Dysfunctional Beliefs

Posted on September 12, 2023 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

Good Day, God

This morning, I caught myself in a dysfunctional belief. I had told myself “Just one game of solitaire!” Almost immediately, I found that I was just about to finish a second game! Sigh, in the past I might have just said, “Oh well . . . too late . . . I blew it!” And I would have continued on and on and on.

But this morning — because our beloved daughter, Sandy, and I have been discussing Self Respect and how to build it — I thought, NO! I am going to STOP.

As I thought about what had happened, it came to me that I had been missing a “Category”. The category of “I just caught myself in the act of breaking my word to myself.” That is a very special category. It changed the BE PERFECT or GIVE UP mindset. It gave me both an opportunity and permission to see what I was doing and chose to RESET. It gave me a PLACE to STAND in which I was permitted to STOP. Seeing it as a Category — helps me see its POWER. How had I missed this useful category?

Probably because I believed that once I had broken my word to myself — it was TOO LATE!

The belief that it can be TOO LATE is as Dysfunctional as the belief that I don’t matter, that NOTHING MATTERS. That was a negative belief I identified years ago. And the simple act of NAMING it as a belief really helped me. Thus my delight in finding this new Opportunity to Stop, category. I am hoping, God, that a better name for it will appear. But, just as it is — it really helps me!

In the story The Grey Cloud I attributed the dysfunctional belief that “I don’t matter” to a Negative Entity. It has become a joke to say “The Devil made me do it.” But I find the possible existence of negative forces to be profoundly useful. I do not use it as an excuse — but as an additional way of understanding what is happening in our world.

I am pretty sure that our current culture is awash with dysfunctional beliefs. Please, God, help me find more of them!

Posted in connecting, dysfunctional beliefs, gusts of hopelessness, hope, Hope as a gift from God, It is Never too late, Self Respect, stopping

The Heavens Declare the GLORY of God

Posted on September 10, 2023 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Good Morning, God

Kit and I were out to watch the sun rise this morning at Island Brew. And we saw the brightest rainbow I have seen in a long time.

At first it was just a suggestion of a rainbow.

I love rainbows, God. But they have the added plus of being a “reminder” to You. In Genesis 9:14-15 You say:
“When I send clouds over the earth
and a rainbow appears in the sky
I will remember my promise to you
and to all other living creatures.
Never again will I let floodwaters
destroy all life.””

In these Times, God, it is good to ponder this promise. Alas, I do note that You do not say it won’t happen again. You just qualify it — it will not destroy ALL LIFE. Ah, well.

I feel such JOY when beholding a rainbow — or the sun in its daily rising or setting — or even just beautiful clouds. Truly, the Heavens do declare Your Glory.

Thank You, God, for the gift of life — here on Planet Earth.

Posted in beauty, delight, God's Light, Heavens declare the Glory of God, JOY, Light shining through, simple joys of daily life

Speaking as an Aging Lioness

Posted on September 9, 2023 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The happy couple, Hubert and Kalisa– both 21 years old and together since 2014 — euthanized in 2020

Good Morning, God

I saw this photo and identified! My wonderful husband, Kit, and I have been married for 64 years. And although I would have to say that our quality of life is not what it used to be — it is still more than enough. And as for the LA Zoo euthanizing them because of growing age related problems — I am taking it personally.

First of all, were they complaining? In pain? Just how diminished does life have to get before it is a “kindness” to spare them further decline? I am very uncomfortable about yielding my say in this matter.

Secondly, was it a “kindness” to have them die together — to spare them a time of grieving? As for me, I am coming to appreciate grief. Memories may be bittersweet but they provide a time for giving thanks for the loved one. A time for review and rejoicing . . . as well as a heaping of sorrow and regret.

So, speaking as an “aging lioness” I am saddened at folks in authority making these decisions. Although, ask any owner of an aging dog — and they will tell you what a difficult decision it is to make. Still, as a human, I am reluctant to turn over my say in the matter.

I think Hubert, could have grieved . . . and found another one to love.

Tagged with: euthanizing a lion couple
Posted in authority over my life, connecting, kindness, Life vs Death, LOVE, Lovingkindness, Queen of my Life, simple joys of daily life, The Endless Flow of God's Love, the gift of persistent love, the layers of life, web of life

A Surprising Gift

Posted on September 2, 2023 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God

This morning it was my turn to be responsible for our zoom Morning of Prayer. We meet online the first Saturday of the month — 9:00 to 11:30 a.m. HST. I wanted to have the theme — expanding our images of God. Although, as the time got closer I thought maybe just being AWARE that we harbor images of You would be enough.

