the people working at the Media Lab. Stories about HOW the design of the workplace can help us work and play better together. Stories about HOW helpful it is to have an Anti-Disciplines mindset with experts in all sorts of fields interacting in surprising ways. And it’s stories about HOW many iterations it takes to get to someplace worthwhile — and often unexpected.

My favorite story, so far, is about Amy Farber. She’s a social scientist who discovered she had LAM (lymphangioleiomyomatosis). It’s a very rare disease and that makes both research and support groups difficult. But Farber teamed with Ian Eslick, a computer scientist, and they created an online group for people with LAM. It has grown from just supporting and sharing information with each other to conducting collaborative research projects. In fact, it is now the LAM Treatment Alliance and the “patients” are full participants in the search for cures.

I love that, God! I love the whole idea that these women don’t have to sit around waiting for help. They are bright able people — and who better to notice what is going on in their own bodies. Imagine, God! Patients as respected participants in the research projects!

Now, that’s the kind of future that can’t come too soon!

Tagged with: Amy Farber, Frank Moss, LAM Treatment Alliance, MIT Media Lab, Sorcerers and Their Apprentices
Posted in connecting, Creating, Curiosity, Play, Possibilities, respect

Entering into Ireland’s Past — via Sebastian Barry

Posted on February 18, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sligo, Ireland

Good Day, God!

I’m currently reading two books, God. One is about the MIT Media Lab and it is about the future to the max.

The other is the Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry and it is set in Sligo Ireland back in the painful past of the early 1900’s. Come to think of it, God, all of Ireland’s past — especially from the 1600’s on — is painful.

Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry

This is a beautifully written book. It’s filled with phrases that make me pause and savor them. Sure and the author really is a poet. Oh, but the story! The horrors that are lingering in my mind.

Needless to say, I’m reading the book for my book group. This is not a book that I would read for pleasure or for escape or to have my mind stimulated.

Reading this is more like doing penance. Perhaps, there is some benefit to me as I “feel with” those who have been so terribly battered about by fate and by their fellow humans? Still, it is Hard, God, Hard.

And there are so many kinds of hard, God. Individual “hards” and then societal “hards.” Surely, Ireland has suffered from being under the harsh hand of the English. I think the English are mostly unaware of what they have done. They are still telling “Irish jokes” which are not so much jokes as a way of expressing contempt. Being looked down — being massively disrespected and discriminated against — must have a dreadful effect on people. Sigh. We are still doing it, God. Disrespecting our fellow humans. We limit them. And we limit ourselves.

Ah, and so here we are, God. Needing Your Grace. Needing Your Help to Forgive. Needing to ASK for Your Help — to forgive — and then to let Your Compassion flow through us.

Hmm. Maybe the book is having a beneficial effect on me?

Tagged with: Sebastian Barry, Secret Scripture, Sligo Ireland
Posted in Compassion, Expand my Heart, Forgiving, Sorrows of the Deep, time

Money and Time: And the Question of Enough

Posted on February 17, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

I just pre-ordered this book on money

Good Day, God!

I heard Laura Vanderkam speak at Kit’s Princeton Reunion last year and bought her book on Time. So, it seemed only right to buy her book on Money. After all, no one ever has enough Time or Money — or do we?

Enough is the important concept here. Enough depends a lot on who we hang out with. I remember Nassim Taleb in the Black Swan talking about portfolio managers making $500,000 a year who socialized with managers making $1,000,000 — they experienced themselves as poor! Well, Duh!

That is not a big surprise, God. The puzzle is why in the world were they hanging out with people who made that much more? Living within our means is easier if we live and associate with people in the same “means” level. Or at least, God, hang out with folks of similar values. Friends we can take a walk with.

walking through Kapiolani Park this morning

I haven’t read Laura’s book on money — it comes out next month — but I have read her thank-you-for-ordering-her-book email on “10 Ways to Buy Happiness for Under $10.” Some were both easy and obvious — coffee with a friend, dark chocolate, buying flowers, dancing and singing along with favorite songs.

But there were two things that I didn’t expect to find on her list. 1) Give to a cause you can picture. 2) practice random acts of micro-philanthropy.

I have become enchanted with micros,God! Micro-habits, and now micro-philanthropy! I’m thinking of the $5 I gave to a fund for high school students at the Foodland Market. I enjoyed giving it. And now, thinking of it as a random bit of micro-philantrophy, I’m enjoying it even more. I’m into building a Life of Micros, God! A mosaic of micros.

Tagged with: Laura Vanderkam, life as a mosaic of micros, micro habits, micro-philanthropy
Posted in appreciation, choices, Enjoyment, friends, living within limits

Kit flies off to give Focused Positive Attention to our Daughters

Posted on February 16, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

My Wonderful Husband, Kit, flies off to visit our daughters

Good Day, God!

I am Missing Kit already! Yes, God, it was my idea that Kit should go and visit our daughters by himself.

