Good Day, God!
Oh JOY! At the moment I am upright and well enough to want to do a blog. This is my seventh day of being sick. As my Spiritual Director observed — it’s humbling!
And, perhaps that is the point of our illnesses, God? That we should realize our vulnerability? That we should feel our utter dependence on You? It has certainly resulted in some anguished prayers!
And then there is the gratitude that comes from even small steps forward. I can swallow now with only minimal pain and I don’t recall ever having even thought about being grateful for that.
How I wish You would push through me as You do through the Halona Blowhole. There is a lot of “clutter” inside me, God. More than I realize. And somehow being sick helps me let go of some of what I normally hold on to. Hmm. Yes, even a very minor illness does bring an enhanced perspective!
I have managed to cancel everything that I planned on doing this week. For a person like me — compulsively dutiful about doing what I’ve said I would do — this feels both unsettling and liberating! Does this mean I might be shedding my focus on “being useful?” Useful is such a deliciously “virtuous” god to put before You. Truly, if the devil can’t use our “vices,” he is more than willing to use our “virtues” to trip us up.
Gosh, I hadn’t thought of my desire to be useful or helpful as more important to me than being with You. Yikes!
Once again, God, it seems as if You are pulling me back toward simply Being. And more to the point — Being in Your Presence.