This idea that — mostly due to cultural influences — we do seem to have “images” of You has fascinated me for the last few months. That was when I happened to pray Our Mother who art . . . my gender stereotype was so powerful that I couldn’t complete the phrase. She wasn’t going to be up in Heaven! She was going to be HERE. NOW. And wanting to help us with nudges and hints etc. I was totally dumbfounded!

Anyway, this morning’s topic kept on morphing. Next I wanted to share Fr. Matthew Lin’s sharing about “healing” his image of God. As his image of You became kinder and less judgmental he found that his behavior also became kinder and less judgmental.

Then last night I read an article about how Fr. Ed came to Bill W. during a time of Bill’s deep depression and became his life long spiritual sponsor. The article stressed the quote from St. Augustine that he delivered to Bill — “Si comprehendis, non est Deus”— if you comprehend it, it is not God. And that was just what I needed, God. To make even clearer that while You love us and seek to “be with” us. . . .You are not knowable.

So, turning from Images, and Knowing — I turned to the HEART. And selected Jeremiah 29:13. How SEEKING YOU WITH OUR WHOLE HEART — is the path.

But, the unexpected gift? In verse 11 Jeremiah says to those in exile that You will give them “an expected end.” My mind went immediately to the people of Lahaina Maui. So many hundreds who perished “unexpectedly” by fire or smoke. Oh my goodness! All of a sudden I could see what a gift it is to end in even a semi expected way. To die of old age. To die peacefully with loved ones. Even to die of a namable illness with time to adjust. . . I could now see all of them as True Gifts.

Perspective is such a help in making adjustments and reframes and in giving thanks, too.

Tagged with: Fr. Ed, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Lahaina Maui, unexpected endings
Posted in being FORGIVEN by God, embedded in God's Time, God as an Ongoing Gift, God wants to nourishes us, God's Attention, God's gifts, God's Light, God's Provision, Hearts, inner paths of the heart, The Cloud of Unknowing

Happy to be Home

Posted on July 20, 2023 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God

There is nothing like a stay in a hospital to make me appreciate Home! Mind you, it was my wonderful husband Kit who was the patient. Still, I was there every night and most of the day. Enough to really be thankful we are now home.

Still, being away, meant that when I came home, I was able to see our bedroom with new eyes. And, I realized that these windows — overlooking the Hahaione Elementary School and Park — were blocked by a huge, tall maple dresser, a five drawer plastic bin, and containers of things waiting to be released. Perhaps, being really tired helped make me aware of how very much I wanted to look out at Nature. Nature is healing — harmonizing — a delight to the eyes and soul.

So, this Monday when Susan was here to help — and Sandy, too — I outlined my grand logistical plan. It all depended on getting sliders under the bed, the tall dresser, my dresser, and the plastic bin. Once that was done — it was just a matter of 1) sliding the bed and my dresser closer to the closets 2) removing two shelves — and the books on them — from the corner the tall dresser was going into 3) sliding the tall dresser into that corner 4) sliding my dresser and the bed back into place and 5) sliding the five drawer plastic bin out into the blue room closet. It went so quickly that we had time to wash the wonderful windows that were revealed!

This is not just a shifting of furniture. It is a shifting of Focus. And it is amazing how happy this had made me! I feel as if I am in a Tree House. Looking out over tree tops and grass is soothing. And I, like a Cat, like to be up high looking down on things.

This is the third room I have rearranged in the last few months. Still awaiting me is Kit’s office — the Archival Heart of our Home. Sandy has been helping me — working with me — and giving me permission to release things. And in September our grandson Mark arrives to be welcomed into helping.

Moving my physical environment around is satisfying. But, how much MORE awaits within me. . . needing to be released . . . needing to be reframed or maybe just simply repositioned.

I am Open and Asking for Your Help, God.

Posted in becoming the change I wish to see, Changing, connecting, focus, logistics, moving, Nature, Progress and our Change in Focus, The difficulty of changing, the Joy of Working Together, View Points, visible turnings, Vision

HOME from a 5 day stay in Straub Hospital

Posted on July 15, 2023 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God!

