Self Pity or Self Compassion?

Posted on September 24, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

IMG_0392 (1) Good Evening, God

I just finished reading Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking. In it she raises the specter of “self pity”. As I read it I thought about what a common theme this is in our society. My mother — who was a kind and gracious soul — was horrified at The Self Pity in a book by a breast cancer survivor. Odd, I thought, as my mother was herself a survivor.

But, more and more I am feeling that this Cultural Fear of Self Pity is injurious! When I suggested to my daughter, the Challenger, that I would appreciate an occasional “Poor Baby” from her — she waxed indignant! That would be to see you as weak and powerless!

Well, no. It would just be to see me in an occasional pool of fears and self doubts. We all fall into them from time to time. And a loving There There . . . There There . . . would be appreciated.

Actually, self compassion seems to be an incredible cultural No No! Which is tragic as there are any number of benefits from learning to extend compassion to ourselves as listed in the The Net and The Butterfly. Among them are:
• decreased anxiety, depression and self-criticism;
• improved relationships and satisfaction with life;
• increased ability to handle negative events;
• and improved immune system functioning.

Jesus clearly says that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. But, loving ourselves seems to be limited to retail therapy or gastronomical delights. Really, God, this problem needs to be addressed!

Tagged with: The Net and the Butterfly
Posted in connecting, creativity in loving service, developing helpful definitions of love, LOVE, self care as self compassion and humility, self pity, self-compassion, The daily details of love

The Power of Information

Posted on September 14, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

tumblr_ol45hvXjMD1tcmyzfo2_1280 Good Evening, God!

I came across a interesting article in the August 14, 2017 Bloomberg Businessweek on mapping the ground UNDER New York City. Subterranean cartographers are at work, God, combining a variety of maps to get a FULL information map of the city.

Speaking of full information the map above is of the combined sewage overflows in New York. Yikes! Now that is powerful information for change!

The Bloomberg article is about creating a combined map of everything underground in NYC: sewers, subways, electrical lines, gas lines, etc. One purpose showed up after 9/11 when they discovered on a map a huge tank of freon gas under the Trade Center. If one of the fires still burning underground reached the tank it would have exploded — releasing poison gas! Knowing its existence and its location mattered!

In 2010 one of the cartographers overlaid a map of the flood zones for the city and saw that the electrical substation at East 13th Street was right in the middle of a flood zone. He warned various government and corporate agencies. But, nothing had been done about it by the time Hurricane Sandy arrived in 2012 — flooding the substation and plunging a big part of Manhattan into darkness.

Ah yes. Information has to be used to be useful.

But that brings up a key difficulty. The knowledge of so many critical nodes could be ever so useful to terrorists. The Belgian government has ordered the creation of an underground infrastructure map of Flanders. But, when people need information from it they must apply and then only get information on a specific area.

Sigh. Sad that information has to be so protected.

Hm. It just came to me that in the 1500s people didn’t want the Bible translated into languages that ordinary people spoke. They thought the knowledge was TOO important and too powerful to have it fall into the hands of people other than the Trained Experts.

I’m thinking now, God, of how powerful READING is . . . and how it was a crime to teach a slave to read . . . and how women still aren’t sent to school in some parts of the world.

Who knew an article on underground cartography could stir so many thoughts?

Tagged with: Combined information, Connecting information, mapping our cities, Subterranean cartographers, The Power of Knowledge, underground cartography
Posted in connecting, images, interactions, layer upon layer, learning, mental maps, processing on deeper levels, supportive organizational structures

Another Perspective or two

Posted on September 8, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Day, God!

We went to island of Kauai last week for my wonderful husband Kit to run a half marathon. While we getting our rental car I saw an ad for the Allerton Gardens. WOW! The ad featured a couple standing in the midst of tree roots. BIG ROOTS. I love trees! I love BIG trees and so Sequoia is one of my favorite national parks. But while I’ve seen big trees — I hadn’t seen BIG ROOTS like these on the Moreton Bay fig tree. I was curious.

So, after Kit had finished the half marathon on Kauai — (first of one!) in his 80-84 age group with a good time of 2:44 — he was more than happy to take me to see the gardens. Gardens are alway a delight! That someone has cared so much for a variety of plants — for their beauty or for their curiousness — is somehow a good thing. And, with plants — unlike with wild animals — one doesn’t feel the sadness of an imprisoned life. Although, these trees — like wild animals — would create problems if they escaped due to the arrival of the Right Pollinator. Apparently, they crowd out all other competing trees or plants. Hmm.

