Resting and Recovering

Posted on September 23, 2013 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

The view from the breakfast room in the Hotel Concorde in Berlin.

Good Morning, God!

Aaah! Heaven! While my athletic husband Kit has been out running every day since we arrived in Berlin for the marathon . . . I have been resting.

Actually, I am doing close to nothing. I am Really Resting. And I love it! We are both sleeping long hours and waking up close to the “right” time here in Berlin. That’s noteworthy. A 12-hour time zone adjustment isn’t easy.

And for both of us, it is more than just time zones. We are recovering from a far more difficult journey — that of accompanying my mommy on her Final Journey.

My mother told me a few months before she died that our daughter Patty (whom we lost to cancer in 1981) had come to her and said: “Don’t be afraid, Grandma! It [dying] isn’t so bad.” And, as dying goes, her’s wasn’t so bad My mommy had no pain. And after a small stroke on June on 25, she basically began a very slow decline until her death August 25th.

During that time, I kept seeing the image of how the bodies of old Viking queens would be placed on a ship and sent out to sea . . . to have the ship set on fire. I felt like I was to be ON that ship — going with my mother as far as I could. I felt, mostly in the deep dark of night, that I was to go with her — perhaps past the point of no return.

With Patty, back in 1981, I stayed by her side day and night for the four or so days it took her to leave us. But, my mother’s slide was too gradual for that. Too slow. And so I wasn’t with her when she left. Or perhaps I should say that my Body wasn’t with her. I am becoming aware that a huge part of my inner self was with her — and is only now slowly returning to me.

Fanciful thoughts! But, perhaps, God, there is some truth in them?

Tagged with: Death, final journeys, mothers, recovering, rest
Posted in connecting, lying fallow, Marathons, Mothers, mysteries, Needed Repair Time

Bags packed again . . . off to Berlin

Posted on September 18, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Margie Anne at maybe 14 months

Good Afternoon, God!

I was going through old photos to find some of my late Mom. We will have a display of them at a family celebration of my mom’s life in October. My mother was beautiful At Every Age!

And, in sorting through the photos I found this one of me. I have to admit . . . adorable! What can I say, God. I love her! This is a child who was the apple of our extended family’s eye — first child, first grandchild, first niece.

Ah, but things took a sober turn when we moved. World War II drew closer and my father would soon be working long hours building ships. My dad wasn’t allowed to enlist because he was doing “war work.” So I was able to keep my dad — unlike many children.

Sigh. Wars are terrible things, God. TERRIBLE!

Tomorrow my wonderful husband, Kit, and I fly off to Berlin. Now, we are friends with Germany — as we should have been all along — if not for Depressions and Dictators. How sad that children are taught to hate . . . worse than sad.

But, let me return to the future and our joyful trip — going to Berlin for Kit to run the Berlin Marathon. Ausgezeichnet! It’s the 40th Berlin Marathon (9/29) and we are arriving on the 21st to help with adjusting to the 12 hour time zone change.

Adjusting. Hmm. So much of Life involves adjusting. How much easier adjusting is when we have stable, loving parents. And, not just parents but friends. We are dependent on one another for nurture and support. We humans, like countries (!), are called to live together in a reciprocal web of interchanges and interactions — helping and being helped.

The Bible says we are part of the Body of Christ. Ecologists call it the Web of Life. I like to remind myself that Everything is Connected to Everything Else!

Thank You, God!

Tagged with: Berlin Marathon, Germany, needing one another, World War II
Posted in connecting, Families, Perspective, Transitions, web of life

Journeying: Here and There

Posted on September 15, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

voyager spacecraft enters interstellar space (artist’s image)

Good Day, God!

Earlier this week, reading the BBC World News, I thought that the Voyager Spacecraft had entered Interstellar Space on the same day my mother died.

Wow! I was SO excited! But, as so often happens, further research showed that the date was the same –August 25 — but a year earlier, in 2012.

Still I felt happy. Somehow the idea of Voyager I venturing out of our heliosphere evoked thoughts of the journey on which my mother is embarked. A truly mysterious journey, God. We commonly think of Life after Death as being a Coming Home. But, my response to the Voyager makes me “suspect” that after a Time at Home, we may have more journeying ahead of us.