How amazing to have Kit’s cellulitis infection occur in the time when daughter Sandy was visiting from Tucson! Thank You for that “coincidence”. Because doing it together was hard enough — doing it alone? SCARY! On Sunday afternoon firemen carried Kit down the stairs to the ambulance, and we headed to the ER at Straub. We were in the ER for 24 hours as the hospital was full. But Straub has private rooms so when Kit was admitted into room 426 it was private and quiet and had a recliner for me to sleep on!

Then after Sandy’s husband Dave arrived as scheduled the next the next day, Dave drove me home for a “shower and downtime” every day. And Sandy played cribbage and songs and had fun with her Dad. Then I came back for the afternoon, dinner, and the night.

Beyond just being here at the right time — Sandy and Dave lovingly canceled their trip to Kauai to stay and help us. . . well especially me so I could keep on spending each night with Kit.

Other blessings? The kindness of each and every helper! The Charge Nurse who told them “The Wife is CLEAR they are going home — Kit is not going to Rehab.” And the amazing fact that she agreed with my decisions.

Perhaps the biggest “blessing” was that it occurred to me — what if Sandy hadn’t been here? And what if I was the one carried down the stairs and off via ambulance to Straub’s ER?

As a Caregiver, my entire focus has been on Kit — my husband of 64 years. Rather suddenly, I have switched my focus to include Caring for Me. That seems obvious — but I come from the “Do Your Duty Till You Drop” generation of women.

So I have NOW an opportunity to reorient myself — and set about constructing routines and support for us both — as best I can.

Posted in blessings, connecting, kindness, Laughing, Lovingkindness, needing help, Planning, Self Care, self care as maintenance, self care as self compassion and humility

More on my Prayer Bell

Posted on May 22, 2023 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Day God,

It began with a simple command. Go get your biggest bell. Ring it every day at noon. And pray for World Peace. That was back in early February. And here I am in mid May still ringing my bell and praying for World Peace. Only it has expanded.

I do pray for World Peace — but I very soon began to add all sorts of other prayers. Praying for something that I have in the “not quite impossible” category — is extremely freeing. Sinus conditions,
Mom and her baby still “inside”, office packing up due to retirements, continued good health for all family members, and all of us (especially me) to get better at making adjustments.

This has introduced “structure” into my life. I have jokingly claimed the title of Queen of Random, but there is considerable truth in that claim. This gives me a welcome focal point in which to gather my prayer energy. Without this time (with its alarm going off to remind me) I was just being carried through my day on a steady flow of duties, details and detritus.

Another thing I really enjoy about this is Praying Out Loud. Ringing the bell sets the stage for SOUND. Need I confess that I am an extrovert who loves talking? So, it never even occurred to me that I could pray silently. I ring the bell and pray, ring it again and pray some more, and so on. I am fully in the realm of sound! Somehow my body loves reverberating with the bell and with the spoken words.

In fact, I enjoy this time so much — this welcomed break in my day — I decided to do it at 9:00 a.m. 12:00 noon, 3:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. Those are set with alarms — but I do find myself praying both at the beginning of my day and end. It is a lovely way to STOP and interrupt my daily activities and tasks and consciously connect with the Creator of ALL. It is a pause that refreshes.

Posted in acknowledging my need for prayer, connecting, God's Time, JOY, Prayer, simple joys of daily life, Structure, taking time to focus, time

A Planet of Prodigal Children

Posted on April 16, 2023 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Day, God

Many years ago, it came to me that we (all humans) were prodigals — which I just learned means wasteful. In this story which Jesus tells the prodigal was a younger son who asked for his “share” of his inheritance and set off to a far land and wasted it all. Reduced to feeding pigs (a horrible fate for him culturally) he resolves to go home and be a servant in his fathers house. Only to have his father run toward him — rejoicing that he was “found” and alive. And the father restored him to once again being a beloved son. I was feeling very much like the prodigal child myself then. I had just recently “become” a “Believer” in You, God as loving Father and in Your Love! Alas, I did not become even a bit aware of all that I did not know!

In wanting to write this blog I would have been happier if I could have found an image of a Mother embracing her child . . . even a mother animal with her young would better convey the incredible love and compassionate heart that You have. Alas, our culture has encourage dominance — by the male of our species — thus limiting You to Father. I had no idea how that culture had affected me until a month of so ago.

