Plumerias in Winter

Posted on January 6, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Plumeria in winter

Good Evening, God

It is winter here in Hawaii . . . it is 75 right now and cloudy. This week the highs will be between 79 and 81 and the lows may hit 68! Hardly winter anywhere else . . . but here the plumeria trees have dropped their leaves and grown dormant. So I was surprised to see flowers . . . and lots of buds too.

I wish I were seeing buds of Peace daring to get ready to unfurl. I think, God, that most of us humans are like these flowers. We want to bloom. We want to unfurl and bring joy to others.

But, some folks want to be RIGHT more than they want to bloom. So they go BOOM BOOM instead of flowering. It is so sad. It is a waste. Of course, that is how I see it now.

I used to be convinced I was RIGHT. Fortunately I never fell into the hands of folks wanting to point me in the wrong direction. Folks who wanted me to help them stamp out erroneous thoughts by killing people.

Now I am beginning to think that “right” is a two dimensional concept.

You designed us to be connected with You. Connected to each other. And connected to our inner wounded selves. You designed us to love and to care and to share.

So, I am going to pray for those folks who are certain they are Right . . . pray for their blessing and healing and growth. And pray for my healing and growth, too. After all, we all have a long way to grow!

Tagged with: Hawaii, Plumerias
Posted in a prayer for healing, connecting, growing toward up, healing, Peace, Prayer, Praying for our enemies

Third in his age group!

Posted on January 4, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Kit mile 16

Here is my Wonderful Husband almost 4 hours into the December 13th 2015 Honolulu Marathon! He is so obviously A Happy Man that I have given up — well, I am in the process of giving up — my desire for him to specialize in HALF marathons which are only 13.1 miles!

He is THAT happy just from running. He doesn’t even know that he is going to do negative splits and place third in the 80-84 age group! Better yet with a 5:59:15 he slipped in under 6 hours.

A dear friend in Minnesota asked about Kit . . . saying “I didn’t see anything on your Facebook page.” So not quite a month late — here is the Good News!

Posted in connecting

Designed to Bloom

Posted on January 2, 2016 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

African zinnias Good Day, God!

I just reread Jimmy Carter’s essay on why he left the Souther Baptist Church over its theological position on the inequality of women.

Wow, God! I am still totally amazed at how much evil is done in Your Name! Mostly, I tend to look abroad. But, sheesh . . . right here in America we are oppressing over half the population.

Women responsible for sin? Hello? When are men going to Grow Up??? Well, actually, when am I going to grow up and speak up? Like maybe most . . . or all of my generation . . . I have suffered from the toxic cultural beliefs about females. Suffered without ever knowing it.

But, when I take the time and sit and feel . . . as part of my Self Care resolution — I know that growing up female was hard hard hard. Men who speak up and out are leaders — women who speak up and out are mostly just not heard. Being heard without being a Bitch . . . isn’t easy.

Of course, “not being heard” isn’t nearly as bad as being stoned to death.

But THAT is NOT THE POINT! Neither one is acceptable.

Yet, we women have accepted it. Hm, well, we American’s have burned witches not that many hundreds of years ago. So, burning, stoning AND SHAMING have succeeded in keeping lots of us quiet and a little embarrassed about the others.

So, God, I was thinking isn’t this a little late for me to speak up? But then I feel in my bones that it is never too late . . . to feel and to change. Never too late to apologize to my daughters for passing the toxins on . . .

And not too late to see this as part of a horrible whole — because, as I hear You mentioning . . . women have not been the only victims of hatred, fear and oppression.

We ALL need to see ourselves and others as You see us . . . as toddlers. Toddlers who are being loved — and lovingly corrected — into growing toward up . . . loved into blooming as we are and where we are. Blooming in spite of oppressive forces!

Posted in a prayer for healing, Changing, changing who I want to become, connecting, Equality, freedom, growing toward up, Growth Opportunities, LOVE, The difficulty of changing, The Flow of God's Love, web of life

A New Start for a New Year

Posted on December 31, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Christmas lights in marina Good Evening, God!

New Year’s Eve . . . and I am smiling in anticipation of a New Year . . . yet another chance to molt and explore other options. Yes, of course, I do realize that I can make changes at any given moment. I don’t have to wait for New Year! But, with the tradition of New Year’s “resolutions,” one gets a helpful cultural push.

My wonderful husband Kit and I just finished a rewarding visit with our oldest daughter — who is one of my very best friends. I made the most of our time together! I have listener genes — as well as talker genes — and Suz and I outdid ourselves in the number of words spoken and heard.

