Skip Bo and the Games of Life

Posted on February 29, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

The game of Skip Bo

Good Day, God!

I enjoy playing games with my 97-year-old mom. Today, after we got back from the doctor’s, we were playing Skip-Bo when it hit me. My mother and I really are playing two different games.

She is playing one in which she “wins” if she plays all the cards in her hand and gets to draw five more. She also gets a “small win” if she can finish a run with a 12 and get it set aside.

The game I am playing is about being the first person to play all the cards in my pile and WIN! I enjoy winning, God. But, I realized that my mother — playing her game — is probably getting more TOTAL enjoyment than I am. Hmm.

Game Frame by Aaron Dignan

And that got me to thinking about the varied and assorted Games of Life. When we are in school, the games are fairly easy to figure out: Achieving status as a Brain, Jock, Prom Queen, Cheer Leader — that’s winning. Then in our working years, it gets trickier. Employers and employees often seem to be playing separate games.

Now that I am retired I can create my own games. But I’m scared to actually do it. I have been sort of circling around the idea. I already understand “giving myself points” and I am part way through the book Game Frame in which Aaron Dignan extolls the benefits of games for learning and “accelerated achievement.”

But designing a game means choosing goals. It means choosing some goals and not choosing others. It means “noticing” what I find rewarding. And wondering what else I could find rewarding. This isn’t just “showing up” and “getting along” with half conscious choices. This is serious.

Ah! It feels like You just pointed out that I could start with a draft and keep on making changes. Thanks, God!

Tagged with: Aaron Dignan, Game Frame, Skip bo as two very different games
Posted in accepting my ability to REDESIGN, authority over my life, Balancing and adjustments, choices, Choosing Meaning

A New Day — Aspirations and Persistence

Posted on February 28, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunrise: Photo by Pulelehua Quirk

Good Day, God!

I am beginning this post at the very beginning of the day. I began by reading GOD Calling on my Nook app. And it is true, God, what they quoted You as saying — Come Apart! Spend time in My Presence — I am with you.

Ah, God, I know that people do a lot of harm “in Your Name,” but have they spent Time in Your Presence — or are they following those claiming to know? Well, please, God, expand us all.Expand our Hearts! And, that request really is enough for the whole day, God. A Heart felt plea.

But, although such pleas are important, I’ve noticed that I creep forward and fall back . . . or maybe just fall back . . . with distressing regularity. I am beginning to suspect that maybe the end goal is not so much to be “improved” or “expanded” as it is to come nose to nose with my basic nature. Sadly I am imperfectable. Even this biological optimist “gets it.”

But, having gotten it . . . and adjusted my self-image down several notches — I still go back to the game of trying to get my life in balance. I’m listening to Judith Kolberg’s book on ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life. I think I absorb information better through my ears.

Listening to the book today, God, I realized that I need to reset my DEFAULTS. Instead of defaulting to KEEP I need to reset my default to TOSS. That would really help clean out a lot of the creeping clutter.

Well, Kit is home at last from visiting our daughters on the Mainland and all is well with my world — even if it is not as organized as it will be!

Tagged with: ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life, biological optimists, God Calling, Judith Kolberg
Posted in clean and tidy, humility, Maintenance

Glorious Morning Clouds and Rain-filled Heart

Posted on February 27, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Early Morning Clouds over Hawaii Kai

Good Day, God!

These beautiful clouds greyed up just a few minutes later and looked very much like rain. And it has been that sort of day. Lots of changes in the “weather” and in my “inner weather” too. Lots of feelings, God. I started out excited that my beloved husband Kit returns tomorrow. Then I got a call from my mom — calling me over.

I thought she was just trying to avoid going to the ear doctor but I found that my mom really was sick — having a small infection on her lower left leg — yes, from the cat. Really, God, I was quite upset when I realized there were no doctors to be scheduled in Hawaii Kai for the week. As the poor dear receptionist explained — people can’t get refills unless they re-see the doctor. She quickly added that infections OUGHT to come before refills. But that they had been instructed NOT to add any more visits.

I thought of the terrible urgent care place . . . and keeping my mom sitting there amongst the Contagious. Then I tried to picture getting mom to go to the emergency room . . . actually, I tried to imagine getting myself to go. Sigh. She at least has a childhood of Christian Science to explain her attitude.

