Tiger Lilies and Water Lilies and other blooms

Posted on August 10, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Barba’s beautiful Tiger Lily

Good Day, God!

Mostly, I feel like this Tiger Lily! Open and maybe a little TOO colorful? Very confident seeming, I hope. Or, at least, that is how I feel most of the time.

That is my preferred way of thinking of myself. But, of course, that is only part of me. I have other parts that are cowardly and slothful and adore easy. Let me correct myself, God. I (the dominant persona) have named them cowardly and lazy.

They are not. They are perhaps far wiser that I am. They would rather let things unfold than rush in to fix. I must say, God, that it is Hard Work, this integration of my Diverse Selves. Teasing out Selves that my Culture has shaming names for isn’t easy.

They are like the Water Lilies that open in the warm light of the Sun — only to close up when removed from the sun’s light — or when they feel the Darkness of Shame.

a water lily from my brother’s pond

We are all of us any of a thousand different blooms that can flower under the right care and feeding.

I am thinking more about “care and feeding” now as am entering my second week sick with sore throat and coughing. I am feeling now more like a potted hothouse flower — being tenderly cared for by Kit — albeit at a distance. Surely he deserves a Gold Medal — and a Gold Halo too!

Ah, God! That we should be Gardeners to one another — and to our world!

Tagged with: Becoming Gardeners, caring for ourselves, diverse hidden parts
Posted in blooming, healing, people as gifts

The UPSIDE of Being Sick

Posted on August 8, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Blow Hole: Photo by Pulelehua Quirk

Good Day, God!

Oh JOY! At the moment I am upright and well enough to want to do a blog. This is my seventh day of being sick. As my Spiritual Director observed — it’s humbling!

And, perhaps that is the point of our illnesses, God? That we should realize our vulnerability? That we should feel our utter dependence on You? It has certainly resulted in some anguished prayers!

And then there is the gratitude that comes from even small steps forward. I can swallow now with only minimal pain and I don’t recall ever having even thought about being grateful for that.

How I wish You would push through me as You do through the Halona Blowhole. There is a lot of “clutter” inside me, God. More than I realize. And somehow being sick helps me let go of some of what I normally hold on to. Hmm. Yes, even a very minor illness does bring an enhanced perspective!

I have managed to cancel everything that I planned on doing this week. For a person like me — compulsively dutiful about doing what I’ve said I would do — this feels both unsettling and liberating! Does this mean I might be shedding my focus on “being useful?” Useful is such a deliciously “virtuous” god to put before You. Truly, if the devil can’t use our “vices,” he is more than willing to use our “virtues” to trip us up.

Gosh, I hadn’t thought of my desire to be useful or helpful as more important to me than being with You. Yikes!

Once again, God, it seems as if You are pulling me back toward simply Being. And more to the point — Being in Your Presence.

Tagged with: help, humility, illness, Spiritual Direction, surrender
Posted in connecting, gratitude, healing, humility

Soaking in Hot Springs

Posted on July 27, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

moon over a hot springs pool

Good Evening, God!

Aaah! Such a lovely day — driving down from the ponderosa pines of Prescott to the hot springs above Interstate 10 west of Indio. Beautiful land. Empty land. No, not empty — just very few people.

Tonight we are poised just east of the metropolitan area of Southern California. The sky this afternoon was a beautiful blue. Kit and I floated about in a mineral rich natural hot springs pool at the Miracle Springs Spa in Desert Hot Springs.

It would be lovely to stay here for several days — soaking and spa-ing. But, we hadn’t planed even one day. We were going to drive on to LA to pick up daughter, Suzanne, and then drive on to Santa Barbara. But, then we found out that the host and star of the birthday bash, Kit’s older brother RC, had fallen while doing balance exercises — and broken three ribs! Yikes!

So, less stress for everyone if we stopped on the way and arrive tomorrow. Kit had that great idea. I tend to continue on — on the path — no matter what.

vortex map by Roger Sunpath

While looking for information on the source of the hot springs I found an interesting article describing this area as a positive energy vortex. Smile. I love pondering things just past the edge of acceptable science. I still remember the copper dowsing rod that plunged down in my hands at the top of Glastonbury Tor as I “crossed a ley line.” Ley Lines and Energy Vortexes and Things-that-go-Bump-in-the-Night, Oh My!

Still, God, I am constantly amazed by what science does discover. And I know that “what we don’t know” far exceeds “what we do know.” So, I am relaxing, soaking, and inviting You in to help me become more positive.

Tagged with: Desert Hot Springs, hot springs, mineral rich springs, positive energy vortexes
Posted in asking for help for myself, Curiosity, growing toward up, healing, mysteries, Possibilities

A Restful Vacation and a Return of Hope

Posted on July 26, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Thumb Butte as seen out our hotel window

Good Evening, God!

My loving husband, Kit, drove me out of Prescott and up to Thumb Butte early this afternoon so I could get some good photos . . . and maybe walk a short way up the trail.

But, we never did find the parking lot for the trail and the photo I like the best is the one I took out of our hotel window just a few minutes ago. I suspect there is a message in that, God! I certainly get the message that traveling helps us to appreciate better what we have at home.