My mother loved science fiction and brought that openness and curiosity about what might be to our family. Openness and curiosity are helpful. However, I’m learning that more is required. Effort has a key part to play. As I anticipate the new Apple iOS 7 upgrade, I realize I am going to have to invest time, energy and effort to learn it.

I wish, God, that we humans were as eager to upgrade our habits of “getting along” with one another.

Scientists set an excellent example for the rest of us. The scientific ethos calls for sharing information — and providing an evidence-based way of viewing reality. Medicine — Functional Medicine, that is — is just beginning to “test” many of the “accepted practices”. We laugh at the old practice of “bleeding” patients to remove toxins. But, I suspect we are continuing in some equally dysfunctional practices.

More to the point, God, help me do what I can to To Build Communities, To DO Love, and to Hear with my Whole Heart.

Tagged with: communities, curiosity, Death, effort, interstellar space, journeys, openness, Voyager program
Posted in Adventures, connections, Curiosity, learning

Rebuilding — Bodies and Habits

Posted on September 12, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunset at the Shack on the Hawaii Kai Marina,

Good Evening, God!

The dinner dishes are done and I am listening to my wonderful husband Kit play the piano. We had the piano completely overhauled and it took from February to July. It was well worth the time and money. The piano has a lovely rich tone, and it is also a handsome piece of furniture. As the piano restorer said, “They don’t make them like this anymore.”

I see a parallel, God, in my working to overhaul myself. Today was my eighth day of going to 24 Hour Fitness. I am focusing on the goal of getting myself there. I will think about charting improvements later! I suspect that I should give myself the same amount of time it took to get the piano done. That would be seven months . . .

On Monday, a friend came over to help put my office back in shape, and she raved about a new eating plan she was on. It’s the Fast Diet. Two days a week one consumes only 500 calories. The idea is to hit the Reset Button on our bodies. Apparently the body, when it suspects that food might become scarce, tunes itself up.

My take is that if the Body isn’t eating and digesting as much as usual, it has more energy for cleaning up. And I do need cleaning up. I started Tuesday and it was so easy that I actually wanted to do it again today.

Ah, but can I do it on our upcoming trip to Berlin? I am great at starting . . . but enthusiasm tends to wane . . .So, my challenge is to STICK WITH IT!

I feel certain that the exercise of sticking with it will be of even great importance to my total well being.

Tagged with: building habits, exercise, exercising, persistence, The Fast Diet
Posted in authority over my life, becoming the change I wish to see, Books, Changing, choosing HARD

A New Perspective

Posted on September 10, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

I get a new view of Koko Crater

Good Evening, God!

A good day — mostly at home — but I did get out. I’ve been going to the gym every day but Sunday. Well, don’t be too impressed, God — this was only my sixth day.

But today Kit, my very fit and athletic husband, suggested that I jog down to the gym — good exercise! — and then jog back.

I had to think about that. A total of four miles?

However, being the optimist that I am, I thought . . . well, it is only two miles there — with a nice break in the air conditioned gym — and then two miles back.

Sigh, I learned, once again, that Optimists are not good at looking ahead. Furthermore, in deciding whether or not to do it, I left late, at mid morning. So, I am somewhat sunburned. But, I’m not yet sore!

Jogging over I got some wonderful photos of Koko Crater from a new perspective. This one is from the bridge that spans the opening between the Marina and Maunalua Bay.

Hmm. New perspectives are what Kit and I have been given, God, with the recent death of my mommy.

For nine years my mom became, a major focus — and for Kit, too, as he visited her almost as much as I did. At first, the loss of my mom, a beloved focal point, was disorienting. My Center was missing. Bad enough to be grieving, God, without feeling aimless.

But, I have been doing Centering Prayer more faithfully. And I am committing myself to exercising my body and my mind. Yesterday I got some help and cleaned up my office so that items are no longer strewn about. They are retrievable!

And, I have been given a New Temporary Focus, God, as Kit and I are off mid month to Germany for him to run the Berlin Marathon!

Life is full. And Life is such an Amazing Gift! Thank You, God!

Tagged with: aimlessness, Grieving, mothers, new perspectives, re-orienting
Posted in Abundant Life, adjusting, asking for help for myself, Changing, Mothers, Needed Repair Time

Thinking of Valleys and Shadows

Posted on September 7, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Good Evening, God!