All of this is hard, God! And, even though I know I am incredibly fortunate in many ways, knowing that doesn’t reduce the suffering. I wonder why it is, God, that we feel it isn’t right for us to suffer as long as there are others worse off? We act as if somehow suffering were rationed and we’d have to hold off until we get our coupon.

Anyway, I soaked my mom’s leg in hydrogen peroxide and after playing scrabble with her I told her I’d come back to check on her. Two hours later she had eaten a good lunch and her leg looked better. And, I felt better too. Better, but wrung out. Indeed, a lot of pride has been wrung out of me, God. And, mostly, I’m thankful.

Tagged with: a full day of feelings, sitting among the Contagious or not
Posted in fears, Feeling our feelings, Worries

Roses and Rest

Posted on February 26, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A red rose from my "garden" sitting on my mother's table

Good Day, God!

This rose was grown in a pot in my car port. But that sure didn’t keep it from doing its best. Of course, God, it gets real food — dehydrated chicken manure. I don’t think it’s organic, though.

I’m laughing at myself, God. Still, I did make sure my stew meat for tonight’s dinner was grass-fed beef from the Big Island. What we eat, matters. The atmosphere in which we eat, matters too. Tonight I ate slowly — putting down my fork — pausing — and taking over 20 minutes. Drum roll, please!

My husband Kit is still in LA visiting our daughter Suzanne. So while I ate I began reading The Gift of Rest: Rediscovering the Beauty of the Sabbath, by Senator Joe Lieberman.

The Gift of the Sabbath

He begins by telling about walking home (4.5 miles) from the Capitol building in the rain — walking because it was the Sabbath. Then he explains that the joy of the Sabbath makes an occasional walk in the rain a small price to pay.

Sigh, how wonderful it must be to have both your family and your culture supporting you in observing the Sabbath. How sad that our culture made the Sabbath into a joyless desert and now works (with pride, yet!) 24/7. No, God, not sad, PITIFUL!

What I am slowly learning, God, is that in order to obverse the Sabbath one has to do less the rest of the week. Duh! Honestly, God, sometimes I wonder about my “everyday smarts!”

Having retired, I find that I am dropping other activities too. Tomorrow, because I am taking my mom to the ear doctor in the afternoon, I am skipping my noon Rotary meeting. I enjoy that meeting. But, I don’t enjoy rushing — not anymore. Hmm. It sounds as if I am finally kicking the adrenaline addiction. Thank You, God! Thank You!

Tagged with: adrenaline addiction, doing less, observing the sabbath, The Gift of Rest, working 24/7
Posted in beauty, JOY, living within limits, sabbath rest, sacred space, setting my life in context

Hearing my deep inner voices into speaking

Posted on February 25, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The lights in Central Union's Fireside Room

Good Day, God!

A lovely day. A day at the Contemplative Outreach of Hawaii’s “commuter retreat” led by Jim Vorndran, S.M. There were 30 of us there. You can feel the difference, God, when you center with a group. Even a small group helps me to keep my focus. I suppose the question might be Focus on What?

The idea of centering prayer is to Focus on One Word that I’ve selected. And then gently return to that word as all manner of images and thoughts skitter and scurry through my mind. The idea is to let You do the work, God.

I’ve seen this mostly as a quieting and calming of my mind.But today I got a treat! Jim suggested that after we center we journal on whatever seemed most often to distract us — or perhaps what most upset us — during our centering.

Oh JOY! I am such a word-loving person that words exploded into my Journal! I was almost always the last person out of the room as we shifted venues. Jim’s gentle encouragement helped me to see that for me Centering and Journaling go together. Centering helps my Dominate Conscious Mind relax — loosen its grip — letting voices slowly rise from deep inside me.

I know that we humans we need to be Heard into Speaking. I just never thought that my own inner voices also needed to be Heard into Speaking. But, clearly, God, they do.

And all of this makes me think of my aunt’s long silence in an abusive marriage. Women have been “trained to silence” for so long and in so many cultures. So perhaps, God, it isn’t surprising that I have voices that need to speak. Inner voices that want to be HEARD into speaking.

Thank You, God, for always listening — for wanting and waiting for me to speak.