These three days off by ourselves have been eye-opening. I have begun to realize just how tired I was. And not just tired — flat — not my hopeful self.

Now that HOPE is returning, I appreciate it more than I can say! Thank You, God! It came to me at dinner, as Kit and I were talking, that Hope isn’t so much hoping for something as it is a general pervasive buoyancy.

It is not yet quite clear to me how I am going to take care of myself so as to maintain this buoyancy. But it is now a very clear goal. Oh my. I am back to the old topic of “Caring for Myself. ” All of us “Oldest Daughters” in my Wednesday Prayer Circle are having the same problem. Caring for others is easy. But caring for oneself? Sigh. HARD!

Hard, but essential. And yes, I know. You are waiting to be asked for help!

Tagged with: buoyancy, hope, rest, self-care
Posted in hope, Humility or Needing Help!, responsibility, rest, Rethinking

An Old Fashioned Vacation

Posted on July 25, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Mexican Bird of Paradise in back of Sandy’s house

Good Morning, God!

The World is so FULL of wonderful things that noticing is a full-time job. I suppose that is part of what I love about photography — training the Eye to See and Appreciate .

Right now Kit and I are in the Hassayampa Inn in downtown Prescott, Arizona. That’s because Sandy is busy with her intensive ESL course. Dave is busy arranging funding for his consulting business. Ian is busy with his video mash-ups. And Mark is away at band camp.

So after a lovely Family Visit, Kit and I are now having a Vacation. Not a Marathon Trip. Not a Grand Circle Tour. Just an old fashioned vacation — getting up late and walking around investigating a new place. It is a sort of Not-Home-Alone-Together time. Precious!

The lobby of the 1927 Hassayampa Inn in Prescott, Arizona

And, as always, God, it fills me with a desire to DO LESS! To spend more time with Kit — enjoying his company. Of course, he will have to be less busy, too.

Ah, BUSY. Such a vital part of growing up and finding our who we are — or might be. But, so different from Simple Mindfulness.

And speaking of that, God, now it is time for me to stop the busy-ness of blogging and go off with Kit for breakfast. But first he has to edit this!

Thank You, God, for Slow Days — Days to BE and BE WITH!

Tagged with: being alone together, busy, Hassayampa Hotel, mindfulness, old fashioned vacations
Posted in beauty, busy, family visits, lap time, LOVE, putting down daily diversions

A Birthday Celebration

Posted on July 23, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Ocotillos with new leaves

Good Day, God!

I’m sitting here virtuously sweating from a brief jog around daughter Sandy and Dave’s neighborhood. Meanwhile, my amazing husband Kit is running UP Sabino Canyon. He’s getting hill training for his Kauai Marathon this September.

I am sitting here full of thoughts, feelings, and food. There is something about us humans that dislikes austerity, God — even though there is little doubt that austerity is better for us. There is nothing like the World War II rationing of fats and sugars to lower the civilian death rate.

Kit’s 78th Birthday Cake

Or maybe it is that stress about “real things” — like bombs falling around us — is somehow easier to handle than the stressors conjured up out of our own imaginations? After all, when morning comes and bombs did not fall — or at least didn’t hit our neighborhood — then we are flooded with relief. Ah, but imaginary fears never stop. Hmm. An interesting thought, God.

Alpenglow on the eastern mountains as we dined outdoors

This isn’t just Kit’s birthday. We are on our way to celebrate Kit’s brother’s 80th birthday with his family. Suzy will be with us and Sandy had planned on going too, until she was accepted at a one month intensive class in ESL teaching. Families and our Families of Friends are so important!

So my heart is full of . . . well, just FULL! Ian wants me to go out to breakfast with him this morning so I will be off to shower in just a few minutes. Before I go, I want to say Thank You.

Thank You for Kit. Thank You for our Families and Friends. And thank You for moments in which I truly know how blessed I am.

Tagged with: birthdays, blessings, celebrations, families
Posted in Belonging to each other, Celebrations, Families, family visits

Lightening over Tucson

Posted on July 21, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Approaching rain cloud

Good Day, God!

Kit and I are here in Tucson — here with daughter Sandy’s family — here in monsoon season. This particular cloud moved over us with just a light rain. Ah, but at dinner we dined outside on the covered lanai with lightening and rolling thunder.

There is something quite magical about lightening, God. Only magic is a term that implies human “control” over the Forces of Nature. That desire for control seems built into our DNA, God.

Don’t our children “take” to stories of wizards and witches and extrasensory perceptions? More to the point, God, haven’t our adults created bombs that far exceed the brightness and power of lightening?

Hmm. Part of me cries out This Way Lies Madness. Well, it was madness! And now we are no longer setting off experimental hydrogen bombs over Pacific. Talk about birds fouling their own nests! Yikes!

My mother was raised on Science Fiction, God. Last week, as we were coming home from her ear doctor, she turned to me and said, “Freeways were science fiction when I was growing up. Only the illustrations only showed one or two cars on them.” We were just entering a congested freeway as she spoke.