One day — just to vary the routine — I began to pray Our Mother, who art . . . . and found to my stunned amazement that my image of You as a Mother was dramatically different from my image of You as a Father. Of course, God, my images are just that . . . my images. Still, I had no idea they were so DIFFERENT.

You as Father — were content to stay up in Heaven — You as Mother materialized inside me! And then activated everything all around me! Not only that, but You were eager to be ASKED for HELP. Apparently, our “asking” is somehow much more important than I realized. Your LOVE and FORGIVENESS washed through me. Along with a deepening realization that I NEEDED all of that.

This morning I read a piece by Garrison Keillor in which he talked about how on Sunday his church preached the risen Lord while the Unitarian church down the street heard a sermon on recycling. But how despite this difference “we get along very nicely — and why? Because we’re older than we were. The pride of possession of the Truth diminishes; the urge to share the sunshine succeeds it.”

So here I am God delighting in the sunshine. Becoming oh so slowly more aware of the MYSTERY of Life — and Death — humbled . . . or slowly embracing humility. A wasteful child upon a beautiful planet. Grateful . . . and happy to be here now.

Posted in Attention Limits, awareness, Awe, connecting, humility, Humility or Needing Help!, LOVE, Mothers, Mothers and Fathers, self care as self compassion and humility, The Endless Flow of God's Love, the gift of persistent love

EXCITED TO SHARE!

Posted on March 17, 2023 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

GOOD MORNING, GOD

What am I doing buying a book about a boy with a faster brain when I am an 83 year old woman? Perhaps I don’t have ADD — anymore than anyone born in this culture does. But, I do tend to have a fast brain and I am very easily distracted.

My cultural influence: I was born just a year after Superman! I would listen avidly to the stories where one of the key values was speed. So I grew up with “faster than a speeding bullet” as my guide. Sigh. It has taken me decades to realize that You, God are the Creator of Time — and my job is to use it wisely.

Peter Shankman is writing in this book about how to to reframe this particular quality into a gift. He tells about how he was sent home from school every day with a note. . . every day . . . and often sent to the Principal. He loved cracking jokes and making his classmates laugh. But, his teachers found it disruptive! So, he really wants to help kids with ADD or ADHD or any nonneuroqtypical kid have a positive view of themselves. And more importantly, he wants them to be better able to USE their gifts.

I bought Peterʻs first book, Faster Than Normal several years ago and I loved it. As someone who is easily distracted I identified. I love how Peter copes when a book deadline looms. He books a flight to Tokyo and back — and writes all the way there and then back. How tempting I find that idea!

Hmm. While I am waiting for his children’s book to arrive, I think I’ll go back and reread his fist one! Oh, and I’ll listen to a few more of his podcasts, too.

Tagged with: ADD
Posted in connecting, God's Time, Needed Repair Time, recovery time, taking time to focus, time, Wanting a protected time

Transitions and Being Transformed

Posted on March 6, 2023 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Good Morning, God

I read that Lent is a Time of Transitioning from ordinary time into Holy Time. No wonder we devote 40 days to Lent. But this goal is ever with us. Actually several goals . . . the big goal is to be transformed. . . as St. Paul says in Romans 12:2 . . . but I hope small moments of transitioning help.

Every time I center I feel as if that is what I am attempting to do — to shift from my ordinary time into Holy Time. Ah, but my monkey mind is hard to quiet. And that is one of many reasons why I love making an early morning pilgrimage to watch the Sun Rise. Often the Sun Rise transports me into Holy Time — straight into AWE!

Sun Rise and Sun Set are times when I can SEE a transition taking place. During the day I don’t really notice where the sun is — from one moment to the next. AHAAA BUT SUNRISE!!!! Sunrise this morning was at 6:48 and this photo was taken at 6:22 a.m. HST. I had already missed a fair bit . . . but I kept on trying to capture the glorious images. This last one was taken at 7:00 a.m. And rainclouds were coming up from behind us — pouring down just as we drove away.

Photos are no better than words at capturing reality. This morning I was beholding the Heavenly Host — right here — right now. It was a transforming experience.

I will not stay transformed . . . but I feel a little enlarged and perhaps a bit cleaner . . . certainly I have more room for HOPE in me now.

Posted in a hand up, connecting, Glorious, Heavenly Host, Heavens declare the Glory of God, hope, Transitioning, Transitions