Good Evening, God!
Yesterday I was hit by another Wave of Grief. I’m not good at being Aware. But when the man at the mortuary called, I couldn’t answer the call. And I couldn’t call back, either. I noticed that. And then I stopped and walked down into the grief of losing my mommy.
It is like walking “Into the Valley of the Shadow of Death” that Psalm 23 talks about.
Sigh. I read that psalm to my mommy every day toward the end. For a few weeks I could carry on “guided” conversations with my mom as I brought up memories we shared. We both liked that.
But then, as she slid closer to You, I was reduced to simply giving her water (thickened so she wouldn’t choke) and talking to her — rambling on about how wonderful she was — telling her how much I loved her. Hoping, God, that Hearing IS the last sense we lose.
Before I left I would say the 23rd psalm. I love the ending . . . “And I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.” Sigh . . . a comfort to me.
According to my mother, Patty (our daughter who died in 1981) came to her a month or more ago and said: “Don’t be afraid, Grandma! It’s not so bad.” And I guess dying without any real pain “isn’t so bad.” But still . . .
As I sat with my mommy, I remembered what a friend shared about when her dad was dying. A big no-nonsense nurse told her and her brothers and sisters: “You all stop pestering him and leave him ALONE! Dying is Hard Work.”
It IS God, isn’t it. But it is also hard work for those of us who remain.
Now, God, like the blue horizon in this photo, my Deep Inner Sea of Grief merges with the Bright Blue Sky of Faith. Thank You!
Prayers, hugs and thoughts of you and your family. You are a good daughter, mother and wife and inspire others, showing us the way. Love, Adriana and Richard