And Kit outdid himself by suggesting that we three go up to the Top of the I (the 25 floor of the Ilikai overlooking the harbor) for dinner last night — the night before Suz left. That is what Kit and I did the night before the Honolulu Marathon and he wanted to share the experience with Suz. She was touched and delighted!

It was a lovely evening and it has been mostly a lovely year for us. But it has also been a very full year. And what I want now — more than anything else — is to lavish time and attention on Kit and on myself.

So I have canceled my regular activities and outings for the first two days of the year. I will stay home and see/discover what sorts of things might constitute lavishing attention on myself. I am suspecting that some of the things will surprise me as my definitions of self care are starting to morph.

So thank You, God, for 2015 and for new insights for 2016. Please help us ALL make better choices . . . in caring for ourselves and others!

Posted in a New Year, a series of molts and upgrades, connecting, self care as maintenance, self care as self compassion and humility

Merry Christmas 2016

Posted on December 25, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

fireworks

Merry Christmas, God!

Aah, now that is a funny greeting. I suppose it ought to be Thank You for Christmas! Thank You for designing such an incredible way of showing forth Your Love! Such a beautiful way of creeping into our hearts . . . as a baby . . . after all we are wired to love and care for infants . . . puppies, kittens . . .

I can feel You now — loving me as I am, while encouraging me to sit up straighter — because it is better for me. Oh, my! Love is so full of soft and hard. Yet, even (or especially?) the Hards are for our benefit.

Laughing! You are laughing . . . and if I had Your Perspective . . . I would laugh too. But, You are crying, too, aren’t You. And MORE! How was it that old theologians thought You didn’t experience emotions? Hm. For centuries emotions were shoved off onto women . . . men had to be logical and rational . . . and do unbearable things . . . how COULD they feel?

As I sit — slightly straighter — I marvel that we think we might comprehend You. You are like the light of this firework — multicolored and ever shifting. And, bright and beautiful! And we humans only see a very small percentage of the electromagnetic waves that comprise visible light.

Aah. Yet, You want us to know and receive Your Love! You keep on keeping on . . . wanting us to stop our foolishness and open to You. To become –day by day — moment by moment — new creatures in You.

Posted in connecting

Close to Christmas

Posted on December 23, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

June entering service

Good Evening, God!

I love that verse in Revelations where Jesus says “I stand at the door and knock. . .” I love it because it speaks to me of how You are always wanting to come closer to us . . . loving us AS we are and WHERE we are.

Ah, but God, I so often feel like the person in this photo. I am not opening the door. I am not stopping my busyness. Hm. In truth, I am avoiding You. Not because You are harsh and judgmental . . . but because I am harsh and judgmental. Mostly of my own dear self.

Our beloved oldest daughter is here for Christmas and we were talking of times and traumas past and she said to me, “Mom you were only 27! You were so young! How can you be so hard on yourself!”

Oh. 27? Yikes! That really is young. And her loving reminder really did help. I was young. And, perhaps, God, we as a species are still Very Young.

That is consoling. And, as we approach Christmas . . . I once again feel the gap between Your Love for us and our love for ourselves and each other. I am in need of consoling.

Somehow, I imagined I would be more grown up by now. Actually, I thought I was grown up at 17.

How foolish! I still have miles to go and hopefully years to go — on this amazing journey. So, thank You for Your comforting and consoling love. After all, I am still so very young.

Tagged with: consoling, growing toward up, judging, maturing
Posted in connecting

The Monster from the Black Lagoon

Posted on December 10, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

images (1)

Good Evening, God!

Just the other day I was talking with my spiritual director about my Reptilian Brain . . . which I jokingly referred to as “The Monster from the Black Lagoon.” Almost immediately I “saw” an image of my Monster (looking a lot like this triceratops) being led out of the toxic black lagoon into a clear deep salt water pool. Hm.

I had always seen my reptilian brain (we ALL have them) as something to be kept pushed down into the depths . . . I hadn’t thought about what a toxic environment that was for her. In fact, I hadn’t ever thought about her as a creature deserving respect.

As she soaked in the clean salt water I realized that She was my Energy Source. I need her. And I need her healthy and connected to You, God. Gosh, I had isolated her. Kept her in solitary confinement. No wonder she was scary!

Now, as I am in the process of getting to know her I am humbled, God.

My prefrontal cortex thought she was all I needed . . . telling me to fear my Reptilian Brain. . . how arrogant . . . how foolish . . . how sad. You expect us to respect one another and to work together.