Yesterday I was hit by another Wave of Grief. I’m not good at being Aware. But when the man at the mortuary called, I couldn’t answer the call. And I couldn’t call back, either. I noticed that. And then I stopped and walked down into the grief of losing my mommy.

It is like walking “Into the Valley of the Shadow of Death” that Psalm 23 talks about.

Sigh. I read that psalm to my mommy every day toward the end. For a few weeks I could carry on “guided” conversations with my mom as I brought up memories we shared. We both liked that.

But then, as she slid closer to You, I was reduced to simply giving her water (thickened so she wouldn’t choke) and talking to her — rambling on about how wonderful she was — telling her how much I loved her. Hoping, God, that Hearing IS the last sense we lose.

Before I left I would say the 23rd psalm. I love the ending . . . “And I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.” Sigh . . . a comfort to me.

According to my mother, Patty (our daughter who died in 1981) came to her a month or more ago and said: “Don’t be afraid, Grandma! It’s not so bad.” And I guess dying without any real pain “isn’t so bad.” But still . . .

As I sat with my mommy, I remembered what a friend shared about when her dad was dying. A big no-nonsense nurse told her and her brothers and sisters: “You all stop pestering him and leave him ALONE! Dying is Hard Work.”

It IS God, isn’t it. But it is also hard work for those of us who remain.

Now, God, like the blue horizon in this photo, my Deep Inner Sea of Grief merges with the Bright Blue Sky of Faith. Thank You!

Tagged with: Death, Faith, Grief Loss and Bereavement, hope, Love, Psalm 23
Posted in Faith, going THROUGH the sorrow, Grief, hearing myself, LOVE

Beauty, Awe and Self Care

Posted on September 3, 2013 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sea and Sky merging above Kokee on Kauai

Good Evening, God!

What an amazingly beautiful world! Thank You! And how wonderful to spend the Labor Day weekend on Kauai where my loving husband, Kit, won his age group (70-79) in the Kauai Half Marathon. I am so thankful. And so relaxed.

I guess it was the start of Day Two on Kauai when I realized that I had zero responsibilities. Zero! Now that my Mommy is with You, I don’t have to worry about phone calls at unexpected times. And the four-session class I conducted on Forgiving is done, too.

Amazing to feel this relaxed! I can’t remember when I last I felt this stress-free. Hmm. It would seem that being stressed makes it much harder to do the exercises that lead to relaxation.

The Inner Metronome ticks away . . . and the Inner Time Keeper says More to Do . . . No Time to Waste . . . Faster Faster . . .

It came to me this morning — at breakfast with Kit by the ocean’s edge — that simply emptying my mouth before putting in another bite is SELF CARE. That one bit of Awareness will slow me down. And slowing down, relaxing my pace, is a big part of Self Care for me.

Somehow, God, all these years I equated Self Care with Selfishness. But, it belongs under Personal Responsibility! The Bible clearly tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. But, we tend to focus on OTHERS FIRST — and often ONLY — not realizing that order doesn’t work long-term.

Once again, we have it backwards! First comes Self-Care / First Loving Ourselves –THEN loving others.

Ah, but I am just beginning to understand what self care consists of. I have this funny feeling it involves loving guidance to Exercise my Body, Heart and Mind a lot more. And, Oh YES, keeping the Sabbath and NOT working! So much to learn . . . please help me, God.

Tagged with: health, Kauai, personal responsibility, relaxing, self-care, Slowing Down
Posted in awareness, beauty, Cherishing our Bodies, connecting, loving myself, relaxation

Color as Therapy?

Posted on August 29, 2013 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A Very Bright Hibiscus

Good Day, God!

I am between Waves of Grief right now, God. Thank You for that. Thank You for all that I had in my Mommy. I, like Patty, can say, “Thank You that I have so much for which to grieve.”

Now that I am functioning a bit better, I have observed my absorption with COLOR! I first began to notice that when I HAD TO HAVE bright yellow shoes. Tom’s shoes someone said to me? No, Bob’s — a cheap knockoff of Tom’s. Then I found a yellow top . . . and next I haunted Ross’s Dress for Less until I found a bright yellow purse to match the shoes. And, I confess, that was followed by bright yellow pants and bright yellow shorts!

Worn together I resemble I walking fire hydrant. But, I don’t mind. In fact, I love it!