The reason is this: Kit is a wonderful dad, but he is not the chatty extrovert that I seem to be. So, most naturally, when we visit he delegates most of the conversational activities to me. But, our daughters love him and want some one-on-one time. And our grandsons want to know him better too. So, I’m staying home.

Attention — focused positive attention — what could be more needed in this world! It isn’t just wives and daughters that value focused positive attention. We all do. Seeing people, acknowledging that you see them. Offering a smile or a word — learning and using their names — all of this makes a powerful positive difference in our relationships — and in our emotional health.

The other day I was shopping at Foodland. I’ve discovered they carry “local” meats. And now that the butcher has explained to me that local meats are packed in yellow trays (mainland meats are in black trays), I love buying meat there. Anyway, when I was checking out I noticed that they had $5.00 coupons you could buy to help a student. Why not? I thought. And I pulled one off and handed it to the checker. She beamed at me and showed me the list of high schools my $5.00 contribution could go to. Such a long list per island. But, there was just one high school on Molokai! So that’s what I picked.

Well, God, the smile and warm approval that flowed out from the checker was amazing! It was a beautiful example of focused positive attention! What I received was worth far more than $5.00. And it hit me — organic vegetable may be good for our health — but giving (money AND attention) is even better for our health!

Tagged with: fathers and daughters, focused positive attention, one on one time, relationships, stepping back out of the way
Posted in acknowledging another's existence, appreciation, health, relationships

A walk in Downtown Honolulu

Posted on February 15, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Dillingham Transportation entrance doorway -- taken from the elevator

Good Day, God!

Twice a year or so I go downtown to see my dentist. He’s in the Dillingham Transportation Building — a glorious old building, built in the days of Hawaii’s historic Big Five corporations.

It’s one block makai (toward the ocean) of the Alexander & Baldwin Building — the only Big Five company that didn’t overextend itself and remained independent. The old C. Brewer Building, in that same block, now houses the University of Phoenix. Sigh.

Basically I just walk down the last block of Queen Street. But on the way I see the waterfront, Aloha Tower, Fort Street Mall and a couple of plazas like the one below.

Looking out the window in the women's restroom in the Dillingham building

This small corner of Honolulu is one of my favorites. Perhaps the plazas are more valuable because of being surrounded by so many buildings? In any case, the walk makes going to the dentist a pleasure, God.

Hmm. I’m pretty sure that I enjoy going to the dentist more than I used to because I am now addicted to flossing.

I’m smiling at myself, God. I tend toward abstract thinking and it is rather lowering to realize that my quality of life rests rather heavily on very small micro habits — like flossing. Like putting things away — right away. Like writing a quick note when I think of it. David Allen talks about just doing two minute tasks, not scheduling them.

Dang! It just hit me, God, that in order to acquire new micro habits — like putting my fork down between bites — I have to respect and value them! My life is a mosaic of very tiny choices. It only takes 5 seconds to take a photo. Maybe not even that long to make a choice. Ah, but, God, please help me convert small choices into healthy habits!

An architectural waterfall seen as I reach my parking garage

Tagged with: David Allen, Dillingham Transportation building, flossing, micro habits, putting things away
Posted in choices, compassion to care for myself, Habits, walking not running

A shift in perspective — further adventures in Differences

Posted on February 14, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

looking over the marina and up our valley

Good Day, God!

My husband, Kit, and I had a relaxed lunch at the marina in Hawaii Kai. I’m not much of a picnic person but I love eating outside.

And I like looking up at the Hahaione Valley where we live. Seeing our “home” from a different perspective helps me understand more about our setting, our context.

This weekend I got to “see” myself from the perspective of a delightful houseguest from California. I was sitting with her at breakfast and extolling the benefits of omega 3 fats — as I am want to do. Explaining that our bodies have only so many enzymes available at any one time to digest fats. If we load our plate — or salad bowl — with omega 6 fats (all vegetable oils except olive and coconut), then taking an omega 3 pill afterwards might be too little and too late.

Then I offered — well urged — her to have a wee taste of peach flavored cod-liver oil. Oh DEAR! Only her excellent manners kept the oil from being spat out on the table! I felt awful! I had caused my friend a “food trauma.”

But because of that trauma I have dramatically remapped one quadrant of how humans differ. I had no place on my mental map for Super Tasters. I sort of understood some folks had a great sense of smell or a superior palate. But, I had totally missed the intensity of the taste experience!

I just didn’t get it, God! Then, to drive the point home — this afternoon I took a Highly Sensitive Person self test. I scored 3 or maybe 4 out of 27. A good friend scored 23 out of 27. Yikes! Once again, I had only a cognitive awareness of what it meant to be a Highly Sensitive Person. Reading through the list was daunting! Please, God, help us to feel just how widely we differ.

Please give us both deeper awareness and greater compassion for one another, God.

Tagged with: diversity, Highly Sensitive People, individual differences, perspective, Super Tasters
Posted in Diversity, Expand my Heart, Perspective, Understanding, Vantage Points

Going Slow enough to Stop

Posted on February 13, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Gold Tree in almost full bloom

Good Day, God!