Tagged with: commuter retreat, Heard into Speaking, The Contemplative Outreach of Hawaii, the deep silences waiting to speak
Posted in Hearing, hearing myself, Hearts, Silence

Going Slower — Savoring More

Posted on February 24, 2012 by a moment with god — 3 Comments

Light on banyan trees in Kapiolani Park

Good Day, God!

I’m back on Oahu . . . really back . . . so while I have more thoughts on Maui . . . they will have to wait. Right now I am delighted with a day that was filled right to the edges with good things.

Yes, God, it really should have had more margins. But, there was only just one little bit of rushing in it — when I had to get my mom to her shampoo treatment. But, that was just for a few minutes and then I slowed down again.

Yes, God, I went S L O W L Y through my day. You must be helping me, God, because I am beginning to value slow.

Crescent moon over the Central Union Spire

I was delighted to stumble upon this quote: “To read fast is as bad as to eat in a hurry.” That was said by Vilhelm Ekelund, a poet born in 1880. Ah, he had no real concept of how fast things would get! Yikes!

The speed thing was invisible to me until I actually began to slow down. Now I can see it — or rather feel it — longing to come in and wind me up tight. Longing to try and get me to squeeze more out of each moment. Addicted to Acceleration!

And, like most addictions, we can’t or won’t see them until we are in rehab. My “rehab” is Centering Prayer. I did a Saturday morning meeting and tonight I started a “commuter silent retreat” that will end tomorrow at 4:00 p.m.

I have come home to silence and I shall be in silence tomorrow. In Silence and in Slow. Yes, God, this retreat is best done while my wonderful husband Kit is visiting our daughters. I am looking forward to his return, God. Looking forward to going slower with him.

After all, Going Slow Expands us — giving us more time to Savor!

Tagged with: addicted to acceleration, centering prayer, silent retreat, slowing down and opening up
Posted in Centering Prayer, relaxation, Silence, slow incremental change

A B&B in Makawao — And the Giftings of Midwives

Posted on February 23, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The grounds at Hale Ho'okipa

Good Day, God!

I’m home . . . but part of me is still back in the Hale Ho’okipa B&B in Makawao — upcountry Maui. The B&B was built in 1924 for the Gomes Family. The wood floors and comfortable feel were out of the past — the bathrooms were more modern.

It had the feel of a home. Cherie, the owner is an artist and so the place is filled with various kinds of art — hers and her friends. She does lovely woodblock watercolors. I got the feeling that everybody “Upcountry” was doing something creative. It made me want to join in!

Inside the old "Gomes" family home -- now Hale Ho'okipa B&B

I found out that before this career Cherie was a midwife. Perfect! A perfect description of her giftings. Her plants were thriving. Her guests were nurtured. And neighbors and friends dropped by during the breakfast hour to bring a gift or just say hello. Helping to bring a child into the world — or helping to bring people together in community — are they so different, God?

Makawao is a small community. And I like to think, God, that is the way we humans were designed to live. In small towns — villages — knowing one another and being known.

Sigh. The older I get the more I treasure the friends I have found. I was going to say “made.” But, for friends-that-last, it seem more like “finding” them just as one finds a special shell on the beach. Discovered not Made! In fact, God, I just read a new post written by one of my dear friends from high school. She included one of my favorite quotes: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

The beauty of flowers and mountains and seas are overwhelming. But, the true beauty lies in the hearts of our friends — our family — our fellow creatures of this world. Thank You, God. Thank You!

Tagged with: communities, Friends, Hale Ho'okipa, Makawao, Maui, midwives, small towns, upcountry maui
Posted in beauty, Belonging to each other, connections

A 28 hour trip to Maui

Posted on February 22, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A Passion Flower growing on the driveway fence of Hale Ho'okipa B&B

Good Day, God!

I’m just back from Maui . . . well, back by way of visiting my Mom and picking up dinner from Costco. It was 28 hours, 530 photos, and four meals. I’m FULL, God!

At the lavender farm — 4,000 feet up the side of Haleakula — I stuffed myself with photos. I realized that going on a conducted tour would be way too confining. And so I wandered about clicking away. The farm had first been a protea farm.

A King Protea growing on its bush

I hadn’t know that. I like lavender, God, but I LOVE protea. Especially the ones that look like they got crossed with birds — with petals like feathers.