Looking at this photo of myself, dwarfed by the roots of the tree, I saw myself reframed. This was initially because of the size difference. But, after looking again I saw the juxtaposition of Plant with Animal. A long lived but immobile plant and a shorter lived but mobile animal. I shall not get into sentient or not because . . . who knows?

My last thought on the varieties of perspective was how just yesterday I was reminded of Madeliene L’Engle’s book A Wind in the Door.

In this book, L’Engle says size doesn’t matter. I wonder if we will ever understand the power of that statement?

She has peopled the book with Gigantic Cherubim and tiny mitochondria. The young hero is ill because of problems in his mitochondria. Her book was written in the 1960s and You must have helped her, God. Now the medical world is tracing many of our illnesses to unhealthy mitochondria. I’m thinking Dr. Wahl’s book on how she overcame MS and others.

The mitochondria are so small that in our key organs (brain, eyes, etc.) there may be 10,000 mitochondria in each cell.

But, enough. This is way too many words and thoughts for one blog. But, then everything is connected to everything else . . . so on and on my mind goes.

Tagged with: "size doesn't matter", Madeliene L'Engle, mitochondria, Moreton Bay fig tree
Posted in awareness, Awe, connecting, Perspective, perspectives, web of life

Degrees of Delight

Posted on August 25, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God!

A TOTAL solar eclipse! WOW! My wonderful husband Kit and I have seen 3 total solar eclipses. And they are magnificent. Awe inspiring! Just the idea that the sun is 400 times larger than the moon but 400 times further away delights me. I like to think You did that on purpose . . . just to amaze us.

Kit and I experienced our eclipses with a small group of close friends. That made it even better that seeing it by ourselves. But those eclipses were in isolated places. We were just a small group. Precious experience are EVEN better when shared. But, it wasn’t until our delightful daughter Suzanne shared her eclipse experience that I really understood HOW MUCH better “sharing” can get.

Suzanne lives in Los Angeles where the eclipse was going to get to 62% of totality. She hadn’t thought to buy glasses but she did think that she might as well be outside during the eclipse just to see the light change. She passed a worker and the two of them shared regret at not having glasses to look at the eclipse. Then as she approached Robertson she saw a group out watching the eclipse — sharing what seemed to be one pair of glasses. As she got closer one of the group held out the glasses to her and said — Take a look!

Suz said she expected the view to be fuzzy but it was crystal clear — and she burst into tears! It was that moving!

Then it turned out the woman handing her the glasses had gone to school with Suz. It truly was a great “communal” moment! And on her walk back home she discovered that someone had shared glasses with the workman so they could share their joy.

A Great Communal Moment, indeed! We are social creatures aren’t we? Designed to be together! And our delight overflows . . . things don’t have to be 100%. 62% is more than enough.

Tagged with: Great Communal Moments, Overflowing delight, Solar Eclipse 2017
Posted in daughters, delight, JOY, Sharing, small meaningful moments

Perspective from a Talus Cave

Posted on August 11, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God!

Dear friends are off to camp at Pinnacles National Park and I had never heard of the place — so, of course, I Googled it! This is a photo of a ranger standing in one of the talus caves. Talus? I had always thought of talus as rocks deposited by glaciers when they retreat. But, this cave was created by Rock Fall. Big BIG rocks falling into narrow valleys.

I thought, God, that I had seen BIG rocks. But not like these. And when I saw this photo I felt as if — THAT’S ME! Me, standing under the BOULDERS of Global Warming, Nuclear Saber Rattling, Groups promulgating Hate, Millions of Refuges, Accelerating Technological Change and Lonely Islands of Economic Stagnation.

Of course, God, that isn’t just me . . . it is US . . . all of us dear humans . . . who could be working together. I WANT to work together . . . I want us to make our way through this “Talus Cave” of troubles. I hear You saying — I am with you. And that gives me hope. Hope to keep on hoping . . . to keep on TRYING!

And thinking of things to try — June, my spiritual director, has recommended Karen Armstrong’s book — Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life. I have bought it. I have given it away. Next is to READ IT . . . and DO IT.

Imagine! More compassion for others . . . more compassion for myself. (I’d better see self-compassion.org.) Enough compassion to extend it to folks with different perspectives or to those labeled as enemies.

But, God, You know I am eager to start but I often wander off . . . and I don’t carry through. That’s why I want to study the book as part of a group. I will exert myself for others . . . not so much for myself.