Then this afternoon — scanning my photos for one to use with this blog I found THIS one! GLORIOUS! I’m staring at it now and feeling joyful. So, the idea tiptoed into my mind that maybe colors are therapeutic?

I know that colors gladden my heart and lift my spirits. There are always things to rejoice in. Always things to be thankful for. It is a matter of focus. And seeing the glass half full has been easy for me.

Aaah, but TOO easy. My Conscious Mind is re-appreciating that Sorrow is to be FELT and to be EXPRESSED.

Give Sorrow Words, the Grief that Does Not Speak,
Whispers to the Or’ Fraught Heart and Bids it Break.

True lines from MacBeth. However did Shakespeare know so much!? So, here I am, God, letting the Ebbing Tides flow out . . . knowing that both Moon and Tides tug at us all.

Tagged with: color, Death, grief, loss, mothers, sorrow
Posted in Colors, connecting, connections, Expand my Heart, Mothers, processing on deeper levels

A Long Earthly Journey, Completed

Posted on August 25, 2013 by a moment with god — 4 Comments

Mom (Marjorie the First) at her 98th Birthday Party, Dec. 27, 2012

Good Day, God!

Today I got the call I had been dreading. My Mother is now with You, Lord. I’ve been reading the 23rd Palm to her recently, and I love the ending: “And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forever.” That’s a lovely image, God.

Kit and I had been over to see her last night, and we were going to visit again this evening after taking friends to the airport. After the sad call this morning from the hospice unit, I had to drive in to say goodbye to her. Maybe she was hovering around . . . or maybe not. But I had to be certain.

Sigh. I have a bit of my Mother’s Gift of Appreciation. So, over the last nine years, I have been pretty good at telling Mom how much I love her and how glad I am she came to Hawaii from Arizona at age 89 to live near us. Ah, but we never are as good to our parents as, in retrospect, we would like to have been.

Mom would sometimes worry about being a “burden.” That reminds me of the story of the boy carrying his little brother on his back. When someone said, “That’s quite a burden.” the boy replied: “That’s not a burden! That’s my brother!” Or, in my case now: “That’s my Mother!”

And what a Mother! She was the one who read science fiction as a child and introduced my dad to it. As a widow, she was the first of her friends to get a computer. Later, at my urging, she shifted from a PC to a Mac. She was doing emails into her 98th year. And she was punctilious about her finances.

But best of all, Mom was a Loving Listener — not just to me, but to countless friends.

I hope, God, that You are now listening to her as You de-brief her regarding her Earthly Journey.

Tagged with: connections, Death, Earthly Journey, Mother, Mother/Daughter connections
Posted in appreciation, connecting, LOVE, Mothers, relationships, Transitions, web of life

Standing Free — Becoming Me

Posted on August 23, 2013 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Celtic Cross in Ireland Photo by Pulelehua Quirk

Celtic Cross: Photo by Pulelehua Quirk

Good Evening, God!

I love this photo of a stone Celtic cross. My friend who took it is on a Celtic Cruise. So I’m not really sure where she took it.

I love Celtic crosses. My grandmother was pure Welsh and my husband Kit has some Welsh on his side of the family. The Welsh is all mixed in with Scottish and Viking genes, and I think of the Welsh as a tempering admixture to those more militant genes.

Sometimes, God, I think people are a lot more like dogs — or cats — than we want to realize. People, though, come in even more “flavors.” I believe that social groups (cultures) select for preferred traits. And after centuries of “selection” we run fairly true to “type.” Thus “warriors” are bred. And so also are sea-faring traders, or enterprising merchants.

Of course, we are shaped by the culture we are raised in. But having our oldest daughter, Suzanne, be decidedly Celtic and a Francophile while our middle daughter, Patty, was enchanted by all things English — has made me aware of the power of gene pools. Or, as I used to say, how much children are who they are when they are “hatched.”

Ah, but You have set us free, God. Free to become more our individual selves. I like that! I love the story where You are supposed to have said to Rabbi Mendlebaum, “I didn’t want you to be more like Moses. I wanted you to be more like Rabbi Mendlebaum!”

I think, God, that You want to set us free from our genes AND from the cultures of our countries and our families. Free to be Your Unique Child! Thank You!

Tagged with: Celtic Cross, Free, genes, Nature and Nurture
Posted in accepting my ability to REDESIGN, authority over my life, connecting, growing toward up, New Creatures in Christ