I just read that the Proteaceae family to which they belong is an ancient one. Its ancestors grew in Gondwanaland over 300 million years ago. That surely puts my 28 hours on Maui in perspective!

But, back to the lavender farm. Maybe the best part of our (my Book Group) trip to farm was its slope. Haleakula is a shield volcano not one of those beautifully shaped Mt. Fuji type stratovolcanoes. So trying to capture its size in photos is frustrating. Just looking at it gives a very poor sense of its immensity. But, when I got out of the car at the farm –4,000 up the side of the volcano — I felt the angle of the slope and for the first time I “got” its size. It was like my Body did some sort of calculation and knew what it was standing on.

I could go on and on and on, God. And I probably will in the days to come. But now, I am just going to say Thank You! Thank You for Maui, for good friends, and for the iPhone that held all those photos.

Tagged with: Haleakula, lavender farm, passion flower, protea
Posted in a matter of scale, appreciation, beauty, seeing

Two minutes of beauty — in February, in Yosemite, if if if

Posted on February 21, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Horsetail Falls in Yosemite at a February sunset

Good Morning, God!

I’m off to Maui this morning to see Lavender Fields and Goat Farms and . . . But, Maui, itself, is more than enough. I thought about posting photos of lavender . . . but I want to show my photos of lavender.

Besides, God, my eye was caught by a small color photo in the newspaper yesterday. It was part of a story on how for just two weeks in February the sun comes from such an angle that it turns the Horsetail Falls in Yosemite into sunset colors. Two weeks a year! And that is IF there is enough water in the falls and IF the sky isn’t cloudy or rainy.

I watched a video of photographers standing around in the cold — and it IS cold in Yosemite in February — peering up at the falls coming down El Capitan. Waiting to see IF they could see it turn color. Ah, but, I would love to be there, cold and all.

Horsetail Falls: Photo by Jeffrey Murray

Of course, that DOES take a lot of preplanning. And that means looking ahead. It means scheduling and sequencing and arranging things. Hmm. The fact that these activities do not come naturally to me probably means I need to devote a little more time and effort to them. It is just that — when there IS someone gifted, someone who enjoys doing it — the temptation to thank them and get out of their way is overwhelming!

Still, God, I feel Your nudge. The Calendar / Timeline Parts of my brain ARE my responsibility. Dang! How ever did I get into yet another self-development project? No wonder I chose BUSY all these years!

But, thank YOU. I did go and check my calendar and discovered a conflict that I need to let two friends know about. Embarrassing! But, thank You, God!

Tagged with: Horsetail Falls, planning ahead, self-development projects, Sunset Colored Waterfalls, Yosemite
Posted in a series of molts and upgrades, beauty, Planning, responding to "nudges", responsibility

It’s So Quiet here at home

Posted on February 20, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A flower in Monet's garden: Photo by Vickie Paulsen

Good Day, God!

And it has been a very good day . . . and I am thankful. Only, right now, God, it is so quiet. Kit just called me from Tucson sounding happy. I could hear our daughter Sandy and her family chatting in the background.

He is right where I wanted him to be — in the bosom of our family. Next week he will be with Suzy. All of this is very good. And I am thankful! But, still, God, it is very quiet here at home.

Maybe I will go and turn on Kit’s Bose Sound System . . . Kit always has music on . . . sometimes one piece upstairs and another piece downstairs. But, of course, God, it isn’t the music — it is the sound-of-Kit — that I miss.

Now, You have brought to my heart, God, a friend who was widowed way too young. I had thought that I “understood” her sorrow. Ah, I had no idea how expandable our Hearts are. There is always room for more feelings — more compassion — more grief — more unnamable Heart Essence.

I am beginning to suspect that being open to the experiencing of all these assorted and unsorted feelings is part of maturing. We are, indeed, to weep with those who weep. Oh, that all who weep could be heard and wept with!

I am sitting and feeling God — doing my best to embrace my very small and very temporary sense of loss — knowing that far more will in all likelihood be required of me. Sigh.

But, now enough of that, God. Now I am reentering my NOW. I am the most fortunate of women. I know that! My heart sometimes inflates painfully full with gratitude for all that I have been given. Please, God, help me give as I have been given to.