Hmm. I really better check out the self compassion site!

Tagged with: 12 Steps Toward a Compassionate Life, Karen Armstrong, Pinnacles National Park, Talus caves
Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, Compassion, compassion to care for myself, connecting, self care as self compassion and humility, Troubles

Reposting Father Rohr’s 7/25/17 blog

Posted on July 27, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God,

Today I am reposting a blog from Father Richard Rohr that touched my heart deeply. . . especially the part about our human hubris.

Incarnation Instead of Atonement

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Franciscans never believed that “blood atonement” was required for God to love us. We believed that Christ was Plan A from the very beginning (Colossians 1:15-20, Ephesians 1:3-14, John 1:1-18). Christ wasn’t a Plan B after the first humans sinned, which is the way most people seem to understand the significance of the death and resurrection of Jesus. The Great Mystery of Incarnation could not be a mere mop-up exercise, a problem-solving technique, or dependent on human beings messing up. The Incarnation was not motivated by a problem but by love.

Did God intend no meaning or purpose for creation during the first 13.8 billion years? Did the sun, moon, and galaxies have no divine significance? The fish, the birds, the animals were just waiting for humans to appear? Was there no Divine Blueprint (“Logos”) from the beginning? This thinking reveals the hubris of the human species and our tendency to anthropomorphize the whole story around ourselves.

The Franciscan view grounds Christianity in love and freedom from the very beginning. It creates a coherent and positive spirituality, which draws us toward lives of inner depth, prayer, reconciliation, healing, and universal at-one-ment, instead of any notion of sacrifice, which implies God needs to be bought off. Nothing changed on Calvary, but everything was revealedas God’s suffering love—so that we could change!

Jesus was precisely the “once and for all” (Hebrews 7:27) sacrifice given to reveal the lie and absurdity of all “sacrificial” religion. But we perpetuated such regressive and sacrificial patterns by making God the Father into the Chief Sacrificer, and Jesus into the necessary victim. Is that really the only reason to love Jesus? Is there no wondrous life to imitate?

This “being saved by his death” language allowed us to ignore Jesus’ way of life and preaching, because all we really needed Jesus for was the last three days or three hours of his life. This is no exaggeration. The irony is that Jesus undoes, undercuts, and defeats the sacrificial game. Stop counting, measuring, earning, judging, and punishing—ways many Christians are very well trained in—because they believe that is the way God operates too. This makes the abundant world of grace largely inaccessible—which is, of course, the whole point.

It is and has always been about love from the very beginning.

*****
I hope Fr. Rohr doesn’t mind my posting his blog . . . I am feeling that You are pleased, God.

Posted in humility, LOVE, Meaning, web of life

Flourishing

Posted on July 12, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Inside Koko Crater Good Day, God!

This photo was taken inside Koko Crater — it is dry inside. The plants are managing . . . but perhaps not flourishing. Flourishing takes water, nutrients, and attention. It is much the same for people as for plants.

Indeed, God, people who grow up without enough care and attention are often as prickly as these barrel cacti. Our 22 year old grandson Mark, who is visiting, said he had thought it was “normal” for everyone to grow up in a loving family. Now he knows that all too often that is not the case.

The other day I read that the Greek word that Aristotle used for the purpose of humans has been translated as To Be Happy — when he probably meant To Flourish. This has led a lot of folks astray.

It seems to me that we are living in a society in which we try to find happiness by reaching for what we want. And what we want is pretty much what children want — immediate gratification. Sugar is an example . . . of something that what gives us pleasure NOW . . . but isn’t good for us in the long run . . . or even in the short run.

I think it was Viktor Frankl who said that man was created with a desire for meaning. If men and women cannot satisfy that desire, they will turn toward pleasure or toward power. I like his quotes.

But — back to thinking about meaning: how good it would be if we would actively help one another to flourish. Simple things, God, like learning and calling folks by their names. And then not such simple things like looking for the good in people and refraining from judging. Blessing instead of cursing.

Doing those things wouldn’t just help others — it would help all of us who do them — it would help all of us to flourish.

Posted in Caring, connecting, Flourishing, Judgmental, LOVE, loving myself, Meaning, respect, Self Care, self care as self compassion and humility, Self-Respect, The Flow of God's Love, water and love

Being Kind . . . Being Respectful

Posted on July 6, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

stairway of hibiscus Good Day, God!