Hm. Right now my Reptilian Brain (I must ask her name) is saying go to bed . . . got to sleep. More on this later.

Posted in connecting

In the Womb of God

Posted on December 6, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

eggplant flowers

Good Evening, God!

Your love for us humans is so hard for us to grasp. We know ourselves, God, and therefore we doubt. Sigh.

But recently I found out the the Hebrew word for Compassion (Rachamin) comes for the root word rechem which means womb. Yes, Womb. Wow! When You feel compassion for us is like Your are enfolding us in Your Womb.

Learning this fact kind of made me quiver all over with delight.

A Mother’s womb does two major functions: 1) supplies nutrients needed for growth 2) carries away waste products that would be toxic to the infant. And as we pray . . . center . . . seek to connect with You . . . You do both of those!

Forgiving is less difficult when we feel embraced by Your Love. After a 10 day silent retreat this September I felt cleaner . . . so many regrets and resentments had been released.

I’ve often thought that to You we are all toddlers . . . and toddlers can be forgiven much. But, it is far more than that, God. We are like fetuses — that undeveloped! And that beloved. I remember being pregnant and talking to my baby . . . loving each one so dearly . . . loving them while still unseen.

I came out of a male dominant world . . . so picturing Your Compassion as being not just in Your Lap but in Your Womb . . . is a marvelously healing image for me. I am smiling. I am thankful.

Posted in connecting, developing helpful definitions of love, Forgiving, growing toward up, healing, LOVE, The Flow of God's Love

A Jubilee Year of Mercy!

Posted on December 2, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God,

What a delight to find that starting December 8 we (well, I guess anyone who wants to join in) will be in A Holy Year of Mercy. Pope Francis declared his intention back in April but the church calendar doesn’t turn over until12/8 and the start of Advent.

So, here we are (almost) in a Jubilee Year of Mercy. And our species really needs it! Hey, I need it too!

Actually, I was thinking that what we humans really need is a Year of Repentance. A Year of doing a fearless moral inventory and asking, God, for Your Help in cleaning us up. But, I suppose that IS part of this Jubilee Year. After all, I NEED to receive mercy! I need to more fully understand how I have hurt — or failed to help — those around me.

I heard Professor Fred Luskin give a talk on Letting Stuff Go (forgiving) and the line that stuck with me was: “Everyday all the people around us have to be busy forgiving US for who we are.” So much mercy flowing over us!

Today for the first time in pondering the story of the Good Samaritan I saw myself not just as the Levite walking by on the other side . . . but as the one beaten and wounded lying by the side of the road.

My wounds are very small. Mostly, my wounds are because someone I care about has been hurt. Small or not, I am still wounded and need help to heal.

Perhaps healing comes before — or along with — forgiving. They seem linked together. So, as I look around me — at my Wounded and Wounding Species — I think how important it is to focus on Mercy. Your Mercy and compassion are continuously flowing out — waiting for us to receive it — and pass it on.

Tagged with: forgiving, Forgiving is Healing, healing, mercy, Repentance
Posted in confession, connecting

Perspective and Compassion

Posted on November 28, 2015 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Three stars and the other lights are Galaxies

Dear God,

I often wonder HOW You can love us here on Planet Earth when You have trillions of stars and galaxies in the Palm of Your Hand. But, the other day my spiritual director asked me to ponder how You felt about us . . . or something like that. I was swept up into a state of Deep Contemplation. And I felt — in every cell — that You care far more deeply than I can imagine for each one of us. You have overwhelming compassion for every one of us!

And I realized that You love me much more than I love myself.

So, I have been wondering, HOW do I love myself? I mean what does that kind of love look like? One thought I took back with me was that You want us to keep Learning/Growing. Not so much Head Learning as Heart Learning.

Then, just today I read an article in YES Magazine on “How to Build a Culture of Good Health.” I loved it! Good Health truly is a family/community affair. Loneliness really does kill. But my favorite take away from the article was: Give yourself, as best you can, what your parents would have loved to grant you but probably could not: full-hearted attention, full-minded awareness, and compassion. Make gifting yourself with these qualities your daily practice.

I’m smiling. Full-hearted attention can make even brushing my teeth an act of love. Thank You, God, for all the Love and Full-Hearted Attention You keep pouring over us.

Posted in Compassion, compassion to care for myself, connecting, health, LOVE, self care as self compassion and humility, The daily details of love, The Flow of God's Love