I suppose, God, her comment points out the unexpected aspects surrounding the “future.” Yes, we have these gleaming sweeping freeways — but they are clogged with cars. Older adults — could one say, “grownups? — have observed enough “unintended consequences” to be slightly uneasy at our rush toward “progress.”

My book group and I were discussing the Hick boson which was recently “seen” at the super collider at CERN. Although none of are “luddites” there was still some rueful laughing at the possible or probable “unintended consequences” of expending so much power in wanting to know still more of what the universe is made of.

I sure hope You are watching out for us, God! We need You!

Tagged with: CERN, Hicks boson, pushing toward the Future, unintended consequences
Posted in Curiosity, Energy, Heavens declare the Glory of God, Humility or Needing Help!, web of life

Getting Ready to Go

Posted on July 16, 2012 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

flowers of the paperbark tree

Good Day, God!

I have been busy — working hard at cleaning the back of closets for our carpets to be cleaned — and then this morning cleaning out piles and files from years ago. I have a big garbage bag full of trash. And a box of paper to recycle.

And I’ve been busy getting ready to go on yet another trip — this time with Kit — as we go to celebrate his brother’s 80th birthday.

80 is a big marker, God. I have several years to go but, I am beginning to “feel” older. Up until now my attitude has been to ignore aging. That is still my attitude. But, I notice that my training jogs are filled with more photo opportunities. Sigh.

And I have also noticed the high price of “not knowing” and “not doing.” Today I did something that I have been refusing to think about. I filled out paperwork to try and make sure that my mother — who I am trusting has years left — won’t be resuscitated. That sounds awful, God. But, the electric shock used in resuscitation is almost guaranteed to crush ribs. Oh! How have we gotten to this horrible state where a Natural Death is not the norm? Lawsuits I guess.

The paperwork involved a POLST form with a doctor’s signature. And tomorrow I have to post it. Kit questioned the need for it saying that surely everyone would know better. But, I pointed out some children might sue if every step wasn’t taken. This child would not sue. But, she sure didn’t want to make that decision.

Sigh. Now that I have faced my duty I am feeling better. I takes a lot of energy to surpress stuff. Please, God, help me grow up.

Tagged with: Allowing a Natural Death, hard decisions, POLST forms, Refusing Resuscitation
Posted in busy, Caring, growing toward up, responsibility

A Matter of Focus

Posted on July 14, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A lotus flower at the KCC Farmers’ Market

Good Day, God!

Wow! Lotus flowers are right up there with water lilies for luminescent beauty. Thank You for glorious flowers and for eyes to see. After listening this morning to Jeffrey M. Schwartz’s book, The Mind and the Brain, I appreciate our eyes even more. He was describing the layering of neurons that go into creating the retina. I couldn’t begin to repeat all the steps — it was more than enough to hear them listed.

We are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made! Thank You!

Of course, I do realize that we humans only see a small percentage of the electromagnetic spectrum. And, some small, ungrateful part of me is wistfully wishing I could see even more colors.

More . . . the yearning for MORE does get us in trouble, doesn’t it, God. I have no trouble believing that the story of Eve in the Garden of Eden is fundamentally accurate. ALL OF THIS you may have to eat. Just don’t eat of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Sigh. What would my attention be fixated on? The ONE thing I couldn’t have.

One might think, God, that knowing that about myself would enable me to could change my focus? Hmm, sometimes I can change my focus — gather up my thoughts and direct them toward something positive. But, that takes energy. Actually, it takes that hardest of all things to do — Taking Care of Myself.

Like most of us I am inclined to confuse “taking care” of myself with “indulging” myself. Alas, what I need is less indulgence and more “taking myself in hand,” kindly but firmly.

So off I went after dinner tonight for a jog around the block. A bit over 8 tenths of a mile — enough to make me sweat. Sigh. Please, God I need Your Help!

Tagged with: focus, indulgence, self-care
Posted in choices, Compassion, health

Living in the Light of Love

Posted on July 11, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

split leaf philodendron in the morning light

Good Night, God!

Oh, if only we could see people, circumstances and our world in the light of Your Compassionate Love! I guess my prayer, God, is that our eyes and our hearts would be opened.

A friend confided in me this evening that if she had lots and lots of money she would set up a broadcasting station (or network like Ted Turner’s?) that just broadcast Good News.

Stories of real people doing good things, helping others, surmounting great odds, etc. I love that idea, God! Why hasn’t some billionaire thought of that? We humans need to be encouraged. Need to have our Hope built up.

I know the theologians talk about the Doctrine of Original Sin. And, it is true that we have to be taught not to grab the biggest piece of cake. Still, I kind of like to think of us as basically good — unless we have been damaged or had our growth stunted by lack of love. Frankly, I think most people do better than might be expected given their past. I think that’s You, helping us, God.

Maybe, God, it isn’t just having our eyes opened. Maybe it goes back to not holding on so tightly to so many Rights and Wrongs. Or maybe it is being aware of how many things pass through our visual field. We really don’t see much if we aren’t looking for it — or expecting it. Maybe, God, we could just realize that nothing is ever really easy. And that we all fail or as Saint Paul said, “Fall short of the Glory of God.”

Well, God, those are good words to go and fall asleep on. Please keep on keeping on working in me.