I’ve been pondering — and actually working on doing — what You command. Love your enemies — pray for those who persecute you. Now, thanks be, no one is persecuting me. But, they seem to be willing to let millions of folks die without much access to insurance for western medicine. So, I feel like they are persecuting poor people. These are very ones that Jesus had in mind when he said, “As you have done it unto the least of these, you have done it unto me.”

As I was praying for one key senator a thought came to me — What if he thinks that our country cannot afford to provide health care to so many people. He must believe that it is a choice between our country’s demise or the somewhat earlier death of millions of people. Oh! Wow!

I don’t agree. But, all of a sudden I could understand HOW he might have come to make such an apparently inhumane choice. Ah . . .

There is not enough understanding nowadays, God.

This morning I read a quote from Lady Gaga: “I wish all people on the internet would be positive and loving and a part of creating an online community that is kind and empowering, not hateful and mean.”

Hmm. Well, yes. That sounds like such a good way to live — online and in real life. Being kind . . . being positive . . . actually wanting to understand WHY folks disagree with me.

Actually, God, maybe we could begin by being less invested in Being Right . . . or Left. Maybe we could explore areas where we agree . . . where we want the same things? And yes, I hear You saying that BLESSING folks is a great way to begin.

Posted in Being a Blessing, Blessing, connecting, kindness, listening, LOVE, opposable virtues, praying, Praying for our enemies, respect

Being Aware . . .Being Willing to Know

Posted on June 29, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

41xIceiURcL Good Day, God!

Just yesterday the BBC World News had an interview with an “expert” on how to protect yourself during disasters. And the advice was basically what it was in this book: The Unthinkable; Who Survives When Disaster Strikes and Why. Be aware. Be aware — not in the sense of being in a state of fear — but aware of where the exits are. Aware of those around you. Aware that situations change and change rapidly.

The most memorable fact that I took away from the book was the underside of the “Please put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping another.” The reason for that seemingly selfish reminder is because — if a plane experiences a sudden descent — you may have only 10 seconds before you black out. Oh! That got my attention!

Another dark theme was how — in the London fire (just the week before) and in 9/11 — people were told “STAY PUT”. But, in the London fire the experts didn’t know the building’s cladding was flammable. And in 9/11 the experts hadn’t factored in jet fuel. LOTS of jet fuel. So? How to get out — is something to be aware of.

But, the biggest problem in disasters is DENIAL. We do not want to know. We resist knowing. In one famous case of a fire it was a bus boy who marched to the stage and took the mike and told the audience: There is a fire. There are the exits. Leave immediately. His clear direction saved many lives. But, still some stayed and died . . .waiting . . . for a more official word?

So, God. Today I am going to be working on being aware. Being of aware on a personal level and perhaps on a community level and maybe even a planetary level.

Tagged with: being prepared, denial, Disasters, waiting for authorities
Posted in awareness, Books, connecting, Planning, the cold snow of reality

Recharging

Posted on June 25, 2017 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

charging Good Morning, God!

I looked at my calendar and there isn’t much on it — for this week and the next. And my heart leapt with JOY! I am FINALLY doing much LESS and experiencing true rest . . . which feels appallingly unfamiliar. My inner being is on such deep rest that it actually feels sort of like being on STOP.

Somehow, I expected it would only take a week or two to get back to normal. Hmm. Well, it hasn’t even been a whole week since the last round of fun activities, centering on our 58th wedding anniversary. So, no. I’m not all charged up and ready to go.

But, I did hear myself tell a friend at church JUST this morning — I wonder what kind of trouble we can get into during the second half of the year? Hearing myself say that was a rare moment of “Self Awareness.” Last week during a walk, a dear friend laughed at my remarking that finally I was taking things easy. “You have said that before,” she said. She might even have added . . . many times. . . but I am choosing not to remember that.

I hesitate to say that I didn’t believe her. I did BELIEVE her. I just didn’t remember going through those cycles. But she remembered. She was just pointing out that it was my nature to add things and then I would be busy again.

So, God, I am standing here — realizing that it IS my nature to say YES! In fact, I don’t even wait to be asked. And while I do believe this capacity for enjoyment is a gift, it is a gift that needs to be used judiciously.

Surely, God, You can awaken in me — or bestow upon me — a Judicious Part?

Posted in accepting my authority to set limits, accepting my need for help, asking for help for myself, busy, Commitments, connecting, Enjoyment, JOY, recharging my battery, rest