Almost everyday I’ve pulled over to the side of the road just behind this gold tree to take a photo. I think this consistency may have something to do with having less to do.

In the past I might have stopped once or maybe twice during the “season” to capture photos. But, this February, thanks to my second “retirement,” I am not rushing. I have time to stop and gaze at the tree — then take a few photos.

Thank You, God! It really feels good to be in a more relaxed rhythm. Another noticeable difference this year is that I have been consistently working (daily) on learning to pronounce basic French words which our daughter Suzanne recorded for me over her Christmas visit.

a waterfall at my mom's retirement residence

When it comes to phonics — in any language — I can only be described as handicapped. So, working at this for 10 to 20 minutes every day is very satisfying. My goal is to keep on in the face of very little progress. I guess the goal isn’t so much learning the French words as it is developing a willingness to do at all what I do so badly.

It is so easy just to do what we are relatively good at. But that doesn’t grow new brain cells. Learning — focused, concentrated learning — is what helps keep our brain in shape.

And maybe — as water slowly wears away stone — maybe I will learn how to properly pronounce French words . . . maybe. But, if so, that will be simply a by-product of my learning to work at learning.

Tagged with: a relaxed rhythm, fruits of a second retirement, Gold Trees, learning to work at learning, stopping
Posted in learning, relaxation, stopping, time, Trees

Dining Out with a Side of Thoughts-on-Changing

Posted on February 12, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Looking in the window of the Thai Valley Cuisine

Good Day, God!

My husband Kit and I just got back from an early dinner at the Thai Valley Cuisine restaurant. It’s located in Kalama Valley — just past the back of Koko Crater.

We’d been going there for years when the cook bought out the other owner. She sold the liquor license and added lace curtains, table clothes and cloth napkins — pink napkins at that. Oh, and people now are free to bring in their own beer and wine. And guess what: With these changes, business picked up!

As I was eating — too fast — I thought of the lovely article on Mindful Eating that I read the other day and all the wonderful responses to it. It is a Meditation Practice — a way to slow down and practice focusing attention. It’s an excellent idea. So is the idea of eating until I’m only 80% full — or chewing 25 times before swallowing. Actually, if I could just put down my fork between bites I would be thrilled.

Hmm. When I put my fork down between every bite I will be very proud of myself. Yes, God, thank You! It is hard enough to change without staying stuck in a Fixed Mindset. Carol Dweck’s book Mindset is so encouraging, but, I have to remember that I can choose a Growth Mindset!

I guess change is mostly a matter of making continuous small choices. Conscious choices. Deliberate small choices — until they morph into habits. Sigh, I hear our daughter Suzy’s voice in my mind saying, Sit up Straight, Mom. Maybe I need a piece of tape on my back, God. Is that cheating?

But, as I watch myself flit from eating mindfully to sitting up straight I realize that it has to be One Small Change Project at a time. Or at least no more than fit comfortably on the Goal Master app on my iPad. Mostly, though, God, I need a big helping of Hope from You!

Tagged with: Carol Dweck, conscious choices, focusing our attention, Growth Mindset, Mindful Eating
Posted in Changing, Eating for health, Habits, hope, Hope as a gift from God, self care as self compassion and humility

Giant Drill Bits and Hearts of Stone

Posted on February 11, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A giant drill machine breaks through the final section of the NEAT Gotthard Base Tunnel

Good Day, God!

Apparently sometime in 2016 a 35 mile train tunnel through the Alps will be open. Actually, it will be two tunnels “joined” every 1,066 feet. And trains can swap tunnels at two “multifunction stations (MFS)”

That makes me feel a bit less claustrophobic about the idea of traveling through those tunnels, God. Although, if the trains are traveling at 155 miles per hour they are only in the tunnel for 15 minutes or so.

The MFS Faido of Gotthard Base Tunnel; photo by Cooper.ch

I had seen the photo of the drill in an email and it had lodged itself in my mind. The size is certainly impressive. And I can grasp what’s happening. Civil engineering seems easier to follow than lots of other endeavors.

But, part of the fascination is fear- based. I don’t like caverns and tunnels and being away from the bright blue sky. I can feel my lungs “constricting,” God.

Then, too, looking at the huge drill bit brought up thoughts of our Hearts of Stone. Ezekiel 36:26 says: “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” (New Living Translation.)

Sigh. Our human hearts do Stone Up over the years. We want so badly to protect ourselves. And turning our hearts into stone seems like a good idea. But, it isolates us. Disconnects us. Hmm. If our future is bound up in Connections . . . then maybe we should pay more attention to what serves to Disconnect.

Humanly speaking, it would take the equivalent of that huge drill bit to break through our Hearts of Stone. But, with You, God, all things are possible. Please, give each of us “a tender, responsive heart.”

Tagged with: Giant drill bits, Hearts of Stone, NEAT Gotthhard Base Tunnel, tunnels under the Alps
Posted in connecting, connections, Hearts