Thinking of Valleys and Shadows

looking down the valley at the north end of Kauia

Good Evening, God!

Yesterday I was hit by another Wave of Grief. I’m not good at being Aware. But when the man at the mortuary called, I couldn’t answer the call. And I couldn’t call back, either. I noticed that. And then I stopped and walked down into the grief of losing my mommy.

It is like walking “Into the Valley of the Shadow of Death” that Psalm 23 talks about.

Sigh. I read that psalm to my mommy every day toward the end. For a few weeks I could carry on “guided” conversations with my mom as I brought up memories we shared. We both liked that.

But then, as she slid closer to You, I was reduced to simply giving her water (thickened so she wouldn’t choke) and talking to her — rambling on about how wonderful she was — telling her how much I loved her. Hoping, God, that Hearing IS the last sense we lose.

Before I left I would say the 23rd psalm. I love the ending . . . “And I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.” Sigh . . . a comfort to me.

According to my mother, Patty (our daughter who died in 1981)  came to her a month or more ago and said: “Don’t be afraid, Grandma! It’s not so bad.” And I guess dying without any real pain “isn’t so bad.” But still . . .

As I sat with my mommy, I remembered what a friend shared about when her dad was dying. A big no-nonsense nurse told her and her brothers and sisters: “You all stop pestering him and leave him ALONE! Dying is Hard Work.”

It IS God, isn’t it. But it is also hard work for those of us who remain.

Now, God, like the blue horizon in this photo, my Deep Inner Sea of Grief merges with the Bright Blue Sky of Faith. Thank You!

Advertisements

Story teller,

Tagged with: , , , , ,
Posted in Faith, going THROUGH the sorrow, Grief, hearing myself, LOVE
One comment on “Thinking of Valleys and Shadows
  1. adriana digioia says:

    Prayers, hugs and thoughts of you and your family. You are a good daughter, mother and wife and inspire others, showing us the way. Love, Adriana and Richard

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blogs I Follow
Brené Brown

chatting and sometimes, listening

Rachel Naomi Remen

chatting and sometimes, listening

A Moment with God

chatting and sometimes, listening

Sacred Dance Guild Journal

Since 1958 articles by members & guests offer news about activities, history, Sacred Dance practices, profiles of Sacred Dancers, choreography, images & illustrations.

Victoria Paulsen

How to Step In -- Substitute Teaching

Brené Brown

chatting and sometimes, listening

Rachel Naomi Remen

chatting and sometimes, listening

A Moment with God

chatting and sometimes, listening

Sacred Dance Guild Journal

Since 1958 articles by members & guests offer news about activities, history, Sacred Dance practices, profiles of Sacred Dancers, choreography, images & illustrations.

Victoria Paulsen

How to Step In -- Substitute Teaching

%d bloggers like this: